


Zero Four

by Dulin



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Canon Continuation, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-08-26
Updated: 2012-08-26
Packaged: 2017-11-12 22:30:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 29
Words: 147,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/496353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dulin/pseuds/Dulin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AC 197. Quatre Winner has been missing for three weeks, and none of the other Gundam pilots know where he is. As they start looking for him, they uncover a family conspiracy with the control of the Winner empire at stake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The session was cancelled

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was started about five years ago, and I stopped writing it for three years because of a giant writer block on it. In the meantime, I wrote many other, shorter fics in various fandoms. I just finished several revisions of the first 28 chapters of this fic, and am now posting it here in hopes that I will find the time and inspiration to finish it.
> 
> My main problem is that I know how it ends, so I lose the drive to actually write it, but I'll do my best. Don't expect any regular updates too quickly!
> 
> A special thanks goes to Misanagi, whose fic 'Inverse' changed my vision of Dorothy.

~AC 197, March 2nd, L2-C687, 2:03am~

 

* _RIIIIIIIIIING_ *

Duo opened an eye and tried glaring at the phone to make it stop ringing. It didn’t work.

* _RIIIIIIIIIING_ *

“Crap! Who’s the jerk…” Duo started to grumble before he was rather rudely interrupted by the phone yet again.

* _RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING_ *

He gave in. An arm snaked out of the bundle of covers on top of the bed and caught the receiver, leaving the visuals off.  

“It’d better be Heero or you’re dead meat,” he groaned as a welcome.

 _“Duo?”_ Trowa’s voice answered.

Which had the immediate effect to wake Duo up completely. Why the hell would Trowa call at two in the morning? The ex-mercenary knew the time differences between the L2 and L3 colony clusters.

“Hell, Tro, what’s wrong with you?! You know I need my beauty sleep! How come you’re calling in the middle of the night?”

_“I’m sorry, Duo, I didn’t want to disturb you, but…”_

There was a long, awkward pause. Duo sighed. Trowa was an expert at long, awkward pauses. Yet this particular silence had a strange quality to it. Usually, Trowa was silent because he didn’t have anything to say. This time, it sounded more like he didn’t know how to explain. Which was very strange, because Duo knew that if Trowa had something to say, he could become as eloquent as himself if needed.

Duo eventually turned the visuals on and immediately saw something was wrong. Trowa actually looked tired and there were dark circles under his eyes.

“Tro? What’s wrong? You look terrible! Cathy givin’ you a hard time?”

_“No, it’s not that, it’s… Have you heard anything from Quatre lately?”_

Duo raised both eyebrows.

“Well, not that recently. Why? Did you two have a fight? Is that why…”

_“No.”_

As usual, Duo waited for Trowa to elaborate. As usual, Trowa didn’t.

“Uh, lemme think,” Duo said, scratching his head. “He called me something like three weeks ago, I think. He told me you two had plans, and he was up to his neck in papers with WEI. And… I think he mentioned going away for a few days to take a break. I assumed he was going to the circus to visit you, kind of a surprise, y’know?”

Trowa’s face tensed, and that in itself was an indication of how troubled he was. The Trowa Duo knew would never have let his feelings show on this face like that. Well, come to think of it, being with Quatre had worked wonders on him. Yet no other people but his best friends knew how to read Trowa’s lack of expression and the tiny sparkles that sometimes lightened his eyes.

_“What day was it actually, Duo?”_

“I’d say February 9th.”

_“You sure?”_

“Yeah.”

 _“I see,”_ Trowa sighed.

“Lucky you,” Duo smirked, “because I don’t. You’re callin’ me at two in the fucking morning to know when Cat last called me?”

_“I’m sorry, Duo, but are you absolutely sure that it’s the last time you heard from him?”_

“Positive. If he had called while Heero was here and I wasn’t, Heero would’ve told me and I’d have called. Trowa, what’s going on?”

Another pause, before Trowa took a deep breath.

_“I don’t know where he is.”_

Duo blinked stupidly at the vidphone, twice.

“What do you mean, you don’t know where he is?”

_“I mean exactly what I said. I have absolutely no clue where Quatre is, and I’m worried.”_

“Tro, that doesn’t make any sense. If anyone should know where he is, it’s you!”

_“I know. That’s why I’m worried. I haven’t heard from him in three weeks as well.”_

“What? But…”

Duo looked suspiciously at the screen.

“You sure you didn’t have a fight or somethin’?”

 _“How could I_ not _be sure of that, Duo?”_ Trowa said, a hint of exasperation in his voice.

“I dunno, it’s just… Heero and I thought it was a bit weird that you two didn’t start living together right after the Barton Incident, when he and I did it. I mean, we thought…”

_“I know what you thought, Duo. Heero can be brutally honest some times.”_

“He told you?” Duo asked in a small voice.

Trowa nodded.

“Shit, I told him not to do that, I mean this is none of our business, and you’re gonna think we meddle in your life and stuff and…”

 _“Duo, it’s okay,”_ Trowa interrupted. _“Heero is the best friend I ever had. And you’re my friend too. I… I am glad that you watch out for us and worry for us.”_

That little confession warmed Duo’s heart. It was not often that one was graced by such words coming from Trowa, and Duo was proud to be one of the few. This train of thoughts brought him back on tracks.

“What happened exactly, Tro?”

_“We… had decided to take it slow, after the end of the war.”_

“Cat agreed to take it slow? He was head over heels with you, I somehow can’t imagine him agreeing to that.”

 _“I had a hard time convincing him, actually,”_ Trowa admitted, _“_ _but he had responsibilities with WEI, and I had some with the circus and we needed time off from us, I guess. So he decided to go back to L4 to put everything in order, and I went back to L3 to finish the season with the circus, since I kind of let them down when I took off during the thing with Mariemeia.”_

“That’s not exactly what I would call letting them down, Tro. You stopped Operation Meteor almost all by yourself. You saved their lives.”

Trowa dismissed that with a blank look.

“Okay,” Duo sighed. “What next?”

_“_ _He called me, the same day he called you. Said he needed a break and one of his sisters had invited him for the weekend. He was supposed to call me back on Monday.”_

“And?”

 _“_ _He never called back_. _”_

“Oh. Well…”

_“_ _I first thought he had forgotten because he had too much to do …”_

“That’s crap, Tro, and you know it! Cat ‘forgetting’ to call you? He’d leave a board reunion just to hear your voice!”

_“_ _Yes, but… I called the mansion almost every day, and every time Rashid told me he wasn’t back, and he looked worried too. I’ve tried his cell phone, I’ve left I don’t know how many messages, I never could get through. And two days ago, when I tried again…”_

“What?”

_“_ _The operator told me the number didn’t exist anymore. That the contract had come to an end and the customer hadn’t called to renew it, so the chip in the cell phone had been deactivated.”_

“But… that’s not possible!”

_“_ _I know.”_

“That’s crazy! I mean, come on! Why would Cat forget to renew his cell phone contract? And why would he disappear like that? Hey, did you call Wu?”

_“_ _I couldn’t reach him, he’s on a solo Preventer mission. And I knew you would know if Quatre had contacted Heero.”_

Duo ruffled through his bangs, his brain working fast.

“This doesn’t make any kind of fucking sense. Something’s not right.”

_“_ _I… I’m afraid something happened to him, Duo.”_

“Did you try Iria?” Duo asked.

 _“_ I _don’t have her number. She was still in hospital at the beginning of the year anyway.”_

“Wait up, I have her number here somewhere, and if she’s not home, you could always find someone to give her a message. You should talk to her before we start assuming the worst has happened.”

_“_ _Duo…”_

“I know, Tro. I know. It doesn’t look good if he took off and didn’t even tell the Maguanacs where he was. I’m worried too, but maybe there’s a reason behind it that we don’t know of. I… I feel in my guts that something’s wrong, but we gotta make sure that no one knows where he is before we take any kind of action, okay?”

_“_ _You’re right. Thanks.”_

“No need to thank me, Tro. You guys are the only family I got left, and I’ll be damned before anybody does any harm to my family!” Duo said fiercely. “You call Iria, and I’ll call Heero, he’s off playing bodyguard with Relena right now, I can always ask her if she heard or saw anything. You try to get Wufei again, and you call me back tomorrow, or rather, later this morning, okay? If you can’t reach him, I’m sure Heero could track him down. If we don’t get anything within ten hours, you take a shuttle and come here, and we’ll try to decide on a course of action.”

_“_ _Roger.”_

“Trowa…”

Duo’s face was very serious, and his eyes were sparkling with a strange mix of tenderness and fear.

“We’ll find him, Trowa. I swear to you, whatever happens, we’ll find him.”

Trowa just nodded, his face set in his expressionless mask yet again.

 _“_ _Barton out_. _”_

Duo put the receiver down. He was sure he could never go back to sleep now. His eyes fell on the picture of them five that Relena had taken after Heero’s release from hospital two months ago.

“Shit, Cat! You can’t do that to us now! Where the hell are you?”

 

 


	2. The specified user does not exist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning : This chapter contains a depiction of attempted sexual assault on a patient by members of staff in a hospital.

~AC 197, March 3rd, L4 – B289, 10:34am~

If it hadn’t been for the sign at the gate, no one would have taken the big, cozy mansion nestled into a green park to be the Fatimah Psychiatric Clinic. This had been the aim of the people who had founded the institution. This very private clinic sheltered a large range of people suffering from different addictions and mental illnesses, and prided itself on its security and comfort for its patients. The Winner family had been one of the largest contributors, and still donated huge amounts from time to time, ensuring that neither the staff nor the patients had to worry about financial problems. In the last decade, the clinic had welcomed many lost souls into its walls, and the dedicated staff had done all they could to ease the pain of those unfortunate enough to end up in what was, however pretty the exterior, a hospital for mentally unstable and clinically insane people.

****

“Hey, Carl!” Jay called as he made his way out for a smoke. “Back from your holidays? How was it?”

“Hey, Jay! Paradise! I mean, come on, you can’t expect a man to work here of all places and remain completely sane without his holidays from time to time. I’m tellin’ you, I was glad to leave the alien farm for a while.”

“Tell me about it,” Jay sighed. “I’m on break in a week and I just can’t wait to be outta here. All those psychos are driving me nuts, honest! If I don’t get a break, I’ll put on a nice hospital gown and join them inside!”

The two male nurses stepped out in the bright morning lights. Both took out cigarettes and lighters and indulged in just smoking in silence for a while.

“So,” Carl finally said, “new director still not here?”

“Nope, not yet. From what I’ve heard, she’s coming all the way from Earth. Should be here before the end of the week, though, she’s supposed to be a great specialist of whatever the nutcases in here suffer from.”

Carl snorted.

“Any new people came in while I was havin’ fun?”

Jay slapped his forehead.

“God, I can’t believe I didn’t tell you about that one, or you didn’t hear already! We had a new one, about three weeks ago, I think.”

“Really! So what’s he like?”

“I dunno what the matter is with him, he’s been put in isolation fairly soon, I heard he can become violent. Actually, Mason told me he knocked out cold two orderlies who tried to restrain him, and he almost killed one of the paranoids. Apparently, the guy was convinced the newbie wanted to finish him and jumped him. He ended up with his two legs broken and a concussion.”

“It’s been a long time since we got any real violent ones, huh?” Carl asked, intrigued.

“Yeah, and you wouldn’t believe it from him, I mean, he’s just a kid! He looks barely older than fifteen, and he’s got an angelic look on his face. Big blue eyes, blond hair, a bit skinny. But he’s nuts alright, I mean, when you talk to him, it’s like you’re not there. He just looks through you and never answers.”

“Sounds strange.”

“Hey, you wanna see him?” Jay asked excitedly.

“Can we? I mean, isn’t it against regulation…”

“Come on, no one will know. I swear he’s a pretty thing, you won’t regret it,” Jay added with a saucy wink and a leery smile. “I know where they keep him, and no one will be around at that time of day. Maybe we can even have a bit of fun, who knows?”

Carl smiled too.

“Okay. Lead on, pal.”

****

/ _danger_ /

/someone’s coming/

****

Jay led the way into the isolation ward. This ward had been built since the start, but it was rarely used. The clinic did not often have patients whose psychosis necessitated total isolation. Most of them were stable enough to at least interact with the other patients without incidents. Some of them needed occasional isolation because of self-destructive behavior or bouts of violence towards the staff or other patients, but this new one had been sent into total isolation after only three days here, as Jay explained. The only people to interact with him were the two female nurses assigned to the isolation ward and his psychiatrist.

Jay used his pass to open the secured door to the ward. Without hesitation, he took his colleague down a corridor, then turned right to one of the isolation suites. Those were not the simple matted bedrooms you could find in a regular mental ward. The money provided by donators had seen to that. The suites had a bedroom, a bathroom, and a living area. In that living area, a large panel of the wall was covered by what looked like a regular mirror to the patient inside, but it was in fact an observation window to anyone who was standing in the corridor, just as Jay and Carl were.

Carl almost gasped when he saw the young man sitting on the windowsill. Beside him, Jay, chuckled.

“Told you he was a pretty thing.”

“Pretty doesn’t cover it, man,” Carl breathed. “What’s his name?”

Jay shrugged.

“Dunno. I’ve never been assigned to him, and Dr Carter doesn’t discuss his case with anyone. He’s weird, heh?”

Carl nodded. The young man inside was a vision. He was barefoot, wearing simple white hospital pajamas. The shirt was a bit too large for him and bared a slim but muscular shoulder. The lights inside the suit, along with the joyful artificial sun, were playing on his light blond hair and white clothes, making them glow. But for all his beauty, the boy could have been a statue. He was staring straight ahead at the wall that encased the window, his green-blue eyes completely devoid of any life.

Both men jumped slightly as the boy suddenly turned his empty eyes to the mirror, as if feeling their presence.

“He can’t see us through this, right?” Carl asked uneasily.

“Nah, he can’t. But you know those weirdoes, sometimes it’s like they can feel you come before you’re in. I heard one of the doctors say we had at least three patients with limited empathic perceptions, and maybe a telepath. Freakin’ New Types. Human evolution is a bitch if it turns you into some kind of mental freak, if you want my opinion.”

Jay gazed trough the glass for a moment, before he nudged Carl.

“Ya wanna see him close? Get inside?”

“If he’s violent…”

“Oh come on, I bet Mason exaggerated, I mean did you look at him? How could a kid like that knock out two of us? And who will know if we had a bit of fun? It’s not like he’s gonna tell on us after all, he doesn’t speak at all. I don’t even know if he can.”

“Okay, then.”

Jay went to the door and used his magnetic pass to open it.

****

/ _danger_ /

/too close/

/people coming, bad intentions/

/ _danger_ /

****

The boy didn’t move or even turn his head as the two orderlies came inside. He kept staring straight ahead, not giving any sign he even knew someone was in the room with him. The two men almost jumped out of their skins when he suddenly got up in a fluid movement. But once he was up, he remained where he was.

“Come on,” Jay whispered, as if afraid he would awake a wild animal. “Let’s get closer.”

“Jay, I’m not sure we should…”

“What, you’re chickening out now?”

Carl sighed.

“No.”

Jay got to the boy in three steps and held out a hesitant hand. A flash of something passed in the green-blue eyes, so swiftly that Carl was not sure he had really seen it. What was for sure was that Jay had not seen it. He was running the back of his hand on the smooth cheek and cooing.

“Now that’s a good boy! It’s a shame to hide you beneath all those clothes, though. I bet all of that white skin is as smooth as this lovely cheek.”

Jay’s other hand closed around a slender arm, steering the boy against the wall. And this time…

****

/ _danger_ /

/bad intentions/

/anger hatred/

/get your hands off me/

****

“Jay, I think you should let him go,” Carl said, a bit worried.

The boy was flinching away from the touch, even if his face remained perfectly calm and collected. His fists were clenched, and Carl could see the outline of very well-formed muscles ripple under the pale skin. Then, the young man began to frown and wince, as if experiencing some pain.

****

/fear/

/lust/

/other one feels fear/

/let go of me/

****

“Why? He isn’t saying anything!” Jay protested. “Hey!”

The boy had taken the wrist circling his arm in an iron grip.

“Let go!” Jay ordered. “I’m not gonna hurt you!”

The boy only glared back. Right now his eyes were impressively expressive, compared to what Carl had seen before. There was a cold fury alive in them, and something else that made Carl shiver.

“Let go of him, Jay.”

“I didn’t come here just to let a sick boy grab me like this and get away with it,” Jay snapped. “Let go,” he added again for the boy.

The boy only tightened his grip. Carl saw Jay pale.

“Jay?”

“Shit, that hurts! Let go!”

Carl suddenly heard a bone creaking and Jay cried out.

“Fuck! Carl, help me, that little piece of shit is breaking my wrist!”

A few other cracking sounds just confirmed that. The boy was still staring furiously at Jay’s face, his own face expressing nothing except for the eyes. Carl felt terrified by those eyes.

“Carl! Damn it! Do something!” Jay screamed as he tried to get away.

Carl took a step towards the boy and tried to catch the hand that was mercilessly crushing his colleague’s bones. In a second, the boy literally hurled Jay into the wall, all but knocking him out in the process. Carl never saw the fist until it caught his jaw, sending him staggering backwards.

****

“Anything else, Shannon?” Dr Carter asked, bending on his files.

“That’s all, Doctor. I’d say he had a quieter night, but I’m not sure he even slept at all,” the nurse answered.

Dr Carter sighed and put his pen down.

“Putting him on sedatives again is out of question, Shannon. You know what they did to him.”

“I know, doctor. But still…”

“No. Natural sleep is what is best for him. What little amount of natural sleep he can get, anyway. I…”

An alarm interrupted the doctor. He frowned, turning to his computer. Then his eyes widened as he saw what was going on.

“Shannon, was there a cleaning of the isolation suite planned for today?”

“Yes, doctor, but not until this afternoon. Moira was supposed to do it. What is going on?”

“Someone just accessed the suite. The name is…”

Dr Carter clicked on several windows, calling a video feedback from the surveillance camera and scanning the database for the ID number the digital pad at the door had detected.

“… Jay Maleda. I don’t know him.”

“He should not be in there, doctor,” Shannon said with a frown.

Both she and Carter gasped as the video file opened in a new window.

“Oh my god,” Shannon breathed.

“Let’s go, quick!”

Five minutes later, Dr Carter burst into the isolation suite, followed by a slightly out of breath Shannon. What he found…

His patient was standing near the window, exactly at the same place where he had last seen him on the video. He was hugging himself and staring straight ahead, not paying any attention to anyone. One of the men was sprawled on the floor, looking dazed, a bad bruise beginning to darken on his jaw. The other was sitting against the wall, his eyes shut, cradling his left wrist and whimpering softly. Shannon went to the boy immediately.

“Quatre?” she asked very quietly. “Quatre, are you alright?”

The boy looked up, but did not make any other move to show he had understood he was spoken to. He did not answer.

“Of course he’s alright! He’s the one who attacked us,” the injured man whined.

Dr Carter turned to him, his eyes very cold.

“That’s not exactly what I saw,” he said icily. “Would you please care to explain what you were doing here? You have no right to enter the isolation ward, even less to open a patient’s suite without supervision or orders from a member of the medical staff.”

“How do you know we don’t have it?”

“Because I’m the only one allowed to give permission to get into this suite and I know quite well I didn’t give it to you. The only people allowed here are Shannon, Moira and myself. Then, there is also the fact that you practically assaulted this boy.”

“We didn’t…” the other man tried to say.

“Silence! I don’t want to hear any kind of excuse. The feedback from the surveillance cameras is enough to prove that you came here with less than friendly intentions. At best it would be unprofessional and would earn you a warning. But this kind of behavior is totally inexcusable! You tried to take advantage of a patient who is entitled to this institution’s care! This would be a crime had it been attempted on any sane person! It is even more criminal to have tried it on this boy! He already suffers from severe mental pain and doesn’t need you to add physical trauma to this! You will …”

****

/anger concern/

/worry/

/fear/

/ _too much input_ /

/hurts it hurts/

****

A small whimper interrupted Carter. The young doctor turned to his patient. Quatre was clutching his head and wincing. Shannon immediately put protective arms around the boy.

“Doctor, please, not here. He’s in pain from it all, we should…”

“You’re right, Shannon.”

Carter walked to the young man and signaled his presence with a gentle touch on his arm.

“Quatre? Shannon will take you to your room now, okay? I’m sorry I yelled like this, it wasn’t directed at you. Just… go with Shannon. You’re safe now. I’ll make sure you stay safe from now on. You’ll be alright.”

Shannon looked up, and she prudently directed Quatre to the door leading to his bedroom. The young man didn’t resist, only hugging himself tighter and following the nurse without a look back.

****

/safe/

/ _but too much input_ /

/hurts my head hurts my heart/

/doctor said I’m safe/

/…/

/ _incorrect input_ /

****

“Alright, where was I?” Dr Carter said, turning back to the two male nurses. “Oh yeah. I was about to call security and have you arrested and charged with assault and breaking of the doctor-patient confidentiality.”

“You can’t do that!”

“You are Jay Maleda, right? And you are…?”

“Carl Benson, Doctor,” the man answered lowering his head.

“You will both face disciplinary measures and answer for your actions in court. I have no doubt what the issue of the court case will be since your victim is unable to deliver any kind of testimony. However, I for one will make sure that you never ever work in a hospital again. And you can consider yourself fired.”

“You can’t do that!” Jay Maleda said again.

Carter raised a sarcastic eyebrow.

“Wanna try me? In the absence of our new head of clinic, I have every right to dismiss any member of staff whose behavior is not deemed appropriate by the standards we set here. Groping a patient is not appropriate.”

“He broke my wrist!” Jay complained. “And he decked Carl!”

“This was merely self-defense, and it’s your fault you got hurt. Didn’t it occur to you there was a reason why this patient was in isolation? Didn’t you see the memos that alerted about his possible bouts of violence?”

“How was I to know…”

“That’s enough! Get out of here! If I ever see you around this hospital I’ll have you arrested! You jeopardized the well-being of my patient! Your injuries will be seen by a member of staff and then you will be handed to security. I’ll ask you to leave the premises of the clinic as soon as you’re ordered to.”

Jay started to protest again, but Carl Benson bowed his head in shame.

“Yes, doctor. I… I am sorry.”

“It’s a bit late for that, Benson.”

“I know… I know it’s never gonna make it up to him, but…”

“I request that you both write a letter of apology before you leave. Now clear the way.”

“Yes, Doctor.”

Carter sighed as the two men exited the room. Then he took several deep breaths to calm himself down. Being in that state of mind to meet Quatre would only hurt his young patient, he had soon learnt about that. When he estimated he was calm enough, he went into the bedroom.

Quatre was sitting on the hospital bed, hugging his knees and staring in the void. Shannon was walking in the room, tidying things and talking continually. This was a thing they had agreed they should do, talk as much as possible about mundane things. Since Quatre was unresponsive most of the time, Shannon, Moira and Carter tried their best to find something that would make him react. They hadn’t succeeded so far.

“Quatre? Are you alright?”

The young man looked up and in Carter’s general direction, but his empty eyes did not see him, or so it seemed. Carter was still very uneasy under this look. It gave him the impression he was a piece of furniture, or that he didn’t even exist at all. Yet, they had made some progress in the last week. Quatre had become accustomed to the presence of the two nurses, Shannon and Moira, and if he didn’t show any reaction to their words, he didn’t shy away from their touch and followed their lead when asked to. There were also times when Carter thought Quatre actually heard what he said and understood. Times when his gaze on people, and on him particularly, would be more focused. But it never lasted long. Most of the time, Quatre wore an unreadable face, and the only expressions that sometimes crossed his handsome face were of pain and sadness. Carter had never seen the boy smile.

“It’s gonna be okay, they won’t bother you again. Nor will anyone else. I am really sorry for what happened, I had no idea someone would actually try this.”

Quatre just rested his chin on his knees, staring straight ahead again. Carter sighed.

“I know I said this a lot of times already, Quatre, but if you wish to speak about it or anything else, I’m here to listen. Don’t worry about the time, just press your buzz button and Shannon or Moira will get me, okay?”

No answer. Shannon followed Carter out of the room.

“He didn’t touch his book, doctor.”

“What?”

“The book you left here. He didn’t touch it.”

“I see. Well… it doesn’t hurt to leave it here anyway. I suppose he didn’t ask for anything either?”

“No, doctor, he didn’t.”

Carter shook his head.

“I just hope our new head of clinic arrives soon. I really don’t know what to do with him. But one thing is sure, I won’t give up on him. It’s not fair that someone so young should waste his life here.”

“I know what you mean, doctor,” Shannon said sadly. “I really wish I could help him more. It breaks my heart sometimes to see him like this.”

Carter patted the nurse’s shoulder.

“You’re helping, Shannon. You are. But it’s difficult because he can’t help us. I just wish he would talk to me.”

“So do I, Doctor,” Shannon sighed. “So do I.”

 


	3. File not found, please try again

~AC 197, March 3rd, L2-C687 International Shuttle Terminal, 4:07pm~

“Tro! Over here!”

Trowa turned around and began to make his way in Duo and Heero’s direction. As soon as he was at a reasonable distance, Duo pounced and hugged him. Heero didn’t move, just nodding a welcome to his comrade. After a minute, though, he stepped up and disentangled Duo from Trowa.

“God, how long since we saw each other like this?” Duo asked. “I think last time was for New Year’s Eve at Relena’s, wasn’t it? That was the last time all five of us were…”

Duo stopped abruptly and bit his lip, suddenly realizing that ‘all five of them’ wouldn’t be here that time and that it was precisely why Trowa was here.

“Any news from Iria?” Heero asked.

He looked calm and collected. Trowa was sure it was just a facade, but it was comforting in a way. He himself was very very close to panicking, a thing that did not happen often and left him very uneasy. Having Heero’s strong support at a time like this was more than welcome. Especially since it was obvious that Duo was eating himself with worry over his best friend and couldn’t hide behind his usual joker mask without being extremely tactless.

“Things have been… complicated on that side,” Trowa explained. “I’d prefer to wait until we’re in private to discuss any of this. Is Wufei scheduled to arrive soon?”

“His shuttle was just behind yours,” Heero answered. “He’ll be here any minute now. Duo, stop pulling your braid apart,” he added, putting said braid out of harm’s way.

“Sorry,” Duo said sheepishly. “I just… I can’t seem to just stand here and wait, I need to do something! You guys aren’t helping, playing cool and collected even though you’re not, y’know?”

Heero looked at Trowa, who nodded once. Heero took out the car keys and handed them to Duo.

“Why don’t you get the car in front of the building while we wait for Wufei? We’ll join you there.”

Duo left hastily, comforted to have something to do that would take his mind off the situation. Trowa’s gaze followed him as he wove his way through the crowd, before landing on Heero, questioning.

“He’s been that way since you called,” Heero said with a shrug. “He’s very worried.”

“What about you?”

“Oh, I’m worried too, but… he’s fidgeting enough for the two of us, and I’ve always been taught it’s needless to worry too much until you have all the facts. I’m waiting for the facts.”

Trowa nodded to show he understood. Heero looked at him as if looking his for words before asking his next question.

“How are you, Trowa?”

Trowa remained silent a long moment, considering first the fact that Heero had asked the question, then the question in itself.

“I… don’t know,” he eventually answered. “Ever since I called Duo, I feel… disturbed, like something’s wrong and I should know what and make it right again.”

There was a short pause.

“I’m scared,” Trowa added in a whisper.

Heero raised an eyebrow at the soft admission. Trowa was the last person he expected to admit to that kind of thing, but… this was not war anymore. Hiding their emotions was not necessary anymore, and given the situation, Trowa had every right to be scared.

The rest of the wait was done in silence, each of the young men contemplating their own thoughts and exchanging brief, nervous glances. They were so absorbed that they almost missed Wufei coming out of the terminal, snapping out of their trance only when a duffel bag was unceremoniously dumped at their feet.

Wufei looked tired and was wearing a crumpled Preventer uniform. From what Heero could see, he had come directly from his last mission without heading back home. His first words were a dry “What’s going on?”

Heero and Trowa looked at each other, and Heero beckoned to Trowa to explain.

“I think Quatre’s in trouble, but I’m not sure of anything,” Trowa said. “Thank you for coming so quickly.”

Wufei lowered his gaze.

“You asked for my help. I couldn’t stand aside and not answer.”

The tone was subdued, and both Heero and Trowa were sure that Wufei was once again remembering the mistake he had made siding with Mariemeia. The Chinese pilot had had some difficult moments at the beginning of the year. Although all of his friends had forgiven him and told him they understood, Wufei was a far cry from forgiving himself. Then again, Trowa was sure that Wufei was not here only out of guilt.

“Let’s go to the car,” Heero said, breaking the silence. “We head home first, then Trowa can explain the situation to us and we can see what we’re going to do.”

****

“Okay, explain now.”

Trowa stopped pacing to face his friends. He ran a hand through his bangs before sighing with frustration.

“I don’t even know where to begin.”

Wufei narrowed his eyes, then seemed to come to a sudden decision.

“Since I’ve been away a while and I’m not acquainted at all with the situation, why don’t you start after that New Year’s Party we were all at?”

“It’s pretty far away, don’t you think?” Heero asked.

“Any details can have significance at that point,” Wufei pointed.

“Right,” Heero conceded.

Three expectant faces turned to Trowa, who shifted slightly, ill at ease. He was not used to being the center of attention. When they were all together, Duo or Quatre always attracted everyone to themselves. Trowa’s most praised skill during the war had been his ability to become invisible, to belong in a crowd like he was meant to be there. To suddenly be under the intense scrutiny of three people, even if those were his best and only friends, was disturbing.

“After the party, I went back to L4-A001 with Quatre. We spent about a week together there before I left for the circus again.”

There were some quizzical looks, mostly from Duo and Wufei, but Trowa did not elaborate on the subject. Why he and Quatre had decided to take a break and test their relationship was no one’s business.

“He called me, regularly, almost every day. I dropped by a couple of times when the circus was around. We spent some weekends together, when he could find time.”

“When was your last contact with him?” Wufei asked.

He was wearing what Duo called his Preventer face. Quiet, strong, reflecting on the facts displayed in front of him to try and make sense out of them.

“February 9th,” Trowa answered. “The same day he called Duo.”

“What happened on that day?”

“He just called me to tell me I wouldn’t be able to contact him for the end of the week. He was taking a break from paperwork. One of his sisters had invited him for the weekend. I know he was looking forward to meeting them all, so it was a good way to start. He told me he would call back on Monday, when he would be back.”

“Duo?” Wufei asked.

“He told me pretty much the same thing,” Duo said, “except he didn’t mention where he was going.”

Wufei remained silent for a moment. Then he spoke again, in soft tones.

“He sent me an email, the same day.”

Everyone turned to him.

“He wanted us to meet later, but he didn’t specify why. He didn’t give me a date, he knew I was off on a mission, but he wanted me to contact him as soon as I would be done. I didn’t have time until today.”

Heero frowned.

“He had planned to call Trowa back. He wanted to meet with you. Relena invited him to her birthday party and he accepted to come. A person who wants to disappear doesn’t act like that. Especially Quatre.”

“You’re right, Yuy,” Wufei said pensively. “He had planned to be back on time. I could accept that he was delayed, but a three-week delay? And he didn’t contact any of us again, not even Trowa?”

“So the last contact any of us had with Quatre was on February 9th?” Trowa summed up.

“How could we not notice that he was not calling back?” Duo muttered, torturing his braid again.

“I noticed,” Trowa said quietly.

Three sets of eyes turned back to him.

“When he didn’t call on that Monday, I just assumed he had come home late and didn’t want to wake me up by calling at night. Then, the next day, he still wasn’t calling, so I did it. I only got Rashid, who told me he wasn’t back and had probably wanted to spend a few more days at his sister’s.”

“And since he had told you he couldn’t be contacted all weekend, you just thought he had no means to let you know, but he thought you wouldn’t be worried,” Duo kept on.

“Yeah. Rashid didn’t seem worried. But when a week passed and I had still no news, I called again, and he wasn’t there. Rashid was starting to get worried. Apparently, Iria was just coming out of hospital, she had asked for him and no one could tell her where he was.”

“Tell them what you told me about his cell phone,” Duo interrupted.

“I tried to contact him through his cell phone. It was just ringing away, no one ever picked up. After a while, my calls were automatically rerouted to the answering machine. And then, the last time I tried, the operator told me the contract had come to an end and the client hadn’t renewed it, so the chip had been deactivated.”

Wufei blinked several times.

“That doesn’t make any sense,” he said, voicing everyone’s opinion. “This doesn’t match with the rest… with what we know of Quatre. He is too thorough to forget something like this.”

A heavy silence fell on the room. None of the young men liked what they were contemplating. Who could have taken down a Gundam Pilot and held him for three weeks without any of them knowing? Who could have known Quatre had been a Gundam Pilot? Was it even related to the fact that Quatre was a Gundam Pilot?

“There are four questions we need to answer,” Heero finally said. “Where? Who? Why? And how?”

****

“I suggest we keep ‘where’ for last, since it’s bound to take a while,” Wufei suggested. “The same goes for ‘who’, since we obviously won’t have our answers until we find Quatre back.”

“What about ‘why’?” Duo asked. “Someone having a grudge against him?”

“Or against corporations”, Heero said. “He is a public figure, and the richest man of the ESUN. Some people don’t like that.”

“And terrorists often kidnap that kind of people to get money or pass on some demands to the government,” Wufei agreed, before he frowned. “Except that doesn’t work here. If someone had kidnapped Winner to make money out of him, they would have gone public about it. They would have asked for some stuff, contacted the media.”

“Yeah, why wait three weeks for that?” Duo said. “Especially since no one noticed he was gone or in trouble.”

“They could have tried to make a private bargain with the Winners,” Heero suggested. “They have enough money and power to keep it a secret if they want to. What does Iria have to say about this?”

“I don’t know,” Trowa answered.

“You were supposed to call her, I gave you her number, why…” Duo started, before he was interrupted by Heero’s hand tugging on his braid.

“Let him finish,” Heero ordered sternly.

“I didn’t actually get to talk to her. When I called, she was just out of hospital, and since Quatre wasn’t here, one of her sisters had asked her to come at WEI. I only talked to her husband. I asked for her to call back. I gave your number, Duo, I hope you don’t mind…”

“Of course not, that was the best thing to do!” Duo answered. “Well I guess all we have to do now is wait for her to call back.”

There was a short silence.

“Do you think someone could have discovered he was a Gundam Pilot?” Duo suddenly asked.

“Our records are sealed by Preventer until we are twenty-one,” Wufei pointed out. “Heero did the security on those files himself, no one can access them without him knowing.”

“I know, but… it’s a bit different for Cat, isn’t it?”

“Explain,” Heero demanded.

“Well, who does actually know we are Gundam Pilots? Lady Une, Sally Po, Noin and Merquise are all Preventers, so I don’t think they would try to kidnap one of us. Besides, that would be completely stupid and bring nothing to them. Relena, but she’s out of that picture too, because she’s our friend and she’s really nice and she likes Quatre a lot, if I didn’t know better I would be sure she’s his thirtieth hidden sister or somethin’. Then there’s Dorothy…” Trowa tensed briefly at the mention of _that_ name but kept his silence, “… but she would never do that. She’s kinda screwed up now, from what Relena told Heero. Hey, you know, Tro, Rel actually told us she was thinking about going to see Quatre and thank him for all he did for her, so I don’t think she’d go all nuts on him and kidnap him, and besides, she didn’t contact him, did she?”

“If she did, he didn’t tell me,” Trowa answered dryly before turning his back on his friends, looking out of the window.

Duo looked taken aback for a moment. Trowa had never really let go of that grudge against Dorothy. He avoided her presence as much as he could, because, in Quatre’s words, he couldn’t trust himself around her. Quatre had wholeheartedly forgiven Dorothy, even volunteering to help her get out of the mess she was in. Consideration for his boyfriend and Dorothy’s own refusal had kept him from doing so. Relena had taken on the duty of taking care of Dorothy, and sent regular news to Quatre. Trowa knew that Quatre sometimes wrote to the young woman, but he didn’t want to be in any kind of contact with her if he didn’t have to. She had yet to earn his forgiveness for hurting Quatre. Whenever official circumstances put them in the same room, she was careful to avoid him, and Quatre was reserved towards her. Trowa did not begrudge him the fledging friendship he had with the girl, but he didn’t want to be included in it.

“Well, anyway,” Duo kept on, breaking the awkward moment, “I had my face plastered on TV after I got caught on L2-C-I can’t remember which number, but the only people who really know my face apart from the ones I already mentioned are Hilde and the Sweepers. Howard would cut the throat of his men himself if any of them disclosed our identities, and Hilde … well, she’d never do that to us!”

“We’re not accusing anyone”, Heero said, raising both eyebrows and soothingly caressing Duo’s back.

“Yeah, sorry about that… Where was I?”

“Recollecting how many people know who we are,” Wufei said helpfully. “And even knowing all of those people are our friends, it still makes an awful lot.”

“Yeah, that’s right. Well, as for Quatre, there was his Dad, but he’s dead. The Maguanacs, but I guess we’re pretty safe there too. God, they’re so gonna freak out once they realize this is serious! And… his sisters.”

“They knew?” Wufei asked in disbelief.

“Yes,” Trowa confirmed. “I don’t know how, since none of them actually lived on L4-A001 at the time he was training. But Quatre used his family’s resources during the war. Some of his sisters probably deduced who was behind it. It was only logical after all.”

“Quatre told me that Iria had praised him for being a freedom fighter when he came back home during the war. She told him his sisters were proud of him,” Heero said wistfully.

“Yeah, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I mean your family knew too, didn’t they, Wu?”

“They did, but they’re all dead now,” Wufei answered shortly, trying not to snap.

“No one touched our records, I’m sure of that,” Heero said. “But some other sources could have been used. Old video feedback from OZ surveillance cameras, OZ files on us when we got captured…”

“How could anyone get their hands on that?” Wufei wondered.

“Bitter soldiers can do a lot of things”, Heero said pointedly, and Wufei blushed and looked away.

“That’s only a hypothesis anyway,” Trowa said quietly. “We have no clue of what motivated this.”

“No, but we’ve got leads to follow,” Heero answered.

“Okay, let’s proceed to ‘how’,” Duo said, munching on his lower lip, which was a sign of intense reflection for him.

“Where does his sister live?” Wufei asked.

“I don’t know,” Trowa answered helplessly. “I don’t even know her name. The only ones I ever met were Khadijah and Ahlam, at the beginning of this year. I didn’t even meet Iria before I had to go back. From what Quatre told me, they’re all scattered in the resources satellites around the L4 point. Some of them even moved down to Earth.”

“Great,” Duo grumbled. “That’s gonna be easy.”

“I can probably find all of their locations, but then we’d have to contact them all,” Heero said.

“We can’t do this by ourselves,” Trowa interrupted. “This will take us far too long to get anything done with just the four of us.”

“What do you suggest?” Wufei asked.

“We wait for Iria’s phone call. If we’re lucky, she’ll know where he is, or at least where he is supposed to be at the moment. If not, well, I guess we can probably enlist the Maguanacs to help us.”

“We will have to warn Lady Une,” Wufei said.

“Why?” Duo asked.

“Because she has to know stuff like that. You know that some people accused us, not without reason, of being loose cannons and threats to the peace. One of us has just disappeared. He may have done it voluntarily, although I highly doubt it. Or he may have been captured by people who intend to use him or exact revenge on him. It is Lady Une’s role to ensure none of us are actually used to threaten the peace. The sooner she’s warned the better.”

“We cannot file a missing person report,” Trowa frowned.

“No, but his sisters can,” Wufei said. “And if it appears he is really missing, then I’m sure Iria will do something.”

“We have to keep it out of the normal channels, though,” Heero said earnestly.

“Well, we’re all Preventers here, aren’t we? I don’t think Lady Une would have to be pushed too hard to assign us on that case. Actually, I’m sure neither she nor Sally would want anyone else on the case. And it would give us official backup in case anything nasty happens.”

“So now what?” Duo asked.

“We wait for Iria’s phone call,” Trowa said again. “And we hope she will have answers.”

****

Since waiting idly had never been a needed qualification for a Gundam Pilot, the four young men set to follow the meager leads they had. Trowa and Heero were on Heero’s laptop trying to retrace the possible route of the shuttle Quatre must have taken, while Wufei was on his own laptop writing a long, detailed and secured email to Lady Une and Sally Po. Duo had gone into the kitchen to prepare coffee for everyone.

“I suppose he took a WEI shuttle,” Heero mumbled to Trowa, fingers typing away on the laptop.

“Probably. They’re faster and equipped with stealth shields. And he could come back any time if he had one on call.”

“Hn.”

Heero hacked into the L4-A001 spaceport database and began to scan it with practiced ease. Even Trowa had some trouble keeping up with him as he went from one file to another. Then he brutally stopped on one window.

“I got one WEI shuttle that took off from L4-A001 on February 9th at 1500 hours local time. But…”

Heero frowned and typed a few commands.

“Something’s wrong. There’s no destination mentioned, and no flight plan.”

“No one would have let them take off if they didn’t give their flight plan,” Trowa said, bending over Heero’s chair to read the file.

But Heero was right. There were suspicious blanks in the record entry.

“The name of the pilot is not mentioned, nor the fact that the shuttle was carrying any passengers,” Heero kept on. “In fact… the only thing it says about that shuttle is that it exists and took off at the specified date. There’s only… yes, the serial number is still there.”

Heero took a notepad and scribbled the number down. Duo came out of the kitchen carrying a tray with four steaming mugs. He put one on the coffee table next to Wufei, who muttered  a thank you, gave one to Heero who just took it, still looking at his screen, offered the third one to Trowa, and began sipping on the last one.

“So, how’s it going?”

“Someone tampered with the spaceport’s records,” Trowa said, pointing the blanks to Duo.

Duo took his time to read the document.

“That’s utter crap! No controller in their right mind would let a shuttle take off with that little information!”

“Which means the records were tampered with after the shuttle landed, probably,” Heero said.

“Don’t they have something like backup copies?” Duo suddenly asked. “Y’know, in case the whole system must be rebooted, the computers in those places do something like one backup copy every five minutes so that everything can start again the soonest possible after an incident.”

Trowa shook his head. How had they not thought of that? Thank God Duo was with them. He had an uncanny ability to find the simplest way out of a maze. His mind was working in a strange way, but none of the pilots could count the times when Duo’s original thinking had taken him out of a mess, not to mention them all. Duo himself had pointed out more than once that it was just because he was crazy. Trowa was not sure if his friend had been joking or not.

Heero began looking for the backup copies, Duo and Trowa surveying his every move in the system. Everyone in the room jumped as a very unusual swear word escaped the usually reserved young man.

“Fuck! Someone deleted the file in the backup copies too!”

“Can you trace it?” Duo asked.

Heero shook his head.

“If they took that much trouble to make sure no one got to this file, they were probably careful enough to find a safe route to go in and out. I could probably find it, but not with this,” he said, shooting a dejected glance at his customized laptop.

“Well, it confirms that something suspicious happened at least,” Wufei said, hitting the ‘send’ button on his own machine and getting up. “And that whoever did this, they’ve got technical and financial means far beyond what we expected.”

Wufei did not have time to elaborate. The phone rang. There was a paralyzed moment during which they all gazed at the phone without moving, before Duo finally broke his trance and answered.

“Duo Maxwell.”

There was a short silence from the other hand, then a puzzled feminine voice.

_“_ _Duo? How come… I was asked… someone left a message telling me to call back here…”_

Duo eagerly turned the visuals on. Iria’s face appeared on the screen.

“Iria! Yeah, don’t freak, that’s the right number, just a minute!”

Duo grabbed Trowa and pushed him in front of the screen. There was a tense minute as Trowa looked at the woman in the picture. She looked so much like Quatre, and yet not. Her hair was blond too, but a shade darker, and her eyes a deeper blue, but there was no mistaking where the looks came from. Both Quatre and Iria looked like their mother.

“Hi. I’m Trowa Barton,” Trowa finally said.

Iria’s face suddenly glowed.

_“_ _Oh, that’s you! Well, it’s nice to finally meet you, Trowa! My brother almost drove me crazy talking about you all the time, I was eager to see what you looked like. I must compliment him, you’re even more gorgeous than I thought.”_

Trowa felt a blush creep up his cheeks and hid it the best he could.

_“_ _Well, I hope you’ll stop by soon with Quatre, anyway, I’d be glad to meet you in person. How is he, by the way? Can I speak to him?”_

Trowa looked at his friends, then back at the screen.

“You mean you don’t know where he is?”

_“_ _I... no. He’s not with you?”_

“What made you think he would be?”

_“_ _He was only supposed to be gone for a weekend, but when he didn’t come back I assumed he had decided to extend his vacation and come see you.”_

“No, he didn’t. That’s why I called. I … I haven’t had any news since February 9th.”

 _“_ _What? But … Hold on a second.”_ She turned to the left of the screen, calling for someone who couldn’t be seen. _“_ _Richard! Would you please call Rashid and tell him to come here as soon as possible? Thank you, dear.”_

She turned to the screen again.

_“_ _You have no idea where he is?”_

“No. His cell phone is deactivated, he hasn’t called or emailed anyone since that day.”

_“_ _Damn. How come I didn’t notice? Now just wait a minute, you’re telling me that my little brother is missing? And has been for three weeks? And no one noticed?”_

“Yes,” Trowa just answered.

_“_ _But how… Oh, Rashid, thanks for coming. I have Trowa Barton on line. He is telling me that my brother is not with him and he has not seen him for three weeks…”_

There was a muffled conversation at the other end of the line, then :

_“_ _Trowa? Excuse me for this. I… It seems something is going on. I… is it possible for you to come here?”_

“Well…”

“We’re coming too, Iria!” Duo said, suddenly appearing behind Trowa. “We’ve started working on this already!”

_“_ _Okay. I just… should I warn the authorities or anyone right now?”_

“Not yet,” Wufei said, appearing by Trowa’s other side. “I wrote to Lady Une. I am waiting for an answer. Once I have it, you can consider filing a missing person report, but we’ll have to do it discreetly. We will probably be the ones assigned on the case, too.”

_“_ _Good. I… It’s not careful to discuss this over the phone, is it?”_

“No,” Heero said.

_“_ _There’s a Winner shuttle bringing workers back to L4-A001 leaving tonight. Do you think you can catch it? I’ll clear everything with the port authorities and the crew.”_

“What time?” Trowa asked.

_“_ _8:20pm.”_

“We’ll make it,” Heero confirmed.

_“_ _I’ll see you then. I… Goodbye, Trowa. I’d like to talk to you when you arrive, if it’s okay.”_

“Sure,” Trowa said hesitantly. “Goodbye.”

The phone went dead. Heero was already packing his laptop and Duo was taking two duffel bags out of a closet in the entrance hall of the flat. Trowa couldn’t help smiling in spite of the tension he felt. This old habit of keeping a light bag with just the essential items in it had not left any of them. Heero and Duo had kept their bags from the war too.

Since neither he nor Wufei had unpacked, they were ready to go in an instant.

 


	4. User Unknown

~AC 197, March 4th, L4 – B289, Fatimah Psychiatric Clinic, 8:06am~

Dr Hewley put another file on the pile she had already reviewed. She had arrived late last night to take her new post as Head of the Fatimah Psychiatric Clinic. She had stopped by to see the staff, headed to her new flat to have a short rest, before driving back to the clinic at five in the morning to review all the patients’ files before the general meeting with the medical staff later that day.

She had always been fascinated by the colonies, those dark pieces of metals that hung above her head in the night sky. She had dreamt to go there one day. Her wish had been granted when she had decided to be a doctor. Training involved being able to take care of colony citizens whose genetic characteristics had slowly evolved. She had specialized in psychiatry, curious to know what kind of things could make a human mind go astray. She had treated her fair share of soldiers suffering from PTSD during the wars, but what she really wanted to study were New Types.

She had finished her studies with a research paper on New Types, and she was known as one of the best specialists on the subject both on Earth and in the colonies. She had encountered innumerable colony citizens who had developed those strange abilities that science couldn’t explain. She had been told that several patients here were certified New Types, and that was partly why she had accepted to come.

Dr Hewley sighed as she took yet another file. Most of the New Types she had met were interned in various mental wards. It was widely accepted that human beings roughly used only ten percent of their brain capacity consciously. People with limited New Type abilities, who were rather common on the colonies, used between twenty and forty percent of it. Real New Types, who were still very rare, had been registered using up to eighty-five percent of their brain capacity, a level which was supposed to be dangerous for human consciousness and sanity. From all Dr Hewley had seen, it was true. She had met a lot of patients with limited New Type abilities, and even at that level, unless one knew how to control them, the danger for one’s sanity was great. She had only met two true New Types in all her research, and both of them were too far gone in their own world. Unable to accept and control their abilities, they had gone mad and cut themselves off from the world outside.

Then, there was the fact that New Types abilities were far from being all recorded and described. The most common was telepathic abilities, with some suggestion power if the person was trained. But lately there had been records of telekynesists and even empaths. There was also the fact that most colony citizens were totally unaware of their own limited abilities, most of the time. And when they were aware of it, and not already in hospitals, they preferred hiding it to be sure they would not be used as guinea pigs in laboratories. Dr Hewley could not blame them. Some of her colleagues barely saw New Types as humans. They talkedabout them like they would talk about a new animal species. Dr Hewley was almost sure that if they ever found one that could function normally, they would want to dissect whoever it was just for the sake of science.

Dr Hewley had always reminded herself that her patients, however affected, were humans. What happened to them was mostly genetic alteration due to life in space, but that did not make them a different species. Most of her patients had been amazing people to meet. They were very intelligent, eager to learn. Most of them had an IQ high enough to shame the scientists that worked alongside her. The problem mostly came from the fact that they had not been able to shield themselves as their abilities developed.

Dr Hewley was currently working on a program designed to detect New Types abilities the soonest possible so that people could be trained to control their abilities. Hence, her eagerness to work with New Types and understand how abilities appeared, and why. But she knew this program would be met with defiance by colony citizens. How were they to know that it was not another cover for a laboratory that would exploit them? And Dr Hewley shivered when she remembered one of her colleagues saying smugly that New Types would make perfect weapons. Yes, in truth, it would be hard to convince the people that she only wanted to help. She would need powerful allies, people in the government if possible. Powerful allies she didn’t have.

Well, that was not exactly true. Some of the founders of the clinic could help. The Winners, for example. The Winner heir was a close friend of Minister Darlian, who had a lot of influence on the President. Some of the Winner sisters had been elected colony representatives in more than one colony of the L4 point. WEI was the source of employment for billions of people in the colonies and around the globe. If the Winners backed her project, it could become a reality sooner than she expected.

Dr Hewley shook her head.

‘I’m dreaming about my project and forgetting my work. True, this would be wonderful, but I should not forget why I came here in the first place. To help people get better. To try and heal the mind and soul. Get to work, Lizzie! People are counting on you, and you won’t let them down for dreams of glory and celebrity.’

And she turned back to her files with a resolved frown on her face.

****

One hour later, there were only two files left. Dr Hewley lifted the first one and was startled to discover how thin it was. In fact there was only one sheet of paper in it, the form onto which doctors wrote the summary of their diagnosis and treatments.

The ID part of the form was incomplete. The only filled box was the ID number: #QRW40789. No name, no contacts. Or more exactly, it looked like the form had been filled at one point and the information had then been erased. Puzzled, Dr Hewley moved on to the diagnosis form. The psychiatrist had confirmed a severe case of depression. A diagnosis of PTSD had been noted, then crossed off, but with a question mark not far behind. The doctor in charge of the case had also wondered about a possible case of split personalities, then crossed that off too. A suicide attempt was recorded a day after the patient’s arrival. Several other diagnoses had been recorded, then eliminated, so that the only sure one was the depression.

Puzzled, Dr Hewley moved on to the treatment form. Her eyes widened. Apparently, the doctor in charge had tried several sedatives and anti-depressants on his patient. All of them had been crossed off the list, with clear instructions to never be administered again due to ‘very bad reactions from the patient’.

“What does that mean?” Dr Hewley muttered to herself. “If I believe what is written here… that patient is under no treatment at all! The psychiatrist tried and discarded those drugs, and he has not prescribed anything else for… a week?”

Elizabeth pushed a button on her com, calling her secretary. The young woman appeared at the door, a professional smile on her face.

“How may I help you, Dr Hewley?”

“I’m looking at the files right now, Ruby, and it seems this file is incomplete,” Elizabeth said. “The name of the patient is not mentioned, nor the name of the doctor, and most of the usual forms are missing.”

“I see,” Ruby said, moving behind the desk to peer at the file. “Well, since you have the patient’s ID number, you can enter it on the clinic’s database. The rest of the file should be up there.”

Ruby typed a few commands on Dr Hewley’s keyboard and frowned.

“Ah? Well, apparently it’s not there either, but the name of the doctor is referenced,” she said. “That would be Dr Carter.”

“Would you please call Dr Carter and tell him to come to my office immediately, please?”

“Certainly.”

****

_Beep Beep!_

Dr Carter jumped when his beeper suddenly went off. Quatre did not move. Dr Carter looked at the displayed number and frowned.

“Shannon?”

“Yes, doctor?”

“Our new Head of clinic wishes to see me. Can you help Quatre clean up on your own? I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“It’s no problem at all, doctor,” Shannon said with a smile. “He doesn’t respond, but he’s not a difficult one, you know it. And now that he knows me, he seems more comfortable around me anyway. All I will have to do is put him in the shower. It’s strange, because he would never ask for anything, but once you lead him in the bathroom, he has no problem cleaning up by himself.”

“I know. I suppose it’s a kind of reflex… I don’t know. Well, if you’re sure you’ll be fine…”

“We will be,” Shannon said confidently. “Won’t we, Quatre?”

The green-blue eyes kept on staring straight ahead, and Shannon sighed.

“I’ll be back very soon, Quatre,” Dr Carter said with a smile. “Shannon will stay with you. If there’s any problem…”

“We’ll make sure to beep you, doctor,” Shannon finished. “Now go, or you’re gonna be late!”

 

“Hello, I’m Doctor Sean Carter,” Carter said as his new boss rose from her chair to greet him.

“Doctor Elizabeth Hewley,” she answered with a firm handshake. “Please have a seat.”

“It’s about Quatre, isn’t it?” Carter asked immediately.

“Who?”

“Oh, sorry, patient #QRW40789. I supposed you went through his file and discovered it was virtually empty.”

“I hoped you would give me some kind of explanation, Dr Carter.”

Carter sighed, but Elizabeth had the feeling it was more from relief than from annoyance.

“I’m glad you called me, to be honest. I wanted to see you about him. I have honestly no idea what to do with him.”

“How about starting with his name?”

“Okay. Just remember you asked. That young man is Quatre Raberba Winner.”

“Winner?! But…”

“Yes.”

“How ?”

Dr Carter rubbed his forehead.

“It’s kind of a strange story. I’ll tell you what I know of it. Young Mr. Winner arrived here on February 13th, apparently transferred from a general hospital on one of the outer resource satellites of the L4 colony cluster.”

“Apparently?”

“The specified satellite does not have a hospital. The doctor mentioned in the so-called file does not exist. And the family contact number is a fake.”

“This does not make any sense, Dr Carter.”

“And it’s just the beginning, I’m afraid. You must have seen my diagnosis.”

“Not very enlightening, if I may say so. Where is the rest of the file?”

“I did not put my observations in the archives or on the database.”

“I know that. What I want to know is why.”

Carter got up and went to the window.

“This is what you could call a high profile case, Dr Hewley. This young man is the CEO of the biggest existing corporation. I couldn’t risk people finding medical information on him. Especially since I don’t have a clear idea of what he is suffering from, and as such no idea as to how to treat him.”

“Did you contact the family?”

Carter smiled ruefully.

“Quatre is… a difficult patient, in the sense that he requires constant attention. He is currently in isolation and his suite is monitored at all times. Then, there is the fact that most of the Winners have unregistered phone numbers. I didn’t have enough time to look for them, and since we’re low on staff, I couldn’t ask anyone to do it for me. And I’m quite sure you agree that I couldn’t simply call WEI to tell them their CEO was interned in our clinic.”

“No, you’re right,” Dr Hewley admitted. “A panic and reporters at the gate are the last things I need right now. I’ll put someone on this the soonest possible. Would you care to explain those strange diagnoses to me, then?”

“When he arrived, he was totally unresponsive. He still is, actually.”

“How so?”

“He does not talk. If you talk to him, he will not look at you, not even signal that he is actually listening and understanding what you say. He just ignores everything that is going on around him. He is depressed, that much is obvious. A very deep depression. He tried to slit his wrists on his first night. That’s one of the reasons why he was moved in isolation.”

“What are the others?”

“First of all, the protection of our other patients. Quatre does not interact with them at all, but if he feels threatened, he reacts violently. He never attacked anyone on purpose, but two of our patients have ended up pretty badly hurt when they assaulted him, as well as two members of staff. Then, it’s also for his own protection. It’s… it’s kind of a long story, Dr Hewley.”

“I have time,” the young woman answered. “Please sit down and explain everything as well as you can.”

Dr Carter sat down again, elbows on his knees. He frowned, trying to order his thoughts.

“I’ll try to give you my impressions as they came those past three weeks. But lots of things are strange in that case. There are curious blanks, facts that I am unable to explain rationally.”

There was a short pause.

“He underwent a physical examination when he arrived, like every patient. It includes a body scan. I detected at least forty-three marks of old fractures, on all of his limbs. His ribs were fractured several times. It’s probable he dislocated his left shoulder at one point. He’s got several scars from bullet injuries, and he was stabbed once, with some kind of weapon long enough to go all the way through his body. His left lung was punctured by the blow and surgically repaired. And you know what is even stranger? Most of that trauma happened in the last two or three years.”

“How is it possible?” Dr Hewley asked with wide eyes.

“I have absolutely no idea. The only time I saw wounds like these it was in an ER room in war zones or on veteran soldiers. But that’s not all there is. He is very strong. Stronger than you would expect when you look at him. He broke one of the orderlies’ wrists just by crushing it in his hand. His recovery time is very short. He is quite fast too, when the need arises.”

“I… I don’t understand…”

“Me neither, Dr Hewley. Yet, I think there is some aspect of his problem that you will be able to help me with. But first let me explain to you what I exactly did with him.”

“I see you tried anti-depressants, but stopped them all. Why that, if he is depressed?”

Dr Carter smiled.

“Half of these drugs don’t even affect him. The other half was either too strong, and he was catatonic enough without any help, or had nasty side effects.”

“What about the sedatives? Why did you try those?”

“That’s one of the other strange things. In fact of the obvious depression, Quatre doesn’t sleep a lot. I’d say barely one or two hours each night. I wanted him to sleep more for his own health, it turns out it was a very bad idea. I told you Quatre doesn’t talk.”

“Yes?”

“Well, under sedatives, he does. Or more exactly, he screams. Because of nightmares. It was even more tiring for him, he was exhausted, because he was having what looked like horrible nightmares, but the sedatives prevented him from waking up. From what I’ve seen, when he sleeps naturally, he wakes himself up every time a nightmare begins, and does not go back to sleep then. I stopped the sedatives fairly quickly.”

“That was probably for the best, yes. But… there’s something else, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Carter sighed. “And in fact, you can’t imagine how glad I was to learn you were the one sent here, Dr Hewley. I really hope you will be able to help him.”

Dr Hewley raised an eyebrow, but remained silent.

“In the two days during which Quatre was in contact with other patients, he never mingled with them. In fact, he always chose a corner of the room that was isolated, and he kept to himself. He seemed to experience some pain every time someone approached him, and he passed out the first time he was led to the common room. I did some research, Dr Hewley. He was in no evident physical distress, but whenever someone got too close to him, he clutched his chest, or his head, and looked ill. Then, I found your book about New Types.”

“You are trying to tell me that this young man has New Type abilities? Of which type?”

“I thought telepathic at first, but we have some telepaths here already, and their symptoms are not the same at all. They experience headaches, but not much worse. This led me to the conclusion that he was probably an empath.”

“Your patient has empathic abilities?”

“No, Dr Hewley. My patient is a full-fledged empath. A real New Type.”

****

There was a heavy silence in the office after that statement.

“Are you sure?” Dr Hewley eventually asked.

“Reasonably. His brain scan shows activity in zones that should not even be working in a conscious state. He always seems to experience some kind of pain, more so when in close physical contact with someone. I think he can’t shield anyone, and his emotions are always mingled with someone else’s so that it’s very difficult for him to actually know which emotions are his, and which are not. That probably explains his catatonic state, and the fact that he was very uncomfortable with the other patients. They are not the most stable people. The isolation was as much for his own benefit as for the other patients’ well-being. Putting some walls and physical distance between them allows him to be calmer and in less pain. But he’s still like an open channel into everyone’s emotions.”

“That’s… that’s terrible! And… wait, you told me the whole file from the other hospital was a fake? What was the contact name on that file?”

“A Mrs. Winner. It could be any of his sisters or even someone just borrowing the name. As I told you, I didn’t have time to look any further. And… well, that brings me to another very strange thing.”

“I’m listening.”

“From what I told you, I’m sure you gathered that he must have had this problem for quite some time.”

“New Type abilities are basically genetic, Dr Carter, so he’s probably been having this ‘problem’, so to speak, since he was born,” Dr Hewley said.

“So you agree that he must have been interned in some kind of facility before this, right?”

“Well, of course!”

“I have not found any trace of it. I haven’t found a single hospital or mental ward or even just a doctor in the known world who had this young man as a patient before. In fact, I have not found any type of medical information on him, not even a basic medical file with childhood diseases.”

“That is simply impossible, Dr Carter,” Elizabeth Hewley said firmly. “An untrained empath could not have functioned normally in the world without needing treatment and isolation.”

“I do not have clearance to scan the great databases like the ex-OZ database, or Romefeller’s files, or the Preventer files, so I could not check those, but… Dr Hewley, I have seen this young man on TV at the beginning of the year. He’s supposed to be the CEO of a corporation. Yet we both agree that his mental state should not even allow him to function as a normal human being.”

Dr Hewley frowned, thinking fast.

“That would mean that he had some training… that he could control his ability,” she finally said. “But if that’s the case, why did I never hear about it? Who could have designed such a program and kept it a secret, and why?”

“That’s what I thought too,” Carter said, “but I needed confirmation. I’ve seen him on TV countless times in the past year. He’s been involved in the rebuilding of the cluster and chairman for WEI. I agree that at the time, he was able to control his abilities, which in itself is exceptional. But…”

“But something must have happened that broke that training,” Dr Hewley finished. “Which does not explain one bit why his transfer file happens to be a fake and leaves us without any contact in his family. Dr Carter, something happened to that young man. Something bad. I don’t know what it is, but…”

“Can I ask you a question, Dr Hewley?” Carter interrupted.

“Of course.”

“If we manage to help him, will you try to include his case in your research program?”

“Well, I would like to. A trained empath is absolutely unheard of, and the methods he used to control his power could help lots of people. But… Dr Carter, I am not here just to complete my research program or find docile lab rats. I am here to help people. I am here to help them live with new abilities that can destroy them. I am here to learn about those abilities and try and do my best to make life comfortable and as normal as possible for those who have them. I will never do anything against the wish of a patient or his family, Dr Carter. If the Winners want to remove him from our facility and won’t let me have any further contact with him, I am not going to pester them in the name of science. New Types are human beings and deserve a decent life and privacy just like everyone else.”

The end of the tirade was indignant, and Dr Carter smiled.

“I’m sorry if you thought I was being rude, but I had to ask. We’ve been having problems with some of the staff lately, and we have at least a forty percent rate of patient with New Type abilities. And… well, I’ve grown rather attached to him, to be honest. He is… I don’t know how to describe it, and it’s strange considering that he doesn’t even talk to me, but there is something drawing me to him, as if I can hear the cries for help that he doesn’t speak.”

“That’s… an interesting way of putting things into words, Dr Carter,” Elizabeth Hewley pointed out. “And maybe not untrue. I’ve been working on empaths a bit, and some of them have not only the ability to feel other people’s emotions, but also to project their own.”

“So he’s really calling me?” Carter asked with wide eyes.

“I don’t know, Dr Carter. Maybe. It is a possibility, anyway. Now…”

Dr Hewley picked up several papers on her desk and straightened them.

“I really would like to meet Mr. Winner, but I’m stuck in meetings all day. Would it be possible for you to arrange a visit for tomorrow?”

“Sure.”

“Perfect. I’ll try to find someone to work on a contact number so that his family is warned the soonest possible. This fake medical file bothers me. It looks like someone didn’t want to be involved in his hospitalization, and… well, something doesn’t feel right here.”

“You mean that since the transfer order is a fake, we don’t know who arranged for him to be sent here.”

“Exactly. Which means that legally speaking, we have no right to keep him here. But we cannot send him away to an unknown place. I’ll do my best to find someone to work on this problem. Then, after I see your patient, we’ll do a scan of the big medical databases. I have clearance to scan old OZ databases, as well as Romefeller’s, and I can try a search in the Preventer database too. The Winner database is private and out of bonds, unfortunately.”

“Thank you, doctor. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

“No need, I’m just doing my job,” Dr Hewley said tiredly. “Well, I’m not keeping you any longer. I have a meeting now, so I’ll leave you to go back to your patient. Just page me once you have found a suitable time for my visit tomorrow.”

****

~Same time, isolation suite #07~

 

Shannon kept on talking, as she usually did, about the weather outside and hundreds of insignificant things as she straightened things around in the suite. Once she was done, she turned to her patient who was looking out of the window, one hand pressed against the reinforced-glass panel.

“Quatre? Let’s go to the bathroom, shall we? You can take a shower and clean up a bit. Dr Carter should be back soon.”

Quatre did not answer, but slowly turned away from the window and began to follow Shannon to the bathroom, eyes staring in the void.

“I’ll just start the shower and leave you in here, okay, Quatre? You have your towels in their usual place, you know what to do with them, and if there’s a problem, you just call me. I’ll be right outside.”

This last bit of the sentence was added out of pure habit, since Quatre never called for any kind of help. Carter and Shannon had retrieved the unconscious young man from the shower more than once, and never had they heard even a sound indicating he was in distress.

Moving to step into the bathroom, Shannon completely forgot that someone had washed the floor and that the tiles were still wet.

****

/ _danger_ /

/don’t walk there/

****

What happened next was too fast for Shannon to fully register what was going on. Before she could get into the bathroom, Quatre’s head suddenly snapped up, his usually expressionless features full of a warning she did not understand. Seeing that on his face unbalanced the nurse, who stepped on wet tiles and began to slip. Almost too fast for her eyes to see, the young man’s arm snatched out and grabbed her, pulling her to safety against his chest.

She ended up kneeling on the suite’s floor in front of Quatre, who was also kneeling. One of his arms was circling her waist, and the other cradling her head, pushing her against him. The young nurse looked back and gulped. If Quatre had not caught her, she would have slipped and probably hit her head on the edge of the sink and hurt herself. And Quatre… Shannon tried to look up, but the strong arms that held her in place did not move. Shannon began to shiver, the aftermath of the shock catching up with her. She had almost gotten herself killed, and Quatre had saved her.

****

/fear relief gratefulness fear shock fear/

/hurts/

****

As if burnt, Quatre suddenly let go of her and scrambled back to the other end of the room, clutching his chest and letting out a little wail. Shannon shook her head, and stood up feebly, trying to calm the beating of her heart. She had no idea what had just happened. It was as if… as if Quatre had foreseen the accident. As if he had known she would fall and hurt herself if she walked there. Shannon did not move before she was sure that she was calm and collected again. Her strong surge of emotions that she had been unable to control was obviously hurting Quatre.

“Quatre?”

The young man was breathing in short gasps, his shoulders heaving, his eyes wide as he experienced her fear. Shannon came closer and put a comforting hand on his shoulder, gently massaging it, and helping him to calm down. Both she and Moira had been chosen because they were stable persons who could control themselves and had no personal problems that could interfere. Dr Carter had taught them a few calming techniques that could help Quatre in such cases.

“Quatre, it’s okay. It’s over. I was scared for a moment, because of what could have happened, but it’s over now. I am alright. I’m not scared anymore.”

She almost gasped as Quatre suddenly looked directly into her eyes, his own eyes questioning. She almost could read the question in his eyes. ‘Are you alright?’

Very gently, she touched his cheek.

“I am alright, Quatre. And it’s thanks to you. If you had not caught me there, I could have hurt myself. Thank you very much.”

Quatre frowned, looking troubled and confused. He turned his head, gingerly evading the contact, and looked down.

‘What’s wrong?’ Shannon wondered. ‘Did… did I do something wrong?’

“I’ll mop that wet floor, and then I’ll let you take your shower, okay, Quatre? Just wait for me here a minute, I won’t be long.”

‘I have to warn Dr Carter,’ she thought as she got out. ‘This is the strongest reaction we got from him since he arrived here, apart from the nightmares. And he actually took an initiative. That’s... could we finally be getting through to him?’

 


	5. Data processing error

~AC 197, March 4th, L4-A001, Winner Mansion, 11:54am~

“Thank God they’re here!” Iria exclaimed, letting go of the stash of papers she was holding and running to the front door of the mansion as soon as she spotted the sleek black car coming into the property.

When she arrived there, Rashid and Abdul were taking bags out of the trunk, and four young men were waiting to be led inside. Iria unconsciously held her breath. It was one thing to hear her brother talking about his comrades in arms, even if he considered them more like brothers. It was an entirely different thing to actually have the Gundam Pilots standing here in front of her house. Trying to relax, Iria came out of the house and gave them a small smile.

“Hello, I am Iria Winner. I am glad you could come here so fast!”

 

Trowa looked at Quatre’s older sister. The woman was nervous, obviously tired and worried. Duo took charge of the introductions. Heero and Wufei nodded politely to Iria, but Trowa knew he’d get some kind of special treatment. Shifting uneasily, he waited for it to come.

“This is Trowa Barton,” Duo said.

“Hi, Trowa,” Iria said with a sad smile. “I am really sorry that we had to meet under such sad circumstances. Quatre was always talking about you, and he was really eager for us to meet. I am sure he didn’t mean for it to happen that way.”

Being reminded of Quatre’s absence - that he had quite successfully tried to erase from his mind as long as they were in the shuttle - constricted Trowa’s throat so that he could do nothing but nod. Apparently, Iria understood, and her own eyes started to shine with tears that she quickly fought.

“Let’s all get inside,” she said, turning away a bit too fast. “Rashid and Abdul will put your things in the bedrooms and you can ask them for whatever you need. I was in Quatre’s office, trying to get through his papers. I was hoping to find a clue as to where he is.”

“Good,” Wufei said. “Let’s go back there and brief everyone, then we can start organizing our search party.”

“We must wait for everyone to be there,” Heero said quietly.

Duo blinked.

“Uh, Heero, we’re all here already, buddy.”

“I called Relena during the flight. She says she’s gonna drop by and help.”

“Minister Darlian?” Iria asked. “Minister Darlian is coming here?”

“She won’t stay long, but she’ll do what she can. She’s bringing some help.”

Heero shot an uneasy look to Trowa.

“Who?” Duo asked.

“Dorothy.”

Iria almost jumped at the abrupt change in Trowa’s demeanor. His whole body stiffened, his eyes narrowed and gleamed dangerously, glaring at his friend. When he next spoke, his voice was icy-cold.

“Why?”

Heero glared right back at Trowa, refusing to bend.

“Because Dorothy has connections that we don’t, and she can ask questions without being too suspicious. We cannot phone around asking for Quatre, and if Iria does it, people will start thinking something is wrong.”

“Yuy is right,” Wufei cut in. “I… I don’t like that woman any more than you do, Barton, but she can help.”

“She volunteered to help,” Heero said, and glared at Duo to prevent him from adding his two cents about Dorothy not being such a bad girl after all.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Trowa demanded.

“Because if I had told you beforehand, you would never have accepted.”

Trowa started when Duo put a hesitant hand on his shoulder.

“Tro, I know she hurt you both, but if she really wants to help… just do it for Cat, man.”

“That’s a low blow, Duo,” Trowa hissed.

“We need her, Trowa,” Heero insisted.

For a moment, it looked like Trowa would refuse to compromise. He looked sharply at his comrades, then shrugged.

“Whatever. I just don’t want to have anything to do with her.”

“You won’t even have to talk to her if you don’t want to,” Heero said helpfully, “but this has to be teamwork if we want to get any results.”

“Am I dreaming or did I just hear Heero Yuy say the word ‘teamwork’?” Duo asked with wide eyes.

“Quatre taught me that,” Heero said dryly, before turning and walking away.

Duly silenced, Duo frowned and started going after him, soon followed by everyone else.

****

“Mistress Iria, Minister Darlian has arrived.”

“Thank you, Rashid!”

Iria all but fled the heavy atmosphere of Quatre’s office. The pilots had settled in an uneasy silence, Trowa looking out of the window, Wufei lost in his own thoughts and Duo and Heero sitting at each other’s side and exchanging glances every now and then.

‘They look so lost,’ Iria thought as she made her way to the entrance hall. ‘Cat always used to tell me they were a formidable team, and I’m ready to believe that. They don’t even have to talk to understand each other, and somehow, they’re always observing and aware of their surroundings, but… there’s something missing here. Cat is missing here. One piece is missing, and the picture is incomplete. They can’t function like a real team if he’s not there, and yet they will have to if they want to find him again. He’s always the thing that cements them together. He’s always been good at rallying people and winning loyalty with a glance and a smile. And they’ve been through so much together. I’m sure it’s like losing a family member for them, even more than it is for us since half of us Winners have never even met Cat face to face.’

As she came into the entrance hall, two young women rose from their seats and came forward. Iria recognized Minister Darlian from her numerous TV appearances. She was wearing a white business suit graced with embroidery and just enough Sanc style in it to mark its origin. Behind her, dressed in a formal yet expensive black dress stood another young woman with very long, light blond hair and curious gray eyes.

“Welcome, Minister Darlian,” Iria said, shaking hands with Relena. “I am sorry if this disrupted your schedule or anything…”

“It’s Relena,” the other woman interrupted gently, “and my schedule will get over it. Quatre is a friend, and I’ll do anything in my power to make sure we find him again safe and sound. I was horrified to learn he had disappeared, and I am very glad Heero called. Of course, I am sorry we had to meet for the first time because of such tragic events, but I do hope that once this is over we will have other occasions.”

In that moment, Iria knew without a doubt how this seventeen-year-old girl had gotten her position. With such charisma, Relena could make you agree to wear a pink bunny suit to work, and be content with it, even be persuaded that it was your idea in the first place to wear the thing.

“Thank you so much, Minis… Relena. I am so glad Quatre has such good friends.”

“I unfortunately won’t be able to stay long before my duty calls, Mrs. Winner, but I’ve brought someone who can help.”

The second young woman stepped forward.

“This is my assistant, Miss Dorothy Catalonia,” Relena said. “With your permission, she will stay here and use her connections and resources to help you with your research. She also has my private contact numbers for you to keep me updated on the situation.”

Turning to Dorothy, the blue eyes suddenly became very serious and commanding.

“I do expect regular updates, and I want to be warned if anything major occurs, is that clear, Dorothy? I don’t care about the time, I want to be kept informed.”

“Certainly, Miss Relena. I’ll make sure of that,” Dorothy replied.

“Aren’t you the girl Quatre is always writing to?” Iria suddenly said, remembering she had heard the name before. “I think he talks about you quite a lot here.”

“I am flattered that you would remember, Mrs. Winner,” Dorothy said, inclining her head. “Yes, that would be me. I volunteered to help as soon as I heard something was wrong.”

“That’s very nice of you considering you have absolutely no obligation towards us, Miss Catalonia.”

“I have some towards Quatre, Mrs. Winner,” Dorothy said, smiling. “Although I’ll be the first to say that our first meeting was less than encouraging in terms of friendship.”

“Really?”

“Well, to tell you the truth, Mrs. Winner, the first time I met your brother face to face, I ran him through with a sword.”

Iria almost gasped. She remembered the two strange scars that she had seen countless times. Quatre never mentioned them, and Iria had dismissed them as just another war injury, until that rather innocent-looking young woman had claimed to be the cause of it.

‘No, not innocent,’ Iria corrected herself when she saw the mischievous twinkle in the gray-blue eyes. ‘Used to having your way and shocking people around, aren’t you, little minx? It’s too bad I outsmart you by twenty years, missy. Two can play that game.’

She smiled gracefully to her guest.

“How awesome. That’s a strange first meeting. You must absolutely tell me more about it when we have more time. Quatre never mentioned that. That must have been quite a heated reunion.”

Dorothy’s smile faltered a bit when she didn’t get the reaction she expected. Relena was looking at her friend with mild amusement, apparently used to Dorothy’s behavior. To Dorothy’s credit, she didn’t gape or anything of the kind. Iria had to acknowledge that she was in control of herself and her reactions, and also that she was smart enough to concede when she was beaten. A wise move that probably made her a ferocious adversary, and yet, Iria understood what Quatre could have found in that girl that would have made him befriend her.

“Pardon me if I was being bratty, Mrs. Winner,” Dorothy said, lowering her head in apology. “A habit I can’t seem to outgrow, but Quatre always tells me it is a part of my charming personality.”

“I am quite inclined to believe it, Miss Catalonia,” Iria answered sweetly. “And I think I know what brought you closer. Why, with all the idiots my brother is forced to put up with every day, it’s no wonder he was happy to find a sharp mind like yours to spar with.”

Relena cleared her throat, bringing attention back to herself.

“I am sorry, Mrs. Winner, but maybe we should proceed. I am afraid I can only stay for a few hours.”

“Of course, Relena. We are all in Quatre’s office. Let’s go there, and I’ll let the pilots brief us all about the situation, then we can decide what to do.”

“Just one thing…”

Relena turned to Dorothy, and once again, her eyes were very serious.

“Dorothy, Trowa Barton is here. I know you two do not get along. As such, and notwithstanding the fact that you volunteered to help, I’d like you to be as unobtrusive as possible and to not provoke him in any way. You will have to work in harmony with the pilots to make it work. Please make sure that this hostility remains in check, and do not make anything that could make it worse.”

“Yes, Miss Relena. I shall make sure of it. Be reassured, I will stay clear of Mr. Barton if he so wishes. I just want to help.”

“I know, Dorothy. Let’s go, shall we?”

****

“That’s it,” Heero said, finishing his explanation.

He didn’t really know why he had ended up with the job of assessing the situation, but he knew he didn’t like it. And he knew why. When they were a team during the war, it was Quatre’s job. Most people assumed that the Wing pilot had been the leader of their little group, but nothing was further from the truth. Heero had always been a soldier, not a commander. If it had not been for Quatre’s sheer determination, neither he nor Wufei would have agreed to work with the other pilots. It was Quatre who could analyze a situation in a matter of seconds and formulate at least three plans that would adequately resolve it. Not him.

“So, if I sum up, Quatre left on February 9th, for an unknown destination, and never reappeared,” Relena said pensively.

“Not exactly an unknown destination,” Wufei corrected. “We know he was supposed to visit one of his sisters.”

“Yes, but which one?” Relena asked.

Expectant gazes turned to Iria.

“I don’t know,” the older woman said. “I have tried to find a trace, a note, anything, but I was still in hospital when he left, and he was sure he would be gone for three days only. And there’s also the fact that I only actually know half of my sisters personally. We’ve never actually lived together. We were never forbidden to see each other, but the war made communications difficult, and we are of varied ages. We never were all in the same room at once. I know that Quatre intended to organize some kind of family reunion, but he was quite happy with just visiting for the moment.”

“That’s great,” Duo said dejectedly. “So what now?”

“I don’t know all of them, but I have all of their contact numbers. I will start calling them and ask if they invited Quatre over lately, and when.”

“Good idea,” Wufei said. “Yuy, why don’t you try to track that shuttle through the Winner database?”

“You can connect your computer here and I’ll give you the passwords,” Iria said helpfully.

“I’ll start looking through the papers,” Trowa said quietly.

“I’ll help with that,” Dorothy cut in.

There was a short, tense silence, but Trowa did not protest, simply ignoring Dorothy.

“If I can have access to his computer, I’ll go through his e-mails,” Duo offered.

“I don’t have the passwords for this,” Iria said, pointing at the state-of-the-art computer on Quatre’s desk.

“No worries, I’ll hack into if I have to,” Duo said lightly, dismissing the concern.

“I will set up a secure line with the Preventers and once it is done, you can file a missing person report,” Wufei said to Iria. “Lady Une and Sally Po will make sure that it is kept off the official case database and assign us to it.”

“Could you get credentials for Dorothy ?” Relena asked. “She may need them.”

“I don’t think that will be a problem,” Wufei answered, “and it would probably be best anyway. What else?”

“Are all of the papers here?” Trowa asked.

“Most of them, yes,” Iria said. “He worked from here, as you probably know. He only went into the office when there was a big meeting. I sent some of the Maguanacs to retrieve the rest of the papers from there and bring them here, so that we won’t have to go ourselves. I only went through his personal schedule, and I didn’t find anything. Apparently, the invitation was an impromptu one, and he didn’t write it down.”

“I just wondered,” Duo said, “how come no one at WEI realized he was missing.”

Iria smiled sadly.

“The first thing Quatre did last year when he came back was to make sure that the company could function without him in case he would have to leave for an undetermined amount of time. All he needs to do is give a warning to the staff when he leaves, and then take them off duty when he comes back. He probably gave them the warning before he left, and since he hasn’t come back yet, everything is just running the way he planned it to.”

“Too bad Cat’s so good at planning for all eventualities,” Duo groaned, “because for once it’s working against us. Well, let’s get to work!”

There was a sudden beep from Relena’s watch. She looked at it and frowned.

“I am afraid I have to leave sooner than I expected,” she said, getting up. “ I am sorry about this.”

“Please don’t be,” Iria said with a reassuring smile. “Be certain that I appreciate the fact that you took the time to stop here.”

“It’s nothing. Well, I shall leave Dorothy with you, then. And if you ever happen to need anything that it is in my power to give, Dorothy and Heero know how to contact me.”

After a round of goodbyes and encouragement, Relena left for her next meeting, and everybody else began organizing the search in Quatre’s crowded office.

****

They worked for about an hour before Duo’s stomach reminded quite loudly to the whole room that it was well past feeding time. So far, Iria had called ten of her sisters. Since she was trying not to alarm anyone, most of those calls had turned into chatty discussions about their various families, and as a result taking more time than expected. But all of the pilots agreed with Iria : if her sisters happened to learn that Quatre had disappeared, rumors would spread like wild fire. Iria had pretended that she wanted to organize Quatre’s visit schedule, and that she needed to tick off of her list all the people he’d already spent time with, so that he didn’t end up forgetting someone before the family reunion.

Wufei had been very busy securing his connection, and then filling out the forms that Iria would need to sign. Duo had happily hacked into Quatre’s computer and was currently trying to find a way around the voice ID program that gave access to all the important files. Heero was navigating into the Winner database, trying to find any trace of the shuttle.

In the middle of the room, Trowa and Dorothy had been very busy looking over tons of papers while pretending to ignore each other’s presence. It looked like Quatre had requested all the latest financial reports to be sent to him. Both Trowa and Dorothy had dismissed the thousands of figure-covered sheets as irrelevant, but sorting them out from the rest was a long and exhausting task. Everyone welcomed the break and the sandwiches.

 

Dorothy shot a sideways look to Trowa Barton. She knew that he didn’t like her, and god knew he had every right not to, but they couldn’t keep on ignoring each other. Sooner or later, there was going to be a problem with that, which neither of them could afford to face at the moment.

The blond girl took a deep breath. She could do that. She had never been afraid of the pilots. Fascinated, yes, to an extent they couldn’t even imagine, but not scared. And she still wasn’t. The situation was just too damn uncomfortable for anyone, including her. And she owed it to Quatre to make sure everyone did their best to find him. She had absolutely no doubt that Trowa would do his very best to find him, but what was needed of him was to accept that she wanted to do it too, and that they had to do it together.

Seeing that Heero and Duo were both engaged in a conversation over the Winner database and that Iria was signing the forms with Wufei’s help, she quietly slipped out of the room to follow Trowa.

She found him outside, looking at the gardens and apparently oblivious to her presence, but she knew better. Trowa was not the best infiltrator of the five for nothing.

“What do you want?” the soft voice asked, carefully neutral.

“Just a few minutes of your time, Mr. Barton,” Dorothy answered. “I just want you to hear me out. After that, if you don’t ever want to speak to me again, rest assured that I will vanish from your sight.”

Trowa turned around and crossed his arms on his chest, waiting.

“I know you don’t like me, Mr. Barton,” Dorothy kept on. “We’ve never been friends, and we have reasons not to be. But there are a few things that we need to straighten out before they get in the way of our cooperation.”

Dorothy turned to face the garden, her features hardening.

“I am going to be brutally honest with you, Mr. Barton. I don’t regret stabbing Quatre back then, and I never will. We were soldiers, on opposite sides of a battle. Maybe I provoked our fight for wrong reasons, but the fact remains that he knew he could get hurt or killed, and he wasn’t afraid of it. He was compassionate enough not to really hurt me, and believe me there was a time he had me at his mercy during that fight. I was not, and if it happened all over again, I know I would do exactly the same thing. So you see, I am not going to beg for your forgiveness over that, because that is a thing I don’t feel guilty of.”

Something had lit up in Trowa’s eyes, something dangerous and yet, he did not move. Still as a statue, he waited for the girl to get to the point.

“Whether you believe it or not, Mr. Barton, Quatre is my friend. He taught me a great deal in the last year. I had imprisoned myself in a shell of self-hatred and pride, glorifying battle because that was the only thing that made me thrive. I didn’t want to be loved, Mr. Barton. I only wanted to be feared and respected. Then Quatre came along.”

She laughed, a little crystalline laugh.

“I hated him for a while after Libra, you know? Because he loved me in spite of myself. I did my best to push him away and yet he was always here, just like Relena, by the way. It’s incredible how overwhelming those two can be when they’re allies on a project. But I digress. What I want to say is, Quatre is my friend. He found my heart and gave it back to me when I was sure I had killed it for good. I still hate him for that, for the record, but I wouldn’t give it back for a fortune.”

Dorothy turned back to Trowa, who was still unmoving, his face unreadable.

“I want to help, Mr. Barton. I cannot stand aside and watch as the friend who gave me my life back is in danger. What I want to know is if we will be able to put our differences aside long enough to help him.”

She stopped talking. There was a long moment of silence, so long that Dorothy almost jumped when he finally spoke.

“It’s Trowa.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Just call me Trowa. Every time you call me Mr. Barton, I have a sudden urge to look behind me to see who you’re talking to.”

Dorothy relaxed slightly.

“So…” Trowa kept on. “You’re not gonna beg for forgiveness.”

“No. First because my pride would never allow it, I frankly admit that. Then… I did some wrongs, both to you and Quatre. I know that you, in particular, paid the price of my foolishness. That I am sorry for. But I am not going to beg. You have a right to be angry with me, and if I was in your place, I would probably feel the same way you do. But…”

She sighed and looked away.

“I think that when you are ready to forgive me, you just will. I am ready to wait for as long as it will take, Trowa. But whatever happens, I won’t let past grievances come between us and prevent us from helping Quatre. He will never mean as much to me as he means to you, and I know it. But could we pledge to be unwilling allies, for as long as it takes to make sure he is fine? And after that, if it suits you, we can go back to quietly hating each other.”

Again, there was a long silence, and Dorothy had the feeling those green eyes were judging her, as the sharp mind dissected every word she had said to find traces of deception in them. But Dorothy meant everything she had said. She truly liked Quatre, because he was the one person she could have formidable fights with, because he challenged her in every possible way. And Trowa needed Quatre for totally different reasons that she was well aware of. But they needed to work together now, or neither of them would get him back.

Dorothy fought the urge to fidget uneasily as the silence stretched. Trowa sure knew how to unbalance people just by staring blankly at them, and she let out a small sigh of relief when the young man looked away. 

“I don’t hate you, Dorothy,” he finally said.

He turned back to her, face still composed, but less harsh than before.

“But I am not sure I am ready to be your friend either.”

“That’s not what I am asking for…”

“I know.”

Another silence, shorter this time.

“Heero is right. We have to work as a team. I can’t let the fact that I don’t like you overcome the fact that we need you. And… I owe it to Quatre to let you do your best for him. He deserves it. And you have been honest with me.”

“I am glad you see things that way, Trowa. So, can we declare a truce, then?”

Trowa nodded.

“Good. I am happy that we could settle this before it got out of hand.”

Trowa did not answer, and Dorothy shrugged before making her way back inside. She was just reaching the French door when once again, Trowa said something very softly, and she wasn’t sure she had really heard it.

“Maybe we are too much alike, Dorothy.”

 


	6. File opens in new window

~AC 197, March 4th, L4-A001, Winner Mansion, 9:53pm~

Dorothy frowned as she finished reading a sheet of paper covered in figures.

“Mrs. Winner, did Quatre intend to sell his shares in WEI?” she asked, picking another paper and comparing what it said with what she had already read.

Iria and Trowa were both helping her now, Trowa reading the letters because he didn’t understand a thing to financial reports, and Iria and Dorothy trying to figure out if something was wrong in the business.

“I don’t think so,” Iria answered. “Why?”

“From what I am reading, he put about half of his shares into a trust found and was preparing to either sell or redistribute the rest.”

“What? But why?”

“I got things from his lawyers in his e-mail,” Duo interrupted. “I don’t understand half of it, but the basic version would be ‘your instructions have been received, waiting for the signal’.”

“Same thing here,” Trowa said, giving a letter to Iria. “It looks like he arranged to get rid of part of his shares at the beginning of this month.”

Iria read the letter quickly, then looked at her watch.

“It’s too late now to call them and ask, and legally they don’t have to answer to my questions, but I hope that they will. I really don’t understand… I mean, I know he was always complaining that being CEO was eating all of his time and that he wanted to do something more useful, but I had no idea he had taken any action in that sense. Does it say by any chance who is supposed to get those shares, Miss Catalonia?”

“No,” Dorothy answered. “He kept enough to have money of his own and the rest has been secured, but there are no names mentioned. The lawyers will probably know.”

“I’ll call them first thing in the morning then.”

She also had nine of her sisters to call back because they weren’t at home when she had called, so it wouldn’t take much more time. So far, she hadn’t obtained anything useful from any of her sisters. None of them had seen Quatre recently.

“I found the shuttle,” Heero said from behind his laptop.

He stretched and scratched his head. Duo went to look over his shoulder, peering at the screen.

“It’s been tricky,” Heero kept on. “I had to hack into the tracking program because someone erased the ID number of the shuttle from your database. Apparently, some people really don’t want anyone looking into this.”

“I really don’t understand,” Iria said, shaking her head.

“It’s weird,” Wufei confirmed. “If Winner took care of his money and his business, then it could indicate that he intended to disappear.”

“He would never do that without telling us why,” Trowa protested.

“Unless he was doing something dangerous and didn’t want us to get hurt,” Duo pointed out. “Which would be absolutely stupid, but… I don’t know, Wu, something bothers me in that scenario. I don’t think Cat would have just gone poof without warning anyone. If he was going to do something dangerous, he’d have made sure at least one of us got a message, even if we got it too late to help. He wouldn’t want to make us worry like this.”

“I agree,” Dorothy said seriously. “He would have made sure that you could find him. It’s not like him to go head first into something dangerous without backup, and from what I gathered, not even the Maguanacs know where he went.”

“In fact, this is the only element that speaks in favor of a voluntary disappearance, Wufei,” Heero said. “The fact that someone took great trouble to erase the existence of the shuttle is… disturbing.”

“Can you trace them from here?” Duo asked.

“No.”

“Why not? It’s not the computer, is it?”

“They had a valid access number.”

A deadly silence fell in the office.

“What does it mean exactly, Heero?” Trowa asked in a far too quiet voice.

“It means that whoever did this either has a legitimate access code into the Winner database, or that they had inside help, given the security there is around that computer system. It would take me hours to hack into that stuff, I’d say maybe four hours just to get inside, and if Duo helped me. By myself, I could crack the code in about twelve hours if needed, and that wouldn’t give me any immediate access into the programs, just the database itself. Then I’d have to crack into the programs themselves to use them. The persons who did this had an access number. The entry concerning the shuttle was erased on February 15th. It took less than fifteen minutes to whoever it was.”

“No,” Iria shook her head. “No, that’s not possible. I refuse to believe that someone in my family could do anything to Quatre. It can’t be true!”

“Who has access to this database, Mrs. Winner?” Dorothy asked as gently as possible.

“Quatre of course, and all of us Winners. Some of my sisters’ husbands have a limited access depending on what job they have in WEI. The computer technicians must request access from a family member. In fact, parts of the database are accessible to all Winner employees, but for the restricted areas, only the people I already mentioned,” Iria said very low.

She looked around with a lost stare.

“But why would anyone do that? And we don’t even know what happened yet! Why would anyone in my family try to cover the fact that Quatre has disappeared? And how can those financial reports fit into that picture? This is crazy!”

“Mrs. Winner?”

Iria jumped when Dorothy put a calming hand on her shoulder.

“You are worried and exhausted,” the blond girl said. “Now is not a good time to discuss this. We all need some food and some rest. I think it would be best to wait until tomorrow morning until we try to do anything.”

“Yes… you’re right,” Iria admitted. “Just… Where is the shuttle?”

“On a resource satellite a bit outside of the cluster. The computer is looking for the exact location and will scan the database and pull out everything you have that corresponds with its name. I’ll leave it running tonight,” Heero said.

“Come on, Mrs. Winner,” Dorothy insisted. “I need to inform Miss Relena. Why don’t you show me some quiet place where I can make my call? There is nothing else we can do before morning.”

“Sure,” Iria said weakly.

She clearly couldn’t believe what was happening, but Dorothy had apparently taken the duty of keeping her mind otherwise occupied upon herself.

“Agent Chang, maybe you should contact Lady Une,” she said with a sarcastic smile as she followed Iria outside.

“I know what I have to do,” Wufei snapped irritably, but the door had already slammed behind Dorothy.

“If there’s one thing that doesn’t change, she still likes being in charge,” the Chinese growled. “What is it with that damn woman that she always needs to command everyone around her?”

“Habit,” Duo said nonchalantly. “You don’t get rid of it that easily, I’ve been told.”

He began chewing on his lower lip, a sure sign that something was wrong. The three others just watched him, waiting for him to voice his worries.

“Guys… Do you really think… that someone’s in Cat’s family did this?”

Heero got up and gathered Duo in his arms. Both Wufei and Trowa wondered when Heero had started to show his affection in public, but then, they were more family than public, strictly speaking. And that was probably what worried Duo. Of all of them, Quatre was the only one who still had any living blood relatives that he knew of. To Duo, who had lost all of his families and could just now start living again with the one he had built himself with the other pilots, it felt incomprehensible that someone would want to hurt their siblings voluntarily.

“I mean… why would any of them do that? When we all finally got together on Peacemillion, Cat told me about Iria, how he had met her… and how she’d said that all of his sisters were proud of him … Why would one of them do anything to him now?”

“It’s a lead, Maxwell, nothing more at that stage,” Wufei said slowly. “And… Winner controls about half of the global wealth of the Earth and the Colonies with his companies. People have killed for far less.”

Trowa’s face blanched when he heard the last sentence, but in the dim light of the office, no one noticed. Wufei got up, went to his computer, and activated the secure line he had set up. According to the time difference between the L4 colony cluster and Earth, there was a good chance that Une would still be in her office, waiting for a report.

 _“_ _Une speaking_. _”_

“Agent Chang reporting,” Wufei said as his fellow pilots placed themselves within filming range of the vidphone.

_“_ _Any news?”_

“We haven’t found him yet, but Agent Yuy traced the shuttle. We’re waiting until tomorrow morning to find out more about that. Also, some weird things showed up in the financial reports. It looks like Winner was trying to leave his position as WEI’s CEO to someone else.”

Une’s head snapped up from the notes she was taking, a light of understanding in her eyes.

_“_ _So that’s why…”_

She frowned.

_“_ _I’m sorry, but are you sure about that?”_

“Iria Winner and Miss Catalonia checked themselves, since they’re the only ones to understand that kind of things.”

_“_ _I see. I just spent the afternoon reviewing my own files to see if I could find anything that would help. Winner booked an appointment with me. He was supposed to meet me two days from now. He didn’t mention the exact reason for the meeting just that, I quote, ‘he would have cleared matters and would be ready to involve himself further in maintaining the peace’.”_

“He wanted to become a full time agent,” Duo whispered, eyes wide. “That’s why he was getting rid of his shares. He wanted to leave WEI to join Preventer permanently.”

_“_ _I suppose so. Winner was, up until now, a NOC operative like Yuy, Barton and yourself, Maxwell. Your covers are very effective because they are real. I think he wanted to move into the field for good. In fact, I’m surprised he didn’t mention this to any of you.”_

“He did,” Trowa said in his usual quiet tones.

Everyone, including Lady Une, looked at him.

“He mentioned it several times since the beginning of the year,” Trowa explained, “but I didn’t know he was that serious about it. And he complained a lot about his workload at WEI. If I remember correctly, he wasn’t called in a lot, be it last year or since the Barton Incursion. Just when no one else was available or you couldn’t do the operations without him.”

 _“_ _That’s correct_ , _”_ Lady Une acquiesced. _“_ _I knew he couldn’t leave at a moment’s notice like the rest of you, and we all know that without WEI, half of the world population would be jobless. He was more needed there.”_

“He obviously didn’t agree with that,” Duo said. “And you know, I know he’s the only boy and all, but do any of you know why he was the heir of everything and not, I don’t know, Iria, since she’s the oldest? Or why the company wasn’t divided equally between them?”

“It is,” Trowa said. “They all have an equal share, except for Quatre who has the biggest one, which makes him a _de facto_ CEO. I don’t think even he knew why his father’s will was written that way. He always used to say that any of his sisters would rule the business as well as he did, and that they had more experience.”

There was a short silence, before Une started speaking again.

 _“_ _I sent Sally Po to join you_. _”_

No one asked why, even if the dark implications of that statement were hanging in the air. Quatre had not contacted anyone in three weeks, and everything they had found proved that he had not planned his own disappearance. Which could only mean that he was physically unable to contact anyone, either because he was detained or too hurt to do it. None of the boys even considered that he could be dead, because the look on Trowa’s face clearly said that he would believe that when he would see a body and not before.

Sally was the only doctor they trusted. She had been on their side at the end of the war, and for most of them, the only doctor to have examined them apart from their trainers. She knew that their metabolism had been tampered with, what kind of drugs actually had an effect on them and what kind should absolutely not be used, a fact that a lot of OZ interrogators had learnt at the cost of great pains. Also, she was a Preventer, which meant she was the only one to have access to their medical records.

Wufei only answered with a neutral “Good”, before they ended the communication and went to their respective bedrooms to at least pretend to sleep.

****

~AC 197, March 5th, L4 – B289, Fatimah Psychiatric Clinic, 10:23am~

 

Dr Hewley gave a last look to the diagrams and charts that Dr Carter had made since his patient had arrived. The young doctor had left Quatre Winner’s file at his boss’s office so that she could familiarize herself with part of the information. And Dr Hewley was still wondering why this patient was alive at all. Dr Carter had recorded up to ninety-three percent of brain activity in a conscious state, the highest score she had ever heard of. And that score never lowered below fifty percent, even when the patient was asleep. If only she could know more about how he had been trained… she quickly banished those thoughts from her mind. Quatre Winner needed her help right now, and then it would be up to his family to decide whether they wanted to support her program or not.

She made her way to the isolation unit. One of the nurses, Shannon, if she remembered well, was talking to Dr Carter near the door, holding a chart and smiling brightly. As soon as he saw Dr Hewley, Dr Carter dismissed the nurse and went to her.

“Quatre has fallen asleep, Dr Hewley,” he said, a bit embarrassed. “I’m sorry, but I feel it’s better not to wake him up. He’s gotten far less sleep than any normal human being needs since he arrived there. If it’s not an inconvenience, maybe we could just share our views on his file, and Shannon will warn us if he wakes up. If he doesn’t, you can always look at him through the mirror and we’ll schedule another visit, but…”

“I understand perfectly, Dr Carter,” Elisabeth said with a smile. “You are really dedicated to this patient. I admire that in someone as young as you.”

“Whatever happened to him, he did not deserve it,” Carter said indignantly. “I want to help him. Come, doctor, my office is this way.”

 

Shannon made her usual round to isolation suite number seven, but she didn’t come in. Quatre was curled up on the sofa in the living area, right where he had unexpectedly fallen asleep sooner this morning, and she didn’t want to disturb him. That’s why she didn’t notice the rapid movements of the eyes behind the closed eyelids, nor the rising pulse, nor the cold sweat that began to cover Quatre’s skin.

****

He was dreaming again. He did not really know how he knew he was dreaming, it just… it felt more like his mind, his memories, his feelings when he was asleep. Until they would appear and talk to him.

He knew all of them, he knew they were important, or had been important in his life. But to find their names again would have been too much of an effort for a mind overwhelmed with hundreds of alien emotions, it would have caused too much pain. But not to remember was almost worse.

There was a man with a moustache. He always looked furious, and every time he talked to him, he would say mean things.

/you disobeyed me, quatre. you didn’t think about your family. you are a bad son, a shame to your name./

Quatre didn’t know if the man had actually told him those things, or if he was imagining it all, but it felt so true it hurt.

A woman with white blond hair just like his, and his eyes. He was sure he had never met her. She never spoke, she just looked at him sadly. This sadness was almost unbearable for Quatre, because he was sure that somehow he was the cause of it.

Young men, four of them. One with black hair and eyes, who looked at him with contempt.

/weak people shouldn’t fight! those who are right must be strong! are you strong? are you right?/

This one scared Quatre a bit, and yet all he felt when that young man spoke to him was an immense self-hatred coming from the familiar stranger, a self-loathing so deep it was a mystery that young man could stand it when it suffocated Quatre, even in his dreams.

Another one, with a long braid and strange eyes. This one didn’t talk, and made Quatre uneasy because he was sure, he did not know how, that this one should have talked a lot. His eyes told so much. But sometimes, they would just turn very cold, and look at him without any pity, and in those moments, even if it was a dream, Quatre would pray that this young man would show mercy and kill him to end his torment, and he knew that if he asked, the young man would do it. But every time he tried, the strange eyes misted, and the boy gave a sad smile and disappeared.

The third one, with a shock of messy brown hair and steely blue eyes. He was very scary too, because Quatre could feel him like a whirlwind locked behind metal walls, waiting to explode. He was so cold, and his gaze looked right through Quatre. There was only one thing he said when he spoke at all.

/i’m going to kill you, quatre./

And the last one… this one really hurt. He had green eyes, and his hair fell on his face hiding half of it. Sometimes, he wore a strange mask. Sometimes, just normal clothes. He didn’t talk either, and Quatre didn’t know why it was so painful, that this one didn’t talk. He would just look at Quatre with those impossibly green eyes, sending out a wave of despair, confusion, sorrow and… love. But the love was buried under the rest, and it hurt almost more than these others feelings that Quatre had grown accustomed to since… he didn’t remember since when. He knew he hadn’t spent all of his life here, but he couldn’t remember what he had done before. Or more exactly, he saw things, but he couldn’t believe it was him in those pictures, killing so many people… so much blood on his hands.

When the green-eyed boy appeared again this time, looking sadly at him, Quatre couldn’t help but reach out to him. The sadness he saw there echoed his own… or was it really his own sadness? He didn’t know anymore, he was feeling so much that he was slowly losing the taste, the particular feeling of his own emotions, but somehow, those of the four boys were strong, they didn’t waver, they always had the same color and taste. Which explained the fact that Quatre liked them a lot more than the others, even if they scared him. Because they were the only stable thing in his mind. If only he remembered who they were.

Quatre reached out blindly to the green-eyed boy, his dream-lips forming the words that echoed in his mind.

/help me… please/

Quatre began to shiver violently, fighting the scream that he wanted to let out.

*****

A soft buzz interrupted Dr Carter, and the young man pressed the com unit on his desk.

“Yes?”

 _“_ _He’s awake, Dr Carter,”_ Shannon’s voice said. _“_ _If you could just wait about ten minutes to go down, I think he had another bad dream, so I sent him to the bathroom to clean up and change.”_

“We’ll be there. Thank you, Shannon.”

Carter turned again to Dr Hewley.

“Do we have any leads to contact his family?”

“Ruby is working on it. I cleared her of her other duties until she’s found someone to call. And once we’re done down there, you will come with me and we’ll try to scan medical databases together and see if we find a match.”

“Good.”

Ten minutes later exactly, Dr Hewley was examining the strange patient through the mirror. His very light hair was still damp from his shower, and he was sitting on the couch, staring straight ahead, and not paying any attention to Shannon, who was apparently trying to explain that someone was coming to visit him. Then, almost abruptly, Quatre turned his head to the mirror and looked straight in Dr Hewley’s eyes. Of course, she knew he couldn’t see her through it, but she jumped nonetheless. At the best of time, limited empathic abilities were disturbing, but this young man had probably felt her coming for a long time.

“I know I don’t have to tell you this,” Carter said, “but try to shield yourself as much as possible. You won’t be able to shield everything, but stay calm and collected. Every strong surge of emotions will be felt, and it hurts him quite a lot most of the time.”

“I understand,” the director agreed. “Is it okay if I examine him myself?”

“Go ahead. Just talk to him. Make sure to explain what you are doing, or he could react badly.”

Dr Carter slid a magnetic card in a pad and the door opened with a hiss. Elisabeth immediately saw him plaster a smile on his face.

“Hello, Quatre. I hope you slept alright. It’s nice to see you manage to get some sleep, even if it’s in the day. Shannon told me you had a bad dream. You know where I am if you wanna talk, right?”

The green-blue eyes were lost in the general direction of Carter, but not really seeing. Elisabeth shivered. She could almost see the brain working, analyzing, dissecting every fragment of feeling the patient received. Then, the empty eyes turned to her, and became more focused and defiant. Quatre curled up on the sofa, looking ready to bolt, even if the door had closed behind them.

“Quatre,” Carter continued, “This is Elisabeth. She is our new director, and I think she can probably help you get better. She’s also trying to contact your family so we can get you home, if it’s possible. Elisabeth, please meet Quatre.”

“Hello, Quatre”, Elisabeth said, stepping forward and taking deep breaths to calm her nervousness. The empath would probably feel it and become just as stressed as she was, and it wouldn’t be good.

“Quatre, I will need to examine you a bit, if that doesn’t bother you. Just listen to your heart, watch your eyes, that kind of stuff, if it’s okay with you.”

“You can come closer, doctor,” Shannon said with a smile. “As long as you talk and explain everything you do, there won’t be a problem.”

“Right. Quatre, I’m going to listen to your heart first,” she said, taking her stethoscope. “I’m sorry, it may be a bit cold, I’ll try to warm it up,” she added with a little smile, rubbing the metal before applying it on his chest.

Quatre jumped slightly, but didn’t jerk away. His eyes were almost curious now, asking hundreds of questions. In fact, he even looked up to Shannon, as if wanting her to confirm it was okay for someone to do this. The nurse smiled kindly.

“It’s okay, Quatre,” she cooed. “Don’t worry, Dr Hewley is here to help you, she won’t hurt you.”

Quatre frowned, as if he couldn’t grasp the concept of someone not hurting him, and then he began staring in the void again. Elisabeth worked on listening to his pulse, while at the same time trying not to let out her nervousness. Quatre looked calm, but he wasn’t. His pulse was high and a bit erratic, and his breathing just a bit too rapid, sure indications that he was not comfortable. Probably the mix of what he had felt during the nightmare added to the stress of meeting a stranger. Elisabeth hurried up. She wanted to get out of here.

“Okay, Quatre, that was good,” she said straightening up. “Now, if I can just have a look at your eyes. I am just going to use this little light. It may be uncomfortable, but it won’t hurt.”

Quatre didn’t make a move until Dr Hewley lit the lamp. She hadn’t paid attention to the fact that it was already directed at his face. Before she knew it, Quatre’s right hand had flown and struck her wrist, making her drop the lamp that broke on the floor. She took two steps back, holding her abused hand, eyes wide with shock. Carter led her to the door, and she didn’t resist.

“Shannon, please calm him down,” he said just before going out.

Quatre was rocking back and forth, eyes wide and darting around, as if making sure the flashing light was gone.

“I’m sorry,” Dr Hewley stammered. “I…”

“It’s okay, doctor,” Carter said kindly. “I told you he could have unexpected reactions. Most of the time, those unexpected reactions tell us more than the rest. Having lights flashed in his eyes is probably linked to some traumatic experience, and you couldn’t know.”

“Still, I… I feel ashamed to say it, but I really wanted to get out of here the soonest possible. He must have felt it.”

“Probably, but he was just as nervous as you to begin with. He is wary of strangers. It took him two weeks to get used to Shannon, Moira and myself. And every now and then, he surprises us. Not always like this, though. Yesterday, he caught Shannon as she was about to fall and hurt herself. Shannon told me he caught her just in time, and she could have killed herself if he hadn’t.”

Dr Carter’s pride was evident in his voice.

“He needs help,” Dr Hewley admitted. “And I don’t think our facility can give him the kind of help he needs. I know that some rooms can be built to help isolate an empath, but this facility doesn’t have one and it would take ages just to have the consent to build one. He can’t stay here much longer. His brain won’t take it.”

“I thought so,” Carter said. “We have to find his family, the people who trained him.”

“They’re probably the only ones who can help him now,” Dr Hewley admitted dejectedly. “I’ll ask Ruby to intensify her search. Now, come, let’s scan those databases. Maybe we’ll find something useful.”

Five minutes later found them both sitting in front of Elisabeth’s computer. They decided to start with the Preventer database, because it had collected all of the remnants of OZ and Romefeller database that hadn’t been destroyed. Elisabeth entered her access code and did a search by name. She was very surprised to find an immediate match.

File GP #04: Quatre Raberba Winner.

“How come his name shows up there? Does he have any ties with the Preventer organization?” she asked.

“If I remember well, WEI founded the organization and still donates money for its functioning. That’s all I know about.”

Dr Hewley shrugged and clicked on the link.

And all hell broke loose. Her computer screen suddenly went black with a red ‘access denied’ flashing in the middle. A nice female voice came out of the speakers of the computer.

_“_ _You have tried to access classified information. Your computer’s ID number has been recorded. Your location has been recorded. Trying to access unauthorized files is a federal crime. You are now under investigation by Preventer.”_

Both Carter and Elisabeth looked at the screen with wide eyes as the message was repeated again and again. This didn’t make any sense. Eventually, Elisabeth said the only thing that matched the situation.

“Ooops?”

 


	7. Bad command, invalid response

~AC 197, March 5th, L4-A001, Winner Mansion, 8:04am~

“Okay, let’s do it,” Iria said, bracing herself and dialing the number.

The four pilots were sitting in front of her, completely out of the camera range, along with Sally Po, who had arrived around six this morning. Dorothy had taken a chair away from the desk, but where she could see the screen of the vidphone.

The phone rang about three times before someone took the line.

 _“_ _Hakim law practice, how may I help you?”_ the secretary at the other end said before realizing who she was talking to. When she did, she smiled. _“_ _Oh, I’m sorry, Mrs. Winner, I’ll put you through immediately. If you would please hold on for a second?”_

The waiting screen appeared. Iria stared at it with wide eyes. The pilots looked at each other, unsure of what to do. Sally raised an eyebrow and exchanged a glance with Dorothy, who shook her head.

 _“_ _Hakim here, Mrs. Winner,”_ a new voice said suddenly.

“Hello, Hakim,” Iria answered with a shaking voice. “I am sorry to disturb you that early in the morning but I found…”

_“_ _I was waiting for your call, Mrs. Winner. I take it everything went fine?”_

The lawyer frowned when his employer’s sister gaped at him with a lost stare.

“What is supposed to have gone fine, Hakim? Why were you waiting for my call?”

_“_ _He didn’t tell you?”_

“Didn’t tell me what? Who?”

_“_ _Mr. Winner, he was supposed to tell you…”_

“I have not seen my brother for three weeks, Hakim, nor have I talked to him since the beginning of February.”

_“_ _But… well, I don’t know what to say, he told me everything would be ready, he would talk to you and I only had to wait for your call.”_

“Hakim, I have discovered some strange things in WEI’s financial reports. My brother put half of his share…”

_“_ _In a trust fund, I know. As for the rest, since you called me, it will now be redistributed among you and your sisters.”_

“What?”

Hakim sighed.

_“_ _I really hadn’t planned for things to go that way, Mrs. Winner. Mr. Winner was supposed to tell you about the situation and… well…”_

“What, Hakim? What is it? Tell me, please!”

_“_ _It means, Mrs. Winner, that according to the way the stocks are supposed to be redistributed as instructed by your brother, you are now legally the biggest owner and as such the new CEO of WEI.”_

 

“Let her rest for a while,” Sally said, coming out of Iria’s room. “She’s exhausted. I gave her a mild sedative. Nothing’s wrong with WEI, right?”

“No,” Wufei said grimly. “Winner made arrangements so that the company could function without him if need be. They can keep on working like usual for a few more days.”

Dorothy came back from her report to Relena, accompanied by a tall, dark-haired man.

“This is Richard Anderson, Mrs. Winner’s husband. I called him after I reported to Miss Relena, Dr Po. I thought…”

“You did right, Dorothy. Mr. Anderson…”

“How is she, doctor?” Richard asked anxiously.

“Like a doctor who is ill. Stubborn, refusing to see she’s at the end of her rope, and determined to do everything to find her brother. As I was saying, I gave her a mild sedative, and she’s sleeping. You can stay with her if you want to. In fact, I think it would be best. Try to make her stay in bed when she wakes up.”

“I’ll do my best,” Richard answered weakly. “But… is there still any hope of finding Quatre?”

“Yes,” Trowa said fiercely. “We will find him.”

“I really hope so. I know it’s not the case of all of us lucky guys who have married Winners, but I like that young man. Iria was so happy that he had come home and was around to visit her when she was in hospital.”

“Failure is not an option for us, Mr. Anderson,” Dorothy said earnestly. “If there is any way to find Quatre, we will find him. You can trust us.”

Richard looked at the four young men and the young woman, then the doctor. He nodded to them, smiling a bit more frankly this time.

“I do trust you. If you need anything…”

“We can call Rashid,” Duo interrupted. “You go be with your wife and tell her not to be stupid. Tell her she won’t be any help to Cat if she’s worn out, that should do the trick, heh?”

“Uh… sure,” Richard answered, shooting a puzzled glance to the teenager. “Good luck.”

He went into the bedroom.

“It’s not luck we need, man,” Duo muttered. “It’s a fucking beam cannon and somewhere to point it.”

Heero frowned, but let the comment slide. It was only then that they realized that Trowa was not here anymore. Duo’s eyebrows shot up.

“Hey, I thought I was the stealth master here! Any idea where he went?”

“Just leave him alone, Duo,” Heero grumbled. “Not everyone needs to talk things out.”

“I’ll be damned is that was not the least subtle hint ever, Heero,” Duo teased. “But, for once, I think you’re right.”

“It is harder for him than anyone else,” Dorothy said softly, a strange light in her blue-gray eyes. “If only… He is never going to talk to me, I know it, but…”

“But what?” Wufei asked.

Dorothy smirked.

“Just tell him that if he needs someone to take his anger out onto, I’ll be in the fencing room. The invitation is extended to all of you.”

“I’ll pass, thank you,” Sally said. “Wufei and I need to report to Lady Une, and I think Duo and Heero have a resource satellite to identify. We can leave Trowa alone… for the moment.”

****

Trowa was sitting on the roof of the Mansion, hugging his knees and trying not to remember. Not to remember other mornings waking up in that house and watching the tousled golden head on the pillow just next to him, nights of wandering just the two of them, unknown to the people of the L4 cluster, evenings where he would go and pry Quatre away from his desk and his urgent financial reports. And other days when Quatre would show up unexpected at the circus, and stay for a few days, or when they would both escape to Earth and disappear in the crowd.

He really wished he were on Earth right now, because yelling and cursing at the sky really did give you the impression to curse whatever higher power is supposed to control your life, even if you didn’t believe in it. But the only horizon was the metal walls of the colony curving in the distance. Metal all around and space, the void and immensity of space.

Not remembering. It had been so easy before. The days were always the same. Get up, check mobile suit, go kill some people and destroy some facilities, go back to camp, check mobile suit, go to sleep. Nothing really worth remembering.

“What did I do, Cat?” he muttered to the artificial wind. “What did I do to us? Why was it so damn hard for me to just stay here with you when you asked me to!”

He had stayed. For a while. He always returned to the circus, every now and then, and still considered the old trailer he shared with Catherine home. But he knew he had been lying to himself. What comforted him there was the routine. The fact that he knew who he was going to meet, what he was going to do, every minute of the day. That he had some kind of control. The kind of control that slipped away every time he was with Quatre.

Being with Quatre had never been ‘routine’. Their first meeting, their mutual surrender, had started something. All through the war, Quatre had surprised him, showing undetected amounts of strength while being able to just crack down and cry when he was exhausted, or just tired of the killing. After the war, every day with him was an adventure, a miracle that Trowa thought was going to end soon, because, just like Duo, it seemed he couldn’t keep what he held dear. But it lasted, and lasted, and he got scared.

‘I was so damn sure you were gonna come to your senses and realize you could have nothing to do with me in peacetime. But you didn’t. You just kept being there for me, like you did before, and accepting every little smile, every affectionate gesture with such joy that I couldn’t talk to you. And yet you must have felt something, I know what that look meant when you watched me and thought I wasn’t looking. But you didn’t really understand, since I didn’t either. And you thought I would talk if there was a problem, you didn’t push anything. And I ended up hurting you, hurting both of us just because I was afraid. And now maybe I will lose you just because I was too selfish. God, Cat, if I… no when I find you back, I really hope you can forgive me.’

There was a very soft noise of footsteps approaching. Whoever that was did not try to hide, but had that inherent grace that makes some people walk like cats.

“May I sit here with you?” Wufei asked.

Trowa just nodded. He got along well with Wufei, although he would be damned if he knew why. About the only thing they had in common was having ended up in the cockpit of a Gundam, and yet…

“If you want me to leave, I’ll go,” the Chinese kept on, “but Maxwell suggested you would need to talk… or, in your case, express your feelings in whatever manner that seems suitable. He gave you the choice between grunts or awkward silences. I thought I’d spare you the trouble of having him come to talk to you.”

In spite of himself, Trowa smiled. That was such a Duo thing to do, to have just the right words to bring a smile back on your face when you thought the whole world was out to get you.

“So… care to tell me what happened with you and Winner? I haven’t seen either of you since that New Year party, and it seems I missed a lot of things.”

“Quatre invited you to come here.”

“I needed some time to myself to think, and don’t avoid the subject.”

“I’m not.”

“You’re not what?”

“Avoiding the subject.”

Wufei snorted.

“You’re worse than Maxwell when you decide to be. To what do I owe the favor of being the lucky recipient of your moods today?”

“You came to see me, not the other way around,” Trowa pointed out.

“True.”

There was a silence, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. That was probably what helped Trowa go along with Wufei and Heero so well, silence with them was never uncomfortable. Duo talked too much, but they all knew why. That was his way of drowning his own demons, to make so much noise that he wouldn’t hear them anymore. Heero and Wufei just kept them inside, refusing to confront them until they would slap them in the face, hard. And he… he just hadn’t realized how many demons were lurking in the dark waiting for him. Spending most of your life without a name could do that to you, he guessed. No name, no past, no demons. He did not see the people he had killed in his nightmares, like Duo or Quatre, or Heero. He did not see his family die, like Wufei. He saw… nothing. A terrifying void that had almost become a friend with the years, but who was now threatening to swallow him. And he had had a chance to get out, to leave the void behind, and he had been too scared to fully grasp it.

“He let me go,” he whispered.

Wufei did not answer, just looking straight ahead. He knew he didn’t need to ask questions. Everything would come out eventually, it was just a matter of time.

“I told him I needed time by myself… I told him I needed to be sure that this… what we had… was not a mistake, and that he had to think it over too. That I couldn’t let him throw his life away for me if he wasn’t sure of what he wanted and he just let me go!”

Trowa’s voice was choked with the tears he refused to let out. He had not cried for such a long time, the feeling was unfamiliar.

He knew that he would remember that day, the day he had ruined everything, forever.

 

// _“You want to leave?”_

_Quatre’s incredulity was audible in his voice, and his fear visible in his eyes. It twisted Trowa’s guts, but in a way it just hardened his resolve. He had to do it. For Quatre. For them. He had to know._

_“Why?” Quatre asked in a whisper._

_But before Trowa could even try to explain, he lifted his hand._

_“No, don’t tell me. You don’t have to explain. You don’t owe me anything.”_

_“Cat…”_

_“Trowa, I… I won’t hold you back if you feel you really have to go. I think… I think there is something you need to find out, and I can’t help you there, but… can I come see you sometime?”_

_Trowa couldn’t hold it any longer and took Quatre in his arms, trying not to get too moved by the way the slender body trembled against his, the way the hands wrapped themselves around him almost naturally, the way the blond head fell into the crook of his neck, strands delicately tickling his chin and cheek._

_“Cat, this is not over. I just need… a break. Do you understand?”_

_“Yes,” the muffled reply came. “Yes, I understand. You have to do it.”_

_And Trowa knew that Quatre was trying hard not to cry._

_“I will come back, Cat. I just don’t know when, but I will come back, and you can come see me any time you want. If you need me, I’ll be there.”_

_Quatre pulled away and put his hand on Trowa’s chest, right on his heart._

_“I know, Trowa. I know. I won’t give up on us just because of that, you know it. I just… you know that there is always a place here for you, right?”_

_“I hope so, Cat,” was all Trowa could answer, but somehow this answer conveyed all of his fears. “Just… don’t blame yourself, please. It’s not your fault.”_

_“I’ll try,” Quatre answered, and this answer was just as fearful. “I’ll be waiting for you.”_

_They stood there for a while, just looking at each other, as if wanting to engrave the other’s image into their soul._

##  _“Stay with me tonight, Trowa. Please.”//_

 

That night, they had made love slowly, almost desperately, feeling as much of each other as they could, expressing with tender gestures what was too sad to be conveyed in words. When dawn had come, Quatre had walked him to the door of the house, in silence. They had gazed into each other’s eyes again, deeply. Then, Quatre had kissed him goodbye, and Trowa had left quickly, because he knew Quatre would start crying as soon as he would be out, and that if he saw it, it would be harder to leave.

“I’m a fucking coward,” Trowa snorted aloud. “Such a wonderful chameleon that I can’t be myself, even with the one I love.”

“Really?”

There was no teasing in the question, just genuine curiosity and concern.

“He was everything I needed. Being away from him was pure torture. I missed him terribly, every minute of the day, I couldn’t sleep at night because I was too used to having him curled up by my side. But I stayed there. I didn’t come back. I thought it was best for us to stay apart a bit. And…”

“And maybe you were unconsciously hoping that Winner would make a scene and give you a good reason to leave without it being your fault. Am I right?”

Trowa sighed and rubbed his forehead.

“I don’t know, Wufei, I honestly don’t know what I hoped to achieve with that stupid stunt. I don’t even remember what I needed to prove to myself. The only thing I actually proved to myself is that I am officially the greatest moron of the known universe and beyond.”

“If you know it, it’s a start,” Wufei said, completely deadpan.

There was another short silence, only perturbed by the happy chirping of birds that didn’t have a problem in their lives.

“I remember what it was like, when he first came to visit me. It was like I had stopped breathing, and he was my oxygen coming back. He just stayed for a few hours, but I was ready to beg him to stay longer. I didn’t. I just couldn’t admit that I needed him that much. And during all that time, I didn’t even stop to think that maybe he needed me just as badly. He’s been showing me nothing but care and love since we met, and I just can’t believe it and have to find ways to fuck it up.”

“Does Zero count as an act of love and devotion?”

Trowa shot a sideways look to Wufei, eyebrows raised, but the Chinese was not looking at him, but contemplating the metal horizon much like Trowa had half an hour ago.

“Of course not…” Trowa finally answered. “He was desperate and not himself at that time. I told him I forgave him, repeatedly…”

“But he couldn’t forgive himself. I know the feeling.”

Another silence, longer this time.

“He’s calling me, Wufei,” Trowa eventually whispered.

The Chinese young man looked at him, confused.

“What?”

“Just like the last time. After Zero, when I still didn’t remember him. He came to see me, I think Duo told him where I was and I didn’t recognize him, but I knew, somehow, that I had met him before and that he was important. And when the colony was attacked… he came back to make sure I was safe. And once he was sure I was okay, he left to fight with Sandrock even though it hadn’t been adapted for space combat. And I heard him calling me. That’s why I left again that day. He was calling for my help, and I just had to go.”

Trowa stopped to lick his lips, looking for his next words.

“That feeling… it is the strangest thing in the world. I didn’t think I would feel it again, but I do. He is calling me. He’s screaming for my help, and I can’t help him, Wufei. I just can’t, because I was stupid enough to leave him alone!”

“Then it means he’s alive,” Wufei countered. “And that there is still hope. We won’t give up until we find him, you know it. And… well, if you think that you made a mistake, maybe you’ll try not to repeat it.”

“I _know_ I made a mistake. A mistake that could backfire very badly.”

“Trowa, I… what you and Winner have is a thing… I don’t think I’ve ever seen two people connect like you do, not even Yuy and Maxwell, and God knows those two are practically joined at the hip. What you two had… have… I don’t know how I would have reacted in your place, but… we are young. It is difficult for us to think about a life commitment, and yet I think we are all mature enough to weigh the pros and cons and know what to decide. We have time. When we find Quatre, and we will find him, I know that you will do your best to be forgiven and try to speak and tell what you feel instead of dancing around it this time. Didn’t Heero tell you to follow your emotions?”

“He kinda forgot to give me the handbook that goes with the nice words,” Trowa said sarcastically.

“I doubt he had it to begin with. Isn’t it priceless after all, that he was the one to tell you that?”

“Yeah, I guess in a way it is, but it was also frighteningly logical.”

“Trowa… I’ve seen a lot of people messing up relationships that they should never have started to begin with. I saw a lot of people messing up perfectly good relationships, and I messed up my own marriage, not by myself, but I helped a good deal. Quatre loves you, anyone with brains can see that.”

“He loved me so much he was ready to lose me if that meant I would be happier,” Trowa grumbled.

“That’s exactly my point. The question is, do you love him that much too?”

“Are you kidding me? That’s why I left in the first place, because I didn’t want to ruin his life!”

“Well, next time, maybe you should ask him before, because I’m damn sure that being with you didn’t mean ruining his life for him. So, when we find him back, don’t mess it up.”

Trowa’s green eyes narrowed and the young man eyed his friend suspiciously.

“Since when have you started to care that much about our relationships or about us at all, for that matter?”

Wufei blushed just a little bit. It was almost invisible, but Trowa saw it.

“Since I realized that you guys were the only family I had left. I fucked up too many times in my life too, Trowa. Every time I close my eyes, I see my colony exploding, and then myself fighting Heero because of… something I didn’t even believe in anymore. Or myself killing Treize and realizing that it was not justice, but petty revenge. I felt like shit for months afterwards. I must admit I was not really in my right mind when I decided that joining Marimeia Barton was the right thing to do. I just needed some place to go, and I didn’t think what you guys had was meant for me.”

“Wufei…”

“I know I’ve always been the odd one out, and it’ll probably stay that way. I don’t really mind. But I guess… I guess now I just need to be sure you are all safe and happy with each other, and that’s enough.”

“It won’t always be enough, Wufei.”

“It’s enough for now,” the Chinese said determinedly.

Trowa knew when to drop a subject, so he did. He looked at Wufei, his eyes giving the thanks that he couldn’t utter with words right now. Wufei just nodded to him, and began staring in the distance again.

Fifteen quiet minutes later, Duo suddenly barreled onto the roof, feet pounding and almost out of breath.

“That’s where you are! I spent half an hour looking for you guys! Come on, let’s get down, we got Lady Une online and Heero’s computer went all funny and beeping, so we did a quick check and…”

Duo stopped talking, took a deep breath and looked at Trowa, eyes brimming with fear and anticipation.

“We found him,” he just said.

****

“Where is he?” Trowa demanded as they raced down the stairs back to the ground floor.

“Some kind of hospital not very far from here, in the L4 cluster. I don’t know more. Looks like the doctors out there were looking for infos and they tried the Preventer database.”

“But I thought Heero had protected our files so that no one could get to them,” Wufei said with a scowl.

“He thought that too,” Duo answered with a shrug. “And he did. They could not _access_ the files, they just found them. Heero forgot to remove the names of the files from the search engine. He’s pretty pissed about it, too, but I managed to make him understand that it is thanks to that mistake that we now have a chance to find Cat, so now he’s just trying to blame it all on the Preventer database, and…”

“Maxwell!” Wufei interrupted sharply. “What happened exactly?”

“I don’t know everything, okay? All I know is that Heero’s laptop suddenly went haywire saying someone had tried to access our files. Fifteen seconds later, we had Une online, she had gotten the alert too. Heero located it from here, and now, we got Une and the head of that clinic online for a conference call, and we were just waiting for you.”

“Is he alright?” Trowa asked.

“I don’t know,” Duo answered sadly. “We only know that he is alive and in that clinic, and we probably won’t know a lot more until we get there, ‘cause it’s not safe to talk about this even on secure lines.”

Duo stopped running abruptly and caught Trowa’s arms.

“Just one thing, Tro. You have to know. That clinic, the Fatimah Clinic…”

Duo gulped a bit, then spit it out.

“It’s a psychiatric hospital.”

Trowa paled and nodded. Even if he had wanted to talk right now, his throat had decided to get all constricted. He knew that if he tried to talk, he would probably start crying, and he couldn’t afford it right now.

Duo gave him a concerned look and took his hand, leading the way back to Quatre’s office.

 

 _“_ _Agent Barton, Agent Chang, this is Dr Hewley, the head of the Fatimah Psychiatric Clinic,”_ Lady Une said.

The wide screen on the wall was divided in two, Lady Une on the right, Dr Hewley on the left. The four pilots had gathered in a corner of the study, Duo, Heero and Wufei protectively deployed around Trowa. Iria, Dorothy, Sally Po and Richard – who really wondered what he was doing here – were sitting on couches.

 _“_ _Gentlemen,”_ Dr Hewley greeted them.

_“_ _Dr Hewley, I must tell you right now that what is going to be said must stay strictly confidential. This is of the utmost importance. Everything you are gonna see or hear until this inquiry is over is classified and will remain so. Leaks will not be tolerated.”_

The curly-haired woman on the screen nodded nervously, her eyes darting from person to person.

 _“_ _I understand,”_ she said.

_“_ _Alright. I have received an emergency call telling me that you tried to access a file named ‘GP#04 : Quatre Raberba Winner’. Can you please tell us why?”_

_“_ _That young man is currently a patient in our institution. We had no medical information on his past and were trying to find some to be sure that we were treating him correctly.”_

Lady Une looked at Sally, who nodded to confirm it was standard medical procedure. In fact, Sally was silently blessing Dr Hewley for doing her job so well. If she hadn’t, it could have taken them weeks, if not months to find Quatre.

 _“_ _Since when has he been in the care of your institution, Dr Hewley?”_ Lady Une asked, conducting the interrogation.

Heero was taking notes on his laptop, and everyone else was glued to the screen.

_“_ _According to his file, he arrived there on February 13 th. I must stress that I hadn’t taken my functions at that time, I arrived only a few days ago. The situation was presented to me by the doctor in charge of his case.”_

“According to his file?” Sally Po asked. “You mean you’re not sure the file is correctly filled?”

 _“_ _Dr Carter and myself have good reasons to think it’s not,”_ Dr Hewley answered. ­ _“_ _I would say more, but I guess this is not safe over a multi-directional connection, and it seems my staff and I have stepped into something big.”_

 _“_ _This is alright, Dr Hewley,”_ Lady Une assured. _“_ _You have unfortunately been dragged into what is supposed to be very classified information, by no fault of yours. There was no way for you to know. Can you please just tell us how Agent Winner is, please?”_

Shock registered on Dr Hewley’s face when Lady Une said ‘Agent Winner’, but she shook her head.

_“_ _I am sorry, Colonel Une, but patient-doctor confidentiality forbids me to give out this type of information to people who aren’t family or who don’t have clearance to be informed.”_

Trowa’s fists clenched, but he remained absolutely still. Not Iria.

“I am his sister! And I want to know if he is alright!”

Dr Hewley looked sad for a moment.

_“_ _I am sorry, Mrs. Winner…”_

“Dr Winner,” Iria snapped abruptly.

_“_ _… But it doesn’t change a thing. You will have to come here so that I can give you updates face to face. I don’t want to risk my patient’s health or security by displaying too much over a phone line that could very well be bugged. I hope you understand.”_

“I understand,” Iria said dejectedly. “In that case, I will fly in as soon as possible to get my brother back and bring him home.”

They expected Dr Hewley to protest and say it couldn’t be done and Quatre needed to stay in the hospital, but to their surprise she looked immensely relieved.

_“_ _I was hoping for it. I am a New Type specialist, but I am afraid I have never met anyone like your brother, and the clinic can’t help him. He needs more isolation than we can provide, and care given by people who have been working with him on his… problem.”_

Iria blanched as she gradually understood what the actual problem was.

“God, no,” she said in a weak voice. “How long…”

_“_ _He’s been here for nearly three weeks and we made little progress. We were understaffed before I arrived, which explains why his doctor couldn’t contact you. That… and other things that we will discuss when you come here.”_

_“_ _Dr Hewley,”_ Lady Une cut in, _“_ _the fact remains that your clinic is officially investigated for trying to access classified information. There won’t be any lawsuit, of course, we will explain it as a malfunction of the computer system. But I am sending five…_ ” she looked at Dorothy’s expectant face and smiled. _“_ _… six agents to your clinic the soonest possible. They will officially investigate the case, but in fact they will get Agent Winner out of the clinic.”_

 _“_ _Six agents,”_ Dr Hewley said. _“_ _Isn’t it a bit of an overkill? It’s just one patient.”_

“No, it’s not,” Sally Po said quietly. “You may have been quite surprised to learn his name, Dr Hewley, but believe me, you don’t know who that young man is. Nor what he can do. You have no idea what you are dealing with, but we do. I trust you did your best with the little knowledge you had, but now you need us. All of us.”

Dr Hewley looked stunned, watching the honey-blond woman as she spoke. Lady Une smiled again.

_“_ _Agent Po here is a licensed physician and has been Quatre’s doctor for about two years. She will be part of the team. I know it will feel like meddling, but I will have to ask you to work with Dr Winner and Dr Po on this, Dr Hewley. They will need all your cooperation.”_

Dr Hewley nodded stiffly. Heero suddenly spoke, making everyone jump, including the people who weren’t physically in the room.

“I did a search in all the hospitals on Earth and in the colonies and his name never turned up. How come?”

Dr Hewley tried to avoid the piercing blue gaze and began fidgeting with a pen.

_“_ _As soon as Dr Carter realized who his patient was and when different… problems arose surrounding his case, he removed all the files from the database and kept his notes in his own office. The only people who know something about his true identity and pathology are Dr Carter, the nurses in charge of the isolation ward, and myself.”_

“Carter?” Dorothy interrupted, her head snapping up. “Sean Carter, from Neo-Chicago?”

 _“_ _Do you know him, Miss Catalonia?”_ Lady Une asked, interested.

“We’ve met,” the blond girl answered. “We are not on the friendliest terms…”

“I wonder why,” Wufei muttered under his breath.

“ … but I am sure he will be delighted to see me again.”

 _“_ _Agent Chang,”_ Lady Une said, refocusing everyone’s attention on herself. _“_ _You are in charge. This is a code red level four. You report only to me. Agent Po, I want a medical update as soon as you have one. Dr Winner, you are of course free to bring your brother back home if you wish to, but should you choose another place, I need to be kept informed. Agent Yuy, Agent Maxwell, Agent Barton, you are in charge of Agent Winner’s security. Make sure no info is leaked to the press either. No one must know anything happened. Officially, Agent Winner took an extended holiday due to stress and will be back on duty as soon as he is pronounced fit. Miss Catalonia, you are free to report to Vice-Minister Darlian, but make sure she keeps everything under wraps as well. Until we have a clearer idea of what happened and why, this whole thing must be kept secret. Is that clear?”_

“Yes, ma’am,” Wufei answered, nodding sharply.

_“_ _Dr Hewley, I will remain in contact with you. Whatever happened, it is thanks to you that we found this missing person back, and I am sure his family will be grateful. However, I’d like you not to disclose any information to any family members other than Dr Winner. We don’t know yet who is behind this.”_

_“_ _Will I get clearer information once your agents get here?”_ Dr Hewley asked. _“_ _I have a lot of questions, I admit.”_

_“_ _They will answer to the best of their abilities, if Dr Winner is willing to let you know, but I don’t think that will be a problem.”_

“It won’t,” Iria confirmed.

She turned to face Dr Hewley.

“I think I have an idea of what your questions are going to be. I read your research paper last year and heard of your program. I was going to bring it to Quatre’s attention later this year. And I am almost relieved to know you were the one who took care of him.”

 _“_ _I wasn’t much help,”_ Dr Hewley said. _“_ _Dr Carter did all the hard work, and still does, I am only supervising.”_

 _“_ _It’s settled then,”_ Lady Une interrupted. _“_ _Operations begin immediately.”_

Her brown eyes suddenly fell on Richard, who had tried to remain as unobtrusive as possible.

_“_ _Who the hell are you?”_

 


	8. This program has performed an illegal operation

~ AC 197, March 6th, L4 – B289, Fatimah Psychiatric Clinic, Isolation suite #07, 4:53am~

/they’re coming/

Quatre’s head snapped up. He had been awake for a while now, the nightmares always woke him up around two in the morning, and he had been lucky enough to grab a little more than two hours of sleep before they kicked in. It was also good that the doctor had stopped giving him those drugs that forced him to sleep. But now he was hearing it again.

 **/** they’re coming/

That voice… it had a particular taste. Quatre knew, almost instinctively, that it was himself, or the person he should have been if he had not been locked in a mental ward. He may have been insane, but he was not stupid. He knew that hearing voices and answering to them was usually a good sign that you were crazy. Still most of the time, he heard voices, saw faces that weren’t his own. He had been an open channel into everyone’s emotions around for… how long? He couldn’t remember, probably all his life. But that voice… every time he heard it, he knew without a doubt, that it was a part of him, a part that he desperately tried to grab and hold onto, only to have it evade his touch. His power was too sensible, and just someone entering the room he was in or another patient having a crisis or even a temper tantrum was enough to break the fragile link he had with this little saner part of his mind. It gave him horrible headaches to try to hold back, and with time, he had just given up, welcoming the voice when it came, but not trying to retain it, just fervently hoping it would be back and he would not lose this chance at finding why he was here.

/they’re coming/

/who?/ Quatre asked himself.

The rational voice always seemed sad, like it hoped he would understand more, remember more. And Quatre tried. But he wasn’t sure he liked what he saw. A world ravaged by war, and himself, a soldier, a warrior? Someone fighting at least, but for what, for whom? Was the war over now, had it been worth it for him to lose everything, including his sanity and his conscience of himself in that conflict? When he thought that, the little voice usually tried to remind him that he already knew how that war had ended, and why, but the images didn’t come into his mind.

/your friends are coming/

Quatre got up, frowning. That was new.

/friends? i have friends?/

If little voices could have rolled their eyes, then this particular little voice would have.

/of course you have friends/

/why would i? i can’t remember who i am nor what i am doing here. i never know if the things i feel or see in my head are my dreams, my memories, or someone else’s. and if they are my memories…/

/yes?/

/i am not sure i want them to be. if that’s really me i did some pretty horrible things, and i’m probably better off locked up here. i bet i would endanger all of my friends if i had any/

/they’re coming for you. they’re worried/

Quatre shook his head in silent negation.

/no, you’re wrong. no one is coming for me/

/i am not wrong. you know it. i am never wrong. they’re coming to get you/

Images began to flash through Quatre’s mind. The four boys of his dreams, some other people whose silhouettes were foggy. Quatre shook his head again, trying to clear his vision. These couldn’t be the friends the voice was talking about. They had never been friendly in his dreams. But … they had never been really mean either. Well, okay, they were scary, but they were also the only ones to always come back, so maybe he had met them before?

/ _too much input_ /

The other voice, a bit cold, impersonal. Quatre knew he had also heard that one before, and that it had been his own at one point but not entirely. It didn’t really make sense, but the voice was always associated with… a computer? Some kind of machine?

Things started to get blurry in front of the green-blue eyes. The voices went away, leaving behind only slight unease and a lot of unrest. The blond young man on his bed knew with absolute certainty now that something was going to happen. Something that was going to change everything in his life, but he had no idea what. And that scared him a lot.

Quatre hugged his knees, and tried, in vain to suppress the violent shudders that went through his body.

/scared. i am scared/

Then, a wave of other emotions hit him, coming from the poor soul whose room was above his and who was currently having a nightmare. But for the first time ever, his own emotion, the mind-gnawing fear, didn’t completely go away as the other took over.

****

~Isolation suite #07, 8:53am~

 

“He’s agitated, doctor,” Shannon said, a worried look on her face as she watched the living area through the one-way mirror.

She was right. Quatre usually spent his day just sitting on the couch or on the windowsill, his face expressionless. This morning, he had not touched his breakfast and had paced, restless, in the living area before stopping in front of the window. One pale hand was pressed against the smooth surface of the glass while the other shivered, sometimes curling into a fist before relaxing again.

“I know,” Carter sighed, rubbing his forehead. “There’s not much we can do, though. Dr Hewley told us that his physician is arriving any minute now, along with people he knows. He’s probably feeling it. I am wondering if he’s not developing some kind of precognitive ability, but it only manifests itself every now and then.”

“Are they really going to take him away?”

Carter smiled sadly.

“It’s best for him, Shannon. Those people know how to treat him. Dr Winner is his sister. We don’t know exactly what happened, but the fact that Preventer seems so deeply involved for something that was just a case of accessing forbidden medical files makes me think that what happened is really bad. I am almost sure that something was done to this young man, something criminal that damaged his mind. From all the accounts we’ve got, he was just fine a month ago. You don’t regress to that stage in a few days when you’ve been trained enough to survive in the world as an empath for seventeen years.”

There was a small beep from Carter’s pager. He looked at it and put a reassuring hand on Shannon’s shoulder.

“Our ‘guests’ have arrived. I have to meet them in the entrance hall and bring them to Dr Hewley. Stay here and call if anything happens.”

“Yes, doctor.”

****

Carter had not really known what he was expecting when Dr Hewley had told him that six Preventer agents would come and take care of Quatre’s case, in addition to Iria Winner herself. What was for sure was that he hadn’t expected the team to be composed of only one adult and five teenagers. Five teenagers who were grudgingly surrendering their weapons to the security guard. And who all more or less looked like they would like to be anywhere but here.

“I’ve always wondered what a funny farm looked like on the inside,” One of them said. “But this is like a funny farm for very rich people, heh?”

“If you have to put it that way, yes,” a blond woman that Carter identified as Iria Winner answered.

She was the only one not to wear a uniform. Next to her was a tall woman with braided blond hair, and a young girl who looked… familiar.

“Sean Truman Carter!” she exclaimed when she saw him. “How nice to see you again, in spite of the unfortunate circumstances.”

“Dorothy Catalonia? What are you doing here?” Carter asked, forgetting all of his manners.

“I am a friend of Quatre and acting as a representative of Vice-Minister Darlian in this inquiry,” Dorothy answered. “I’m sure we have hundreds of things to talk about, but now is not a good time. May I introduce Dr Iria Winner?”

“Welcome, Dr Winner,” Carter said, shaking her hand. “And you must be Dr Po?” he added for the other woman.

“Bingo!” Dr Po answered.

“So you’re the team… well I guess I should lead you to Dr Hewley’s office, then.”

“Dr Carter?” Dr Po said lightly.

“Yes?”

“Agent Chang is the one in charge here,” she said, pointing at the smaller Chinese young man at her side, who raised an arrogant eyebrow at the surprise painted on Carter’s face.

“Any objections?” he asked.

“N-No,” Carter stammered. “I just thought…”

“Agent Barton, Agent Maxwell, Agent Yuy and myself are part of Preventer’s Elite Squad, just like Agent Winner. We’ve come to get one of our own back.”

The sentence was solemn, and Carter looked at the other teenagers. The one just beside Chang was hiding behind his hair, only one strikingly green eye visible and his face completely blank. The boy with the braid looked deadly serious, and his arm was draped over the sullen, dark-haired boy’s shoulders.

“I am sorry,” Carter finally said. “I just didn’t know Preventer recruited that young.”

“They don’t,” the green-eyed boy said quietly. “They made an exception for us.”

This little sentence sent shivers down Carter’s spine, because of all the implications it had. What kind of organization made exceptions to recruit seventeen-year-olds? Come to think of it, what kind of seventeen-year-olds enrolled in organizations like Preventer? Carter knew, like everyone else, that soldiers had been recruited very young during the war. What kind of horror had those youths, had Quatre seen before it had ended?

“Dr Carter, please?” Iria Winner said suddenly. “I’d like to see my brother.”

“Sure, excuse me. Please just follow me to Dr Hewley’s office, and then we’ll get to the isolation ward.”

****

Introductions were taken care of fairly quickly. Dr Hewley didn’t give any sign of surprise when she saw the team and agreed that the sooner Dr Winner and Dr Po would see Quatre the better. Questions could wait until after they would have seen what had happened for themselves. Everyone met Shannon at the front desk of the isolation ward, and the nurse led them to suite number seven.

****

/people coming/

/curiosity/

/…/

/fear/

****

Iria unconsciously held her breath when she arrived in front of the one way mirror. Quatre was looking away from them, through the window. His hair was a bit longer than the last time she had seen him, and he had obviously lost weight. The white pajamas seemed to be far too big for him.

“Fuck,” Duo swore in a whisper. “You weren’t kidding when you said it was bad, doc.”

“How long has he been in there?” Sally asked, trying to assess the damage.

“Almost three weeks. He spent only two nights in a normal room before I moved him,” Carter answered.

“Wise move. You probably helped a lot just by doing that, which is about the only thing you could do,” Iria said, her voice a bit weak. “I just wish you had found us sooner... or maybe we should have worried sooner not to see him coming back.”

Trowa was stunned, not really ready to believe it was Quatre who was standing just a few feet away from him. The only thing anchoring him into reality was Wufei’s hand on his shoulder and his voice murmuring “it’s going to be alright” in his ear. He nodded absentmindedly, unable to detach his gaze from the almost glowing white figure in the room.

“We need to come in,” Sally said suddenly. “I can’t hope too much, but maybe seeing people he knows can help bring back some memories.”

Iria agreed. Although it was the first time they were meeting face to face, she had corresponded with Dr Po these last two years, ever since Quatre had disappeared again with Wing Zero. She had been reassured to know that at least one person would be able to help her little brother should he get hurt, and shared the secret of Quatre’s particularity only to have the Chinese doctor answer she already knew. Sally Po was the Gundam pilots’ physician by unspoken agreement, the only person they trusted enough to let her come near them with a needle or medication.

“Alright,” Dr Hewley finally said. “We’ll let you in.”

Everyone in the corridor jumped as Quatre suddenly turned around. Slightly unfocused eyes looked straight at the mirror.

“What’s he under right now?” Sally whispered in spite of the fact that Quatre couldn’t hear them.

“Nothing,” Carter answered. “I got pretty confused with his reactions to drugs and stopped everything.”

“One less trouble,” Sally muttered, trying to evaluate what she would need.

Quatre got closer to the mirror, not even hesitating in his strides even though his eyes were still staring in the void and not really at where he was going. He stopped in front of the mirror, put one of his hands on it, and tilted his head to one side, peering intently as if he could see through the glass.

****

/people behind watching me/

/fear/

/my fear? or theirs?/

****

Very slowly, Trowa approached the mirror, drinking in every detail. Quatre’s sunken-in eyes, his absent look, his thinner frame, the way his hands trembled just ever so slightly, indicating how much of a nervous wreck he was.

“What are you doing?” Carter asked, only to be cut off by an impatient “Shh!” from Duo.

Holding out his hand, Trowa placed it on the glass panel, exactly where Quatre’s hand was on the other side. He wished he could hold Quatre right now, tell him he was sorry and that everything would be okay, but everything was not going be okay, not right away anyway. Something felt so wrong in the way Quatre was acting, like a caged animal that was watching his visitors curiously and with a bit of defiance.

****          

/fear love concern fear shock love grief fear/

The conflicting emotions coming from behind the glass assailed Quatre’s mind. There were a lot of people behind that glass, he knew it, but someone was… clearer. Quatre focused a little, and felt it. It had the same taste than the green-eyed boy in his dreams, but it just couldn’t be!

Quatre’s face constricted in a little frown.

****

Trowa almost jumped out of his skin when Quatre suddenly banged on the glass with his fist. Just once at first, then again, repeatedly with his two fists, as if trying to destroy the glass to see what was behind. The blows gradually increased in violence, making the panel tremble with the force of them.

“We must get in, now!” Iria said. “Dr Hewley?”

Elisabeth fumbled and took a card out of her pocket, sliding it into the keypad.

****

Quatre stopped banging on the mirror as he heard the electronic hiss of the door. He turned to look at whoever had entered… and his eyes went impossibly wide. It couldn’t be… but the voice had said…

/friends? coming for me? i know them?/

They were all there, all four of them, looking at him with a concerned expression. There was also a girl with long blond hair. Quatre couldn’t remember her, but felt one of his scars tingle, and something warned him about her.

/dangerous, not let her close/

Then, his usual doctor and the nurse, and the doctor who had come last time and flashed a lamp in his face. And… two other women. He was sure he had seen their faces before, but…

/too many people/

/trapped/

Fear was permeating the room, almost palpable. Quatre could taste it, it was almost suffocating him, and he couldn’t know if it was his own fear at meeting so many people that he knew he should remember and who obviously knew him, or their own fear at seeing him. But then again, why should they be afraid? What were they afraid of?

Quatre winced and clutched his head.

 

“He’s hyperventilating,” Iria said. “We’re scaring him.”

“Pupils dilated, that’s not good”, Sally said. “You’re absolutely positive that he’s under no drug?”

“A hundred percent,” Carter said.

“Everyone out!” Iria ordered sharply as Quatre winced again and let out a small whimper.

When the four pilots and Dorothy seemed rooted to the spot, she caught Trowa’s arm and made him spin round.

“Out, now! You can’t help here, not yet! Duo, you take them all out and wait there!”

“Calm down, Quatre,” Sally said in a soothing voice, controlling her own breathing and trying to remain as calm as possible. “I don’t know what happened but it’s bad. He doesn’t sleep, right?”

“Barely an hour a night, sometimes two,” Carter answered as the door closed again behind the teenagers and Dr Hewley.

Quatre’s eyes were darting from one corner of the room to the other, clearly looking for a way to escape. He had backed against the wall, still clutching his head, his breathing rapid and shallow, his eyes too wide.

“He’s still feeling them,” Iria noticed as the young man clutched his other hand on his heart. “It’s too much!”

“I can sedate him and I will,” Sally said determinedly, “but I can’t get closer. If I do, then all of his training will kick in and he’ll mop the floor with me before you know it. We have to calm him down some way, divert his attention.”

“We won’t be able to,” Iria objected. “His mind is simply too awake, his brain is working faster than it should. It’s exhausting him, but he’s strong and we can’t wait for him to drop on the floor.”

She suddenly snapped her fingers.

“Too awake! Why didn’t I think of that? I’m really stupid!”

She took a step forward, holding out her hand when Carter made a move to follow.

“Stay back! I am not sure it will work.”

“What are you doing?” Carter asked.

“You will know if it works.”

She took another step. Quatre tried to get away, but he was blocked against the wall, and he was having trouble breathing correctly right now.

“Quatre, look at me,” Iria said very gently. “Quatre, it’s me, Iria. I won’t do any harm to you, I just want you to look at me and listen to me. I won’t come any closer, I promise. And even if I did, I know you can take me down and I can do nothing.”

Green-blue eyes blurred with pain looked up. Iria took a deep breath and said the words she had tried to ingrain in her brother’s mind such a long time ago that even he didn’t remember.

“Quatre, shutdown level seven.”

Quatre’s eyes rolled in the back of his head and he fell heavily on the floor, unconscious. Carter gasped, but Sally strode forward, taking a syringe out of her bag and quickly injecting some kind of drug before checking the boy’s vitals.

“What did you do to him?” Carter exploded.

Iria backed away to give some room to Sally and turned to look at Carter, completely unfazed by the doctor’s anger.

“Hypnosis. That was part of his training, a simple way to help him build shields. I put a few safe words in his mind that can trigger a partial or complete lockdown in that kind of case. They were never supposed to be used and I’ll have to change them or simply remove them, whatever Quatre wants.”

“What did you give him?” Carter asked Sally. “He doesn’t react well to sedatives and…”

“I know, young man,” Sally snapped, “I was his doctor during the war, I know pretty well what he can and can’t stand. This particular sedative is a personal concoction and the only thing that really works on those guys. Only secondary effect is nausea when you wake up. By the way, doctor, I hope you didn’t have anything planned for the next weeks.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re coming back with us.”

“What?!”

“I will need to know exactly what meds you gave him, when, and in what quantity. I will need to know every little thing that happened during those three weeks. And you can tell the nurse… what’s her name?”

“Shannon, but…”

“That’s it, you can tell her to pack her bags too. We will need some familiar people to be around Quatre when he wakes up and for the moment, familiar means you and Shannon, not us.”

“I… we are understaffed, and Dr Hewley…”

“If I can get my hands on a phone, I’m sure that Colonel Une will be delighted to dispatch some medical staff to you for as long as needed.”

Carter just nodded, too numbed by what he had just witnessed. There was something more to this, something incredibly wrong if the Preventers were ready to use their own staff to replace two people in a private hospital just because one of their agents had been admitted there. There was something more to all of them. The other four moved like they were used to work together, in some kind of formation, with a weird space left between them. Carter suspected it was where Quatre used to stand when they were all together, between the green-eyed boy and the one with the braid, with the other two guarding the extremities. Dorothy had said she was a friend of Quatre, which in itself was strange since Carter had never known Dorothy to have any friends. Dr Po had said she had been Quatre’s doctor ‘during the war’. Those youngsters certainly looked like soldiers and were probably damn good ones to be in Preventer.

Something evaded his mind, just a little piece of information missed for him to understand why all those elements that seemed to clash could suddenly be logical, just because of Quatre’s presence.

 

Sally and Shannon stayed with Quatre while Dr Hewley escorted everyone back to her office. Everyone was silent, the young agents even more so. Dorothy looked slightly ill and was doing quite a good job of masking it behind a sarcastic smile, but the other four were very pale. To be exact, Trowa was completely livid, although it was barely visible, and his hands were clenched into trembling fists. Heero was not much better, glaring murderously in the void. Wufei had retreated behind a cold, expressionless face, only his eyes bright with a fury that augured no good for whoever was responsible. And Duo was hugging himself to stop his hands from trembling and chewing on his lower lip, eyes dulled.

“So,” Dr Hewley said sitting at her desk while everyone else took seats. “I hope you don’t mind if I ask a few questions while Sally and Shannon see to our patient and complete the transfer procedure.”

“I don’t,” Iria answered. “Ask anything you want, and I’ll answer to the best of my abilities.”

Dr Hewley took out a pen and a notebook.

“Who trained him?”

“I did. For a little while.”

Dr Hewley frowned.

“What do you mean?”

“He was only a baby when it all started,” Iria explained patiently. “He was a cranky baby, he was often ill, and we all wondered why, but it took me about a year to find the cause of it.”

“Where does it come from? Do you know?”

“Our mother. She had that way of always knowing how you felt, I’m almost sure that’s where he inherited it from.”

“Do any of your sisters have the same talent?”

“No, Dr Hewley. We are test tube babies and our genes were very carefully examined before each of us came into the world. We are as healthy as human beings can expect to be, probably a bit more resilient, but that’s pretty much all. Only Quatre developed this ability.”

“Why that? Isn’t he a test tube baby too?”

“No.”

The pilots all stared at Iria with wide eyes.

“But…” Duo started.

“He doesn’t know,” Iria interrupted. “I have planned to tell him when he is ready. Quatre is the only naturally-born Winner. Our mother died giving birth to him, because of malformations that run in the family. She knew that having him would cost her her life and she did it anyway because she wanted to, and she could get very stubborn when she set her mind on doing something. Father never told him the truth because in his opinion it made no difference. I still think it doesn’t, but I also think my brother has a right to know how he came into the world. Especially since thinking he was a test-tube baby was the reason why he always felt so miserable and useless as a child.”

She turned to the four young agents.

“Please don’t tell him. I will, in due time, but I think now is not a good time, and that it is still too soon. He is not ready to hear it.”

They all nodded, a deer-in-the-headlights look on their face as they suddenly discovered a part of Quatre’s life they had known nothing about.

“You said you trained him,” Dr Hewley said, refocusing the conversation. “What did you do exactly?”

“Well, New Types weren’t exactly a new thing, but not much was known about them. I was just graduating as a doctor, so I… improvised and hoped for the best. He was very small when I started, about two. I would pretend we were playing a game, and I taught him how to raise shields by envisioning his mind like a castle he would build. Raise the walls and then close the door, and he would be all alone in his castle. He caught up with it very quickly, because he needed this to stay sane, even if he was so little… And…”

“Yes?” Dr Hewley prompted.

“What you just saw. A bit of hypnosis in case it went out of control. It was only a safety measure. I programmed a few words in his mind that would trigger automatic shields in his brain. Several levels of shutting down, from mild to complete, complete being what you saw earlier. I never thought I would have to use them. In the beginning, I had to use a shutdown level three or four when he was tired, but never that much.”

Iria took a deep breath.

“I am sure his training didn’t just wear away, Dr Hewley. When he was barely five, I got married and left for a resource satellite in the cluster. I just kept an eye on him, and he pretty much trained himself from the moment I was gone.”

“My god,” Carter breathed. “He achieved that level of control all by himself?”

“This is unbelievable,” Dr Hewley agreed. “But then, it could explain why it suddenly snapped, couldn’t it?”

“No,” Iria said stubbornly. “His training did not break all by itself. My brother knew what he was doing and his training held on all these years without breaking or he could never have been…”

Iria stopped and glanced at Wufei, who sighed and nodded, looking tired.

“… He could never have been a Gundam pilot,” Iria finished resolutely.

There was a deadly silence, then Carter’s voice again.

“G-Gundam pilot?”

Duo snickered.

“Man! You’re saying that like it’s a big thing, sheesh! It’s no big deal really, we all were, y’know?”

Heero glared at Duo but remained silent as Carter’s glance fell on the other four teenagers. So young, looking so lethal… Quatre’s unusual strength and resistance to drugs…

“So you see, Dr Hewley,” Iria kept on, “my brother piloted a mobile suit, killed and destroyed, without any major problems from his empathy. There have been things, during the war that were difficult for him, and he had some very bad times because of it, but he overcame them. At the end of the wars, he was marked, like all the other soldiers, maybe a bit more so because Quatre has always been someone kind and he went away against Father’s wishes, but his ability was under control. He’s been living with it all his life, and he knows what to do when it gets too intense.”

Carter’s eyes were glued to the four teenagers. He couldn’t believe that his young patient, head to one of the biggest corporations in the world and such a sweet person when you knew where to look in the state he was in, could have been piloting a Gundam, but in a strange way, it made perfect sense.

“Which one?” he asked completely out of the blue.

Six pairs of eyes looked at him, blinking, but Duo took the hint.

“Sandrock,” he answered. “Heero was Wing, Trowa Heavyarms, Wufei Altron, and I was Deathscythe.”

“Why do we even bother to hide our identities?” Wufei growled. “I suppose I don’t need to say that if either of you repeats that outside of this room to anyone, you won’t live long enough to regret it, do I?”

The black eyes were glaring at Carter, who gulped and nodded. If he understood his situation well, he had been hired by a rebel doctor to take care of a Gundam pilot while being supervised by his four friends who had been soldiers for god knew how long and looked like they could kill you with their bare hands if you just looked at them the wrong way.

‘What did I get myself into?’ Carter thought, head spinning with way too much information.

 


	9. Do you wish to continue?

Arguing with Sally was pointless, and all of the pilots knew it. That didn’t prevent them from trying it until she all but ordered them to go back to the hotel they had checked in and get some rest.

“You won’t be of any use to Quatre if you are exhausted, and we will need you at one hundred percent. If he wakes up too disoriented and we need to stop him, who do you think is gonna do it? So now you go and do your best to have some sleep. Getting the actual transfer authorization will take most of the day, and then our shuttle must be refueled and prepared for our new passengers. And I don’t even want to think about who’s going to fly that thing if none of you have had rest! Now shoo!”

“I’ll join you there as soon as I’m finished here,” Iria had said, going back to Dr Hewley’s office to discuss Quatre’s training and make arrangement for a meeting about her program at a later date, when Quatre would be better.

So the four pilots and Dorothy had dragged back to the hotel, none of them saying a thing, too busy thinking to start a conversation. What was really awkward was that had any of them been in this situation, Quatre would have known what to do. But since he was the one hurt here, they found themselves powerless, unable to find the right way to react.

Dorothy went to report to Relena on a secure line as soon as they arrived. Trowa went straight to his room without a look back, the only visible sign that he was on the verge of nervous collapse being how hard he slammed his door shut behind himself. Wufei shot a look at said door, then at Duo, who just shook his head. Heero was completely silent, his jaw set, and to be honest, it was him Duo was most concerned about for the moment. Trowa would never do something stupid, even if he was beating himself with guilt. But Heero… Heero was more than a little unpredictable, and right now, he was dealing with a lot of anger and pain. Probably nothing compared to what Trowa felt, but this was all so new for Heero, the way he felt about his teammates… Duo knew with absolute certainty that leaving him alone for the next few hours would be a very bad idea.

He looked uneasily at Trowa’s closed door and gave a start when Wufei put a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s okay,” the Chinese said, “let’s just leave him alone for a while. Once he’s done accusing himself of everything that went wrong, I’ll go see him. You… take care of that one,” he added in a lower voice.

“What about Dorothy?”

“She can take care of herself, and if she wants to cry on someone’s shoulder she’ll have to try someone else’s,” Wufei said dryly. “Just… make sure he doesn’t…”

Wufei didn’t finish, but Duo understood.

“He’s gonna crack up soon,” he whispered to the Wufei, “and it’s really not gonna be pretty this time. I’ll do my best to calm him down, then just see if you can bring Tro around to our room. I think we’ll all sleep better if we’re together.”

“I think so too. Half an hour?”

“Okay. Don’t knock.”

Wufei nodded, and departed to his own room. He really needed to meditate and clear his head before he would feel the need to take his sword and run it through innocent bystanders because he couldn’t find the real culprit.

****

The slam of the door resounded loudly in the empty room. Trowa just stood in the middle of it for a moment, unsure of what to do. He certainly couldn’t sleep, even if his body was telling him he needed it. Every time he closed his eyes, the only thing he could see was that awfully empty look in Quatre’s eyes, the fear, the determination, the pain Quatre had felt just upon seeing them all again.

He slowly strode to the window, watching outside at first, then staring in the void until the only thing he could see was his own reflection in the bulletproof glass, green eyes staring back at him in a face that he was not sure he recognized.

“What have I done?” he whispered to himself. “Why did I have to leave?”

The conversation with Wufei had brought everything to a new level. Yes, he had been scared, and he had not understood what Quatre saw in him. He hadn’t been able to understand that this wonderful young man who had almost everything the other pilots had been deprived of didn’t feel any less lonely or ill-adapted to the new era. That Quatre, for all the self-assurance he could show in a boardroom or in front of cameras, needed someone to hold onto just as much, if not more, than any of them. And yes, maybe he had half-hoped that Quatre would get angry at his leaving, that he would protest, that he would give him a clue that what they had was not right… but he had not. He had been immensely sad, but he had let Trowa go. Because he knew that he could not hold him captive against his will, and that if he really loved Trowa, he had to accept to see him go away.

The moment he had told Quatre he had to leave, Trowa had known that he would be back. Because such pain and loneliness in those eyes was simply inconceivable, and being the cause of such a pain was unbearable for him. But he knew also that had he not tried to get away, he would have lived in fear that Quatre might leave him one day. He had needed answers to his insecurities, and thought this solution was the best.

‘And I did not even think about your own insecurities, Cat. I did not think about what it would look like, from your point of view, that I would prefer to live somewhere else and not be by your side all of the time. How badly did I hurt you that day? But you didn’t say a thing! I’m not like you, Cat, I can’t look into people’s hearts and know how they feel. And I was just too much of a coward to try and ask you, and all that time you were there for me and loving me.’

And that hurt, so much. Trowa had the feeling his heart had been ripped out of his chest and that he’d been the one to do it.

‘This is all my fault. Cat, I wish I could go back in time and never leave. I wish I had believed you when you said nothing mattered to you as long as I was by your side. I wish I had listened to you more carefully and heard what you tried to tell me, with or without words. I wish I could take all the hurt away. But I can’t. I can’t and this is all my fault you had to go through this. And you went willingly, even if it was killing you inside, because you loved me too much to cage me. I didn’t know how to react, Cat. No one ever loved me like that before, so unconditionally, without asking for anything in return, without any kind of catch somewhere. But you did, and it scared me, it didn’t seem possible. So I ran. Away from it, away from you, but it was too late. It was here in my heart, and every minute without you was torture, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t sleep, but I was too scared to come back. Every little moment I spent with you became paradise, even more so because I was so sure it would stop.’

Trowa began to shake, repressed sobs wracking through his slender frame.

“I’m so sorry, Cat,” he whispered to no one, hands clenching and unclenching as he did his best not to cry. “I promised I would be there for you, and I wasn’t. The only thing you asked of me, I couldn’t even do. I’m sorry, Cat, I’m sorry…”

The young man pressed his forehead on the cool glass, squeezing his eyes tightly shut, but it was too late. The first tear escaped and rolled down his cheek, surprisingly warm against his skin. A second followed, and very soon, Trowa was crying, really crying, for the first time in his life, over his mistakes and the things he couldn’t undo.

****

Once in the room, Heero headed straight for the bathroom. Duo followed without a word. Words were not what Heero needed right now.

Heero and Quatre had always had a special relationship. It was no secret to any of the other pilots that they had slept together, once, during the trip that had led them to Sank after the Zero disaster. Both Heero and Quatre had known that it was a one-night stand and that it wouldn’t go further than that, Quatre eating himself with the guilt of having ‘killed Trowa’, and Heero trying to sort out what to do now that he was basically left in charge of his emotional comrade. Duo knew that the time spent with Quatre on Earth had a great deal to do with the changes he had seen in Heero once they had all ended up on Peacemillion. At the time, both pilots had needed the comfort of feeling someone’s skin, of forgetting the war and the sorrow if just for a minute. The fledging friendship that had been in such a danger to be destroyed when Quatre had shot Trowa had been cautiously rebuilt on new bases as both Heero and Quatre realized the other was not all they believed him to be.

Duo considered Quatre his best friend, the person he could easily talk to and come to when he had a problem. Heero had adopted Quatre as a kind of little brother, watching in the distance as the blond took command of their group, but forcing him to make the decisions that had to be made when he had installed the Zero system in Sandrock. There was tremendous respect between the two pilots, tinted with a lot of tenderness from both parts. Heero had comforted Quatre at the time he needed it the most, forbidding him to give up hope before he would find Trowa and being harsh when needed. Quatre had helped Heero open up, admitting that what he felt could be a strength and not a weakness. Duo certainly knew who he had to thank for not being killed or maimed when he had finally confessed his feelings to Heero. But that also meant that anyone trying to harm Quatre would end up with a very pissed-off Heero on their heels. But not before Heero would beat himself for not having been able to protect Quatre.

‘In that aspect, he’s very much like Tro, or Wufei, or even Cat himself. Always blaming himself for things he couldn’t have prevented,’ Duo thought.

Right now, they were all blaming themselves for not realizing sooner that something had happened, even Duo. He knew it was pointless, but he simply couldn’t help it. If he had called, if he had worried… Duo was tired of what-ifs. His rational mind was telling him there was nothing he could have done, but his heart kept telling him that had he been a better friend and checked on Quatre more often, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. The fact that he knew Trowa, Wufei and Heero were thinking exactly the same didn’t help one bit, but at least, Duo knew he wouldn’t take it out on anyone or anything. His self-reproach would be silent, maybe all the more bitter because of that. But it would go away with time. Heero could not do that. Failure to protect a member of his ‘family’ was very hard for him, the feeling of guilt and helplessness almost too much to bear for a too sensitive young man who was just starting to discover how deep his feelings for his teammates ran.

Heero splashed cold water on his face while Duo watched him from the bathroom’s door. Then he braced himself on the sink. Duo could see the slight tremor in his shoulders, the way his knuckles whitened so hard was his grip on the white porcelain, but he didn’t get closer. Heero had to get things out of his system one way or the other, and Duo knew better than trying to get too close before that would be done. But he didn’t leave either, because one thing was almost certain too. Heero needed to hurt someone when he felt like that, and right now the only person he had to hurt was himself, because he would die before he laid a hand on Duo. Duo had been trying to help him out of this kind of self-destructive behavior, and usually could stop it before it went too far.

Heero looked slowly up, lost eyes staring at their reflection in the mirror. He looked at himself for a moment, not really seeing, and then, before Duo could even make a move, he punched the mirror so hard that it exploded in hundreds of sharp shards that flew everywhere around him.

“Heero!”

Duo jumped into the bathroom and caught Heero as he suddenly slumped on the floor, body shaken by sobs. Carefully sitting on the glass-littered floor, he gathered Heero in his arms, relieved when Heero reacted and clung to him like a lifeline, hands fisting in the black T-shirt. Duo caressed the brown hair softly, arms encircling Heero and talking soothingly in a whisper, as Heero began to cry against his chest.

“Shh, it’s okay, it’s gonna be alright. It’s all gonna go away, you’ll see, just calm down…”

“Why?” Heero asked between sobs, voice broken by tears. “Why him?”

“I don’t know, Heero, I really don’t know,” Duo answered as his own tears finally broke through his defenses.

He just let them slide on his cheeks, holding Heero closer as the young man poured all of his hurt and his guilt out. They snuggled closer to each other, the only sound in the room being that of quiet sobs and sniffing, and muttered reassurances that didn’t mean a thing.

When they finally both calmed down, Duo took Heero’s bloodied hand in his.

“We have to put something on those cuts, Heero. Come on, let’s get up.”

They did, the awkward sound of crunching glass seemingly bringing Heero back to reality.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I made a mess.”

He looked down, embarrassed, but Duo would not let that slide. He gently touched Heero’s cheek and forced him to look up.

“Heero, it’s okay, it’s me. I know what it’s like too, and believe me, if I had the one who did this right now, I would dismember him and feed him his own limbs until he would beg for death.”

“But…”

“No buts. We all have different ways to deal, and I know this… is very hard for you.”

“It’s hard for you too,” Heero protested, wiping drying tears off his cheeks, “but you don’t…”

“Heero!” Duo interrupted exasperatedly, before pulling his lover into his arms. “I know right now you want to hurt someone bad, and you don’t really know what to do with yourself. It’s normal. It’s human to want to break something because you feel badly hurt. But now that you had a good fight with the mirror and you won, just let me put something on your cuts, then Wu will bring Tro here and we’ll try to get some sleep, okay? Sally is right, we won’t be able to help if we’re walking around like zombies.”

Heero relaxed, just a tiny little bit, but that was enough for Duo to understand at least part of his little speech had sunk in. Heero didn’t resist when Duo made him sit on the bed, and bandaged his hand before applying some disinfectant on the cuts in his cheek and forehead. He just stared in the void, looking so much like the completely lost teenager that he was that it broke Duo’s heart to see him like this.

‘People don’t realize,’ he thought bitterly. ‘They look up to him like he’s some kind of super-soldier, but he’s just a kid, like the rest of us! Why can’t people just leave us alone, we’ve been screwed enough for five lifetimes already!’

Once Heero’s wounds were all tended to, Duo put the med kit he had retrieved from the bathroom away on the night stand and sat on the bed next to him, once again taking him into his arms. He kissed Heero’s forehead gently, and smiled weakly as Heero’s arms closed around his waist.

“Let’s get some rest, now,” he whispered. “Tro will need us too.”

Heero snuggled closer to him and closed his eyes, letting out an exhausted sigh. Duo just sat there, holding him, cheek absently rubbing against Heero’s hair, and thinking that whoever had messed with them would be very, very sorry indeed, once they would catch up with them. And they would. Duo would make sure of that if that was the last thing he did.

‘No one touches my family and gets away with it,’ he thought fiercely.

****

Wufei opened weary eyes. He felt calmer, even if his anger had not gone away, and would not for a long time. But this time he would not let this anger control him, because Quatre needed him, and the others did too. He sighed as he got up. He had been angry for so long, during the war. With Meiran for getting herself killed, with Treize for beating him, with himself for being beaten, with his master when he had blown up the colony, with a lot of people that had absolutely no idea why he was angry with them. He had been driven by that anger, that fire that had consumed him, and he had made a lot of mistakes because of it.

‘I have always been rash,’ he thought sadly. ‘I could have avoided so many blunders if I had just paused to think of the consequences of my actions. But I couldn’t do it at the time. I was a foolish child who was sure he was doing the right thing. But what happens when what feels right takes you away from the only friends you have? The only people you love?’

Wufei now often wondered why he had chosen to side with Mariemeia when the young girl and her grandfather had sought him out. After he had killed Treize, he had pretty much wandered away, unable to find out what he could do with himself. He had not gone to his friends, his fellow pilots, because it was something he needed to do by himself.

‘That was probably the dumbest thing I ever did,’ he thought with a sad little smile. ‘I remember you and your doubts, Quatre, while you were fighting. Your regrets. Your sorrow at having to be the one here, and your determination to have no one do the job in your stead. For a long time I thought you were ill-suited to be a soldier, but I was wrong. The only good soldiers in wars are those who don’t want to kill, because they will preserve life at all cost. Noin was right about the way she trained her soldiers, to stay alive. But I guess this was too hard for me, staying alive but without a purpose, without a place to come back to. Can you only start to imagine what you did for me, Quatre? How you gave me confidence again when I thought I had destroyed our friendship with my rash actions? How overwhelmingly good it felt for you to accept me back with open arms? And I didn’t even get to thank you for it. Well, I’ll make it up to you now. And I’ll make sure you and Trowa get together again and talk things out.’

Wufei ignored the little sting in his heart that told him that he didn’t belong in that picture. That once it would be over he would be on his own again. Somewhere deep inside, he had always known that whatever was between Trowa and Quatre was too strong for him to compete. He had admired them both so much for having the strength to get into a relationship even if they knew one of them could get killed at any time. Chang Wufei would never admit that aloud to anyone, because it felt ridiculous to him just to think it, but Quatre had always fascinated him to such a point that he thought he had a crush on the other pilot. He had not really known what to do with the feeling at the time, and then it was obvious that Quatre was more than happy with Trowa, and Wufei could not conceive getting between them.

So he had just hidden from everyone, including himself, drowning the alien feelings away in work. And at the beginning of the year, he had been too busy beating himself for ending up on the wrong side fighting the only people who had ever cared about him to do anything about it. And now that Quatre was hurt, Trowa needed his support and friendship more than ever, and Wufei would cut his wrists before he would do something as vile as take advantage of the situation to let his feelings out. It was still too confusing for him. It was safer just to know that all he wanted was for Quatre to get better and talk things out with Trowa.

Wufei sighed explosively and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Too much of that kind of thinking always gave him a headache, which was why he usually didn’t think about it. Checking his watch, he saw that thirty-five minutes had passed since he had come to his room, and he went to look for Trowa.

 

He knocked, but didn’t wait for an answer before he got into Trowa’s room. Trowa was standing near the window, looking outside, shoulders too tense, hands pressed against the thick glass.

“Trowa?”

Trowa turned around, not caring in the least that Wufei could see he had cried. Quatre always used to say that sometimes, crying made him feel better, and a twisted thought came into Trowa’s mind that somehow, Quatre always looked good when he was crying. Well, one thing was sure, Trowa knew he didn’t look good now: his eyes were red and swollen, he was sniffing, and he had a headache and certainly didn’t feel any better, just… empty. Hollow. Like something vital had been taken from him.

Wufei didn’t make any comment on the situation, just smiled and held out his hand to Trowa.

“Duo is waiting for us,” he simply said.

Trowa nodded, and took the offered hand without really knowing why. It relieved him to feel the warmth of Wufei’s hand in his, and in the same time it ashamed him to get so much comfort from it. But then he could almost hear Quatre’s voice in his head chastising him for being so stubborn, like he had done such a long time ago.

“That’s what friends are for Trowa, to help you go through difficult times as well as sharing the good times!” he had said a bit exasperatedly. “You must let them in, or they can’t help you. But even if you don’t want them to help, Trowa, real friends will always help you, even against your will if they feel it’s what is right for you. And even if you get mad at them for it sometimes, in the end you always feel happy that they were here.”

Trowa had not argued, it was not like he had a lot of experience to answer to that, and Quatre had dropped the subject.

‘Wufei is my friend,’ Trowa thought. ‘And… he just wants to help me and Quatre. But what if it could…’

He stopped that train of thought rapidly. Wufei didn’t know, and he certainly didn’t intend to tell anything without Quatre by his side. They had wanted to get to terms with their own problems and insecurities before confronting Wufei, and they were a long way from having done that. First, Trowa had serious apologies to make to Quatre, and owed him an extensive explanation of his behavior, this in the case everything would go alright and Quatre would recover fully. So Trowa didn’t say anything and just followed Wufei.

 

Duo opened the door before they knocked. Heero was bundled up on the bed, eyes closed, but not sleeping, anyone akin to the way Heero moved could see that his chest was rising and falling far too rapidly for him to be asleep. Duo did not say a thing, he just pulled Trowa in his arms and hugged him, and Trowa returned the hug shamelessly this time, so grateful for Duo’s friendship and warmth.

Duo held on for some time, at some point yanking Wufei, who had been standing behind Trowa with a hand on his shoulder, into a group hug. There was only a soft curse before Wufei gave in and hugged Trowa from behind. Then, Duo led them to the bed, and Heero opened his arms to Trowa. The young ex-mercenary slid beneath the covers and buried his face in the crook of Heero’s neck, while the Japanese closed his arms around him, soothingly caressing his back in small circles. Duo went to lie down, spooned against Heero’s back, and after a quick hesitation, Wufei did the same behind Trowa.

They were all asleep within five minutes.

****

~ AC 197, March 6th, L4 – B289, Fatimah Psychiatric Clinic, isolation suite # 07, 6:02pm~

 

“Done already?” Sally asked as Iria came into the suite’s bedroom.

“Yes”, Iria said tiredly. “Dr Hewley is a fascinating person and a very good doctor. I am really glad the he ended up here of all places. And that other young doctor…”

“Carter,” Sally smiled. “Yeah, good element, that one. I reviewed part of his notes while I was checking on Quatre. He was pretty confused with the situation, but I must admit he’s got guts, and he made the right decisions. For someone who wasn’t acquainted with Quatre’s… particularity, he did exceedingly well.”

“Dr Hewley just asked if he could report Quatre’s progress to her. I agreed. It’s the least I can do. And I really hope Quatre will look more into her program once he is better. I knew about it and had planned to tell him as soon as I was out of hospital…”

Her voice trailed away, and she ran a hand through Quatre’s light blond bangs as she took a seat beside the bed. He was sleeping peacefully for now, but his face was still constricted into a little frown.

“It’s good,” Sally said. “I know he’ll want to help, especially if it concerns other New Types.”

“Yes, he will want to help”, Iria said absentmindedly. “Sally, I…”

“He’s going to be okay and you know it,” Sally interrupted.

“I hope so.”

“His training is not broken, Iria. If it was truly broken, he would not have reacted to the safe word.”

“I know. It’s just… I really wonder what is going to happen if this gets out in the open.”

Sally frowned.

“What do you mean?”

Iria sighed.

“My little brother disappears for three weeks and is found half delirious in a psychiatric clinic that is funded by our family. It is almost sure that whatever was done to him was a criminal intentional act. And who gets the most out of this, Sally?”

Sally shook her head.

“No. You can’t seriously think that people will…”

“Let’s look at it this way, Sally. If we stick to the facts, I am the one who gained the most out of what happened. I am now officially the head of WEI, which makes me one of the richest people in the world, if not the richest. Do you really think that reporters and people would lose an occasion to gossip about how convenient it is?”

“But you didn’t know about that arrangement he made! No one knew apart from his lawyers and himself!”

Iria sighed again.

“I am afraid it will not matter to anyone whether I knew or not, I still look like the bad one here. We must keep this under control until Quatre is better and able to prove that he did intend to give his shares away the way it happened. And…”

Iria stopped talking and glanced at her sleeping brother, fear alive in her eyes.

“What?” Sally asked. “What is it, Iria? Please tell me.”

“I fear the boys were right, Sally. I am afraid that one of my sisters did this.”

“How?”

“There was a clause in my father’s will. Should Quatre be declared irresponsible or be killed, his share would be divided between the rest of us in equal shares, and we would elect another CEO.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I think someone, someone that knew about that clause, tried to ensure that Quatre would be ‘declared irresponsible’ to trigger the redistribution and take WEI out of his hands.”

“But that’s stupid!” Sally protested. “He intended to give it away anyway!”

“But he didn’t tell anyone. And… We are a large family, we don’t know each other that well. I keep in touch with some of my sisters, but not all of them. And this is a lot of money. I can conceive that one could get greedy and jealous that it is all controlled by a seventeen-year-old boy whose only right to it is to have a Y chromosome.”

“It doesn’t excuse anything. Normal people talk things out, they do not try to make their relatives insane!” Sally huffed.

“I know. That’s what I am afraid of. Someone in my family was ready to go as far as this… ready to harm their own flesh and blood for money or power. I don’t care about the money, Sally, I just want my brother back safe and sound. I’d give it all away if it could make him get better right now.”

“I know,” the Chinese doctor answered sadly.

She checked Quatre’s vitals once again and noted something on a chart.

“I’ll keep him sedated for the transport, until we reach your house. His room is isolated, right?”

“Yes, I had it made especially for him, so he should be alright in there. I…”

Iria was interrupted by a big yawn.

“Sorry,” she said sheepishly.

“Nothing to be sorry of,” Sally said with a kind smile. “You’re tired, and this has been a long day. Just go back to the hotel, check on the boys, have Dorothy make sure that the shuttle is ready to leave when we are, and try to catch an hour of sleep. I’ll finalize the medical details with Carter and Shannon, and once everything is ready, I’ll ring you up and you guys can pick us up from here. If all goes well, we’ll be back tomorrow by mid-morning.”

“I’ll do that,” Iria said.

She got up and deposited a very light kiss on her brother’s forehead. The boy moved in his sleep, and the little frown on his face suddenly disappeared. His heart rate, which had been too high for someone under sedation, slowed to a more gentle pace. Sally also checked his breathing and found it less rash and labored. She gave a brilliant smile.

“See?” she said. “He’s getting better already just because you’re here. You just have to hold on a bit more, Iria. It will be painful, but he will make it.”

“I know. He is so strong sometimes it amazes even me.”

She kissed him again.

‘Just hold on, little brother. We are all here for you. We love you.’

 

In his sleep, Quatre felt some strange but familiar warmth envelop him.

/care love affection hope fear love hope care /

/we love you/

Somehow, the warmth made him comfortable. He relaxed and slipped into deeper sleep, knowing that the warmth would chase the nightmares away this time.

 


	10. Press F1 for help

~AC 197, March 6th, L4 – B289, Fatimah Psychiatric Clinic, 9:47pm~

Jay Maleda shifted uncomfortably, hiding behind one of the ornamental bushes scattered around the high walls that encircled the clinic. His wrist was held in a sling and was itching, but that was the least of his worries at the moment, as he was spying on the medical facility with night-vision goggles. No, at the moment, the only thing that mattered to him was that he was still alive to feel his wrist hurt and itch. Because his boss was a psycho, and he had not taken the fact that Jay had managed to get fired well.

 

// _Jay Maleda stumbled and fell heavily on the floor, crying out as his injured wrist hit the metallic tiles._

_“You incompetent moron!”  The man towering over him yelled. “Your job was easy, wasn’t it? All you had to do was keep an eye out and tell me when someone would come take Quatre out of the clinic! And you manage to get yourself fired just because you wanted to molest my brother-in-law!”_

_The dark-haired man made a disgusted sound, but then smiled evilly._

_“I personally don’t give a shit about what you could have done to him, but you got caught, hurt, and kicked out of that job that we got you so that you could inform us! Just tell me what I am supposed to do with you now! You are of no use to me, if you cannot tell me what is happening there!”_

_He pulled a gun and pointed it straight at Maleda, who whimpered and shied away, backing until he met the wall._

_“Please, Boss, I can still do my job! I’ll just have to be more careful and watch from the outside!”_

_The man grimaced when he heard the whining voice, but he nodded._

_“Alright, I’ll keep around a little longer, Maleda. You will watch the clinic and warn us as soon as someone comes to check him out. If nothing happens in the next two weeks, we’ll send an anonymous message. Our hands are tied until he is found and certified too unstable to manage the company.”_

_He lowered his gun, and Maleda breathed more freely. Not for long._

_“I will not tolerate another mistake, Maleda. Remember it.”_

_Maleda nodded fearfully and began to stand up, when a young woman with blond hair and light blue eyes suddenly barreled into the room and threw herself in the man’s arms._

_“Selim!” she chirped happily. “Why are you leaving me all alone? I am scared when I am all alone, the bad voices say mean things to me.”_

_“Neelah, I told you to stay in the other room,” the man boomed, and woman recoiled, her eyes starting to water._

_“But Selim… You promised! You promised I would get to punish the naughty boy again!” she pouted._

_The man rolled his eyes._

_“Yes, I promised and I will keep my word. But he’s not here now. Once it’s all over and we are rich, you can punish the naughty boy again, just like you did before. It was fun, wasn’t it, Neelah?”_

_She looked at him with adoration in her eyes._

_“Oooh, yes, it was fun! How he was begging me not to do it, and how he cried! But he deserved it, right, Selim? He deserved it. He’s been such a bad boy, such a bad son to Father. It had to be done.”_

_“Yes, Neelah, and you should be proud to have been the one to have done it. Your whole family will thank you, and soon we will be rich beyond what we can dream of. Just the way your father would have wanted it.”_

_“Father…” the woman said dreamily. “I will be the pride of my family. The naughty boy shamed Father and I punished him. I did, all by myself. I did!”_

_She repeated those words in a crazy happy tone, dancing around the room, until the man lost his patience and caught her._

_“Now go back to the other room, Neelah. I’ll be there soon.”_

_“You promise?”_

_“I promise. And you can tell me again how much you enjoyed punishing the naughty boy.”_

_“Oh goodie!”_

_And she was gone. Jay Maleda shivered during the whole exchange. He did not know his employer’s family name, but he knew the woman was a Winner. And that she was far from being sane._

_“Get to work!”  The man barked. “And don’t disappoint me this time, or I’ll make sure it will be the last thing you do.”//_

Jay shifted again. He was starting to get cold, and he also knew his boss wouldn’t like the news he would report soon. Iria Winner had come here sooner in the morning, and come out only three hours before. She had probably checked her brother out, which was good. But what was less good was that she had been escorted by Preventer agents. It appeared, after some research, that the agents were here to explore a possible case of trying to access forbidden files, but the fact remained that they had come in exactly at the same time than Iria Winner.

Jay knew that his boss’s plan could still go wrong. For him to get the money, Quatre’s irresponsibility would have to be assessed by a team of physicians, and then, there would probably be some legal formalities for the money to be redistributed. But it had taken longer than expected for Quatre to be found, and WEI had not shown any sign of running any less smoothly during his absence, which in itself was suspicious.

Jay’s boss was nervous, and Jay would have been too if he had had the crazy woman with him all the time. The plan had been well thought-out and perfectly executed. Yes, Quatre should have been found sooner. Actually, in the original plan, the money should already have been distributed and Jay should have been far away enjoying his own money. The delay had made everyone nervous, and somehow, Jay knew that Preventers coming into the game would make his boss even more nervous, and that wasn’t something he wanted to witness.

He was scared. Because after being beaten up by Quatre, he wasn’t so sure that his boss had chosen the right target. Which meant he would go down too if anything went wrong, and things were beginning to look like they would go wrong, but he couldn’t leave now. The only way he could leave now was to die.

Jay began to pray that someone, anyone, would help him get out of this mess.

 

Fifteen minutes later, two black cars and a white van parked in front of the clinic, and the Preventer agents got out, escorting Iria Winner inside while one of them, a young woman with very long blond hair, stayed behind. About ten minutes later, they went out of the clinic again, framing a stretcher on which Quatre Winner was secured, apparently heavily sedated. They were followed by a tall woman also in a Preventer uniform, Dr. Carter and one of the isolation ward nurses, both of them carrying bags.

‘They’re definitely here for him. That story about checking a possible breach of confidentiality is crap. Shit. Boss ain’t gonna like it. Why is Preventer in on this? What the hell is going on here? What did I put myself into?’

He kept on watching through his night-vision goggles as two of the agents pushed the stretcher inside the van, and Iria Winner and the woman in uniform climbed in the back, while the guy with a bizarre haircut got behind the wheel. The Chinese and the one with the braid were getting to the first car with Carter, and the last one, the blond girl and the nurse were taking the second one.

Jay almost wet his pants when that weird kid with intense blue eyes suddenly looked up and directly at the place he was hidden in.

‘He can’t see me,’ he reminded himself. ‘I’m behind some bushes, he can’t possibly see me! So why’s he looking here? Oh God help me!’

The blue-eyed kid looked at the one with the braid, and both of them took out guns from waist holsters. The Chinese pushed Carter in the first car and took out his own gun, but kept it trained on the ground. The blond girl had made the nurse climb into the second car and was behind the wheel.

He didn’t see them speaking, just looking at each other, and the blue-eyed kid’s hand suddenly made a series of strange signals. The Chinese nodded and indicated the bushes he was in with a jerk of his chin. The boy with the braid and the blue-eyed one pointed their weapons at the bushes and began to slowly advance, the Chinese watching their back.

Jay had never run that fast in his entire life, but he ran for dear life.

‘No matter what the boss says, it’s not worth getting killed for that!’

****

Things happened pretty quickly. Carter didn’t dare ask what had happened in front of the clinic. He had kind of understood that no one would answer his questions. Yuy and Maxwell had scanned the area in front of the gate, and come back with a scowl on their faces. They had driven to the spaceport at a speed that had almost made Carter throw up and had transferred Quatre from the van to the shuttle in the record time of two minutes and forty-five seconds.

Yuy and Maxwell were in the cockpit now, having been appointed pilots for the journey back. Everyone else had assembled in the main compartment. The stretcher had been securely attached to the floor, and Sally Po was busy injecting another dose of sedative into Quatre’s IV line. Iria Winner was sitting in one of the big leather chairs, her eyes closed in exhaustion. Trowa Barton had moved a seat to sit down near Quatre, holding one of the pale hands in his. Chang Wufei was busy typing on a laptop. Dorothy Catalonia had helped Shannon get comfortable, and the nurse was sleeping, which was just as well. Dorothy was now standing near the door that led into the cockpit, arms crossed on her chest, a defensive expression on her face.

For a moment it seemed almost sacrilegious to break the silence, and when Carter finally raised his voice it sounded horribly loud to his own ears.

“What happened?”

Chang stopped typing and shot him a look that could be interpreted as suspicious, but he finally answered.

“We were being watched. Somebody was on surveillance duty, waiting for Winner to be checked out of the clinic.”

“I didn’t see anyone,” Carter said, frowning and confused.

Chang snorted.

“Not really surprising. Even I didn’t feel anything was wrong until Yuy told us there was someone.”

“I don’t like it,” Iria Winner said, eyes still closed. “It means that whoever did this to Quatre was waiting for someone to come and get him. This looks more and more like… like someone in the family did this. Why would anyone want to be sure that he would be found, preferably in the kind of institution that can create doubts on his mental health and as such trigger the redistribution of his shares?”

“They wanted someone to find him,” Dorothy said through gritted teeth. “Whoever they are, they are organized. I am only surprised that they didn’t have an inside informant.”

“They may have had one that we don’t know of,” Sally said quietly, checking Quatre’s vitals. “He’s alright,” she added. “He should sleep without a problem until we’re back. I’ll keep him monitored as a precaution.”

Dorothy suddenly walked to Wufei and began to unfasten her badge, holding it out to the young man.

“I will be going back to Miss Relena as soon as we land,” she said. “She needs to be informed, and I want to do it face to face, and not on a connection that can be hacked into. I do not think I will need this anymore, but thank you for having taken the trouble to get this for me.”

Wufei looked stupefied for a moment, then a microscopic smile appeared on his face.

“Keep it,” he said. “This inquiry is not finished, Agent Catalonia. Colonel Une has not relieved you of your duties. In fact, she has a special mission for you,” he added, pointing at his laptop.

Dorothy raised an eyebrow. Wufei just kept on talking.

“As of now, you are in charge of the PR aspects of the inquiry. You will deal with the media if anything happens to get in the press. You are allowed to accomplish your mission from your usual post as Miss Darlian’s assistant since a prolonged absence would be noticed. But you must stay in contact with me, Agent Catalonia. I will send you instructions, and I await regular reports.”

“What does this mean exactly?” Dorothy asked, a feral grin appearing on her face.

“It means you can annoy the reporters and tell them to go to hell once they start asking questions about where Quatre is”, Sally said nonchalantly. “Before telling them our version of the story and dismissing any kind of rumors about a mental ward. All in that charming manner of yours, you know how to do it perfectly well.”

Wufei blinked several times in Sally’s general direction before regaining composure.

“What she said. You will also stay in contact with Dr. Hewley. She will refer to you if any questions happen to be directed at her facility, and you will be in charge of her press releases. I am afraid you are stuck with us for quite some time, Agent Catalonia.”

“The pleasure’s mine,” Dorothy answered with a full smirk on her lips. “Chewing out reporters is my favorite sport, and Miss Relena holds her own at that game too. I am glad to be able to still be of assistance. I will not fail you.”

“I know,” Wufei said shortly.

Dorothy nodded to him, and with a last look to Quatre she disappeared into the cockpit.

Trowa spoke for the first time. His hands were still holding one of Quatre’s, his thumbs slowly caressing some crisscrossing red scars on the wrist, and his eyes didn’t leave the pale face.

“What is going to happen now?”

 

Iria opened her eyes and looked at Sally. The Preventer doctor sighed.

“I think it may be best to explain now, Iria,” she said in a resigned tone.

Iria sighed deeply too and straightened in her chair. Trowa was looking at her expectantly, still not letting go of Quatre’s hand, and even Wufei had stopped typing.

“Alright,” she said. “I will do my best and try to explain simply. As I told you, I have no idea what happened to Quatre, but given his symptoms, I know what state he is in now.”

She paused, trying to find the best words.

“You know that New Types are human beings that use more of their brain capacities than the average human being, right?”

Both Trowa and Wufei nodded. Carter was listening with rapt attention, committing every word to memory.

“Quatre is a full New Type. If his power is not under control, he can use up to more than ninety percent of his brain capacity just to feel other people’s emotions. That’s where shields come into play. An empath has to shield, because feeling alien emotions all of the time will drive him insane. But his shields must not be too strong. The power must be able to express itself, because trying to block it can be as damaging as not blocking it at all. Please stop me if you don’t understand, but that’s just the way it is. Quatre’s brain is… formatted to feel emotions that come from other people, which means denying this is like amputating a part of him. His shields are strong enough that he can block most people out, but he is always connected to some people. Probably you four, most of the time. He can, if necessary, block everyone out for a short period of time. And a very stressful or emotional situation can lower his resistance and his shields.”

Another pause, as she waited for the two young men to assimilate the information she was dumping on them. She just hoped they would understand enough to repeat this to Heero and Duo, because she didn’t want to have to do it again.

“We don’t know what happened, but it looks like his shields were shattered, which means he was unable to control his power and it took over. But… well, most empaths have some kind of defense mechanisms designed by the brain itself. Right now, most of Quatre’s brain capacity is used to feel other people, and analyze those feelings, leaving no place for his own emotions or memories to get through. That part of him, what makes his personality, is safely locked away in a part of his brain he doesn’t have access to right now, because it is too busy with the power.”

“What does it mean exactly?” Wufei asked. “I mean, he didn’t look like he remembered us when we came in, and yet…”

“This is going to be pretty confusing for a while,” Iria admitted. “When we get at the house, we must isolate him in his room. It’s specially made. I’ll explain that later if you don’t mind. All you need to know is that in this room, Quatre cannot feel anyone apart from himself as long as he is alone.”

“We can’t leave him alone,” Trowa protested.

“We won’t,” Iria said. “What I mean is that being in that room, and in contact with very few people, will force the power to go down. Because there won’t be enough feelings around for it to process, it is going to lower. As it lowers, memories and emotions that belong to him will slowly come back, but he is probably going to be disoriented for quite some time until all the memories are back. That’s where we need you with him.”

Wufei frowned, and Iria smiled.

“You know that when you feel something, your brain sends chemical signals to your body. It’s the same for an empath, except that the signals sent to the body do not always come from the empath’s own emotions, they can come from someone else. That’s why this power is dangerous. Quatre has been subjected to alien feelings for three weeks, without any kind of shields. Being in isolation probably helped to dampen it a bit, but his body has reacted to thousands of signals that were coming from people who are unstable or mentally ill. I think this is what made the most damage. He’s too thin, and dehydrated.”

“How can we help?” Trowa asked very quietly, his voice strained.

Carter could have sworn the young man was doing his best not to cry, and he was not far from the truth.

“His mind and body are both exhausted. Sally can help his body recover, but the process to heal his mind is going to be slower. First he needs enough isolation for the memories to come back. They will not all come back in order, and you have to be ready to help him organize his memories. Then… the body has its own memory. He may not remember your faces, or your names right now, but his body will remember your touch. He will need contact, and you must keep your own feelings in check and project as much affection and calmness as you can every time you’re in contact with him. I know this is not going to be easy, but I know you can do that for him.”

“How long will it be?” Wufei asked.

“I don’t know,” Iria admitted. “A few weeks, a few months... Memories should come back pretty quickly, and as soon as he is fit, I will help him rebuild his shields. But… this is going to be painful, for him, but also for us. We have to be here for him.”

Trowa didn’t answer, he just squeezed the small hand in his. Quatre wiggled a bit on his stretcher and sighed in his sleep, his own fingers curling around the warm hand that held him. Iria leant back in her chair, watching her little brother’s lover thoughtfully.

‘He’s beating himself because he wasn’t there. They all are, for that matter, but Trowa… he must feel like he betrayed Quatre, in a way, and God knows I can’t blame him for that. I will need to have a serious talk with him once we’re back. I must say I want to know why he left, even if I kind of have an idea. They are so young to be confronted with that much trouble, but… he loves Quatre, that much is obvious. He would do anything to protect him, and he feels like he failed. Yes, I definitely need to have a conversation with Trowa. Because he is the first one Quatre will turn to when he gets his memories back, and they will have a lot of things to talk about. And I am not going to watch them break their own hearts. Oh no, I’m not.’

And with that last thought, she turned to sleep.

****

“Hey, Dot, how’s it hangin’ back there?” Duo asked Dorothy as the door of the cockpit shut in a hiss behind her.

“As well as can be expected,” Dorothy answered before pressing a button.

Iria’s voice suddenly filled the little cockpit, since Dorothy had activated the various microphones that allowed the pilots to listen to the conversations carried out in the cabin. Heero shot her a questioning look but she just shook her head, gesturing for him to stay silent. Both boys turned back to the task at hand, namely piloting the shuttle, but they didn’t miss one word of Iria’s explanation. Once it was over, Dorothy just pushed the button again, silencing the speakers and sighed, from relief and from exhaustion.

“Tro really doesn’t sound okay,” Duo muttered. “But if Iria says he’s gonna be alright…”

“It is just going to take some time, from what I gathered,” Dorothy said, slumping gracelessly into the empty chair next to Duo and running an impatient hand through her long hair.

“Are _you_ okay, Dotty?” Duo asked with concern.

In spite of herself, Dorothy couldn’t help but smile when she heard the affectionate nickname. Duo had taken the habit of renaming all of them with what he termed were correct, adapted names.

Heero had been fortunate enough to retain his own name, but maybe it was only because it wasn’t really his to begin with, and Duo always reverted to tender pet names when he was more or less alone with his lover, and Heero had never objected. Dorothy couldn’t help thinking that anyone else calling Heero ‘babe’ would have been dead in a second, but it was amazing how much Duo could get away with.

Trowa and Wufei had seen their name shortened to the first syllable, and usually expanded again with some amusing or affectionate nick. Dorothy would never forget the look on Wufei’s face when Duo had called him ‘Wu-bear’ in the middle of Headquarters.

As far as she remembered, Duo had always called Quatre ‘Cat’. But what was just a friendly shortening of his name in Duo’s mouth had become a tender way of expressing affection from Trowa. Dorothy remembered very well the way Quatre’s eyes would lighten up every time Trowa called him that. She herself didn’t do it, and neither did Heero nor Wufei, but Dorothy knew that some of his sisters had been calling him that before he left to fight, and that he had been comforted, in some way, to get his old nickname back when he met Duo. Duo had no idea of how strong a sense of familiarity and security he had given to Quatre just by calling him that, especially at a time when he believed his whole family wanted nothing more than to break ties with him.

Relena was either ‘Gorgeous’ or plain simply ‘Rel’. And she had become ‘Dot’, or ‘Dotty’. No one had ever called her that before. No one, not even her parents, had ever addressed her in any other way but her full name, and no one had ever tried before to catch her attention in a room full of people by yelling ‘Hey Lovely, where’ve you been lately?’. Dorothy wasn’t sure Duo knew how much she loved that he called her that, but she had suspicions he did.

She sighed before answering.

“I am alright,” she said.

“Why didn’t you stay back there?”

“I thought Trowa would be more comfortable speaking if I wasn’t in the room,” she said stiffly.

She still felt uncomfortable under the green gaze, and in spite of the uneasy truce they had reached, she knew she made him uncomfortable too. They didn’t know how to act in front of each other, the only thing tying them together being the one person they had in common and who had saved their lives without even really knowing that he was doing so.

“He doesn’t hate you, Dot,” Duo said quietly.

“Even if he did, I don’t care,” she snapped.

“Of course you care,” he countered, voice still steady. “Don’t throw that bullshit at me. Honest, between Tro, Heero and you, it’s a wonder Rel, Cat and I managed to do something! What’s with the tough act? Can’t you just pretend that you are angry, scared and need help and support?”

“I know I need support, Duo,” Dorothy said wearily. “But neither you nor any of the others will give it to me, and I know it is not because you don’t want to. Quatre just needs you more right now. I can live with that. And…”

“You’ve got Rel if anything’s just too much on your shoulders,” he finished for her. “Y’know, she told me you were a real piece of work the first time she saw you in her school, but you girls are good for each other. Not in that way”, he added when he saw Dorothy blush. “Oh well, even in that way if you want to, none of my business, after all!”

“I’ll have you know, Mr. Maxwell, that I do not mix my professional life with my personal one,” Dorothy said haughtily.

“Your loss,” Duo shot back with a grin. “But honestly, Dot… if you ever need to talk, or just work some steam off, you know where to find us, right?”

“Thank you, Duo,” Dorothy answered, really touched by the offer.

“Anytime.”

He glanced at her.

“It’s hard to have friends, isn’t it?” he inquired.

“Yes,” she said in a laugh. “I’m not used to it.”

“You’re not the only one.”

“I heard that,” Heero growled.

“You were supposed to,” Duo said, sticking his tongue out to him. “Hey, Dot, why don’t you just go to sleep? You can stay here if you want, just don’t snore.”

“Do I look like the snoring kind of person?” Dorothy asked in mock-indignation.

“No, but neither does Heero.”

“You snore too,” Heero said evenly, eyes not leaving his controls.

“I do not. I purr. Very different.”

“Oh. My mistake. Cats must be snoring, then.”

Dorothy’s gaze went from Heero’s wry little smile to Duo’s gaping mouth. She snorted. It was not every day that one got to see Duo Maxwell beaten at one of his little games, but Heero was very good at it. She winked at Duo and arranged herself on her seat as well as she could, exhaustion winning over her.

*****

_“_ _Preventers?”_

Jay grimaced. Yup, the boss was pissed-off alright.

“Yeah. Officially they’re investigating some case of computer breach, but they got right in with Mrs. Winner and escorted her out and all.”

_“_ _Where did they go?”_

Jay gulped.

“I couldn’t follow them, boss. Somehow they realized they were being watched, I had to bugger off before they could catch me.”

There was a long silence on the line.

_“_ _You had better make sure this is the last mistake you make, Maleda, or I will make sure of it. I think Neelah would like playing with you.”_

Jay felt cold sweat covering all of his body.


	11. Access violation

~AC 197, March 7th, L4-A001, Winner Mansion, 6:43am~

Rashid and the Maguanacs were all waiting for them when yet another white van escorted by two sleek black cars drove into the property. The lights were slowly turning from an eerie blue to a light orange. The forty men were silent as their young master, still out cold, was brought inside the house. Just a sign from Rashid’s hand, and the thirty-nine ex-soldiers left to take protective stances all around the mansion.

“Thank you, Rashid,” Iria said in a whisper.

The tall man watched the small body on the stretcher, eyes misting. Then, to Trowa’s utter confusion, he turned to the green-eyed boy and bowed.

“We are at your service, Master Trowa. Please take care of Master Quatre. I cannot tell you how sorry we are to have failed in our mission.”

Trowa wanted to tell Rashid that it was not his fault, that there was nothing the Maguanacs could have done, but the words never came out. How could he tell that to Rashid in all honesty, when he too felt like he had failed Quatre? How could he expect the man to accept words of comfort that he himself didn’t want to hear, because he could not accept to have been powerless?

Iria broke the moment before it became too awkward.

“Let’s get him settled in his room. Rashid, I’d like to see you at the beginning of this afternoon to discuss adequate security measures on the estate. That will be all.”

The leader of the Maguanacs bowed and left, but not without a last sorrowful look to Quatre. Iria sighed and gestured for Heero and Duo to wheel the stretcher on to a small elevator.

 

The ride to the room was silent. They all followed Iria, Carter and Shannon looking around in awe at everything they saw. Soon, Iria stopped and opened a door on the right. While Heero and Duo pushed the stretcher in, she went to a control panel in one corner of the room, typed in an access code and pressed several switches. A very low, almost indiscernible hum filled the room. Heero’s head snapped up and he looked around, then shook his head as he understood what was happening. Trowa, for his part, was noticing for the first time that this sound had always been present in Quatre’s room, and that it was why it had felt eerily silent to him when he had come in. It looked like Quatre only activated the device when he was home and had a need for it.

“How does it work?” Carter asked, putting his hand on the wall and feeling a very small vibration.

“Some kind of electromagnetic resonance. The wall is reinforced with two panels of neo-titanium which are electronically charged, one positively, one negatively. Some particles, I cannot remember their names, also charged, bound from one panel to the other and create a virtual barrier that blocks… well in fact it does not really block the feelings of other people, but more exactly puts a lock on Quatre’s brain waves, those that are different. If he is alone in the room, his brain doesn’t take more strain than a normal human being’s. If someone is with him, the power activates again, but you have to be in the room with him for him to feel you. If you step out and close the door, you’re out of his reach. That will help him get some rest.”

“Won’t it give him a headache?” Carter asked.

He was rubbing his temples and looking slightly uncomfortable. Iria laughed.

“People born on Earth will get horrendous migraines after just one hour spent here, so I would advise you not to get in unless there is absolute necessity. People born on the colonies would feel a small discomfort, but since we basically live between metal walls that are electro-magnetically charged from the beginning of our lives, it does not affect us as badly. This could, though, because it’s much more concentrated in here.”

“I’ve never had a headache in this room,” Trowa cut in quietly.

Iria turned to look at him.

“Did you do that research on your past you were talking about, Trowa?” she finally asked.

“Not yet,” he admitted.

“Well, in case you were wondering about that particular fact, I can assure you that you are colony-born, and that you have at least a potential for New Type abilities, although it would need more testing to know which ones.”

She glanced at the other pilots.

“In fact, I am sure that all of you have those abilities, to a certain extent, be it naturally or because they were forced onto you with genetic manipulations. This certainly explains why you were chosen to be pilots in the beginning. Even if the power does not manifest itself, New Types can be recognized to their fastest reaction time, usually light stature, and ability to multi-task that only can come from a different pattern of brain waves.”

The pilots all looked at each other. Apart from the brain waves thing, which none of them had ever taken the time to verify, the description fit them right down to a T.

“We can talk about that later,” Iria said, her tone final. “Trowa, could you put him in his bed, please? Sally…”

“I’ll monitor him for a while and leave him with an IV,” the blond doctor said. “I’m Earth-born too, can’t stay in here too long with that thing activated.”

“How will we know if something happens here?” Carter asked, concerned.

“The room has no cameras, my brother likes his privacy, but there are heat and move sensors in the walls, I’ll have them activated as soon as possible. Right now I think we should all get some well-deserved rest. Trowa, your room is still just next door, isn’t it?”

Trowa nodded, blushing. It looked like Quatre had actually done a lot of talking about him with his sister.

“Would it be alright if I came to see you in half an hour? I need to talk to you.”

“Sure.”

Sally looked up from the IV bag she was changing, and shot a severe look to Heero.

“You go get some sleep, Yuy,” she said sternly. “And you too, Chang.”

“Why doesn’t Maxwell get the speech too?” Wufei groaned tiredly.

“Because he, unlike you two pig-headed idiots, knows when his body is exhausted and needs rest. Right, Duo?”

“Yup,” Duo answered, snaking an arm around Heero’s waist and bringing him closer.

Heero not only accepted the embrace but put his head on Duo’s shoulder and closed his eyes, sighing. Carter blushed when he discovered an aspect of this group’s dynamics he hadn’t seen before, and so did Shannon. The nurse hastily looked away, embarrassed to have witnessed such an intimate gesture when she was just supposed to work here, but secretly glad that those two had each other, because they looked like they were going to need it.

‘It was so obvious I’m surprised I didn’t notice it before,’ the young psychiatrist thought. ‘And I’m supposed to be an expert in the human psyche. That shows how much I know.’

Wufei left without another word, lack of sleep making him grumpy. Duo shot a last look to Trowa and squeezed his hand, before steering Heero out of the room. Trowa looked up at Sally, who smiled gently at him.

“Go get settled, Trowa. He’s gonna sleep for a while more, and you need some downtime too. Plus you’ve got a big sister speech coming up, so I would gather my strengths if I were you.”

Thankfully, Iria had already left the room. Trowa looked at Quatre, then caught one pale hand in his and kissed it, before putting it back tenderly on the bed. He left too, not noticing Carter’s eyes following him on the way out.

Sally did notice, however. She frowned, finished her settings and called to the two remaining people in the room.

“I think I’ll show you to your rooms. Follow me.”

They got out, Sally carefully closing the door behind them.

“Trowa’s room is just there,” she said, indicating a door to the left. “Wufei is on the other side of the room, to the right, and Duo and Heero sleep in the room next to Trowa. I am here,” she added, pointing to the door in front of Trowa’s. “Shannon, why don’t you take that one over here? You’ll be just next to me. Go get settled, and have some sleep while you can. Oh, and there’s an en suite bathroom in every room, so just help yourself. Dr. Carter, if you’d follow me?”

She led him to the room on the other side of hers, opened the door and got in with him. He raised one eyebrow at her and only got a blank look back.

“Just one little piece of advice, Doc,” she said, her tone a bit harsher than the one he had grown accustomed to. “Don’t try to analyze those guys, okay? They have enough to deal with without that as a bonus.”

“Wha…?”

“I saw you watching them. I know that they’re probably dream study cases for PTSD or whatever you would call the damage done to a human mind when the person it belongs to has been forced to kill ever since they were kids. Just don’t go there, Doc. You will lose your own sanity trying. And you will get on their nerves.”

“What do you mean?” Carter asked, disturbed to realize he had been that transparent.

“I mean that they know perfectly well how screwed up they are, Doc. Take Maxwell, he’s been examined by no less than seven shrinks before they even considered letting him get into Preventers. They each came up with a different diagnosis. It was the same for all of them, even Quatre. They can fix their own psych evaluation to the point that they know exactly what the person in front of them wants to hear. But the thing is, they deal. In their own ways, which are far from being conventional, I agree, but it works. They know just how fucked up they are and they are working on it on their own, because no one can ever understand what they went through. No one. Not even me, and I spent the final stages of the war with them almost 24/7.”

There was a short pause. Carter gulped. He could not help but be impressed by Sally Po. She was younger than he was, he was sure of it, but she had guts to spill all that to him.

“I just want to warn you again, Doc,” she kept on after a while. “Those guys are dangerous. No matter how young and naive they look, they are killers. They killed more people than you can imagine, and they don’t live a day of their lives without regretting it. If they feel threatened, they will attack. And the one getting caught will not be a pretty sight to behold. You’re here to do a job, do it, and do just that. Don’t meddle into things that are none of your business.”

“I see,” Carter said, his voice rasped by… fear?

Sally tilted her head to one side, her strange slanted gray-blue eyes watching him thoughtfully.

“You want me to tell you a good thing, Doc? You don’t see anything, not yet. But you will. If I were you, I’d just be happy that they found people to care for them and leave it at that. They don’t need anyone to get inside of their heads to tell them ‘you’ve got this and that going wrong’. Just leave them alone.”

“I just want to help Quatre.”

“I know. And I know also that you’ve come to care about him a great deal ever since he was thrown into your care, and I would not have asked you to come with us if that wasn’t the case. But he is a killer too, Doc, even though you never saw that side of him. If he had to, he would look at you with those great big blue eyes and say he was sorry, and make it painless, but he’d put a bullet through your head just the same way the others would.”

Carter gaped and Sally grinned.

“Just wanted to make sure you wouldn’t forget it,” she said lightly, before going out and closing the door behind herself.

****

There was a soft knock at the door, and Trowa said ‘come in’, almost automatically. Iria got in silently and closed the door. From the corner of his eye, Trowa saw her look around the room. Not that there was a lot to see. Trowa didn’t own a lot of things, and he had left quite a lot of them at the circus since he had left in a hurry. He would have to email Cathy so that she could send him his stuff.

“Just one thing before we start talking,” Iria said, coming to the center of the room.

Trowa turned to face her. The blond woman smiled at him.

“If I ever hear the words ‘I’m sorry’ come out of your mouth once during this conversation, I am going to smack you. Because whatever you believe, I do not hold you responsible for what happened to my brother. No one here does. The people responsible will pay in due time, but you are not one of them. Quatre is a big boy, and he doesn’t need a babysitter, so there is nothing you could have prevented. Is that clear?”

Trowa nodded, eyes wide but secretly amused. Iria could not know how much she reminded him of Lady Une during her glory days in OZ when she spoke like that.

“Good,” she said, sitting down in an armchair. “Won’t you sit down?”

Trowa went to sit down on his bed. He didn’t really know what to look at, so he decided to look at his feet.

“How are you, Trowa?”

His head snapped up. Okay, that was not really how he expected the conversation to start, and he was tired, and his usual instinct of not showing anything was completely out of the window.

“I don’t know,” he finally answered.

Iria smiled again.

“I am not going to yell at you, Trowa. I know why you had to leave.”

A shadow of a smile appeared on Trowa’s lips.

“You do? That’s good, because now, _I_ am not so sure. It was stupid.”

Iria sighed.

“It was not stupid. It was… maybe a little sudden, and maybe you didn’t part on the best of terms, but… I think it was a good thing.”

“How can it…”

“Trowa, let’s try to categorize things, okay? The fact that you left, and your reasons for leaving, had no impact whatsoever on what happened to Quatre afterwards. The mess he is in right now is a different story. I’ll come to it eventually. Right now, I just want to know where you and my brother stand.”

There was a short silence. Seeing that the young man was not going to talk, Iria started again.

“I think I understand quite well why you had to leave, Trowa. I don’t know you, and I won’t pretend to, but I know my brother and I am not blind. You are both barely seventeen, went through more horrors than many grown men I know, and you are in love. I think… I think you just wanted to make sure this was real, because you were afraid it was going to evaporate, just like the rest. Am I right so far?”

“Yes. I…”

“It’s okay, Trowa. It is normal to have doubts, especially given the more than unusual circumstances. But tell me, do you know now? Is it real?”

“Yes. I love him,” Trowa said simply. “And I never should have left.”

“But if you hadn’t left, you would both have lived in fear that one of you was going to get bored and go, or that you would grow apart and not know what to do. You needed some time, Trowa, and Quatre needed it too.”

“Really? I don’t think I ever hurt anyone that badly before.”

Iria smiled again.

“Trowa… Do you realize that maybe Quatre was afraid to ask for some time alone because he did not want you to feel like he was rejecting you?”

Trowa’s eyes widened.

“But… why would he think that? I mean, I feel like I am incredibly lucky just to have him in my life, so why…”

“Because he too thinks he is incredibly lucky to have you in his life, Trowa. Because, in all the years I have known him, he has rarely been as happy as I have seen him this past year. Because, whatever you do for him, you make him alive. He was a very unhappy child, Trowa. He didn’t like himself at all. Seeing himself in your eyes, and seeing the love for him you have there, is probably the greatest gift you could have given to him. And I can’t thank you enough for giving him that.”

Trowa blinked several times, trying to assimilate everything.

“Trowa, I am not going to lie to you, he was a mess after you left. He missed you terribly. But he needed this just as much as you. And in a way, I think it made the moments you spent together more precious. I could always tell, these past months, when he had seen you, because he was glowing every time.”

She got up and walked to the window, looking out thoughtfully.

“You are young, and yet not so young at the same time. I think you are wise enough to make your own decisions, and I think your decision to leave was the right one. Because you would have come back anyway, right?”

“Yes. From the first day, I knew I would be back.”

“Thank you, Trowa.”

“What for?”

“Everything. For him. Thank you for being there.”

“I wasn’t there when he needed it,” Trowa said bitterly.

“That’s now he needs you!” Iria said irritably. “You are not going to change the past Trowa, what is done is done! But you can help me, help him get better! So I am asking now, is it possible for you to forget about your sorry ass for a minute and be there for him?”

Trowa gaped at Iria. She grinned.

“What? Didn’t believe I knew any rude words? You’d be surprised to know what happens in all-girl schools, I think.”

“Uh…”

She kneeled in front of the bed, looking at him intently. Somehow, he could not tear his gaze away from her.

“He loves you, Trowa. He is crazy in love with you, and you love him too. So now, you are going to help him get his mind back, and once he is better, you have to promise me you two will talk and make things right. Before you do anything about the cute Chinese guy anyway.”

Trowa gave a major start.

“What?” he asked, his voice shaking.

“Come on, I am not blind. And… I kind of overheard a phone conversation I was not supposed to hear. I don’t mind. As I told you before, it’s your life, and if he loves Quatre even half as much as you do, it is going to be fine. Because Quatre has got enough love in his heart to love the whole world in spite of itself.”

Trowa was completely stunned. He nodded almost automatically. Iria got up and took out something that looked like a portable transmitter out of her pocket.

“It’s a radio. It’s linked to the captors in his room. The lights will switch on if something moves. I’ll leave you to get some rest now, and… Trowa?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t let him down.”

“I won’t.”

“Not Quatre. The other one. Don’t forget about him. He needs you too, you know. Are you ready for that?”

“Yes, I am. We’ve been… talking about it for quite some time, actually.”

“Oh. Well, I suppose it’s normal, with Quatre being the master planner that he is.”

She shook her head, going to the door.

“Well, I guess now I can say I’ve seen it all! Keep me updated, okay?”

“Okay,” Trowa replied, a bit too late, to a closed door.

He remained petrified for a few more minutes, before he sighed, caught between embarrassment and relief. It had not been easy for Quatre to disclose their relationship to his sister, and now she was throwing them both into Wufei’s arms, and not caring in the least what people would say.

‘And she’s right. If I had cared less, maybe I wouldn’t have needed to make sure he loved me. And… I need Wufei too.’

****

~AC 197, March 7th, L4-A001, Winner Mansion, 11:07am~

 

The last drop of sedative had fallen out of the IV bag a long time ago. Blood cells had diligently taken the drug throughout the body, keeping it asleep until the whole thing was finally processed and washed out of the system. Then, green-blue eyes still blurry with sleep opened.

The first thing Quatre saw unsettled him greatly. The walls were blue. Not white, but blue. He shook his head, and regretted it immediately. Then a slight feeling of panic began to make its way through his brain as he realized that he could feel only one person in there. What had happened?

/what is going on? where am i?/

Quatre slowly sat up, only stopped for a moment when the IV line tugged at his arm. He snatched the needle out impatiently and looked around. This was definitely not his room at the Fatimah Clinic (/how do i know the name?/), but it felt… familiar.

/i’ve been here before/

The fact that he could only feel one person right now was very unsettling, to say the least. He couldn’t recall the last time when he had been alone in his head. The rare moments it had felt like him at the hospital were when he was dreaming about those boys…

Quatre’s eyes widened as some memories rushed back to the front of his mind. The boys. They had come to get him, all of them. And… a woman… she had said something, and he had blacked out. Just like that.

/it’s not a dream. they came. they came for me. why?/

/because they are your friends, how many times do i have to say this?/

Okay, that was a bit more familiar. If he was alone in his mind, at least he could go back to arguing with himself over the things he should remember but didn’t.

Fumbling with the covers, he got up slowly. He had to lean on the wall for a while when a dizzy spell hit suddenly, but he managed to stay upright and began to explore that new place.

/not new/

Okay, that not new place that he didn’t remember. In fact he felt… quite alright in here. Like it was a place he was used to being comfortable in. The room emanated some quiet comfort, calmness, a sense of joy and of being loved. People had been happy in that room, so happy that the mark of it had been permanently left without anyone noticing. And the slight tinge of melancholy behind all of that happiness only made it shine brighter.

Turning to the shelves that held books and photographs, Quatre tried very hard to ignore the fact that hundreds of alien feelings were not crowding his mind. He had grown so accustomed to it that he felt strangely cut away from a part of himself, and yet, he appreciated knowing that the uneasiness and the nervousness were his own, and his own alone.

****

Carter had woken up just half an hour before, and was standing near his window, watching what that very few people had ever seen : Chang Wufei practicing his katas.

The young doctor was beginning to understand Sally Po’s words while watching him go through his routine. The young man had his eyes closed, but each blow was delivered with enough precision and force to kill someone, had someone been there to take the blow. Muscles rippled under caramel-colored skin, belying the roundness of the cheeks and the youth of the face he was looking at. Right now, Carter could fully believe that Chang Wufei was a killer.

He could also believe it of Yuy, he didn’t really know why. It was a way the youth had about him. He just radiated threat, and Carter had a feeling that falling under the scrutiny of that blue gaze for too long could make you confess stuff that your ancestors did and beg for forgiveness. He had a bit more trouble imagining the laughing Duo Maxwell or the soft-spoken Trowa Barton killing someone, but then, he didn’t know them at all, and if nothing else, Carter knew masks when he saw them. Maxwell’s smiles rarely reached his eyes, and Barton had an uncanny gift to melt into his surroundings. Sally was right, they would make interesting cases… if they only let someone examine them, and Carter had to admit that none of them would.

He almost jumped when Chang straightened up and suddenly looked up right at his window. There was no point in pretending he had not been watching, so Carter just stood there. Chang looked at him for a long moment before smirking and disappearing inside the house again.

Carter let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. But he couldn’t think much more. His eyes were caught by a light on the transmitter Iria Winner had left. Either Quatre was awake and moving, or someone else was in his room. Anyway, it could not hurt to check.

 

Quatre was looking at the pictures with wide eyes. That was unmistakably him on all of those photographs, so he probably was in a place where he used to be a lot. The boys from his dreams were on some of the pictures too, the green-eyed boy more often than the others, and usually with him and in more intimate postures.

/i don’t understand. where am i? why do i feel drawn to those people? why do i feel like only they can help?/

/you will understand. do not push yourself too much. just feel./

/feel? but what?/

/your emotions. your own emotions. the ones that belong to you only, the ones you buried so that they wouldn’t be stolen away from you. find them back./

/i… how?/

/follow the trail back to the beginning. go back to where it all began./

Quatre frowned. This didn’t make any sense. Not that his conversation with what he supposed was himself had ever made much sense before. Not that crazy people were supposed to make sense either, and since he was pretty much arguing with himself, then he supposed he had to be at least a little crazy.

His thoughts were interrupted by the other voice, the cold one, the mechanical one. Some part of his brain had picked up the strange sounds coming from outside.

/ _input_ /

/ _potential danger coming in in about 23 seconds_ /

/ _prepare for all eventualities. probability of enemy encounter: fifty-six point four percent_ /

 

The first thing Carter noticed as he entered the room was that the bed was empty; the second thing he noticed was that the wall was indeed lined with neo-titanium and very hard as he was forcefully shoved into it. Through a daze, he noticed the forearm that was leaning across his throat, forcing him to stay calm or choke. It took him about thirty seconds to bring his breathing back to normal and have his vision clear enough to see who was holding him.

He gasped when he saw Quatre looking straight at him. His eyes looked a bit unfazed, but not the way they usually were. There was a cold, calculating gleam in them that Carter had never seen, the perfect features composed in an expressionless mask. Carter frowned and tried to push the boy away. He didn’t even move an inch. A fraction of second before Carter began raising his right hand to break the hold, Quatre’s left hand flew and pinned it to the wall.

Carter began to grow afraid. If he examined his situation in all objectivity, he was trapped against a wall by a Gundam Pilot who did not seem to recognize him and no one else seemed to be around. Of course, growing afraid was not a good course of action with an empath who was absolutely bound to feel it but at that precise moment, Carter couldn’t really help it.

He gave a major start when Quatre suddenly spoke. He had seldom heard him, and usually it was in the throes of a nightmare during which the youth would scream until his voice was hoarse. This time the words were said in a mechanical monotone, flatly. And they were not at all the first words Carter had expected to hear from his young patient, whatever he had imagined.

“Access violation. Incoming of more hostile presence in approximately 54 seconds. Remove current potential danger and seek cover. Probability of success: eighty-seven point three percent.”

**  
**

 


	12. Enter login and password

“Doc! Hey, Doc!”

Carter blinked several times as the room came into brutal focus. Sally was kneeling in front of him along with Shannon and checking his eyes.

“Pupils reacting and symmetric. Good. He didn’t clog you too hard.”

“What happened?” Shannon asked, concerned. “Where is Quatre?”

“Probably busy exploring the mansion by now,” Sally said on a conversational tone.

“Ow,” Carter cut in, rubbing his head. “He… he hit me!”

“What did you expect?” Sally said sarcastically. “Flowers? He’s not well, Doc, and he woke up in what still is, for the moment, an unknown environment. I saw the little lights on my transmitter too, but I thought it would be best to give him a bit of time to get reacquainted with his own room, but _no_ , you had to rush there and check on him!”

She didn’t look that furious, more like an angry mother scolding her child, but Carter felt bad nonetheless. He could have thought of that too.

“What if he gets out of the mansion?” Shannon asked worriedly.

“No worries, I called Iria as soon as I realized he was gone,” Sally answered. “None of the Maguanacs saw him get out, which doesn’t mean a thing since he’s perfected the art of sneaking out ever since he was six from what I heard, and he was quite good at leaving them behind during the war, but in his state, he couldn’t have gone far, and I think I arrived here less than thirty seconds after he had left the room. The mansion is locked down, he won’t get out.”

Carter got up, leaning on the wall to stay upright. He was still seeing stars.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Don’t be sorry, be useful. Go splash some fresh water on your face and put your head together. I’ll wake up the boys. We have three hundred and sixty-seven rooms to search.”

****

“Holy Mother of God, stop pounding on that door, woman!” Duo bellowed as he threw the door open in a very Wufei-like fashion.

He leaned on the doorjamb, dressed only in his boxers, and smiled sweetly to Sally, who was unmoved by his antics, and to Shannon, who was trying to calm the beating of her heart.

“What pray tell brings two young maidens like you to our homely abode?” he asked.

“Quatre,” Heero said laconically from behind.

“Oi, Heero, it’s not polite to speak before the ladies!”

“You know where he is?” Heero asked Sally, completely ignoring Duo.

“Is ‘somewhere in the house’ a good answer?” the doctor said.

“Hn.”

He was already dressed and glanced at his gun lying on the nightstand.

“Hee-babe, you won’t need that. It’s Cat we’re talkin’ about, right? Sweet guy doesn’t like violence and all.”

“Doesn’t like _unnecessary_ violence,” Heero corrected. “But I agree. We’re trying to help him, not scare him to death. He must feel lost right now.”

‘Probably as much as you do, lover,’ Duo thought, but he said nothing and just got dressed.

As they got out of the room, they found Trowa already waiting for them in the corridor.

“He escaped, didn’t he?”

“Yup! Clubbed Carter on the way out! What do you think, Tro?” Duo asked.

“I think he must have been pretty desperate to get out.”

A small silence, then Sally asked _the_ question.

“Did someone tell Wufei?”

 

Wufei glared at Carter, who suddenly felt the urge to dig a hole and hide himself in it.

“You lost him. On his first day back.”

“I am sorry.”

“You’d better be. May I remind you that, for my superior, I am responsible for Quatre’s security and will be held accountable should anything happen to him?”

“I didn’t realize…”

Wufei sighed and waved the apologies away.

“What’s done is done. Sally, you are positive he couldn’t have left the house?”

“Let’s see, he spent almost twenty-four hours under sedatives, he hasn’t eaten, going out of his room while he can’t shield will weaken him… yeah, I’d say there’s a pretty good chance he is inside of the house and not too far.”

“I asked all of the servants to regroup in one room and lock themselves in so that they do not risk stumbling upon him and getting hurt,” Iria said. “Do… Does anyone here know what happened for him to react that way?”

No one answered.

“Well, I’ll just wait here,” Iria started again, “in case he comes back. I’ll leave you to search the mansion.”

“Heero and I will take the second floor,” Duo said.

“Good,” Wufei acquiesced. “Sally, you, Doctor Carter and Shannon look on the third floor, and Trowa and I will take care of the first floor. We stay in contact with our radios. Let’s go.”

****

Quatre had absolutely no idea where he was. As soon as he had gotten out of the blue room, hundreds of alien emotions had hit his power, instantly taking him back into the whirlwind he had lived in before the strange boys had come for him. He had been so surprised that he had barely had the presence of mind to leave the corridor before anyone else would arrive. Ever since, he had avoided several people he didn’t recognize at first sight, all thanks to the cold voice. But the more he listened to it, the more it hurt.

/ _more hostile presence. prepare to eliminate_ /

/no/

/ _prepare to eliminate_ /

/NO!/

/ _prepare…_ /

/STOP IT! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!/

/ _program subroutine altered. incorrect input. reinitialize program_ /

All that, meddled with the hundreds of emotions flying around, and Quatre felt like he was losing that small, sane part of his mind again. He was holding onto it, trying to ignore the horrible pain both in his head and in his heart as he desperately tried to ignore the cold voice. He could not let it guide him. He had already hit the doctor because of it, he didn’t want to hurt anyone else.

He had stumbled down stairs, followed corridors, the huge mansion evoking echoes of forgotten memories. It was imposing, and probably meant to have a lot of people in it, and yet it was strangely empty. Quatre felt scared, because his power told him that the house was far from empty but he couldn’t see anyone, and he had avoided everyone he didn’t recognize, because he was too afraid he would hurt someone that would only want to help.

/ _hostile presence_ /

/no. i don’t want to./

/ _safer course of action: eliminate probable hostile presence. probability of success: sixty-seven point three percent_ /

/i won’t listen to you. every time i do, something bad happens to someone around me. wait… how do i know that? how long have i been hearing you?/

/too long / the saner part of his mind answered.

Clutching his head and gasping for breath, the blond boy chose the first door he saw and ducked into the room, not even caring about closing the door. The room was a study, plunged in the dark, heavy drapes blocking the rays of the artificial sun. Quatre didn’t mind. In the dark, it was easier to pretend that this was not real and just a nightmare. He crawled under the big oaken desk and sat on the carpeted floor, content to be hidden from view. Now if only putting his hands on his ears could make everything and everyone in his head go away.

Just as he raised his arms, he suddenly saw the red scars on his wrists. He remembered the day he had made them very vividly. He had been at the clinic for some time, and he just couldn’t stand it anymore. He was sure his head was going to explode, and to top it all, he had hit one of the other patients too, again because of the cold voice. So at night, when no one was looking and the other patient in the room was sleeping, Quatre had gotten up and to the bathroom. He had broken the mirror, picked up one shard of glass and begun to slash at his wrists. At that time, the only things he had thought about were that it would be over, and blood had a pretty color on his skin. He had watched, fascinated by the hot crimson liquid pouring down on his arms and on the floor. Then, the smell of the blood had reached his nose and he had doubled over in pain as strange images of dying people and explosions had crossed his mind.

That last time, somebody had found him, and they had stitched his wrists and put him in isolation. It was a little better, but only marginally. The doctor and the nurses were doing their best to help him, and he knew just how much they were shielding to avoid him being in pain. And it was making him sad to be unable to reach out to them and tell them that he appreciated the effort, and he was really grateful for everything they did for him, even if it was useless. He had not tried again, because he knew he was being watched all of the time. They thought their cameras were well hidden, but he had spotted them on the first day.

But now, it was different. He didn’t know where he was, he was scared, he was alone in the dark. Maybe now, he could make it stop, and no one would try to prevent him from doing it.

He began to claw at the scars, his nails digging in the tender and angry skin. It didn’t do a lot, but the physical pain somehow anchored him in his body. Eyes unseeing, he kept on scratching the scars, only letting out a satisfied sigh as one of them finally reopened and blood splashed. Unheeded tears began to fall down his cheeks, but he ignored them.

****

“Nothing in here,” Wufei said, closing the door of what had turned out to be a gigantic library. “You?”

“Nothing,” Trowa answered, closing the door to a great hall. “Where to next?”

Wufei indicated a corridor that seemed to run along the backside of the house on all of its length. They began to go down, methodically checking each room, Wufei muttering soft acknowledgements in his radio every time Heero or Sally came in to report.

“How did you know he was missing?” he abruptly asked. “Duo told me you were already out when they came to get you.”

“I knew he was awake. And then…” Trowa frowned, looking for his words. “I don’t know. Something changed.”

“Really?”

Wufei had always been curious about that strange connection Trowa and Quatre shared. He knew that he himself felt connected to his fellow pilots more than to any other person, but it was not the same. From what Trowa and Quatre said, it had begun ever since their first meeting. Quatre could feel each and every one of them, but Trowa’s pull on his mind was stronger. And Trowa, who was sure he didn’t possess any kind of empathic ability, seemed able to perceive Quatre’s discomfort or distress before it became visible to the eye, but it didn’t work all the time. Sally had been unable to explain it, and Iria hadn’t been willing to explain it. The only answer she’d given to Quatre when he’d asked was to say that a lot of things about empaths were still mysterious to mankind, and would probably stay that way for a long time, but she had started some research.

“I can’t really explain,” Trowa started again. “You have to feel it to fully grasp it because it cannot be described with words. It just… the taste of him changed. The color changed. Something went off. Something bad.”

“How bad?” Wufei scowled.

“Evil,” was Trowa’s cryptic answer.

He closed another door and turned to Wufei.

“It tasted like Zero.”

Wufei’s eyes widened in disbelief.

“What?”

“I still remember distinctively what Quatre felt like just before he shot me. What I felt when I piloted it.”

“But it doesn’t make any sense! Quatre hasn’t been in contact with Zero for more than a year! Wing Zero was destroyed, and the Zero System was destroyed with it! The software in Libra and Epyon disappeared when they were blown up!”

“I just know what I feel, Wufei. I know it seems impossible, but it’s true.”

“But how can he be under the influence of the Zero System now? This is a piloting program, isn’t it?”

“Now I’m not so sure. But… the only people alive who really know what the Zero System is all about are Zechs, Heero and Quatre.”

Wufei frowned.

“I have some questions that I will need answered,” he said slowly. “I piloted that machine once, but I didn’t really pay attention to how it worked. Not that there was much time for it at the time anyway.”

Trowa stopped dead and caught Wufei’s arm, silencing him.

“What?” Wufei whispered.

Trowa silently pointed to an open door not far from where they were standing. The inside of the room was dark. Wufei raised an interrogative eyebrow. Trowa knew the mansion better than he did. He had actually lived in the place.

“This is his father’s office,” Trowa said under his breath. “No one ever goes in there. It’s been closed ever since he died. Quatre has always refused to put even one foot into that room.”

“Looks like he just did.”

They came closer, silent as cats. The sound of muffled sobs was coming from inside. Wufei would have been unable to explain why hearing Quatre’s voice, the strangled sobs escaping his friend’s throat in some kind of desperate plea, suddenly made his insides lurch.

‘Whatever you try to tell yourself, your concern goes far deeper than what you usually feel for someone who is just a friend,’ he thought. ‘You can try to hide as much as you can, in the end, it will always come to this. You love him, and he loves someone else who loves him back. You don’t belong here.’

So why did he felt that being here, by Trowa’s side, helping Quatre with Trowa, and supporting both of them through this was incredibly right? That it was the exact place where he was meant to be? Why did it feel like Quatre’s unspoken cries for help were also directed at him?

“I’ll go call some help,” Wufei said suddenly, but Trowa stopped him before he could go.

“Use the radio. I need you to stay here with me. We have no idea what state he is in, and I won’t face him alone if it appears he is…”

He didn’t finish, but Wufei understood perfectly well. The last time Trowa and Quatre had come face to face with the Zero System between them, things had been more than ugly, and it had taken several months for most of the wounds, mental or physical, to finally mend. The Chinese nodded and pushed a button on his radio.

“We found him.”

 _“_ _We’re coming,”_ Duo’s voice answered. _“_ _Where are you guys?”_

 _“No,” Sally_ interrupted. _“_ _You come here, get Carter and bring him back to the room to wait for us. And warn Iria too. Shannon, you come with me. Where are you, Wufei?”_

“Back corridor on the first floor, near the middle of the house. He’s in an office. We didn’t get in.”

 _“_ _Good. Don’t. I’m coming right now. Doc, please follow the guys. Don’t argue now, there’s honestly not a lot you can do right now.”_

 _“_ _I know,”_ they heard Carter’s voice answer. _“_ _In fact, before he is better and willing to talk, there’s practically nothing I can do.”_

“That’s not true,” Trowa protested. “You already did so much…”

 _“_ _C’mon, guys, save the sap for later,”_ Duo cut in. _“_ _Sending the ladies on their way. Meet you guys in fifteen?”_

“Roger,” Wufei answered before ending the communication.

****

“Status?” Sally asked sharply as soon as she arrived.

“He’s still in there,” Wufei answered. “We don’t know what the room looks like, or where exactly in the room he is.”

“He’s crying,” Trowa added quietly.

They both looked up at Sally. The doctor scowled.

“I can’t put him under again,” she said. “He needs to rebuild his physical strength, and I can’t help him do that if he is sedated and fed through IV bags.”

“Maybe I can try…” Shannon began, but Sally cut in.

“In a normal situation, I would let you go in there, but we have no idea what’s wrong, and you don’t know him enough for me to let you go in there alone.”

“He would not hurt me,” Shannon protested. “He saved my life!”

“I don’t doubt that, and I know he would not _want_ to hurt you. But…”

She looked at Trowa, who nodded.

“But there are some factors neither you nor Carter know about and that can make it dangerous. Trowa and Wufei will go in there first, then us.”

The two young men looked at each other, then eased the door open a bit more and slipped inside. After a few seconds to adapt to the dark, they tried to locate the source of the muffled sobs.

“He’s under the desk,” Wufei whispered.

“Roger.”

They walked around the desk, Wufei from the right, Trowa from the left, and kneeled when they reached the other side, trying to peer into the dark to see something. They eventually distinguished Quatre’s lithe form huddled under the desk, knees against his chest, clutching one of his wrists and crying his eyes out, apparently not seeing them.

“Shit!” Trowa gasped when he realized what the dark stains on Quatre’s wrist were. “Sally! He’s bleeding!”

The doctor and the nurse were by their side almost instantly.

“Stay back,” Sally ordered, then she tried to assess the damage. “He opened one of his scars… with his nails? Oh God! Shannon, come here! Take my bag, there are some bandages in there. I’ll have to redo some stitches once we’re out of here.”

Quatre did not pay any attention to them. He was sitting there, rocking back and forth, and apparently unaware that blood was dripping down his right arm. Shannon came forth, and handed the bandages to Sally.

“Can I try something?” she asked.

“Go ahead,” Sally answered. “We have to make him come out anyway.”

Shannon kneeled closer and extended a hand to the young man.

“Quatre? Quatre, what are you doing here? Come on, some people worry about you, I need you to get out.”

To everyone’s surprise, Quatre’s head snapped up and he looked at the nurse, then began to shake his head frantically.

“Don’t worry, Quatre, it’s okay,” Shannon continued in the same soothing voice. “You hurt yourself, look. You have to get out so that we can put something on that wound. Please?”

Her hand was still outstretched. She was the first one to jump when Quatre began to move and reached out for her with his left hand, his right bloodied wrist still cradled against his chest. Whatever Shannon wanted to believe about being experienced, it was only the second time that Quatre had really interacted with her, the second time he was looking at her and seeing her for real. And the first time that he showed that he trusted her. In spite of herself, she was moved to tears.

“That’s right, come here,” she kept on. “You can do it, I know.”

Very slowly, he caught her hand, and she helped him crawl out from under the desk, just tugging on his hand slightly when he hesitated. Trowa and Wufei were stunned and did not even dare breathe. Sally was watching silently. The only one Quatre seemed to see right now was Shannon, and he could react badly upon seeing other people were also in the room.

She was not wrong about that. As soon as Quatre spotted Trowa, a panicked expression appeared on his face and he tried to back away, only held back by Shannon’s hand. He began to try and take his own hand away, hindered because he couldn’t use his right hand. Shannon started to lose her calm. He was so strong; she couldn’t possibly prevent him from breaking the grip eventually.

Wufei moved so rapidly that Sally almost didn’t see it. In one second, he was by Quatre’s side and had pinched a nerve in the back of his neck. Quatre fell unconscious immediately, flopping down on the carpet, and Shannon let go of his hand with a surprised yelp. The Chinese looked up to Trowa.

“Sorry,” he said, “I didn’t…”

Trowa shook his head, refusing the apology.

“It was the only way,” he just said.

Sally was busy examining Quatre’s wrist.

“It’s not deep,” she said, “but that kind of wounds always bleeds a lot. Trowa, would you…”

Without another word, Trowa picked Quatre up and held him against his chest. Wufei tried to look away but found out that he couldn’t. How many times had he seen that very same scene, during the wars? How many times had he felt that same pang of loneliness because he was unable to do that for anyone?

“Thank you, Wufei.”

The Chinese gave a start when he heard the quiet words. Trowa was standing near the door, holding Quatre and looking at him, his gaze clearly inviting Wufei to come along. And Wufei did, unable to resist. He had craved for so long to be able to care for Quatre, only holding back because Quatre had Trowa, and couldn’t possibly notice him of all people. He had nothing to offer to Quatre and spent most of his time hiding behind a grumpy mask. He could not conceive betraying his friends by showing unwanted affection to one of them, when they were happy with each other. But… things had happened, and Trowa himself had admitted that everything was not going smoothly between him and Quatre. And now, in a situation where Quatre’s needs should be the first thing to come to his mind, Trowa still took the time to extend his hand out to Wufei, and to ask him to come. Trowa, not Quatre. The man who was his best friend, and whose lover he was in love with.

Trowa was still waiting, gaze still inviting, confident, somehow, that Wufei would follow. And Wufei began to grow uncomfortable. There was nothing condemning in that gaze, nothing harsh, just plain, quiet trust. And Wufei suddenly realized why.

‘He knows.’

*****

Once Quatre was tucked safely back in his bed, Sally re-did the stitches on his wrist and bandaged it very carefully. Iria was very pale, and Heero downright livid. In fact, it looked like the only thing keeping the Japanese on his feet was Duo’s hand on the small of his back and whatever he was whispering into Heero’s ear.

“It’s okay,” Sally finally said. “He’s gonna be fine, but I’d like someone to stay with him from now on.”

“I’ll stay,” Trowa said unnecessarily.

“Why did he do that?” Iria asked weakly.

Carter cleared his throat, and blushed when every conscious person in the room turned to him.

“A lot of New Types try to commit suicide,” he said very carefully. “And you have probably noticed that this is not a first for him.”

Trowa caught Quatre’s left hand and his thumb slowly caressed the red scars on the wrist.

“How many times did we almost lose him?” he asked, not really waiting for an answer.

“Explain,” Heero demanded harshly.

“Well, for untrained New Types who don’t have any kind of control over their power, it can become overwhelming. Telepaths have been known to go crazy from hearing thoughts 24/7. I suppose the feeling is even worse for empaths. And since he had held his power in check for so long, having it freed and out of control probably unbalanced him to the point that he saw this as the best way to end it. He probably didn’t remember much of who he was when he did it, it just… seemed like the best way to make it stop.”

Heero’s face, although unnaturally pale, remained blank, but something in the deep blue eyes frightened Carter.

‘He knows the feeling. He knows what it’s like to be forced to wake up day after day and face unnamable horrors, and to want it to stop just for a short time.’

Heero did not seem to bear any scars from self-inflicted injuries, apart from his bandaged hand, and none of his arms bore traces of any suicide attempts. But there were many ways to commit suicide, Carter reflected, and many ways to still function when you were dead inside.

“He’s going to be alright, Heero,” Trowa said quietly, coming to face his comrade. “I promise. I’ll do everything I can to make sure he will be okay.”

“We’ll be here for you, Tro,” Duo answered. “Whatever you need, you just ask and we’ll be there.”

“I know. But don’t forget to take care of yourselves too, because Cat will want to see you once he gets better. And we still have an investigation going on.”

Heero suddenly seemed to look a bit better. This was familiar territory after all. If going on a mission and finding out the culprits were the only things he could do for Quatre, then he would do so without a hesitation

“We won’t forget,” Duo promised. “We only had a few hours of sleep, so if you don’t mind…”

“Of course not.”

Duo went to Quatre’s bedside, dragging Heero along with him, and kissed his friend’s forehead.

“Get better, Cat,” he whispered. “We’re all here for you.”

Heero gingerly held out a hand, and traced the contours of the pale face with one finger. He didn’t say anything, just looked at Trowa. Trowa didn’t need any words and smiled, accepting the support Heero could not give out with words and offering some of his own. It was difficult for him to see Quatre in that situation, but he didn’t forget how hard it was on the rest of them. Duo seemed to be holding on quite well, but that was just a facade. Trowa knew very well that once they would find the guilty ones, they would have to run very, very fast to escape Duo’s wrath. But for now, he was helping Heero to remain focused, and that was the most important thing. Trowa loved Heero very much, he had ever since they had spent some time at the circus after he had taken his comrade’s broken body from the Siberia battlefield. A wounded Heero was a dangerous Heero. But he would never do anything to endanger the people he considered his family. He just needed an outlet for the unwavering guilt and self-loathing, for not having been able to protect Quatre, and the mission to find the bad ones would do just that. Trowa knew that Wufei knew that too, and it was probable that the Chinese had already designed the mission plan to let Heero and Duo do most of the practical research, leaving them two to look after Quatre in the early stages of his recuperation.

“We’ll hit the sheets,” Duo said.

“I think you should do the same, Iria,” Sally said sternly. “I’ll have someone wake you up as soon as he is conscious. Shannon, Doc, would you mind coming to my room so that I can brief you and you give me your version of his stay at your clinic?”

“No problem”, Carter answered.

Everyone began to get out, leaving only Trowa and Wufei inside. Wufei got up and reluctantly made his way to the door.

“I should go too.”

“Wufei…”

Wufei stopped, facing the door. He did not want to get out, not really, but he wasn’t sure he was up to facing Trowa just right now. He turned around very slowly. Trowa was sitting at Quatre’s beside, holding his injured hand, and looking straight into lost black eyes. His next words were Wufei’s undoing.

“Could you please stay here… with us?”

****

“I don’t think I should…”

“Please, Wufei.”

Wufei nodded and slowly went to take the seat on the other side of the bed. He forced himself to look down. He didn’t want to face the accusation he was sure he was going to meet in the eyes of his friends. That was why he jumped when Trowa’s hand suddenly left Quatre’s to take his.

“It’s okay, Wufei.”

Wufei finally looked up. He met no condemnation, just acceptance and a soft question. And he didn’t understand.

“I’m sorry, Trowa. I didn’t mean for you to find out anything…”

“I said it’s okay, Wufei. I’ve known about that for a while, actually.”

Wufei gulped.

“How?”

Trowa looked down at the sleeping young man on the bed with a smile.

“Quatre told me.”

Black eyes went impossibly wide.

“He knew too?”

“How could you expect to hide this from him, Wufei? You could not seriously think he would not know. But… even before that, I knew. Just by the way you looked at him, I could tell.”

“I’m sorry,” Wufei said again, beginning to get up. “You know I won’t come between you two, and…”

“Wufei, for the love of god, please stop talking nonsense and sit down!”

Wufei was so taken by surprise that he sat back down without thinking twice. But then, it was not every day that one managed to make Trowa Barton raise his voice.

“Wufei, I don’t really know how to explain. We didn’t plan for it to happen that way, in fact, we wanted to wait until we would have worked out our own issues before we talked to you, but… a lot of things just came in the way.”

Wufei nodded, then frowned. ‘We?’

“We wanted to be sure of what we wanted out of our relationship before we would have enough guts to ask you to join us.”

There were two seconds of complete silence, only the humming of the machinery in the walls resounding around the room.

“Wh… What?”

Trowa looked at Wufei sadly.

“I’m sorry if this comes as a shock to you, Wufei, but… Quatre loves you, you know. Very much. Last year, he suffered a lot watching you lose yourself in a quest that didn’t seem to end, struggle with your feelings, and most of all not being able to help. It was then, I think, that he realized he was in love with you.”

“But… you…”

“He was afraid to tell me at first, but he trusted me enough to do it, and I’m sure he was surprised by my reaction. I love him, Wufei, with all of my heart, but there are some things that he cannot give me, and some things that I cannot give him. Some parts of our pasts will always remain mysteries because we are simply not able to comprehend them fully. When we are together, it is unbelievable, and yet we have been feeling, for quite some time now, that something… someone was missing to make us truly whole.”

Wufei was gaping by now.

“I… I don’t… I didn’t…”

“I wish Quatre was awake and healthy, and he would tell you this with me. I’m sure you didn’t want us to find out, and I definitely didn’t want _you_ to find out that way. We had planned to tell you this together and let you choose for yourself. But I don’t think I have a right to pretend anymore, Wufei, because Quatre needs you, and he needs you now.”

Trowa took Quatre’s hand again, caressing it slowly, his eyes roaming over his lover’s face.

“I can be strong for him, Wufei, but this time, I may also need someone to be strong for me… I can’t do this alone.”

 


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“I don’t understand,” Wufei said very slowly. “You should be mad at me, not trying to share your lover with me, because that is what you’re saying, right?”

Trowa smiled again, and Wufei thought that it was the first time he had seen Trowa smile so much.

“No, Wufei, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m not explaining well, I’m sorry…”

His voice trailed away and he sighed, then seemed to just decide to spill it all.

“Quatre is not the only one who needs you, Wufei.”

A deadly silence fell in the room while Wufei tried looking around for his common sense and sanity. He could not have heard that right.

“I don’t understand,” he said again.

“It’s simple really, and even a little amazing, but we both fell in love with you, Wufei. I know I have always admired you, and you have always been honest with me, especially at the time when I didn’t remember who I was. Quatre was too kind to tell me I shouldn’t go back on the battlefield, but you had enough guts to tell me to my face that as long as I didn’t remember what I fought for, I would be a liability in combat. And you were right. When I took Zero, I almost did something that I would have regretted all my life.”

Trowa looked up, eyes sparkling with amusement.

“Quatre will explain himself why he suddenly saw that he loved you more than just a friend, but when we spoke about it, we were so amazed to realize just how deep our feelings for you ran. But we had things to work out. A relationship between two people is difficult at the best of times, so three… we wanted our record to be clean before we would go to you and confess.”

Wufei was gaping again, a fact that was fast becoming recurrent. It took him several minutes to find his voice back. Trowa waited patiently, knowing perfectly well the kind of bomb he had just dumped on Wufei. Maybe he had been wrong, and Iria had clearly wanted him to wait until Quatre would be better for them to work everything out, but Trowa didn’t like keeping that secret from Wufei. His friend had been lied to too often, and had suffered so much at the hands of his own family that he felt bad hiding from him. And after all, he and Quatre had planned to let it out in the open. Trowa only regretted that Quatre wasn’t sufficiently alert and recovered to be there with him, but he also felt it was better in a way. It would give Wufei more time to think about it.

“You… you love me both?”

“Is it that difficult to believe, Wufei?”

“And you wanted me to join you?”

“We still want it, it’s just the timing that feels wrong.”

“I don’t… Trowa, I don’t understand why you chose now to tell me this, but I can’t. I feel like I’m taking advantage of you. I can’t… I don’t understand what you want from me.”

“We don’t want anything _from_ you, Wufei. We just want you.”

“Why?”

“I think I already covered that subject.”

Wufei closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“This is… I…”

Again, he jumped when Trowa caught his hand.

“I don’t want you to feel pressured, Wufei. I just wanted to be honest with you. I think you deserved to know. I didn’t want to hide anymore. The last time I hid something from someone I loved…” He looked down at Quatre. “I know what happened to him is not my fault, but I can’t help thinking that if I hadn’t been so insecure about our relationship, and if I had stayed, maybe none of this would have happened. And… it’s just like I told you before, Wufei. I don’t know if I can do this alone.”

A short silence.

“I don’t know what to say,” Wufei finally said.

“Then don’t say anything. Neither I nor Quatre would force you to do anything against your will. We just intended to tell you how we felt and let you decide, and it still stands. I just would like you to promise me you will think about it. And I hope this will not change the way you feel about us…”

“Of course not!” Wufei protested. “You are my friends…”

“And we will remain your friends, whatever you decide, Wufei. We would love you to join us, but we won’t force you. The decision is yours.”

Another silence, but less tense. Wufei still seemed at a loss. Trowa smiled gently.

“Go get some sleep, Wufei. Once Quatre is better, he’ll explain better than me. I am no good at that kind of thing, I never know what to say.”

Wufei raised a sarcastic eyebrow. In his opinion, Trowa had said much more than needed for his peace of mind. In a few hours, the Chinese had gone from ‘let’s hope my friends never realize I am in love with one of them’ to ‘my friends know and want a threesome with me’. Even if he was used to non-conventional situations, it would take some serious thinking and talking before he could even begin to consider the idea.

“Are you okay, Wufei?”

“Not really,” Wufei answered distractedly. “I need some time.”

“That’s understandable. Can you just promise that once the shock wears off, you will take some time to think about this objectively and seriously?”

“Of course, Trowa. It’s just…”

“We will have to talk, all three of us, but there is one thing that you must keep in mind, Wufei. You will not come between Quatre and myself. I want you here, with us, just as much as he does.”

Wufei did not answer. He got up, looked at Quatre, still unconscious, then at Trowa. His friend’s face was unreadable again, but his eyes still asked the same question. The question Wufei could not answer now. Without a word, the Wufei left the room, the door closing behind him with a hiss.

****

Duo found Wufei apparently intent on destroying a tree with savage kicks and punches. He had left Heero in their room, hoping he at least would manage to sleep. Of course, Heero probably would not sleep at all until he would be back. Ever since he had been out of hospital, Heero did not like sleeping alone. He had told Duo that having him near him helped keeping the nightmares at bay, and Duo had to admit that he too slept way better when Heero was within arm’s reach. Not to mention that it had been extremely courageous for Heero to come right out and basically say that he was afraid of being alone at night. That simple mark of trust had moved Duo to tears, even more than when Heero had finally admitted his feelings and told him that he loved him.

Duo observed his friend for a while. Wufei had left his tank top on one side and seemed determined to pound the tree into the ground, even if the only thing he had managed was to tear his pants and scratch his knuckles. Duo thought for a while about what could have made Wufei so angry or so confused that he would have to vent his frustration on an innocent vegetal, before he remembered that Trowa had asked the Chinese to stay in the room for a moment. He smiled. So Trowa had decided to go out in the open sooner than expected. It looked like Wufei didn’t really know how to take it.

“Yo, Wu-man, what did the bad tree do to you?” he asked cheerily, careful to signal his presence by some noise before Wufei would react instinctively and hit him by mistake.

“Just go away, Maxwell,” Wufei groaned. “Now is not a good time,” he added, throwing another punch at the tree.

“I think it’s exactly the right time,” Duo countered, sitting down beside the tree. “Tro talked to you, didn’t he?”

For the hundredth time in a day, Wufei’s eyes went impossibly wide.

“You knew too?”

Duo smiled and leaned on the tree.

“Wu, Cat is my best friend. When he’s got something on his mind, he usually talks to me. And lately the thing he had on his mind, apart from his problems with Tro that he didn’t discuss with me, which kind of made me understand it was probably less serious than I believed but anyway, the thing, or more exactly the person he had on his mind lately was you. So, yeah, I think technically you can say I knew.”

“Great!” Wufei said, flopping down on the ground. “Then I suppose Yuy knows too!”

“Yup, but not because I told him. You were less discreet than you believed, that’s all, and… well he knows you quite well, you know, and he knows Cat too.”

Wufei wiped some sweat off his brow and closed his eyes, taking his head into his hands.

“I don’t know what to do,” he whispered. “This doesn’t make sense.”

“What doesn’t make sense, Wufei? It’s simple, they are in love with you! Nothing complicated in that, is there?”

“Yes. That’s exactly the problem, Maxwell. _They_ are in love with me. Both of them.”

“So what? If I were you, I’d be flattered that two guys like them loved me and I wouldn’t have to choose. Mind you, if they were in love with me and asked me to join them, I’d be there in a heartbeat.”

“What about Yuy?” Wufei asked sarcastically.

Duo choked on his own laughter and shot a surprised look to Wufei.

“That was a low blow, Wu.”

“I know. And my name is not Wu.”

“I like calling you that, so deal. Not to mention it must be the least of your worries right now so why don’t you stop pretending me calling you names is infuriating you and go back to what is really important?”

“If I didn’t pretend it makes me mad, you would think I was ill or something.”

“Point,” Duo conceded.

A short silence fell.

“I never intended to do anything,” Wufei finally said. “I had no right to do anything when they were happy with each other, but this…”

“You’re scared,” Duo said flatly.

“What?”

“You’re scared,” Duo repeated. “And it’s very understandable and nothing to be ashamed of,” he added hastily when he saw Wufei’s angered expression. “It’s not every day somebody tells you that kind of thing, Wu, and I can only imagine how difficult it is for you to accept it. I’ll probably never know what you feel right now, but… maybe I can help.”

“At this point, anyone who can make sense out of it is welcome.”

“I didn’t say I could make sense out of it, Wu. Because, let’s face it, love rarely makes sense. But maybe I can help. I don’t think you, like Heero, ever got around the ‘showing your feelings’ part, did you?”

“Ever heard of traditional Chinese education, Maxwell? If it hadn’t been for the fact that we lived on a space colony, my clan could have felt at home in the Middle Ages.”

Duo laughed.

“I swear, between you and Heero, someday I’m going to eat my own braid out of sheer frustration.”

“Anything that prevents you from talking your mouth off is fine by me, Maxwell.”

“Awww, I knew you loved me, Wu-man. Anyway…”

Duo smiled. Wufei was definitely tense and not taking it too well, but then the circumstances were not the best ones either.

“I bet Tro only told you where they stand. Right?”

“Yes. He told me that Quatre would want to speak to me too, and… that the decision was mine.”

“And they wouldn’t lie about something that important. You are important to them, Wu, whether you see it or not. Hell, it took me the whole war to understand if you saw a human being or a bug when you looked at me, y’know? You’re not an easy guy to read, so I guess I’m just glad those two can.”

“It’s so… weird”, Wufei said slowly.

“Wufei… you probably need some time to think things out, but… you fell for Cat, didn’t you?”

Wufei nodded, avoiding Duo’s gaze. Even now that everyone he trusted knew, he couldn’t really face it himself.

“I noticed you started to look at him differently when we all gathered on Peacemillion. Like you wondered what had happened for him to become like that in Zero, maybe because you knew the feeling too, I don’t know. I saw you watching him and Trowa as Tro began to find his memory back and Cat did the guilt trip thing, and even after that, when it seemed things were alright again between those two… well, as alright as they could be anyway.”

Wufei couldn’t take his eyes off Duo.

“The Quatre you love, Wufei, is the Quatre that loves Trowa. It’s the Quatre who has his whole face lighting up just because Trowa smiled at him. And be honest with yourself, you probably wouldn’t even have considered it if there had been nothing between them.”

“What is your point, Maxwell?” Wufei snapped.

“My point is, the Quatre you love is the one that exists because of Trowa. They complete each other, and I agree that trying to pry them apart would seem cruel and a very bad idea but lucky you, that’s not what they have in mind. That’s not what you had in mind either, I shall add. If Trowa wasn’t here, Quatre would be a different person, and maybe you wouldn’t love him the way you do.”

Duo stood up slowly, brushing dead leaves and mud from his black pants.

“Think about it Wu, and you’ll see I’m right. It’s easy to fall for Cat. Even I did, however temporarily. But it’s so much more to have both of them. Don’t think about what you would take from them. Instead, think about what you could give them. Both of them.”

Duo stretched, giving Wufei some time to reply, but the Chinese remained silent, eyes fixed on the ground.

“They won’t ask you for more than you can give, but they need you, Wu. Cat needs you. And Tro needs you too. Maybe the timing was wrong, maybe the words were not right but… I think they deserve a chance. And I think _you_ deserve a chance. Someone had to fall for you one day or another anyway. It’s just so damn hard to try and tell you we love you! I always feel stupid when I am saying that to you, but it’s true, you know.”

Duo finished brushing his pants clean and started to leave.

“Well, it’s your decision, but… I know what I’d do if I were you, Wu. Now it’s your call. And don’t thank me, I actually enjoyed doing this!”

He left, leaving Wufei sitting in the dirt and staring blankly in the void.

 

When Duo entered his bedroom, he found Heero waiting for him, sitting on the bed.

“You talked to Wufei,” he said.

Not a question.

“Yup. How do you know?”

Heero pointed at the window.

“Ah. Should’ve known I couldn’t go on a secret date without you spying on me!” Duo said playfully, sitting next to Heero.

“How is he taking it?”

Duo fell back on the bed and sighed.

“Better than I expected, but… he’s got some serious thinking and talking to do before he can reach a decision. He does that a lot lately.”

“What?”

“Thinking. During the wars it was always ‘you’re in my way, I get rid of you’.”

“People change. They grow up.”

Duo snorted.

“Growing up? No, thank you! I feel perfectly fine as an immature and hormonal teenager!”

“We should get some sleep. We will probably have to go after the shuttle soon.”

Duo made a disappointed face.

“Does it mean I don’t get sex?”

“Stop that. We need…”

“I know, I know. I’ll just go take a shower and then we’ll have some rest.”

Duo got up and began to make his way to the bathroom. He only had to wait for three seconds before Heero asked.

“You wouldn’t horribly mind if I shared your shower, would you?”

****

“How is he doing?” Sally asked, coming into the room quietly.

“He hasn’t woken up yet,” Trowa answered, frowning, the fugitive facial expression the only sign that he was worried.

“Iria, Carter and Shannon are right outside. I’ll make them come in, if you don’t mind.”

Trowa shrugged. It didn’t really matter right now anyway. The door opened again with a hiss and the three other adults came in. Iria walked to the bed and stood next to Trowa, looking at her brother’s face and clinically assessing the visible signs that she could read. Carter and Shannon stayed by the door, unsure of what to do with themselves.

“Where is Wufei?” Sally asked lightly.

“I don’t know,” Trowa answered barely above his breath. “He left about an hour ago.”

“Ah.”

Sally was busy preparing some electrodes, and she caught the interrogative look Trowa shot her.

“I’m just going to monitor his brainwaves for a while,” she said.

“I asked her to,” Iria added. “It might help me for when I start his retraining.”

Trowa nodded to show he understood. Iria frowned and checked her brother’s pulse. It was steady, though a bit weak due to the blood loss and the fact that Quatre had overexerted himself while in a weakened state.

“Shouldn’t he have woken up again already?” she asked Sally.

“I don’t know,” Sally answered, calibrating her monitor. “I didn’t sedate him again because I felt it would be too much, but I don’t know what Chang did exactly…”

Her voice trailed away and she looked at Trowa. He shook his head.

“I don’t know,” he said. “Some kind of pressure point in the neck, but I’m not an expert.”

Sally abandoned the monitor for a while to check Quatre’s neck. She had not thought of doing it before, since she had been too busy re-stitching his wrist. She discovered a small finger-sized bruise at the back of Quatre’s neck and snorted.

“Looks like Wufei overdid it a bit,” she said laughingly. “Nothing to worry about,” she added for Iria, who had looked ready to go out and gut Wufei on sight and would probably have done so if not for the fact her brother was in love with him. “Chang knows how to use those kinds of techniques, Iria, but Quatre panicked. He would have bolted, and there was no way I could sedate him again. Twenty-four hours under that stuff is more than enough to make you sick and nauseous, and he needs to eat. But…”

She looked preoccupied now.

“I still think he should have woken up by now too, and I don’t think Wufei’s manipulation has anything to do with it. It took him out, but it is not supposed to make someone stay unconscious for that long. Even if it was applied with more strength than necessary, it was in no way dangerous and not designed to do more than incapacitate for a short period of time.”

She waved her electrodes around.

“Maybe those will help us understand.”

Very carefully, Iria and Sally placed electrodes on Quatre’s temples, forehead and also on the back of his neck. Quatre didn’t even stir as his head was gently maintained in place. Then, Sally switched her monitor on, and small lines began to sway on the screen. Sally’s brow furrowed as she looked at those lines. Trowa just waited. He had basic medical training from his days as a mercenary, but reading an EEG was not a part of it. The only thing he knew about those was that when the lines were flat, you were supposed to be in deep shit, and that was the extent of his knowledge.

“I don’t understand,” Sally muttered, flicking on several switches.

“What?” Iria asked.

“Look at that,” Sally answered, pointing at one of the lines. “Carter, come over here and tell me what you see.”

The young man obediently approached, bravely ignoring the headache that was probably busting his head open because of the machinery in the walls. He studied the lines on the screen too, especially the line Sally was pointing at.

“Delta waves,” he said without a hesitation. “He seems to be in a phase of semi-deep sleep.”

“Which is conclusive with the fact that he’s basically been knocked out,” Sally kept on, “but we shouldn’t be able to detect those waves now. He should be on the way to waking up, so we should be looking at theta waves, not delta. And… look at those.”

“It can’t be!” Carter exclaimed, and Iria shook her head in disbelief.

Trowa patiently suppressed the urge to yell at everyone to start speaking English again and just held on to Quatre’s hand. He had no idea what was exactly going on, but it didn’t look good. Or more exactly, it didn’t look like any of the physicians in the room had ever seen this.

“His beta waves are…” Carter started, only to be interrupted by Iria.

“Relevant with deep REM sleep,” she said.

Sally took out a small lamp and checked Quatre’s eyes, confirming that his body was indeed supposed to be in a deep REM sleep phase, although the delta waves still sniggered at them from the monitor.

“I think I know why,” Iria said slowly. “It’s because of the empathy. The brain is more awake than the body is. Those beta waves are not even deep sleep beta waves, even if they look like it. They look more like the beta waves you get from an aware patient.”

“So basically, his body is sleeping, but his brain is awake?” Carter tried to understand.

“No, he _is_ sleeping, but… it’s not easy to explain, but his empathy makes his brain function in what is almost akin to a conscious state even though he’s asleep.”

“He is dreaming right now,” Trowa cut in.

“He would be dreaming if he really was in a deep sleep phase,” Iria corrected. “This would be more like… visions?” she suggested.

“But when will he wake up?” Trowa asked, not understanding how Quatre’s body could stand up the pressure it must be to have your mind telling you you were awake when you were asleep.

“I don’t know,” Sally said. “Probably when he wants to.”

“What do you mean?” Iria asked, puzzled.

“I mean that I think this state is self-imposed. That he put himself in that kind of trance almost automatically once his body was out of commission. Which means that he will get out of it when he decides to.”

“If I can add something…” Carter said nervously. “I noticed that he seemed to be a little better when he managed to have some sleep. Actual sleep, not drug-induced. I supposed that being asleep probably dampened his abilities a bit and helped him stay in touch with his memories. That’s why I tried to have him sleep as much as possible without any kind of sedatives, but…”

“But he didn’t sleep much,” Iria completed. “Don’t worry, Dr. Carter, I know you did your best. And I know treating someone like Quatre is difficult, but… I hope he gets better soon so that you can get to know him better.”

“So, he’s not gonna wake up?” Trowa cut in again.

“Not immediately, at any rate,” Iria answered. “But don’t worry, Trowa. He will get out of this… trance. There are only so many contradictory signals a body can get before it starts to react. You’re staying here, right?”

“Yes. I don’t want him to wake up alone.”

“Good. Just have someone warn me once he is good enough to have people around. I have several things that need to be attended to, I’m afraid. Sally?”

“I’ll just leave the monitor, and…” she handed Trowa something that looked like a com device with only one button, “this is a panic button. Things get out of hand, you press that switch, it’s supposed to reach me in a fifty-mile radius around the emission point. Now let’s get out before my head splits in two,” she added with a groan. “Good luck.”

They left, leaving Trowa alone with Quatre and the strange beeping of the brain monitor as background noise. Trowa spent a moment looking at the strange lines that were supposedly saying what was going on in his Quatre’s brain, almost hypnotized by them. When they started to get blurry, though, he shook his head, trying to clear his vision. He was tired. He had slept far less than his comrades, and none at all ever since Quatre had disappeared again. If he didn’t watch it, he was going to fall asleep.

****

“Just out of curiosity, what did Quatre tell you before he… you know,” Sally asked Carter with a ghost of a smile.

Carter frowned. He was not amused by the situation, and being clocked cold by Quatre was definitely not on his top ten list of fun things to try again, but Sally Po seemed to find it incredibly funny that he had underestimated the pilot’s strength so much. He suspected it was a rather common occurrence for people who were in contact with Quatre on a day-to-day basis.

“I didn’t really understand,” he finally mused. “Something like… ‘access violation’? He talked about ‘incoming hostile presence’, then, whatever that means, and proceeded to ‘remove present threat’, that must have been me. And some figures too… like he was calculating the probabilities of success or something. It was weird and his voice was… I don’t know, a bit mechanical, almost sounding like a voice synthesizer on a computer, see what I mean?”

When he didn’t get any answer, Carter turned around. Both Sally and Iria were standing a few feet behind him, staring at him with wide eyes and faces very pale.

“No,” Iria said weakly. “It can’t be… Sally?”

“I don’t know,” Sally said, just as weakly. “I’ll have to tell the guys and ask their opinion about it, but it doesn’t look good. I… let’s not talk about that now. I have to report to Une. Immediately.”

She disappeared in her room. Iria remained standing in the middle of the corridor for a while before she managed to regain her composure. She looked at Carter steadily, but he wasn’t a psychiatrist for nothing. The woman was afraid, Carter had no idea of what, but she was pretty much terrified, and Carter had come to think that whatever could terrify one of those people had to be formidable or very evil.

“I am sorry, Dr. Carter, Miss Shannon, but unfortunately duty calls. I will remain in contact with you, but I may not be available for most of the rest of the day. Please make yourself at home here, and feel free to use any of the facilities.”

She walked away before they even could utter their thanks. Shannon looked very confused, and Carter couldn’t blame her.

“What was it all about, doctor?”

“I don’t know, Shannon, but whatever it is, it’s not good.”

****

~AC 197, March 7th, L4-A001, Winner Mansion, 5:47pm~

 

Trowa jerked awake when the hand he was holding suddenly constricted. He had fallen asleep without meaning to, still sitting in his chair and head pillowed on Quatre’s bed. But the very small movement had him awake in an instant. He sat up slowly, and watched, holding his breath, as Quatre’s eyes flickered open. The blond boy blinked several times, trying to assess his surroundings, then apparently felt that someone was holding his hand because he jerked it away and cradled it on his chest. He sat up in the bed and in the same movement managed to get away from what he probably perceived as a potentially hostile presence. Trowa did not make the mistake to be hurt or even to show hurt. Quatre was still too disoriented to know exactly what he was doing, and showing hurt or disappointment would only make things worse. So Trowa just concentrated on being calm, even though he knew he wasn’t calm at all, and on breathing quietly. He didn’t say a word, patiently waiting for Quatre to realize he wasn’t a threat.

Quatre looked at him for a few seconds with a blank look, almost through him. Then… something lit up in the green-blue eyes, some kind of recognition. But this was immediately followed by a small gasp of pain and tears. Quatre opened his mouth as if to speak, then closed it again. He hesitantly reached out with his hand. Trowa did not move at all. Even if he had wanted to, he was too petrified to move. He had no idea what was going on, except that his lover was sending out some deep confusion and he didn’t know how the hell he could know that with so much certainty.

He jumped slightly when Quatre’s hand touched his cheek. The touch was feather-like, hesitant, but it came from Quatre. He had made the first move. Trowa remained perfectly still and tried to calm the beating of his heart. Quatre first looked taken aback by the reaction, then the look on his face became one of intense sorrow, regret, and guilt.

“T-Trowa?”

Trowa could have fainted when he heard his name spoken in a hesitant whisper. Quatre had recognized him. He really hoped it was for the best.

“You’re back again,” Quatre said, barely above a whisper, as the tears began to flow down his cheeks.

Trowa frowned. He supposed it was normal that Quatre wouldn’t make much sense after what had happened to him, but that made even less sense than what he expected.

“It’s a dream,” Quatre said, his fingers still against Trowa’s cheek. “But it feels so real… just like the other times.”

Trowa spoke before he could help himself, and a lot more calmly than he believed himself capable of.

“Why do you think this is a dream?”

“Because I remember. Every time I dream, I know it’s really me and not…”

Quatre stopped and shivered.

“I know it must be a dream and you’re not really here and it’s all my fault. I know I will dream again and again and again, and every time you will be there and tell me it’s not my fault and…”

Quatre began to cry in earnest and took his hand away, as if afraid that touching Trowa would make him disappear.

“I’m so sorry, Trowa!” he sobbed. “I didn’t want to, I swear! Zero made me! I tried to stop, but… I just couldn’t! I didn’t want to, I didn’t want to…”

Alarmed, Trowa did the only thing he could do. He stared at Quatre and asked for an explanation.

“I don’t understand, Quatre. What is wrong? What did you do that you think is your fault?”

Quatre looked up sadly, eyes blurred by tears.

“It’s the same every time. Every time I ask for your forgiveness, and every time you just look at me and say that I did nothing wrong, but I did! I did!”

“What did you do, Quatre?”

Quatre hugged himself and looked away.

“I remember now,” he said in a low voice. “I remember it so well, it hurts just to remember. I didn’t want to.”

Trowa wisely decided to remain silent. But Quatre’s next words were definitely not what he expected.

“I remember now. I killed you.”


	14. Java script error

A deadly silence fell in the room. The only sounds that Trowa could hear were the humming of the electromagnetic devices in the walls and his own blood thrumming in his ears. All he could do was look at Quatre with wide eyes.

‘God, no. Please tell me I just didn’t hear that.’

Quatre was still crying quietly and looking away. Trowa blinked and shook his head, trying to ground himself again. But his own problems suddenly vanished when Quatre paled and whimpered, holding his belly.

“Quatre? Quatre, what’s wrong?”

Quatre was unable to answer, his now too frail body assailed by waves after waves of pain radiating through his abdomen. He began to dry-heave, the muscles in his belly tensing spasmodically as they tried to expulse something that wasn’t there. Cold sweat began to cover his body and he shivered. He was now only dimly aware of another presence in the room, too far gone into the pain to even reach out and ask for help.

Trowa’s hand reacted almost faster than his brain, catching Sally’s panic button and pressing it. There was not much he could do after that but wait as Quatre wailed in pain. He didn’t dare come too close, afraid that he would somehow make things worse for Quatre, but he didn’t want to leave either. He was still trying to figure out what to do when the door hissed open and Sally and Iria barged in, both slightly out of breath.

“What’s up?” Sally barked.

“He’s awake!” Iria interrupted.

“Sally, there’s something wrong, he was…”

Trowa stopped short of saying ‘fine’ because Quatre had not been fine at all. But he didn’t have to add a thing. Iria was already getting to the bed to check Quatre’s vitals, and Sally steered Trowa to the door. She began speaking before he could protest.

“Please, Trowa not now. He needs some rest first. Just go get the others and gather them in the study, please, we’ve got some stuff to tell you that needs to be told away from prying ears.”

“But what is happening to Quatre?”

Sally smiled sadly.

“This is an unfortunate secondary effect from the sedative. I had to mix several strong things to manage a concoction powerful enough to take you guys out, but without anything that you would have too bad reactions to. I couldn’t eliminate all the bad effects, though. Nausea is very common when you’ve been under this stuff. Just ask Heero, I pumped him full of it at the beginning of the year. Quatre has been under sedation for almost twenty-four hours, and his stomach is empty, that’s why it’s painful for him.”

Trowa looked worriedly at the bed, where Iria was busy trying to feel Quatre’s pulse and gently calling out to him.

“I don’t…”

“I know, Trowa. You don’t want to leave, and under any other circumstances I would keep you in there. But I really need you to gather the guys. We may have a lead into what caused… whatever happened to him. And… you need a break. You look like death warmed over. Like you saw a ghost or something.”

“I did,” Trowa said weakly, and before Sally could react to that strange comment, he all but fled from the room.

****

Iria had let Sally manage Trowa, her every sense focused on her little brother. He was holding his middle section and trembling under the pain, whimpering softly. He did not look like he had seen her.

“Quatre?”

He did not answer, just letting out a pitiful sob as a more intense wave of pain crashed through his body. Iria managed to take a hold of his wrist and checked his pulse. Too rapid, a bit erratic. She checked again, this time in his neck, then gently wiped cold sweat from his brow, and tried to make him lie back down. Sitting was not a good position for him right now.

“Quatre, can you hear me? Can you open your eyes? Look at me, little brother, come on!”

She tried very hard not to panic, not to think about what Dr. Carter had said before in the corridor. She had to concentrate on making sure he was alright first.

“Quatre, lie back down, sweetie. Come on, let me help you there, you’ll feel better once there’s less strain on your upper body.”

Sally appeared at her side, dosing some kind of medication in a syringe.

“What is it?” Iria asked.

“Something to stop the spasms. It will make him drowsy, but it’s not a sedative. I want him to get back on a proper diet as soon as possible. It will stop the pain,” Sally added with a smile to Iria. “Another of my little personal concoctions. I swear some labs would kill to get their hands on this stuff.”

Iria stood silent as Sally injected the drug to Quatre. He went limp in her arms, moaning softly, his body still shaking, but soon the wracking shivers stopped. Sally slowly examined sore belly muscles, and massaged them to help Quatre relax. All the while, Iria kept her brother against her, stroking the white blond hair and murmuring reassuring things. Then, Sally took out her stethoscope and checked both Quatre’s pulse and breathing, satisfied to find them back at a more normal rate.

“That’s better. But he’s probably going to be tired from it all.”

“Quatre?” Iria tried again, brushing blond bangs away. “Quatre, can you hear me?”

Slightly unfocused green-blue eyes slowly opened, and Iria held her breath as they turned to her face. Quatre gasped when he saw her, but didn’t pull away. In fact, his eyes went very wide, as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

“I… Iria?” he choked out in a croaked voice.

Iria felt tears spring to her eyes, but she smiled, a heavy burden lifted off her shoulders.

“That’s me,” she cooed reassuringly. “It’s okay now, Quatre. Everything’s alright, you’re home with your friends, and we will make sure you are going to be okay.”

Quatre swallowed, too exhausted to even try to move.

“Am… I… dead?” he asked in a whisper.

Iria frowned.

“What makes you say that, Quatre?”

“Used… to see you… ‘fter the shuttle got blasted away… didn’t know if you were okay… no one told me…”

Iria froze, unable to find anything to say that wouldn’t sound incredibly stupid or idiotic. Fortunately, Sally saved her.

“Quatre,” the blond doctor said, “do you know what day we are?”

Quatre turned to the new voice and gasped again.

“Sa… lly…”

“That’s my name,” Sally said cheerfully. “Now don’t panic and just try to concentrate, Quatre. Do you know what day we are today?”

“I…”

Quatre blinked several times and his face showed definite fear as he suddenly realized he had absolutely no idea what the date was, nor the time of the day. The only thing that prevented him from having a panic attack right away was that Iria was holding him and caressing his back soothingly.

“It’s okay, Quatre,” Sally said. “It’s normal for you to be disoriented. Today is the 7th of March, AC 197.”

“What… happened to… me?”

Iria and Sally shot a look at each other, and Iria decided to answer.

“We don’t know yet, Quatre. What is the last thing you remember?”

There was a short silence.

“I don’t know… it’s all… messed up in my head… was Trowa really here?”

“Yes, he was, and he is really worried about you. Quatre, something bad happened to you, and we don’t know what yet, just that you need rest. It would be really good if you could sleep now.”

Quatre winced, as if the thought of sleeping was not something he would gladly consider.

“You’re not under any other drug than the little painkiller I gave you, Quatre,” Sally intervened. “Iria is right, it would be very good for you if you could sleep a little. You need some natural sleep.”

“Everything is okay, Quatre,” Iria added. “You’re home, on L4-A001. Trowa, Wufei, Heero and Duo are here, and they all want you to get better. Nothing bad is going to happen to you, I promise. We are all here for you.”

It was only at the end of her little speech that Iria realized that Quatre was already asleep. She glared at Sally when the woman snorted, then eased Quatre back on the bed and arranged the blankets around him.

“We should not leave him alone,” she said.

“Well, we’ve got a qualified nurse here with us,” Sally pointed out. “That’s part of why I asked her to come along. She can keep an eye on him, right?”

“Yes, of course, I should have thought of that. By the way, should we invite Dr. Carter to our little meeting?”

“There are some things he needs to know…” Sally began.

“I will keep him updated on Quatre’s medical condition so that he can help us and report to Dr. Hewley, but I don’t think he needs to know about… that… just yet. This is only a suspicion,” Iria said in an uncertain voice.

“Yeah, but both you and I know it would explain things.”

“I know, Sally,” Iria sighed. “I know. But until we know more, and mostly until we know how it was done, I don’t think it wise to get… uninformed people into this.”

“You’re probably right. And I bet the guys will agree with you on that, so I’m not even gonna try to argue. It’s safer that way.”

****

Trowa found himself in front of Wufei’s door without really knowing how he had come there. But the fact that this was the first place he had thought of coming to made him stop and consider, putting aside the fears for a moment.

‘I told him we wouldn’t pressure him. Now is not a good time to make a liar of myself. I meant it, and I still mean it, I don’t want him to be thrown into something he doesn’t want, and Quatre won’t want it anymore than I do. I shouldn’t have come to him first.’

But he knew that his logic would always be defeated both by his instincts and his heart. He knew that the decision to come here first had not been made consciously. Just that his heart felt like it was going to explode soon, and that he needed someone to be strong for him just for a moment. And since Quatre couldn’t, his feelings had directed him to the second person he knew he trusted and loved with all his devotion, and that was Wufei.

‘I just can’t keep running anymore… but I don’t want to push him away by being too insistent. I want it to come from him, I want him to come to us because he really wants it, not because I feel like I need someone to cling onto. How do I always seem to put myself in such situations? First Cat, then Wufei…’

Trowa felt panicked, blocked by his internal struggle. He had a perfectly valid excuse to be here, Sally had asked for him to gather his comrades in the study. But it didn’t make it any easier for him to realize just how much he needed to hear someone’s voice reassuring him right now, and how much he would love that voice being Wufei’s.

Unfortunately for him, his dilemma was solved as Wufei opened his door. The Chinese had realized that someone was standing in front of the wooden panel quite some time ago, but had patiently waited to see if that someone would make themselves known or not. Upon not seeing anything happen, Wufei had decided to go confront whoever it was, and the reason they had to be standing outside of his door doing nothing.

“What’s up?” he snapped a bit more abruptly than he intended to.

His face lost its irritated frown as he saw Trowa standing there, too pale, eyes wide and a lost look on his usually reserved face that was decidedly not normal.

“Trowa? What’s going on? Are you okay?”

“I…”

Trowa looked at a loss for words. Wufei frowned again and pulled Trowa in his room, closing the door behind them and making his comrade go sit on the bed.

“What’s wrong?”

“Quatre… woke up.”

It almost crushed Trowa to see how Wufei’s face lightened at that simple sentence, because he knew he would have to kill that light soon.

“Well, that’s good then, isn’t it?”

“He recognized me, but… I think he… he thought we were back during the war… right after when he shot me with Zero.”

“Oh” was the only thing Wufei found to say, suddenly understanding the cause for Trowa’s paleness and shakiness. That was sure to have brought back painful memories for his friend, both from the actual time when he had lost his memories and from the time both he and Quatre had spent trying to repair the damage that had been done. And Wufei suddenly found himself with the urge to make that awfully lost look on Trowa’s face go away. And it shocked him to the point of leaving him speechless.

‘I love Quatre, I know that much, but Trowa? Since when did I start caring about Trowa so much? Since when has his happiness become as important as Quatre’s happiness in my eyes? God, what is happening to me? What the hell am I doing?’

Wufei was sure that Duo would have had some smartass comment to answer to that. He himself was a bit too caught up in the sudden realization that yes, Trowa mattered to him more than just a friend, and that it was making life both incredibly simpler and incredibly more complicated all at once.

“Wufei?”

Trowa’s anxious call brought Wufei back to reality. He realized he had been staring in the void. Trowa shifted uneasily on the bed and looked away, a slight blush on his cheeks.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come,” he said very softly and began to get up.

To his surprise, a very firm hand forced him back on the bed, and he found himself face to face with a suddenly quite irate Wufei.

“I thought you knew me far better than that, Barton!”

Trowa blinked. Wufei smiled wearily and rubbed the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath.

“You never had any troubles talking to me when you had a problem before,” he said. “So what’s wrong this time?”

To be honest, Wufei had a pretty good idea of what was wrong, but he felt like Trowa should be the one to say it.

“I just… I told you there was no pressure on you and here I come begging for attention when you probably need time and space…”

Trowa stopped talking and looked down, but Wufei caught the shame that flashed in the green eyes. He sighed.

“Trowa, you’ve been honest with me. Even if what you told me kind of... destroyed my vision of the world, so to speak, you were honest, and I wouldn’t expect anything less from you. You told me that whatever happens, you and Quatre would always be my friends. It works both ways.”

“I know, but…”

“No buts,” Wufei interrupted firmly. “I do not give out my friendship with conditions. You were there for me in times when I was in difficulty, and I likewise will be there for you. I do not know yet what I will decide about what you told me, and I definitely need more time, not to mention that a quite lengthy conversation with both you and Quatre would probably be a great help in sorting a lot of things out, but… I mean it Trowa. Whatever happens, I will remain your friend, no matter what, and if either you or Quatre need me, I’ll be there. You just have to ask.”

Trowa remained silent for a while, gazing at his friend and savoring his every word. It was true that he had feared his confession would drive Wufei away, and he had counted on Quatre to convince him to come to them because he knew it was Quatre Wufei had fallen in love with. He felt almost ashamed now to have underestimated the feelings that Wufei had for them, whether of love or friendship.

“Thank you,” he said quietly.

“Now that it’s settled, do you want to talk about it?”

“I… maybe later. We don’t have time now. Sally wants us in the office as soon as possible. She and Iria said they had a possible lead into the case.”

“Good. Then let’s fetch Maxwell and Yuy and go wait for them. You’re sure you’re okay?”

“No,” Trowa answered in a slightly shaking voice. “No, I’m not okay, but I can’t afford to break down now. Not before I am sure he is okay.”

Wufei didn’t add anything, but his hand on Trowa’s shoulder comforted the young man more than he could have possibly said.

*****

They didn’t have to wait for long. Wufei had first dropped Trowa in the office, made sure he had something hot to drink and then had gone to find Duo and Heero. When Duo had gotten in the dimly lit room, he had immediately understood that something was wrong with Trowa, but to Heero’s surprise and very unlike his gregarious self, he had simply assessed his comrade’s state of mind with a rapid look and waited until Wufei sat down beside Trowa before coming closer and putting a comforting hand on Trowa’s shoulder. Frowning as he saw that quite uncharacteristic behavior from Duo, Heero had come closer as well, to hear the latest news and offer his own small dose of comfort. Until Duo had dragged him off to the other couch in the room to wait for Sally and Iria, leaving the two other young men alone, and Wufei apparently fussing over Trowa, which was very surprising in itself since fussing had never been something Heero associated with Wufei in the first place.

“What is going on?” he whispered to Duo.

Duo turned bright eyes on him and smiled, apparently amused to realize Heero had no clue about the situation.

“You really don’t know, do you?”

Heero elbowed him and grunted, careful to keep his voice low so that the two other Gundam pilots wouldn’t hear them. But it appeared Wufei was too busy making sure Trowa would finish the mug of green tea that he had been given to care that his love life was being discussed three feet away from him.

“Don’t make fun of me.”

“I’m sorry, babe. I just… I think those guys won’t have that much trouble after all.”

Duo had to choke on his laughter as he witnessed Heero assessing the situation with his usual focus. He could have sworn that his lover was calculating the precise space between Wufei and Trowa’s bodies, and counting just for how many seconds the Chinese was in actual physical contact with his friend.

“They’re not there yet,” Heero whispered again, suddenly.

Duo stopped laughing at once, and looked at Heero, taken at unawares by the sudden bout of philosophy. Every now and then, Heero surprised him liked that. Most of the time, he was clueless as to what the most simple interactions between people really meant, and yet in some occasions he could be pretty observant and insightful. With a soft smile, Duo put his arm around Heero’s shoulders and gathered him close, kissing the top of his head and nuzzling into the fine brown hair. Heero raised puzzled blue eyes to meet his, and Duo sighed.

“No, they’re not,” he finally said. “But I trust they will be alright. They have to be. They deserve to be. We all do.”

Heero didn’t answer, just tucked his head under Duo’s chin and waited.

 

Iria, Sally and Carter came into the office. The psychiatrist had just been informed that his patient had awoken, but had not been allowed to see him yet, and he was impatient to get some news. He looked at the four sitting young men. They were all quite pale, but they looked more rested. Yet, in spite of all his experience as a doctor, Carter would have been hard pressed to say what they were feeling at the moment. They had all schooled their features into unreadable masks when he and the women had come in, and Carter knew why. They didn’t trust him yet. He didn’t make the mistake to feel offended. He was just beginning to grasp what they all had had to go through in the past years, and he knew that he would have to earn that trust. Bizarrely, he was kind of looking forward to that kind of challenge.

“How is he?” Trowa asked as soon as everyone was seated.

“He’s sleeping,” Iria said. “Without the aid of sedatives, and under Shannon’s supervision. She will alert us should anything happen.”

“What happened?” Wufei said, his tone a bit clipped.

Sally sighed, but didn’t reprimand him as she usually did when he was showing that kind of attitude. Given the circumstances, Wufei was actually quite restrained, she thought. Of course, he had the whole matter of the inquiry to consider. Then again, it could also have a lot to do with the fact that he was hovering protectively behind Trowa.

“He woke up quite disoriented,” Sally finally said. “He didn’t know what day we were nor exactly where he was, but he recognized us. Is that right, Trowa?”

Trowa nodded, his hand gripping the mug of tea more tightly.

“He could put name on our faces, but he couldn’t situate himself in time, so he didn’t really understood what was happening,” Sally kept on. “I… I’m sorry, Trowa, I should have warned you…”

“About what?”

Sally looked away.

“In case of a memory loss or of temporary amnesia, traumatic events are often the first things to come back.”

“I know that perfectly well,” Trowa said coldly.

“Of course, but… I guess it couldn’t have harmed to warn you. Because in all of your cases, traumatic events are quite above average.”

Duo raised a sarcastic eyebrow. Trowa had had the time to relate everything that had happened, and he too thought that being warned would have been kind of nice.

“What now?” he asked.

“Natural sleep is what will help him most during the next few days,” Iria kept on. “Isn’t it, Dr. Carter?”

Carter, who had been avidly listening, jumped slightly.

“Yes,” he said a bit hesitantly. “Normal R.E.M. sleep is good for the memory, because it’s the subconscious that digs out of our brain the stuff that makes our dreams. The more he gets of it the better.”

“And while the kitten hibernates, what should we do?” Duo inquired. “You said you had leads.”

Iria shot a look to Carter.

“We’ll come to it in a minute. Dr. Carter, I will need to speak with you and Shannon. I know you already went through this with Sally, but I need every possible detail on my brother’s stay in your clinic… and I would like you to meet him the next time he wakes up. He may have questions on the last three weeks that only you can answer at that point.”

“I’ll be there,” Carter answered. “I’ve really wanted to help him all these weeks. I’m glad that I can help to at least make something right now.”

Iria smiled sadly.

“I know you did your best, Dr. Carter. You simply did not have the means to treat my brother correctly, that is all. I can never thank you enough for what you did. But… now if you will excuse us, there are matters that we need to discuss.”

Carter frowned.

“But…”

“I don’t have to remind you that this is a Preventer inquiry, do I, doctor?” Wufei interrupted abruptly.

“I am here to help,” Carter protested.

“You won’t help anyone if you’re dead,” Heero said quietly, effectively reducing everyone to silence.

It lasted a few interminable seconds before Wufei spoke again.

“You are a civilian. You should not even have been informed of our status as Gundam pilots. You know more than enough.”

“They’re right,” Sally added. “It’s for your own safety, Doc. We don’t know what we’re up against yet. The less you know, the less you’re in danger.”

“I don’t understand,” Carter said stubbornly.

Duo slowly got up and crossed the room to face the doctor. He had to look up to stare at him in the eyes, but he wasn’t any less intimidating, and Carter shivered.

“It means, translated to good ol’ English, that you’ll get your ass outta here before we discuss the serious stuff if you know your priorities, Doc. You don’t have the slightest idea what we’re capable of nor what it takes to put one of us down, especially that one. And if you know what’s good for your health, you’ll be a nice boy and you won’t want to know. You’re here to help Cat get better, then do it, and don’t ask questions. What you don’t know can’t hurt you.”

Carter gulped and nodded.

“I… sorry.”

“Carter…” Sally said, “… if it becomes imperative that you are informed, then you will be. It’s just… we have motives to believe that we are into something very dangerous, and no one wants you to get hurt because of it. Believe me, we are not withholding that info because we don’t like you or to make life difficult for you. It’s just safer that way, both for you and for us.”

“I understand. I won’t ask questions… but if Quatre’s health is at stake…”

“Then we’ll share. But we don’t know enough yet. Now if you could please…”

“Of course. Excuse me.”

He went out silently, closing the door behind him. Duo sighed and went back to sit next to Heero.

“He’s nice,” he said. “And he really wants to help.”

He sounded like he wanted to convince himself, or so Sally thought, but she kept that to herself. There was an awkward silence for a few moments, before Iria broke it.

“You all know what we must talk about, don’t you?”

“How can it be?” Wufei asked. “This thing is a piloting program and it was destroyed. I’ve never heard of any kind of program that could infect the human mind. It’s ridiculous.”

“We don’t know that much about Zero,” Sally interjected. “Dorothy was unable to explain exactly what it did, and she only used a mild version of it anyway. Zechs… well, Zechs didn’t really understand what the system was all about, and Epyon’s system wasn’t identical to the one in Wing Zero anyway, since Kushrenada didn’t have the scientists’ blueprints. In fact, it would be correct to say that Epyon’s system, and the one Dorothy used are not even the Zero system, but some kind of altered version. Which means that the only people who really used that specific system were you guys.”

“I used it only once and it was more than enough,” Duo said vehemently. “That thing should never have been created to begin with.”

“It was the same for me,” Trowa said. “And for Wufei too.”

Everyone turned to Heero, who didn’t seem too spooked by the attention. He didn’t like talking about Zero at the best of times, but this was different. Quatre needed him to be strong, and he would do anything for Quatre.

“Heero?” Sally asked. “Maybe you can…”

“Zero cannot infect a person’s mind in the way Wufei thinks,” Heero said suddenly, “but in effect both me and Quatre have been… contaminated by the system.”

The only one not to gape was Trowa. He remained absolutely still.

“Zero is a system that foresees all possible outcomes in a battle so that the pilot can choose the best one. However, the system conceives the best outcome as the one that guarantees its integrity and the integrity of the machine. If the pilot and the system conflict, the system can try to overrule the pilot and make its own decision for its own survival.”

“We know that already,” Duo pointed out. “That and the fact that only you and Cat ever managed to master it enough to fight.”

“No,” Heero said, shaking his head. “I never mastered the Zero system.”

Duo’s eyebrows shot up.

“You’re kiddin’ me, right? I mean, come on, you were the only one who managed to pilot that horror correctly apart from Zechs, and he definitely preferred Epyon’s system.”

“I was not Zero’s first pilot. Quatre was. And it took me a long time before I could just control the system enough so that it would not overrule my decisions. I was in control of the system, but Quatre is the only one who truly conquered it.”

 


	15. Incorrect parameters detected

“What does it mean?” Wufei asked.

“Zero works with neuronal connection. It modifies brain patterns.”

“What?” Iria choked out.

“It modifies the decision process. I don’t know exactly how, since everything was destroyed, but the machine trains the brain to new patterns of decision. Someone who used the Zero system to its fullest could grasp the concept very easily and be able to use it… even without the system’s assistance.”

“What you are saying is that this machine modified Quatre’s brain so that his decision process would be… would be what exactly?” Iria asked, confused.

“I don’t know. The finality of the system has never been clear. But I know that at my level, I have experienced some reorganization. But Quatre… Quatre mastered the system. Which means…”

There was a short silence.

“… which means that he didn’t need it anymore. He was stronger than the system, strong enough to make the right decisions without the computer’s help. He was more efficient, and the system could not overrule him at all. It had become obsolete, because Quatre performed better than it.”

“But he knew that, didn’t he?” Duo asked. “I mean, he disconnected the thing from Sandrock himself, and he never used it again, to my knowledge.”

“He knew it,” Trowa confirmed. “He told me that he had understood how it worked, and that humanity was better off without the system.”

“But if he knew how much the system had affected him, why didn’t it show?” Iria asked confused.

“Because Zero is a program,” Heero answered. “And whatever the interface, a program needs to be activated in order to function. Quatre knew it perfectly well, and he knew that he would never consciously rely on those new brain patterns.”

Trowa was feeling a little calmer, but only a little. Quatre had never really been able to say what Zero had changed in him, and hearing Heero explain everything in that calm, clinical way was strangely soothing. Heero turned to Trowa and Wufei.

“We talked about it a little,” he said. “He wanted to know if the program had affected me too, and to what extent.”

“If I sum everything up,” Wufei said, “both you and Quatre had some decisional brain patterns affected by the system, but since you had decided not to use them, those patterns were inactive.”

Heero nodded.

“It’s just… It sounds surreal to talk about this that way,” Iria said. “It’s like you both are machines or something.”

“It’s because we are not machines that we can control this easily. Zero cannot overrule a conscious decision. It acts on the subconscious. That’s why the visions were very disturbing, and why he had so much trouble the first time he piloted it. That’s also why he knew what he was doing when he activated it the last time he used it.”

“Like you didn’t rub his nose in it for that one,” Duo said sarcastically.

“I gave him a choice,” Heero answered steadily.

His gaze was unwavering, and Duo knew that Heero would never regret making the decision to install Zero in Sandrock. Quatre would never have made the decision, and they would have lost, ultimately. But now, it seemed Quatre was paying a heavier price than they had forethought.

“He didn’t really have a fuckin’ choice!” Duo snapped angrily.

“Yes, he did,” Wufei shot back.

“He did it for us! Because we were bloody idiots who couldn’t even fight together properly!”

“This is no one’s fault, Duo,” Iria interrupted severely. “There’s no one to blame here, and certainly not you. None of you”, she added before he could protest. “What is important is that both Heero and Quatre could block the decisional brain patterns induced by Zero at will. So for him to react that way and activate them without thinking, something bad must have happened.”

Duo was still slightly trembling, and he jumped when Heero’s hand touched his shoulder. The Japanese jerked his hand back quickly, but Duo caught it and pulled Heero into his arms.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, it’s just…”

“I know,” Heero simply said.

“I know it’s not your fault.”

“It’s okay…”

“No, it’s not. I just… I feel helpless. I didn’t even realize what it must have been for you two to be in that much contact with that thing, I was just glad that I wasn’t the one to have to do it.”

Sally clapped her hands to gain everyone’s attention.

“Let’s focus, boys!” she said severely. “From what Heero said, Zero cannot be the direct cause of what happened, but whatever happened weakened Quatre to the point that he could neither control his empathy nor the special decision patterns. This leads me to the conclusion that the program was activated every time Quatre felt threatened or felt someone around him threatened. I…” she hesitated. “God, I hate talking like that! I hate to think of his brain as a hard disk. This is just so fucked up!”

She ran a hand through her hair irritably and sighed explosively. Iria smiled at her.

“We have yet to understand what thing could have caused my brother’s training to slip enough that his empathy would get out of control, thus enabling Zero to take over at some point. We all agree that his episodes seem to have been only temporary, which in itself is good. It means he still had the strength to try and defeat the program. But I have no idea of what could cause such a break in his training. He was in full control of his abilities! This is incomprehensible.”

Wufei got up, his face set. Everyone knew that his next words would be spoken as head of the inquiry concerning the disappearance of Agent Winner.

“We cannot make any advances on that side before Quatre gets better. He is in no shape to give a testimony, and he needs rest and care. But we have other leads that we can follow in the meantime. Yuy, you told me you located the shuttle, right?”

“Affirmative,” Heero said, tone blank, back in mission mode since it was far easier than the earlier mass of emotions swirling around the room and unsteadying everyone, including him. The mission he could handle a lot better, especially for Quatre’s sake.

“Where is it?” Iria asked.

“I located the electronic marker inside of the shuttle and got the coordinates,” Heero answered from memory. “The Winner database matched those coordinates with those of an abandoned mining satellite named XR-367F5. The satellite was in exploitation from AC 76 to AC 178. It was used to extract and process titanium to build colony walls. There were some major troubles in the processing factory when the Alliance tried to have it modified to process neo-titanium for the building of the new mobile suits. WEI threatened to close down the factory and send the workers to Alliance authorities to find them jobs if they were not left alone. The premises were sealed when it was deemed by experts that there were no more useful natural resources available on the satellite in November of AC 178. All workers were dispatched to other stations and most of the machinery recycled, leaving only minimum life support in case someone would end up stranded there. No more recorded activity in the database, and no liaison ever since the closing.”

All business, Wufei turned to Iria.

“Can you add any details to that?”

“Not really,” Iria answered, barely hiding a smile.

She had to admit it was funny to see Heero just blurting out the database scroll by heart, even if a bit frightening at the same time. She was really thinking of having a very serious conversation with all of them about a holiday as soon as Quatre would be better.

“I was working on a similar station when I met Quatre again during the war, but this one is far in the outer rim of the cluster. I suppose it was built in the same way, living quarters next to the factory, two shuttle ports, one for ore carriers and one for transport shuttles… the blueprints must be in the database, right?” she asked, turning to Heero.

“I printed them out,” he confirmed with a nod.

“If the satellite was sealed, then I can’t see what it could have been used again for. Of course, there aren’t any sophisticated alarms since everything of value would have been dismantled and taken away, and the few alarms are set up to warn us about possible leaks of chemicals or anything that might be dangerous for someone who would happen to cross the satellite on their road. But this basically just remains a bit of floating rock onto which some livable installations were implanted, and then abandoned.”

“Is there a possibility that someone could have used the current installations as a base without anyone here knowing?” Wufei asked seriously.

Iria hesitated, then nodded.

“If they have what it takes,” she said.

“Which is?” Sally inquired.

“Well, after the workers were evacuated, I would think that all the life support systems were unplugged, and all energy sources removed from the premises. Someone wanting to use the satellite would have to bring in oxygen, energy to restart the systems, probably some good computer technicians to make sure the whole commanding interface runs smoothly… it would take a lot of effort, and a lot of money, and it’s a wonder why anyone would…”

“But it could be done unnoticed,” Duo pointed out.

“Yes,” Iria admitted with a wince. “If someone managed to do all this, then they can cut ties at will with the main database without a problem, since the satellite is officially sealed. No one will look further, and really no one cares. Who would want to live on a piece of space junk anyway? It’s just not worth the cost. But it is possible. If someone managed to restart the life support systems and the computer mainframe, they can do whatever they want, because, as I told you, the only supervision we do on those old satellites are for chemical leaks, since we sometimes use them for storage of dangerous or outdated materials. But I don’t think it was the case with that one. It was not taken away from its stationing point around the cluster because it was quite far away from transport routes and didn’t bother anyone.”

“The perfect place to hide something,” Duo said with a dark smile. “Whatever you want, people, machinery, anything.”

Iria’s brow furrowed in worry.

“You are absolutely right, Duo. I think that, as new CEO of WEI, it is my duty to have someone check on all of those installations and make sure they are completely dismantled. After all, the walls can be used again in construction, and the life support systems could be donated to mechanic schools for teaching purposes. We’ll just have to find a way to get rid of the dangerous chemicals stored on some of the premises and a good salvage company to take the installations apart,” she ended with a smile.

“I’ll give you Howard’s business card,” Duo retorted with a grin. “You settle everything with the old man, and he’ll probably give you a good price. You’re giving him work for at least ten years with this.”

Wufei cleared his throat, bringing everyone’s attention back on him.

“Good. Yuy, Maxwell, you find me that shuttle and investigate on the satellite. I’ll make sure that a Preventer stealth shuttle is ready for you at the spaceport. When do you want to leave?”

“Just give us the time to jump into our gear and we’re off, huh, Heero?”

“Hn,” was Heero’s only reply, but he nodded tersely to his ‘boss’. Both Heero and Duo got up and made their way to the door, but Duo turned around at the last moment.

“What are you guys gonna do while we get all of the action and fun?”

“We are staying here,” Wufei answered after a moment. “I will report to Une, and send the latest news to Agent Catalonia and Minister Darlian. You can contact us the normal way. We’re staying with Quatre and keeping an eye on things.”

“Why doesn’t that surprise me coming from our Wu-bear?” Duo smirked teasingly. “I always knew you had a mother hen streak in you, man!” he added, zooming out of the room with all speed to avoid being killed by a furious and embarrassed to the point of turning beet red Chinese man.

 

Neither Iria nor Sally remained in the office for very long, first because they didn’t want to embarrass Wufei any further and because it was clear that he and Trowa needed some time alone. They left quickly, as they both had things to do elsewhere.

Trowa didn’t move from his place on the couch, hands still holding the now empty mug Wufei had given him. Wufei took a deep breath and approached his friend, kneeling in front of him and putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Go get some sleep.”

Trowa shuddered and looked up, shaking his head, but Wufei refused to bend.

“No need to argue, Barton. You need rest. You’ve been on your feet for God knows how long, you just had a serious emotional shock, and we both know there’s nothing we can do for the moment. Trying to get some sleep is the most reasonable thing for you.”

“What about you?” Trowa protested.

“I happen not to have spent most of last night and of today in that room waiting for something to happen. It may not have been relaxing, but I had some sleep at least.”

“I want to know if he’s alright…” Trowa began, only to be cut off again.

“I will stay in his room.”

Trowa blinked.

“What?”

Wufei smiled.

“I will stay in his room. As soon as you’re tucked in, I’ll just take a book or something and go sit with him so that he won’t be alone if he wakes up.”

Trowa swallowed.

“Wufei, you don’t have to do this.”

Wufei just looked at him, baring his soul as he looked directly into his best friend’s eyes.

“I know I don’t have to. I want to. I want to do this for both of you. He’s sick, and you can’t do him any good if you don’t get at least a few hours of rest. You’re going to pass out from exhaustion, and then I’m going to have to worry for both of you. I… Trowa, do you trust me to watch over him? I promise that if anything happens, I will come to get you.”

It took a moment for Trowa to find his voice back. He had no idea what had happened to Wufei in the short time the Chinese had had to mull over the revelation that both he and Quatre were in love with him, but it was clear at least that his friend was trying, very hard, to come to terms with the idea. Not to mention that it would be downright cruel from Trowa to refuse Wufei’s offer. He knew very well that Wufei had longed to do just that for Quatre, to care for him just the way Trowa did. He also knew that he didn’t have a problem with it, that he would welcome this, that he was looking forward to seeing Quatre and Wufei interact together, and all of them finding a new balance in their life.

“I trust you, Wufei,” he said very softly.

“Good. I’ll walk you back to your room. Just take a shower and try to sleep. I’ll go grab a book and settle just next door. If you need anything, you know where I’ll be.”

Wufei got out first. He didn’t see the smile appearing on Trowa’s face, nor heard the whispered sentence.

“You’ll be where you belong, Wufei. I know what I’m talking about. You’ll never want to leave again.”

Trowa began to follow Wufei, then stopped and frowned, suddenly recalling a bit of what Wufei had said.

‘Worry for both of us?’

His smile grew bigger as he jogged along the corridor to catch up with his friend.

****

Carter looked around in hopes of finding his way back, but he had to admit it: he was lost. He had taken off after leaving the office, to let out some steam. He had not shown it, but he was really frustrated to be left aside on something that, from Dr. Winner and Dr. Po’s reaction, seemed to be central in Quatre’s illness. He could easily understand that none of the Gundam pilots were ready to trust him, at least until Quatre would start to get better. And if he was really honest with himself, they scared him a little. He was sure that if he had decided to argue and stay in the room, Maxwell would have bodily kicked him out and none of the others would have prevented him from doing so. Sally Po’s warning was slowly seeping in.

He was fascinated by them, both as a doctor specialized in the troubles of the mind and as a human being. And he wasn’t sure he wanted to explore that fascination too thoroughly, because he was almost certain that it would amount to doing exactly what Sally Po had said he should not do. She was absolutely right when she said that those boys didn’t need his help in coping with any kind of mental wounds their scarred childhoods and the wars had given them. And he also admitted that trying to delve any deeper would not only be extremely rude and uncaring of him, but also that it would tag him as one of those people who would do anything to satisfy some misplaced curiosity, and he really couldn’t imagine himself as someone like that. A lot of people were fascinated by the so-called Gundam Boys, the most enraged of fans even having created groups to try and find out who their heroes were. He did not wish to be associated with the raving lunatics who would do anything to invade those boys’ privacy. He had to control himself enough, and to be acutely aware of the very tight limits the pilots raised around themselves, because any sign that he would try to get past those defenses without being asked to first could be very dangerous for him. On the other hand, he really didn’t want to stop and think about the fact that whatever was related to Sally Po had a kind of special taste. Nope, he really didn’t want to. He was here because he was a professional and because one of his patients needed help in a time of distress, nothing more. And if he kept telling himself that, he might even start to believe it.

Carter ran a hand through his hair and sighed. He had walked without looking where he was going, and since all of the halls and rooms were decorated in a similar way, he had completely lost track of where he was. To top it all, there wasn’t a servant in sight, and most of the security seemed to be concentrated outside. Which meant he was basically on his own, lost in the maze of the Winner Mansion. He snorted at his own stupidity.

“Great! I just had to go blindly ruminating about how no one trusts me in here and what a poor, miserable, unloved guy I am! Now I’m bound to starve to death before meeting a friendly face ever again. Maybe I should just jump out of a window and find the main entrance again. That would be far easier!”

He opened a door at random and got the greatest shock of his life for the second time in less than twenty-four hours when he fell face to face with the barrel of a gun, behind which two cool blue eyes were staring at him.

 

Time seemed to slow down, seconds turning into centuries, as Carter stood, hypnotized by the blue gaze and by the nose of the weapon pointed straight at his forehead, far too close for him to dodge if the shooter decided to squeeze the trigger. He dimly became strangely aware of his surroundings. The walls painted a cream white, and the two huge windows in the background that let the now fading lights in the room, casting strange shadows everywhere; the racks of weapons, from antique Japanese sabers to things he had never seen before, hanging on most of the walls; a voice talking in the background, but the owner of the voice nowhere in sight at the moment.

Carter was no stranger to weapons. He had seen his fair share of them during the war, and before he had finally been hired by the very private Fatimah clinic, he had had to take the jobs that were offered to him, and that had been in the ER room of a war zone in his hometown of Neo-Chicago. But the gun that Heero Yuy was aiming at his head was nothing like he had seen before. Sleek, black with a blue tint, obviously made of another metal than the standard titanium now universally used to make hand weapons lighter. Yuy’s hand was poised on the gun like drawing a weapon on people at unawares was something he did quite regularly.

The voice grew louder and Duo Maxwell suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Carter saw him from the corner of his eyes, but he was far too paralyzed to even try and move a finger. It unsettled him quite a bit when the young man, after taking a good look at the scene, suddenly burst out laughing.

“Heero, can’t you pick another time to play with the doc? We’re supposed to be gone already!”

Carter shivered. Heero raised an eyebrow, still staring at Carter. Apparently, that little signal was a whole question, and a question his partner understood, because Duo kept on chattering. But Carter couldn’t help noticing that if the young man was walking closer to them, he was doing so deliberately slowly, and apparently taking care to put himself in Heero’s line of vision while constantly reminding him of his presence with the sound of his voice.

“C’mon, Heero, put the gun away already! He’s supposed to be on our side, y’know? Not that it’d prevent you from shooting him, heh, you almost did kill me after all and I was on your side, too, not to mention _I_ shot you and I was on your side… well I didn’t know it, but still… Anyway, he’s here to help Cat, so it wouldn’t look too good if you plastered his brain all over Cat’s nice weapon bunker… Not to mention the kitty would make you clean and repaint the walls yourself, and he’s a slave-driver, we all know it…”

At some point during that little speech, Heero suddenly pointed the gun upwards and clicked the safety back on, but he didn’t move from his place and kept on glaring right at Carter, as if the doctor’s very existence was an insult to the order of nature. Carter began to breathe more freely but very cautiously anyway. Duo sauntered to Heero, put a hand on his shoulder and murmured something in his ear that Carter didn’t hear. All he knew was that it made Heero smirk, and that was definitely not a pleasant sight, especially not after having been held at gunpoint. Then, the blue gaze went blank as if the Japanese young man had somehow obliterated Carter’s presence from his reality, unpleasantly reminding the young doctor of the look on Quatre’s face during the last three weeks. Heero turned away, holstered his gun and went to a desk with an open laptop, typing a few commands and watching it shut down.

“Don’t take it personally, Doc,” Duo said with a wink, walking to one of the weapon racks that held strange knives and examining them. “Just a warning, though. Don’t cross Heero when he’s in mission mode, ‘kay? The only people who tried are Gundam Pilots or dead.”

“I’m… I’m sorry,” Carter finally stammered out. “I got… well, it’s stupid, but I got lost in the mansion and I had no idea where I was. I just opened the first door I found.”

“And Heero gave you a heart attack. You get used to it, don’t worry. Damn, where did Cat put my knives?”

‘I hope I won’t be around long enough to get used to it,’ Carter thought, but he wisely kept that to himself.

He suddenly noticed the two young men’s attire. Both were wearing very form-fitting black suits that were, if he was not mistaken, the latest thing in space suits: tight enough that it wasn’t a pain in the ass to move in them or carry weapons around. But those ones definitely looked more refined and had a more crafted look to them than the ones that had been proudly shown on television not that long ago. The boots looked very light too, and the magnetic soles appeared to be state-of-the-art. He was not sure that the official spatial program had suits that good, and could only guess that those had probably been custom-made for their owners. Both Duo and Heero also wore ear pieces and throat microphones that made it far easier to communicate even between space suits. Heero was packed with firearms, two thigh holsters and two shoulder holsters strapped above his suit, and each holding a copy of the sleek black gun he had pulled on Carter earlier. The ease with which he was moving around, not making a sound even if he was carrying so much, just proved how used to the situation he was.

Duo was only carrying one gun in a waist holster, the caliber resting comfortably at the small of his back. He was now selecting some blades from the rack he had been standing in front of and testing their balance by making them spin. Carter almost jumped out of his skin when he did a final test by throwing a knife in Heero’s direction. The Japanese teen didn’t even move an inch, eyes still fixed on the laptop as the blade flew close enough to his face to cut a few strands of hair before embedding itself in the wall behind with a dull thud. Duo’s face broke into a huge smile.

“Good! I see those were well taken care of, heh, Heero?”

“Hn” was the only laconic answer he got. But Heero reached out, took the knife out of the wall and threw it back at Duo, who caught it effortlessly. At that point, Carter was quite ready to drop dead. Whatever those two were doing seemed like routine between them, but it scared the living daylights out of him. Duo didn’t seem to notice the nice green color he had turned, or if he did he didn’t comment on it. He chose a few other knives made of an unknown black metal, their handles apparently custom-made for his hands because they fitted right in. He put two of them in wrist sheaths, two other in thigh sheaths, and the other ones disappeared in various places of his gear without Carter really noticing where.

“Okay, I’m all set, Heero! Can we go now?”

“Everything clear,” Heero answered. “Shuttle’s waiting for us.”

“A shuttle?” Carter blurted out before he could help himself, earning another glare from Heero. “Where are you going?”

Heero frowned and ignored him, but Duo slapped his forehead.

“Oh yeah, I forgot you weren’t here when our Grumpy in Chief assigned us to that. Well, let’s just say that Heero and I are trying to understand how Cat ended at your place, so we’re going after the shuttle he took to leave L4-A001 three weeks ago.”

“I see,” Carter said, nodding.

“Yeah, right,” Duo teased lightly. “You ain’t seen nothing, Doc, and I think it would be good for your health if it stayed that way.”

A tense silence fell in the room, until Duo turned to Heero.

“Would you mind getting the shuttle ready to go? I’ll be there in a minute, just need a few words with the doc here.”

Again, Heero smirked smugly, and nodded once before going out silently, his laptop securely tucked under his arm. Once he was gone, Duo turned to Carter again, all amusement gone from the too young eyes that had already seen far too much.

“You know, Doc, I’m sorry for biting your head off earlier. That was uncalled for. But… Well, I guess it’s normal for you to be curious, or you wouldn’t have chosen to become a doctor, I suppose. But you ask too many questions. You want answers we can’t give, because it’s too dangerous, not only for us, but for you as well. Which has the obvious drawback of making Heero nervous, and believe me he’s tense enough that I don’t need this on top. Not to mention you’re kind of beginning to piss Wufei off, which has never proved to be a good thing for anyone except me. The last guys who did that are still trying to understand what happened to their limbs. Trowa wouldn’t say anything, but if you push him too far, you won’t even have time to say ‘goodbye’ before he’s done with you. No, in fact you wouldn’t have time to say ‘g…’ before it’d be over. And you definitely don’t wanna meet me when I’m in a pissy mood.”

“What are you getting at exactly?” Carter asked, puzzled.

“Just warning you, that’s all. I know you’re frustrated beyond belief and you think we’re all hiding something… which is true, and we won’t tell you what unless absolutely necessary. If we’re lucky, you’ll never need to know. I told you that already, but you didn’t seem to listen properly.”

Duo got closer, pinning Carter with an intense and serious gaze.

“You’re here to help Cat, and I know Sally and Iria were relieved to see how well you had done with him when we found him. I know they trust you to take care of him as he recovers, because they both think you’re a good doctor. I also know that it’s not enough for me to trust you right away, far from it. Especially not if you start asking the wrong questions at the wrong time and to the wrong people. So stop sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong or it could get ugly for everyone.”

Carter straightened up. He was beginning to feel mad at everyone telling him to do his part and shut up. Asking questions was his job. You didn’t cure mentally unstable people by pumping them full of drugs, but by talking. He was supposed to ask questions, especially since he had a feeling that what was hidden from him was essential for him to understand Quatre’s present condition. But everyone seemed to believe he didn’t need to know, and no one was letting him make that decision for himself. That’s why Carter’s voice was definitely cold and furious when he next spoke.

“Is that a threat, Mr. Maxwell?”

He immediately wished he hadn’t asked. Duo smiled, a wolfish grin that few people had seen who were still alive to tell the tale. The young man made his way to the door, turning around just before going out, and shook his head, smile unwavering and a strange glitter in his eyes that seemed to promise lots of dark things.

“No, Doc. It’s not a threat. It’s a promise.”

 


	16. Warning: power loss detected

~AC 197, March 7th, L4 – A001, Winner Mansion, 9:04pm~

The nurse looked up when the door to the secure room opened with a hiss and Wufei came in. She was busy checking the settings of both a cardiac monitor and a smaller screen for brainwaves, and scribbling down notes on a pad, probably for Sally and Iria. She smiled nervously, but she didn’t cower away like many others would have done knowing they were surrounded by Gundam pilots.

“Where is Mr. Barton?” she asked in a soft voice so as not to wake her patient.

“I managed to convince him to get some sleep before he would drop dead on the ground,” Wufei answered just as softly.

The nurse smiled at him and nodded once.

“That’s good. I was afraid for a moment that he was going to insist on staying here. He needs rest. Almost as much as Quatre, I would say. I am glad you could make him see reason.”

Wufei smiled dryly while taking a chair at Quatre’s bedside. It had not been easy. Even after agreeing verbally, Trowa had been very reluctant to go rest. Wufei had stayed in his room to make sure his friend would take a shower, and he had practically tucked him into bed and ordered him to sleep before he would lose patience and knock him out. Trowa had smiled at this, and Wufei wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t like he had even tried to be funny, and it was certainly not the kind of endearments one was supposed to say to… to whom exactly? What was Trowa for him now? Was it even accurate to call him only his best friend, when the young man had gathered enough of his courage to spill out his love?

Wufei sighed and tiredly pulled at the band tying his hair back, shaking his head to try and soothe his thoughts back to something more mundane. The nurse was now changing an IV bag. The line that went from it was connected to Quatre’s left forearm.

“What’s in there?” Wufei whispered.

The nurse jumped, surprised, then smiled again. It looked like she loved smiling, Wufei thought, and wondered why he was suddenly not thinking straight anymore. He was noticing odd things everywhere ever since…

“Just a little solution to fight dehydration. He did not eat much in the past weeks, and we always had to remind him to drink or he wouldn’t have done it. But it was impossible to put him under IV all of the time.”

“What’s your name?” Wufei asked, thinking that Sally would have been very proud of him and his apparent lack of people skills, as she called his usual grumpy attitude. Wufei wasn’t grumpy because he wanted to piss the whole world off, but because most people in the world pissed him off. But this kind woman wasn’t one of those people. She threw the empty IV bag in a trash can and took a chair on the other side of the bed, checking Quatre’s pulse.

“Shannon McCanaughey,” she answered. “I know your name already,” she added when he opened his mouth to introduce himself. “I had some time to myself earlier, and I met someone called… Ahmed, if I remember well, so I asked a few questions. I hope you don’t mind…”

She sounded uncertain, as if she knew she had come close to trespassing, but Wufei understood. She was in unknown territory and they were hiding quite a lot from her and from the other doctor, so it was only fair that she had tried to obtain more information.

“It’s okay,” he assured her in a whisper, turning to gaze at Quatre’s face.

He was resting on his back, the IV and different monitors preventing him from moving too much. But his sleep was not that quiet. He was frowning a little, as if disturbed by something in his dreams, and a few beads of sweat were appearing on his forehead. Without asking, Wufei took a small cloth that was resting in a bowl of cool water and washed the sweat away very carefully, running the refreshing pad along Quatre’s cheeks too. When he looked up again, Shannon was watching him with a little smile on her face. Again.

“He is better already,” she murmured. “I’m so glad. I felt so lost, at the clinic. I didn’t know what to do for him. He looked so sad, so helpless, and yet… it was like he was calling for help, but he couldn’t say it out loud. Very strange. And there was nothing we could do.”

“You said he saved your life…” Wufei began.

Shannon ran her hand through fine blond hair, pushing the bangs away from Quatre’s face.

“He did. I almost slipped on wet tiles. I would have banged my head against the edge of the sink if he hadn’t caught me in time.”

She frowned.

“In fact this is strange… I could have sworn he knew what was going to happen. He looked at me with a strange kind of look… I don’t really know how to explain, just that… I could swear he knew.”

Wufei blinked several times, trying to integrate what the nurse had said.

‘This is consistent with Zero’s patterns too. The precognition was a part of the program, since it could help predict your enemy’s next moves. It basically showed futures, possibilities to choose from, and outlined the decision process that would lead to each possibility. I need to tell Sally about that.’

“You don’t have to stay, you know,” Shannon said suddenly. “You must be tired too. I won’t leave his side.”

“No, I… I promised I would stay here. I am not tired, and I brought something to read,” he added, showing her the book of Chinese poetry he had brought with him. “You, on the contrary, have had a rough day. If you need to sleep, just tell me. I’ll make sure Dr. Po is warned, and to wake you if anything happens.”

Shannon gaped at him, incredulous eyes darting from the book to the young man holding it.

“Thank… thank you,” she stammered, “but it’s my job to… oh, thank you, really! I hardly slept last week. Quatre was very agitated, and I don’t think I managed to sleep more than four hours in a row since the beginning of the month. And with that trip and all… you’re very kind”, she finished, lowering her head, a pretty blush covering her cheeks.

“No,” Wufei said, shaking his head. “You are. You could have refused to come.”

“No, I couldn’t have. People become nurses because they have a calling, Mr. Chang. The kind of thing that tells you that you won’t stand seeing a fellow human being in pain without trying to help. I have seen Quatre’s pain for three weeks, and now I am actually able to do something for him, to make a difference. I can help him. I won’t go away now.”

Wufei looked at her, stunned, then bowed his head in silent thanks. He turned again to watch Quatre, and unconsciously emptied his mind, relaxing his breath pattern and going through the calming routine he normally used after physical exercise. He didn’t know what Iria had meant when she had said that they should project as much calm as possible, he didn’t understand the complex mechanism that was Quatre’s brain, just that he could help a little like this. The least he could do was try.

 

Quatre winced as another flash almost blinded him, showing him a huge shadow looming over him. A black and white mobile suit, but it was not threatening, not at all. Yet there was a bittersweet tang of death and blood around it, and he shifted uneasily in his sleep as he experienced the mixed feelings that the memory was bringing back.

/calm quietness rest/

If Quatre had been awake, he would have blinked. That sudden surge of feelings did not belong to him, it had a different taste. He was not really used yet to having only himself in his head, so he pressed a bit, trying to get more of that strand of feelings.

/quietness reassurance calm/

/wufei/

/everything is going to be okay/

Quatre’s face suddenly relaxed as his mind basked in the pool of calm and silence that his friend’s gentle mind had created for him. He let out a little sigh of contentment before drifting off to deeper sleep, enveloped in Wufei’s reassuring presence, and not bothering to wonder how he knew who was here.

****

~AC 197, March 8th, Outer Rim of the L4-cluster, 00:53am~

 

The shuttle’s thrusters brought the vessel to a stop at a safe distance from the piece of space rock that was known in the electronic world of the Winner database as XR-36F5. Heero shut down the powerful propellers, only keeping the hovering ones on. Duo’s gaze was fixed on the satellite. That chunk of ore lost in the middle of nowhere in space was holding lots of secrets, and he was determined to find them all out.

He turned to Heero to find him connecting his laptop to the satellite’s network. Wufei had really made sure they would get the best, and the shuttle was equipped with a transmitter that would have made any self-respecting military ship jealous. But when Heero finally secured the connection, he did not enter any of the codes Iria had given them. Instead, he began hacking into the network with his usual ease.

“Whatcha doin’, bud? We got all the keys to get us in. We don’t need to do it that way.”

“Just following your logic,” Heero answered, eyes not wavering from the flashing screen. “If your hypothesis is right and this satellite has been used recently as a base of operation…”

“Someone will be on watch,” Duo finished with a frown. “So you think that they monitor access? Whoever they are.”

“That’s what I would do.”

“They’re not you,” Duo grinned. “But you’re right. There’s always a chance the Winners would do an inspection, right? So they’re probably on the lookout in case someone enters the legitimate access codes. And I guess they would have changed them, too.”

“Hn.”

“And if that’s the case, entering the right code would trigger an alarm. That’s kinda clever.”

Heero glanced at him, hands still typing away. Duo laughed a bit.

“Yeah, I know, too bad for them they have no idea who they’re up against. Damn it, I hate killing dumb people. It’s like a cheapening of my skills.”

“I got it,” Heero said.

“Great. I’ll do a heat scan, then we’ll think of how we play it.”

The heat scanner, another of the great innovations that no other shuttle had on board, was done fairly quickly. Duo tapped the computer screen with an impatient finger as the results began to scroll down.

“Okay, we’ve got… far too much residual heat in two of those areas,” he said pointing at the schematics that Heero had fished from his laptop’s memory. “Sure indication that some machinery is working. Life support primarily, from what I can say. That particular heat comes from a metallic mass… probably the shuttle… Then we’ve got residual heat in what used to be the living quarters… temperature matches with residual body heat. People have been here recently. Quite strange for a supposedly abandoned piece of space junk.”

He frowned at the last remaining analysis.

“There’s heat coming from a place near the storing hangar but… I don’t understand… This is… Look, it’s like the heat is going through a wall!”

Heero could only watch and admit that Duo was right. The round red blotch on the otherwise blue screen was separated in the middle by a white line that was supposed to represent a metal partition.

“They modified the structure of the buildings,” he said after a while. “That’s the only explanation. They moved the partitions for whatever it is they’re doing here. Our blueprints are out of date.”

“This is beginning to sound more and more like a suicide mission, just like in the old days. Okay, it’s just you and me, and we have no idea where the walls are inside. What do we do? Any news from the surveillance cameras?”

“They’re not plugged in. Not surprising, since they’re programmed to automatically send feedback to the central database.”

“And they didn’t need no one over there knowing something was going on here. Which means they probably installed some of their own. We can’t disable them from here… so I guess it’s stealth, and if we meet one, we’ll improvise.”

Duo was grinning from ear to ear, but Heero grimaced. He hated improvising. Back then during the war, he had always had very precise mission plans, while Duo always seemed to just barge in and torch everything, or slip in and complete his mission silently and unnoticed. It didn’t mean Heero had no sense of improvisation, he had proved it when he had rescued Duo from his planned execution, but it wasn’t something he liked to rely on when on a mission.

Duo caught his expression and smiled, putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“I tell you what, we go in through the shuttle hangar and make sure our baby here is ready to go should anything happen. Then, we find the bloody shuttle, and you take the east wing while I do west.”

“We shouldn’t go anywhere alone…” Heero started to protest, but Duo interrupted him.

“We simply don’t have the time, Heero. You know it. We can’t disable the surveillance system from here. It means that inevitably, we will be detected, at one point or another. Whether it’s soon or late is up to us, but they will see us. Which is fine by me. Let them see who’s gonna be their end,” he ended with a dark smile.

Heero still didn’t look happy about the plan.

“You know it’s the only way,” Duo said, hugging him from behind.

“It doesn’t mean I have to like it,” Heero grumbled.

“Does it mean that you worry just a tiny little bit about my scrawny ass?” Duo teased.

“Oh, shut up!” Heero snapped, but his hand gripped Duo’s wrist.

Duo spun Heero around, somehow managing to get him up in the same movement and held him against him. He had grown in the past year while Heero’s Asian genes and the manipulations he had undergone had kept him at a smaller size.

“You swear you’re not gonna get yourself killed in here, and I’ll do the same,” Duo whispered.

“You’d better not.”

“I run, I hide, but I never tell a lie.”

“Liar.”

Duo just held Heero tighter.

“For Cat,” he said. “This is for Cat.”

They stood like this for a moment, their minds filled with the last image they had of their blond friend asleep in his bed, surrounded by the beeping machines. Finally, Heero disentangled himself from Duo and checked all of his weapons, a deadly gleam in his eyes. Duo did the same, and they both went back to their seats. Mind on the mission.

 

It took them precisely fifteen minutes to open the door of the hangar with the freshly hacked code, get their shuttle inside and maneuver it so that it would be ready to go in case of emergency. Heero was focused again, his face settled in that perfectly chiseled and expressionless mask that Duo usually called his ‘mission face’. Duo himself was completely immersed in his task, but he felt unsettled. It was not like Heero to show that much vulnerability when they were on a mission. In fact, it was not really like him either to admit to being vulnerable in such a moment. But it was not like he had had a choice. Heero was really perturbed by what had happened to Quatre, even if he was quite good at hiding it to anyone who didn’t know how to read him. And Duo himself was really shaken. They had almost lost Quatre. They could have lost him without even knowing. Duo shivered and chased that thought away. Now was not a good time for that. Still, it explained Heero’s fear to lose him, too. And if he had pretended that he was not afraid to lose Heero, he would have been lying to himself.

‘But he can take care of himself, and he trusts me to take care of myself… yes, but we all knew that Cat could take care of himself too, and look what happened! Someone got him. Okay, Maxwell, you stop that right now, or I smack you… myself… whatever! They’re gonna pay, and you and the guys are gonna make sure they know what they’re paying for.’

Duo looked at Heero. Heero didn’t even spare him a glance, hands flying on the shuttle’s controls.

 

They stalked out of their shuttle, careful to avoid detection for as long as possible, but they doubted that there were any cameras in the shuttle bay anyway. No one was supposed to have found out that this satellite was not what it was meant to be, and anyone using it as a base would have to be as discreet as possible. In silence, they made their way to the second shuttle in the bay. Heero was following the signal received by his palm computer. The little machine was a gift from Duo and allowed him to transport as much info and programs as his laptop when on a mission, but with much less space wasted. It had already been put to good use before, and was now detecting the signal sent by the shuttle’s location chip.

“That’s it,” Heero confirmed in a whisper.

Both young men took the time to take out the metallic panel near the nose of the shuttle to retrieve the chip and silence it. Then, Duo went to the back and examined the medical cross painted on the tail. He used his index finger to scrape it, and red paint flakes fell on his gloves.

“Bad work,” he remarked snidely. “It’s fresh.”

He looked more closely.

“Some other picture’s been erased. What do you bet it’s the Winner logo?”

“I don’t bet when I’m sure to lose,” Heero answered.

They didn’t climb into the shuttle. The sooner they would start their exploration, the sooner they would get out of here. They left the shuttle bay through a door that was supposed to lead to a storage compartment... which was absolutely not what they found.

The very high space was unmistakably a mobile suit bay. And it was not made for ordinary mobile suits like Leos or Taurus. There was enough room there to store two or three Gundams. Both Heero and Duo had seen enough of those gigantic construction and repair bays to recognize one instantaneously.

“What the hell…” Duo muttered.

Heero was already exploring the room. It was relatively empty. All of the electronic equipment that was necessary in such a place had been stripped, leaving only empty carcasses with useless components. Yet a few supplies seemed to have been forgotten, and Heero went to a pile of metal panels that he recognized only too well. In an instant, Duo was by his side.

“Is that…” he began, but didn’t dare say it.

Heero nodded.

“Yes. This is Gundanium.”

“What is it doing here?”

“I don’t know,” Heero answered, frowning.

His hands explored the apparently flawless metal, detecting some invisible twists and failures that definitely identified the pieces as faulty and discarded. Whoever had left that here, they did not intend to build new mobile suits. Still, nothing explained the presence of the metal, or of the room, on what was supposed to be a sealed resource satellite.

“Well… I guess now we gotta split up and continue to explore,” Duo said, scratching his head. “We stay in contact through the radio, usual frequency, right?”

Heero nodded, his whole body tense, but didn’t turn back. He just made his way towards the exit he was supposed to use. Duo almost called him back for a moment to tell him something, what exactly, he had no idea. He didn’t do it, just watched him disappear in the darkened doorway, then exited the bay too, slipping in the shadows of the west wing.

*****

Five minutes later, Duo had found what was supposed to be the chemicals storage room. For the moment, all of the walls he had met seemed to be in the same place as on the blueprints, with the notable exception of that first bay. Neglecting to try and find the code to open the door, he just took out some of his explosives and blasted the lock. The door opened with a low hiss, and it was no real surprise for Duo to find the room mainly empty.

“Come in, 01.”

_“_ _01 in.”_

“Looks like some people helped themselves to some spice here. Dunno if they’re the same who played with the big dolls, but I’ll bet they made some good money on the black market.”

_“_ _Status?”_

Duo suppressed the urge to roll his eyes, because he knew very well he would have asked the same question in Heero’s place.

“Five by five. No leak, the place was just cleaned out. You?”

_“_ _Nothing out of the ordinary.”_

“02 out.”

Duo came out of the room, not bothering to even push the door back into place. He wanted the people out there to know that someone had discovered their little traffic. As he began to go down the corridor, he suddenly noticed a little red light that he knew only too well.

“Come in, 01.”

_“_ _01 in.”_

“Just found Big Brother’s first eye. I’m gonna say hello. Move along and hurry.”

_“_ _Roger. Found one too. Proceeding to eliminate.”_

“I love it when you talk dirty!”

_“_ _Idiot.”_

“I love you too. 02 out.”

Eyes firmly planted in the camera’s optic lens, Duo sashayed closer, taking his time to finally stop in front of the little machine. It had been installed directly beside the old camera, watching precisely the same spot. His eyes never leaving the black eye of the camera, Duo took out his gun from his waist holster and pointed it straight at the lens. He grinned evilly.

“Bang bang!”

And he fired.

****

~ Same time, somewhere in the L4 colony cluster ~

 

The man in front of the screen could hardly believe his eyes. In fact he had to stop the recording and replay it before he trusted himself enough to react. But there was no doubt about it. On the screen, a young man in a black spacesuit seemed to glide out of the darkness of the corridor, looking right at the camera. Then he stopped in front of it, took out a gun, smiled, and...

_“_ _Bang bang!”_

Static covered the screen. The man began to sweat, and he launched a check of all the systems of the satellite. His face blanched a bit more when he realized that the shuttle bay doors had been opened about half an hour ago with the secret access code. He caught a radio and pressed a button.

“Someone call Selim and tell him to come to the surveillance center! Now!”

*****

Heero was walking through the living quarters. Some of the rooms seemed to have been altered, to suit what needs he didn’t know. Most of them were now completely bare of any furniture. The first real change in the topography of the place almost took him by surprise, when he found a wall pierced by a door when a corridor should have continued on to the main control room. Frowning, he stopped. After a few mental calculations, he managed to pinpoint that he was in front of the unexplained heat blotch that had seemed to expand through walls. It needed to be investigated, but he wanted to get to that control room first. He eventually did reach it after going around the unknown room. Another door in the control room’s wall seemed to lead directly back into the place.

It took Heero only a few seconds to realize that none of the working machinery was commanded from here. The computers had been torn apart. The only one that remained was sporting a blue screen flashing a white ‘memory cleared’ sign. There was no hope of disconnecting the surveillance system from here either, so he did not regret having spent ammunition shooting down every camera he had met on his way.

Going to the door that wasn’t supposed to exist, he took out his palm computer and connected it to the digital keypad. The small machined decrypted the code in seconds, and the door opened with a hiss. Gun in hand, Heero entered.

He almost dropped his gun. The room was a flight simulator. He could have drawn the schematics for such a thing in his sleep. He had spent so much time in a room just like this, doing flight and fight simulations until his hands would bleed on the controls, until his eyes would explode with the pain of staring at the screen, until his trainer would be satisfied with his performance. The simulator had soon become his nightmare in his early days of training, almost a punishment.

Heero shifted uneasily. Something was very wrong in this room. Most of the equipment had been stripped like everywhere else in the satellite, but not all. There were no screens left, no controls either. In fact, nothing but the shape of the room reminded him of its normal function. Only one console seemed to still be connected. A seat in the center of the room, and a helmet on it, and that was all.

Coming closer, Heero could feel his hands begin to shake. The helmet. The cables were connected to the working console that was humming in the background. He had seen one like that before. In Zero.

His gun fell from his hand in a loud clatter as he approached the seat. He had to know. He had to know if this was really _it_. Ignoring the little voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like Duo and was telling him this was a bad idea, he took his own helmet off and put this one on.

/ _welcome_ /

The mechanical voice resounded in his head, almost tearing his brain apart. And it started again. Just like in the beginning, when he was trying with all of his might to control Epyon, to force it to obey to his will. It was Zero, and it was not. The taste of it felt different… incomplete. He would not have been able to explain exactly what was not the same, he just knew it. Zero had been a part of himself for so long now that he could tell that whatever this was, it was not it, or at least not exactly. But then, what was it, and what was it doing here?

The visions began to flash…

/ _explosion was too big… smashed the leo in the building… hundreds of civilians casualties…_ /

/ _are you lost?_ /

/ _all those years with you… that was not so bad_ /

/ _a soldier should not feel anything… you’ve got to retrain him!_ /

His whole body was trembling now, but he was hypnotized as the endless visions of his failures, of his past pains and mistakes were fed to him again, and again. He fell on his knees, weakly trying to get the thing off his head, but unable to do it.

/ _see what you’ve done_ /

/ _mission failed_ /

/ _vayeate exploding like a supernova in that suddenly too black sky…trowa!_ /

****

~ Same time, somewhere in the L4 colony cluster ~

 

Selim watched the screen, his face expressionless as the scene replayed on and on. The man who had given the alert didn’t dare look at him

“Who are they?”

“We don’t know. We don’t know how they found out about the satellite either.”

“What exactly do you know?”

Selim’s voice was as cold and cutting as glass.

“Nothing. Just that they’re inside and destroying the cameras. We will lose video liaison with the satellite soon at the rate it’s going.”

For a moment, Selim looked like he was going to throttle someone. He cursed profusely under his breath.

“Someone get me Neelah. I need her to make some phone calls,” he finally snapped.

The man at his side gulped.

“What do we do about the satellite, sir?”

Selim shot a disgusted look to the image of the unknown young man shooting the camera.

“Destroy it.”

****

“Heero! Heero! Talk to me, please!”

It seemed to be too much of an effort to open his eyes, but he managed it. Everything was blurry at first, then Duo’s face came into brutal focus. Dizziness spread over Heero, and he felt like he was going to throw up.

“…’m okay,” he mumbled, trying to push himself upright.

He had just realized that he was lying on the floor. When he looked up again, Duo was watching him reproachfully.

“You’re okay? Are you fucking kidding me, Yuy? I called you over the radio, and you didn’t answer! I located you and came here to find you on the floor convulsing with _that_ thing over your head! So if you dare tell me you’re okay, I’ll damn well make sure you won’t be okay for a very long time!”

Duo had almost screamed the last sentence, his exasperation showing the measure of his anger and fear. Heero recoiled a bit, but as his hand went down to support himself, it banged into the abandoned helmet. Heero jerked his hand back as if he had been bitten by a snake and half-crawled away from it, eyes wide and face pale as he suddenly remembered what had happened. Duo seemed to notice the look of fear on his face because he abruptly shut up in the middle of another of his favorite rants about how Heero never took care of himself and was trying to get himself killed any way he could.

“Heero? Heero, what happened in here? What is that thing? Why did you have it on?”

“I… I…” Heero stammered, unable to get a coherent sentence out just yet.

He took a deep breath.

“I don’t know,” he managed to choke out.

“You don’t know. You don’t know what exactly?”

“What… what it is… Why I put it on. I don’t know.”

“ _You_ put it on? Why the hell… never mind. I should be used to it by now. Why do you always have to try stuff that looks like it could be potentially hazardous to your health anyway?”

“Duo, just… shut up, please.”

Duo’s eyes widened. The sentence in itself was not unusual, he heard it enough times in a day, but the tone it had been uttered in was quite unusual. Heero was unmistakably scared. Duo frowned and looked at the helmet on the ground, then at the blinking console. He was about to open his mouth when a siren suddenly broke out, and all lights turned to the standard emergency red.

 _“_ _Self-destruction of premises engaged. Staff must have evacuated the premises in five minutes. Self-destruction_ _of premises engaged. Staff must have evacuated the premises in…”_

“That’s why I was looking for you!” Duo yelled above the noise. “I was wandering around shooting down cameras when I discovered a neat little pack of C-4 just below the ceiling. The whole place is packed with them. Whoever’s watching, they decided to blow this place. We must scram off, or we’ll end up as very tiny little pieces of Gundam pilots.”

He helped Heero get up, and was about to lead him out of the room when he escaped his grasp.

“Heero! We must go!”

“Not without this,” Heero replied, fiercely tearing the console apart with his bare hands and pulling out the memory cards. He did not take the time to properly cut all of the wires, just pulling everything out.

“Why do you want to take this?” Duo asked as they ran out of the simulator, down the corridors that led back to the shuttle bay.

“Because I think I know… I know what was done to Quatre now.”

 


	17. Access Denied

~AC 197, March 8th, L4 - B289, Fatimah Psychiatric Clinic, 7:53am~

Elisabeth rubbed her eyes tiredly as she put her coffee mug down on her desk. She had received Carter’s last report on Quatre’s condition. Not much progress, the boy was still asleep most of the time, although being in a familiar place with people he knew seemed to affect him quite positively. She was really glad that this weight at least had been taken off her shoulders.

She smiled dryly as she remembered the way Agent Catalonia had briefed her before they had gone back to L4 – A001. The blond girl – hard as she tried, Elisabeth could not call her anything but a ‘girl’, she was not even eighteen yet after all – had given her a bunch of electronic machines that she had wired to her computer and phone. She had then instructed the doctor to keep the spy in her computer on at all times, and to push a special button on her phone to activate the recording and locating functions for each call. At first, Elisabeth had not seen the point, but Agent Catalonia had been adamant about it.

“We’re being watched,” she had said. “Our enemies will soon be informed that Quatre has been moved. And they probably expected his discovery to be far more public. They needed him to be found exactly here. There’s a lot of money and power at stake here, Dr. Hewley. These people would do anything for it. They would even go as far as trying to make you say things you shouldn’t. You have to be extremely careful.”

Elisabeth had taken the warnings seriously. She was head of a very respectable clinic, and the mere fact that Quatre had been a patient entitled him to the institution’s protection. Not to mention that revealing any information to a stranger would have been a break of patient-doctor confidentiality and could very well make her lose her job. Moira had been briefed by the Preventer agent too, and sent on a vacation with some extra money that she had gratefully accepted. She had still expressed wishes for Quatre’s recovery as Elisabeth sent her on her way, and the psychiatrist was glad that some of her staff did show some sense of responsibility. But this departure meant that she was now alone to bear the brunt of anything the people behind this would do, or try to do.

She was so caught up in imagining the ways to outsmart the imaginary mastermind behind the plot that she almost jumped out of her skin when her phone rang. She stared at it for a second, blinking, then pushed the required button before picking up.

“Dr Hewley.”

_“_ _Good morning, Doctor, I am terribly sorry to disturb you at this ungodly hour, this is Mrs. Winner here.”_

Elisabeth almost burst out laughing at the ridicule of the situation. First, because this was absolutely not Iria Winner’s voice. It sounded far too young and childish. Second, because anyone could try and usurp that name, given that it had already been done on the medical file. She managed to remain in control though. Winner was quite a common name, and it could be anyone. But still, she had a gnawing suspicion that she was on to something, and something big.

“How can I help you?” she asked in a polite tone.

_“_ _I am very worried… It is… well, it is difficult to say, but I have heard rumors that my younger brother has been hospitalized in your institution.”_

Elisabeth rolled her eyes, almost glad that her phone wasn’t a vidphone. She had been right about being on to something big. She had been wrong to assume she would need to outsmart them.

‘They would have to be smart in the first place for me to do that,’ she thought, irritated. ‘It’s almost insulting.’

“I am sorry, but I am not quite sure what you expect of me, Mrs. … Winner.”

She made sure to say it a bit sarcastically, underlining the fact that she had understood that something was up with the person on the line… who apparently did not take the hint at all.

_“_ _Well, is it true? Is he really here?”_

“You will easily understand that I am not allowed to give out personal information of that kind over a phone line, Mrs. Winner. And anyway, the public is not allowed access to the clinic’s archives. If you want to get any information on a patient, you will have to come in person and to confirm your identity and your right to know about that patient.”

_“_ _I know he’s here! He must be! I was told…”_

“What you were told doesn’t matter in this situation, Mrs. Winner. This is procedure. Not respecting it would put me in violation of the Medical Code of Ethics. But, I think I can help you if you are looking for someone wearing your surname…”

_“_ _Yes!”_

Elisabeth smiled wolfishly to herself.

“I have absolutely no patient going by that name in my institution’s care. It seems the person who gave you information was misguided,” she said, hiding the glee in her voice.

She could almost feel the hate and anger pouring from the phone as the childish voice darkened.

_“_ _But it’s not possible!”_

“I am afraid it’s the truth,” Elisabeth said very honestly since, officially at least, Quatre wasn’t her patient, and never had been to begin with.

_“_ _It can’t…”_

There was silence at the other end of the line, then the voice came back, sounding subdued and strangely submissive.

_“_ _I see… I’m sorry to have disturbed you… Good Bye.”_

Elisabeth stared at the receiver for a minute, then put it down. This had been strange. Someone posing as a member of family had tried to get her to say that Quatre was or had been here. But they had been quite sloppy about it. She was beginning to think that whoever had organized this had been far less careful than they should have. And that voice… something made her shiver in that voice. Both childish and cruel. Cold.

She jumped again as her computer emitted a strange beep and the device Agent Catalonia had plugged to it came to life. Apparently, someone was now trying to hack into her computer, and was managing it too. Even if she was mad about that violation of her property, Elisabeth couldn’t help smiling again. They wouldn’t find anything in there either. The blue-eyed young man had made sure that no trace of Quatre at all remained in the system, and had taken everything away with him. Dr. Carter had taken his file with him too. No physical or electronic evidence remained that Quatre had ever set foot here. The only ones who knew about it were the few members of staff that had been in contact with him.

Dr. Hewley took the receiver again and dialed a number. She only had to wait for a few seconds before a feminine voice asked who she wanted to talk to.

“Agent Catalonia, please. This is urgent.”

****

~Same time, somewhere in the L4 cluster~

 

Neelah pouted and threw the wireless phone at the nearest wall.

“Meanie!” she shouted at it. “Meanie! Meanie! Meanie!”

“Silence!” Selim yelled, but she didn’t pay attention to him.

She got up, picked the wireless again and banged it on the wall repeatedly.

“You… have… no… right… to… talk… to … me… like… that!” she screamed, banging the wall in between words. “I did what was right! I did! They said I would get rewarded, they said I was right to do it!”

“Neelah, enough!” Selim boomed, and she stopped her actions immediately, turning to him with eyes full of tears and brandishing the phone as if it had personally insulted her.

“But, Selim, she wouldn’t tell me! Why wouldn’t she?! I asked nicely, didn’t I? I just wanted to know if he was there, and she wouldn’t tell me!”

The tears spilled, falling down her cheeks, but Selim ignored the tantrum and turned to the technician hacking the clinic’s network. The man shot him a frightened look, then sighed and pushed his keyboard away.

“There’s nothing,” he said.

“Try again,” Selim ordered crisply.

“It won’t change a thing,” the man said courageously. “If I didn’t know better, I would swear there never was anything on him in that database. It’s just a bit too clean for it not to have been wiped not long ago, but whoever did this, they’re too good. I won’t find anything.”

“Damn it, I need that evidence! I should have had it weeks ago! But no one cares for family anymore, right? No one even cared enough to make sure the brat was alright in three fucking weeks, and now they’re trying to cover it up and deprive me of what I’ve been working on for months?!”

The technician did his best to impersonate something insignificant like a slug, trying not to pay attention to the hysterical woman clinging to Selim in fits of rage and tears. Selim apparently wasn’t in the mood to take it kindly, because he turned around and slapped her so hard that the phone escaped her grasp and she was sent into the wall, slumping down on the floor after she hit it. She didn’t stop sobbing though, and she kept repeating “meanie!” under her breath. His jaw set, Selim gestured to a man in a white lab coat who had been busy on a laptop in another corner of the room and had ignored the whole scene so far. He looked up as his boss called for him.

“Calm her down!” Selim snapped, before storming out of the room.

The man got up and took a syringe out of his pocket. He knelt in front of Neelah and caught her right arm. She weakly tried to fight him, her eyes widening in fear at the sight of the needle.

“No!” she cried out. “No no no no no! Bad man! I don’t want to!”

The technician turned away as the man in the white lab coat ignored Neelah’s protests and plunged the needle deep in her arm.

****

~AC 197, March 8th, L4-A001, Winner Mansion, 8:47am~

 

Iria rubbed the bridge of her nose tiredly as she put yet another pile of duly signed papers on a corner of the desk. She was now CEO of Winner Enterprises Inc., even if the thing was not official, and it didn’t really matter that the corporation itself could function for a few weeks without its head, there were some urgent things that required approval from the one in charge. Iria had informed the offices in town and everywhere in the world that all urgent requests had to be sent to the mansion, and word had ‘slipped’ among employees that Quatre Winner was on an extended holiday and would not take any calls nor attend any meetings for an undetermined amount of time. It had surprised no one. After everything Quatre had done in the past year, holidays were long overdue. From the outside, it only looked like the young CEO was taking a well-deserved break and treating everything urgent from home, and nothing more.

Iria almost cursed when her vidphone began to flash the ‘incoming call’ sign. She had come to hate that sign in only a few days, and she couldn’t understand how Quatre had managed to fulfill all of his duties with the infernal rhythm that the corporation imposed on its CEO. She had received more calls in the past forty-eight hours than in the three years she had been a doctor in a mining satellite’s medical facility.

Sighing, she picked up. Bizarrely, the screen did not display the caller’s image, indicating that either they didn’t have a vidphone or that they didn’t wish to be seen. Iria wondered if the person calling knew that every conversation made on that phone were recorded and located, and if they had an ulterior motive in hiding themselves.

‘And maybe I am becoming paranoid,’ she thought dryly. ‘Too much has happened, and I am unbalanced, I see evil everywhere.’

“Iria Winner,” she said out loud in the receiver.

 _“_ _Iria? Is it you?”_ a childish voice answered, sounding a bit afraid.

Iria frowned. She knew that voice, she was sure of it.

“Yes. May I ask who is calling? Since you didn’t turn the visuals on…”

_“_ _Oh, I’m sorry. I’m not on a vidphone. It’s Neelah.”_

Iria immediately remembered a young girl with the blond hair and blue eyes that were the distinctive traits of the Winner children. Neelah was only five of six years older than Quatre, and a good twenty years younger than Iria. She had been quite small when Quatre had been born, and Iria remembered that she had been one of the girls who had not been very happy to be told they now had a little brother and Mommy was not here anymore. But then, as far as she could remember, Neelah had always been special … like she never really was in the same room as her body.

Yet deep inside, Iria was glad, because Neelah had been one of the sisters she had been unable to reach.

“Neelah! It’s good to hear from you. I tried to contact you but I couldn’t get in touch. How are you?”

_“_ _Oh, I’m fine, I’m fine!”_

Iria frowned again. She doubted that was true. There was a slightly hysterical note in Neelah’s voice. The eldest Winner knew that if she had had the time to take care of all her siblings, she probably would have taken Neelah to see a therapist, but she doubted her father had even bothered. He was rarely home with his children, and Neelah would not have been the kind to complain. She simply adored her father. Iria herself had not seen Neelah ever since just before the girl’s wedding, which had not been approved by their father. She couldn’t remember the name of her husband.

She was about to ask some more questions, but Neelah’s childish voice cut in.

_“_ _Iria, I’m so glad to have you on the phone, but… I’m worried, I heard some terrible stuff around, and I don’t know… I don’t know what to believe!”_

“What did you hear, Neelah?” Iria asked, suddenly tense.

_“_ _They… they were saying that Quatre… that Quatre was crazy and he had to be hospitalized in some kind of institution… they were saying that he had been sent to a clinic and no one was allowed to know yet… Iria, what is going on?”_

“Who told you that, Neelah?” Iria asked harshly.

_“_ _I wasn’t told, I just… I overheard someone speaking, I don’t know who it was!”_

Iria was thinking fast, her fingers drumming on her desk. Something here did not add up, and she didn’t like it. The only people who could have spread that kind of information would be the people who were behind all this. What if Neelah had stepped into something she was not prepared to face?

 _“_ _Iria?”_ Neelah’s voice asked anxiously. _“_ _Iria, are you still here?”_

Iria sighed. She wouldn’t tell anything. The less Neelah knew the better. She was the kind to just spill anything she would hear to anyone, without thinking about consequences. And if what Iria suspected was right and Neelah had somehow been in recent contact with the kidnappers, then maybe she was in danger too.

“I’m still here,” she finally said. “Don’t listen to what people say, Neelah. Quatre is not in an institution. He’s at home, and resting. His doctor told him to take a break before he would burn out completely. He’s just taking a holiday.”

_“_ _Oh.”_

Iria frowned again. Was it just her imagination or did Neelah sound disappointed?

_“_ _Are you sure?”_

Iria blinked. Now that was not her imagination. Neelah sounded like she was pouting and about to burst into tears… like Iria had announced some very bad news to her, like she had not answered what she was supposed to. And Iria knew only too well what Neelah could be like when she threw a tantrum. The problem here was that she couldn’t grasp the reason why Neelah would be upset that Quatre was okay if she had called because she was worried, as she claimed.

“I am sure, Neelah. I spoke to him just last night, and he’s been at home for a few weeks, in fact. I don’t know what those people you heard were talking about, but you must have made a mistake. But anyway, it’s really nice of you to call and ask for him. I mean, I was under the impression that you two did not get along that well.”

 _“_ _I was scared…”_ Neelah said, but she decidedly sounded unhappy. _“_ _And… he came to visit Nadya and… and Safiah too, and…”_

“And you wanted him to come and see you, and you thought he had forgotten?” Iria tried.

 _“_ _Yes!”_ Neelah exclaimed, and now she sounded relieved.

‘Almost as if she were too happy of the escape I’ve just given her. Something is not right. I don’t know what, but something is not right at all, and I daren’t say anything on the phone like that.’

“Don’t worry, Neelah. I’m sure it’s only because he’s been busy that Quatre hasn’t come to visit you yet. He wanted to meet all of us, and I know he was planning a family reunion soon. I’ll have him call you as soon as possible. How is that?”

 _“_ _Great!”_ and the voice was childish again in full force. _“_ _Thank you, Iria. I have to go. Bye!”_

Iria stared at her phone for a second, surprised by the abrupt parting words. She hung up and began to think. She was lost in thought when Wufei appeared in the doorway and knocked on the door softly.

“Wufei! How is Quatre? Did anything…”

“Still sleeping,” Wufei answered. “I left Shannon with him. I had to take an urgent call. Agent Catalonia just reported that someone called Dr. Hewley to ask about Quatre. The computer network of the clinic was then hacked and searched. Dr. Hewley doesn’t know who the caller was. They only identified themselves as a ‘Mrs. Winner’.”

“This is weird… I just received a strange call too. I don’t know if it’s linked but…”

Wufei seemed to be thinking for a moment, then went to close the door and slid into the chair in front of the desk.

“Tell me about it.”

 

Twenty minutes later, Wufei had decided to call Dorothy back while Iria informed Sally of the situation. The kidnappers were apparently trying to get information on Quatre’s condition while trying to get word out that he had been in a special institution and that his sanity and capacity to remain CEO was in doubt. So far they had failed on both counts, and Wufei was sure that they would think about another attack soon.

Then, the first reporter called. Asking lots of questions, too precise questions. And there was absolutely no doubt now that their enemies were trying with all of their might to put their plan back on tracks, because no one else could have given that many details about what had happened to Quatre. The reporter even mentioned having called the clinic. He had been quite harshly rebuffed by Dr. Hewley, who had given him a lecture about patient-doctor confidentiality. He was not happy, and he wanted answers. Fortunately for Wufei, Iria was just as stubborn as her little brother, if not more, and that was saying something. Not to mention that she was also fiercely protective of her family and that she had quite a few reasons not to like reporters herself.

“No, I will not let you speak with my brother!” she repeated for the fourth time. “He is resting, and he isn’t answering any questions anyway.”

 _“_ _But can you confirm that Mr. Winner was hospitalized at the Fatimah Clinic until about two days ago?”_ the reporter insisted, apparently unaware of the threat to his life that began to glitter in Iria’s eyes.

“No.”

_“_ _No what?”_

“No, I cannot confirm that. I won’t answer any more questions. If you wish to ask anything, please see our PR department. That’s what they’re here for.”

_“_ _Mrs. Winn…”_

Iria hung up abruptly, and glared at her phone. Wufei frowned worriedly.

“They warned the press,” he said softly.

“I can’t believe it,” the older woman hissed. “Who would go as far as that for money? Who can do that and still call themselves human beings? What are we going to do now?”

Wufei’s expression cleared again, and he smiled a bit.

“Nothing. Leave them to Dorothy. By the time she’s done with them, they will believe whatever we tell them.”

“Aren’t you bothered by the fact that we have to lie to a lot of people about what happened?” Iria asked, suddenly curious.

Wufei shrugged as he made his way to the door.

“My life hasn’t been much more than a lie until recently, so I think I can live with it quite well. I’ll be with Quatre if anyone is looking for me. And I’ll warn Agent Catalonia that she might be receiving some calls soon.”

“You do that. Any news from Heero and Duo?”

Wufei stopped, facing the door.

“They’re on their way back. You should tell Sally to be ready. I think something happened there.”

“What?”

“I don’t know. Maxwell didn’t tell me. But what he did tell me was that he wouldn’t let Yuy pilot on the way back. So I think something’s wrong.”

*****

~AC 197, March 8th, L3-B347, Intercolonial Trade Summit, 6:54pm [L4 time : 11:24am]~

 

To say that Agent Catalonia was on her guard and ready to chew out reporters by the time the man whom she was forced to call her superior for the time being had called her back would have been an understatement.

“They are waiting for us,” she said, turning to Relena. “Are you ready?”

Relena nodded, but she grimaced at the same time. She was probably going to be asked questions about Quatre, and she was going to have to lie in front of cameras. Lying was a thing she didn’t like, but she had soon discovered that it was necessary in the political arena. You simply couldn’t win if you only told the truth. Under Dorothy’s supervision, and thanks to her own education which had accustomed her to send out compliments she didn’t mean with a smile, she had become quite the expert at dispensing half-truths and bits of lies without flinching. But this time, it was different. And Wufei had been very clear. They had to support the official version of ‘Tired CEO Taking Well-Deserved Break’, and from the expression on Dorothy’s face, that would be what the reporters would be getting, along with a good long tirade about the inelegance of trying to get dirt out of someone’s private life.

“God, I hate that,” Relena mumbled.

Dorothy smiled. After two years in Relena’s company, she couldn’t help but be amazed at how the girl had managed to retain her integrity and idealism while doing the work of several grown-ups and managing to fight off experienced politicians. She had become one of the President’s most important advisers in no time. She usually remained sweet and polite with everyone, but Dorothy had seen enough of Relena biting people’s heads off, including hers during the war, all in that sweet and polite manner of hers, to be fooled. Relena would keep her head straight, smile at the cameras, say something harsh and leave Dorothy to handle the rest. That was what they had decided.

“Do you really think they already know?” Relena asked with a wry smile.

“Agent Chang seemed to be pretty sure about it, and since this summit is one of the most important this year, there will be international TV crews outside. Everyone knows that Quatre is your friend.”

“Yes, well, if I pay attention to what all the tabloids say about us two, he and I have been married since we were children. I really wonder how they managed to make those wedding pictures anyway. I’m sure Trowa would skin me alive if he knew.”

Dorothy smirked.

“Then maybe I should make sure that he gets informed…”

“Dorothy!”

“… But I think Agent Chang would be the one to do the skinning, most probably.”

Relena blinked. Twice.

“What?”

“Just something I picked up looking and listening when I probably wasn’t supposed to.”

“You mean…”

Relena reddened suddenly and laughed.

“Oh my! That’s so unfair!” she exclaimed. “And they would look so good together too!”

Dorothy raised an eyebrow, surprised. That was a side of Relena that she hadn’t been aware of.

 

Flashes blinded them as soon as they got out of the building, framed by the security service. Each reporter was trying to get to Relena first to place his question, and as a result, none managed it.

“Please, quiet everyone!” Relena’s voice rose over the noise. “I have about fifteen minutes to answer any question about today’s meeting, so everyone should be satisfied. Mr. Donovan, maybe you can go first?” she added, pointing at a man in a blue suit.

“Minister Darlian, is it true that about a quarter of the colonies in the L2 cluster threatened to drop out of the Intercolonial Trade Alliance?”

“It was true as of this morning. We realized that those colonies were in fact too poor to truly benefit from the system that was implemented, and as a consequence the poverty level had risen dramatically. A survival plan has been started to help those colonies re-build their economy, and investors have been encouraged to look for work force there. These colonies are under special terms, but still a part of the Intercolonial Trade Alliance. The L2 representatives said they were satisfied with the decisions that have been made. Mrs. Irving?”

“Can you confirm that L1 representative Okinawa spoke against the new antitrust law that was passed by the ESUN recently?”

“Representative Okinawa did express some concerns about his cluster’s dominant position in the field of electronics. However, he agreed that concurrence is what makes the market work, and that having only one producer in such a sensitive area is a risk that we cannot afford right now.”

‘Right, he agreed,’ Dorothy thought. ‘You shoved it down his throat, Miss Relena. Now is it me, or are they all trying not to ask the right questions?’

Dorothy’s musings were interrupted when Malcom Twain, one of the most displeasing tabloid reporters in the whole ESUN, colonies included, suddenly came to the front. Relena smiled to him and allowed him a question.

“Minister Darlian, is it true that Quatre Raberba Winner was recently hospitalized in the Fatimah Psychiatric Clinic and could lose his chairmanship as a result?”

“Who told you that?” Relena asked.

“I can’t reveal my sources,” the journalist answered.

“Well, then, I can’t answer the question.”

“But you are Mr. Winner’s friend, right?”

“That’s true, I am.”

“So you must know about that story, no?”

“I would know about a story if there was a story to be known, Mr. Twain, that’s right. But as I am not aware of any ... story, I am afraid I will have to pass on that one.”

Silence fell on the crowd as reporters began to look at each other, trying to understand exactly what Relena had meant with those words. She had not said nothing had happened nor confirmed that something was up. Dorothy couldn’t help but being proud of her. Clearing her throat, the young minister brought attention to her again.

“Do any of you still have questions about the summit?”

No one volunteered.

“Good. Then you will allow me to take my leave, since my schedule is a bit busy. If you still have questions about those crazy rumors, however, Miss Catalonia will be delighted to answer them. Good day.”

And she was escorted to the limousine, leaving Dorothy with the wolves.

****

~Same time, somewhere in the L4 cluster~

 

“Snobbish little bitch took great cares not to answer anything,” Selim sneered at the screen that was broadcasting the latest news from the L3 Intercolonial Trade Summit. “She knows something.”

“She knows something, she knows something,” Neelah began to sing.

Then, she went up to the screen and banged her fist on it.

“Didn’t say, she didn’t. Why? Because she likes the bad boy, doesn’t she? Doesn’t know all the wrong he did, all the people he killed. No, she doesn’t. But I do, and I got to punish the bad boy, I did!”

Selim sighed and jerked Neelah back from the TV screen. She fell just in front of the chair she had been sitting on and remained there staring at the screen and singing “Didn’t say” under her breath. Selim turned to the man in the white lab coat and frowned.

“What did you give her? I just told you to calm her down!”

“That’s what I did,” the man answered, completely ignoring the threatening tone. “Your wife suffers from serious mental troubles, and secondary effects are to be expected since I have to use high doses to little effect. You should know, after all.”

Selim huffed and turned away, eyes going back to the screen where a girl with very long blond hair and calculating eyes was now in front of the reporters.

 _“_ _I am acting here as the main representative for the Winners’ PR department,”_ she was saying. _“_ _And I should add that those of you who are more interested in finding out if something happened in  Mr. Winner’s private life than in knowing if today’s negotiations went well would do well never to try and contact Minister Dalian’s press service again.”_

There was a tense pause, then some journalists seemed to find the courage to raise their hands, but the blond girl dismissed them.

 _“_ _I will not answer questions, but give you a statement from the Winners which has been approved by Quatre Winner himself,”_ she kept on, face perfectly straight.

“She must be lying,” Selim grumbled. “He couldn’t possibly have approved anything, not in the state he was in…”

“She won’t say, she won’t say,” Neelah sang, fingers running through her own blond hair, staring with wide eyes at the TV. “Pretty lady won’t say anything either. She is bad, really bad, should be punished too! Can I punish her, Selim?”

“Of course, pet,” her husband answered distractedly, not even noticing the adoring glance she threw his way.

_“_ _Mr. Winner has worked for Preventer as well as for WEI this last year. He has not taken a break ever since he took his current position of CEO at WEI. His personal physician has recently diagnosed him with severe exhaustion, and has recommended house rest. Mr. Winner is actually obeying the doctor for once and resting at his home. There’s no need to go make the siege of the Winner Mansion, because you will be sent back to me and I will say the same thing all over again. Any rumor concerning a possible hospitalization in a mental ward is a lie.”_

“Damn it, I know it’s not! I put him there myself! Why don’t you just go out and say it, you bitch!? Do you think you’re gonna figure out what happened to him or who did it?! Let’s get it over with, for God’s sake!” Selim hissed at the TV.

 _“_ _Miss Catalonia, why have you been chosen to be the Winners’ spokesperson?”_ Malcom Twain was insisting on the screen.

_“_ _Because Mr. Winner doesn’t deal with your kind, Mr. Twain. He actually enjoys the company of civilized people. As do I. So if you will excuse me, I suddenly have the urge to go somewhere where the air doesn’t smell of all the dirt you try to dig out of people’s lives.”_

 


	18. Random Access Memory

~AC 197, March 8th, L4-A001, Winner Mansion, 9:54am~

Trowa woke up abruptly, going from sleep to instant awareness in the blinking of an eye, as if surprised that he had been sleeping at all. Which was not far from the truth, actually.

He blinked several times because of the bright artificial lights that flooded the room. He had not even thought about pulling the drapes after Wufei had threatened him into bed in a quite effective manner. He did not really remember how long it had taken him to get to sleep after that, but what he could now see was that he had slept. And he had slept well, for more than twelve hours, with nothing interrupting.

Sitting up in the large bed that felt unfamiliar even if it was his in theory, he rubbed his eyes and closed them, listening for any kind of sound, but the great mansion was absolutely silent. The Maguanacs were making themselves as unobtrusive as possible while securing the mansion, Heero and Duo were probably not back yet and nothing must have happened with Quatre or someone would have woken him up. The only sound he could hear was that of his own breathing.

He slowly lied back down, somehow feeling exhaustion weigh on him even after that much sleep.

‘God, just how long has it been since I slept like that! Not ever since I left back then in January, and when I occasionally came back here, I certainly did not sleep in here.’

He smiled as he felt a fluttery feeling inside of his chest, the little tickling that was so Quatre. His lover was probably close to waking up too, but wasn’t conscious yet. He would have felt it. And he trusted Wufei to look after Quatre.

Deep inside, he knew that was one of the reasons why he had slept so well. For the last three weeks, when he didn’t know where Quatre was, sleep had simply been an inconvenience, something that he couldn’t stop doing altogether and happening at the worst time possible. Then, once they had found Quatre, he had only slept sporadically, and the only real sleep he had had before that very long night was when he had dozed off in Quatre’s room. But now, with Wufei here, everything was different. It was different because he knew he could trust Wufei with Quatre and know that Wufei would take care of him. It felt different because all of the weight, all of the guilt, was not on his shoulders only. It felt different because, by taking care of Quatre, his friend had shown him that he was here for him too. And Trowa could not help thinking that this was a good omen for the future. At least now he was sure that he had absolutely no objection to Wufei joining them, and that he would do all that was in his power to make it possible without chasing Wufei away.

‘Maybe I should just let Cat handle that part, though. He’s the one who started it, really. I never thought I would live to see Quatre Winner suggest a threesome. That was quite some day.’

They had cried that day when their shared feelings for their friend had come out in the open, both afraid that the other might not take it well, both relieved that it had turned out okay, both sad that they had to face the fact that they could not be all they wished to be for the other. It had been one of those huge emotional moments during which Quatre managed to cry his eyes out and sniffle and still look adorable, and Trowa just made a mess of himself and got red and puffy eyes. But it had been a necessary step. Somehow, the admission had made their relationship even stronger, as if they both needed to persuade the other that they would always have a special place even if a third one joined in. And then, they had begun to plan how to tell Wufei so that he would not bolt to a distant place never to be seen again.

But that was before… before someone had decided to hurt Quatre to get the money back, money that Quatre wanted to give away anyway. That was before someone had dared touch what was most sacred to Trowa. That was before he had to confess to Wufei on his own because keeping the secret and trying to be strong all by himself were really too much for him after all he’d been through in the past three weeks.

At that point, Trowa probably would have indulged into a fresh load of guilty thoughts, but his stomach interrupted him by growling loudly and startling him enough to sit back up. He looked down at his belly as if daring it to do the sound again, which it did but a bit more muffled.

‘Time for some breakfast, I guess. And I’m actually hungry, go figure. I think I had almost forgotten what food tastes like.’

He got out of bed and threw on his clothes, taking a mental note to have them washed soon and to take a shower after he would have put some food in himself. Looking at himself in the mirror and seeing his image without the dreadful dark circles under his eyes, he took a deep breath then got out of his room to go check on Quatre before getting something to eat and some caffeine.

 

Actually, Trowa just stuck his head through the door when it opened with a hiss. Quatre was still sleeping, looking more relaxed than Trowa had ever seen him since they had found him, electrodes still in place and recording slightly less disturbed brainwaves. Wufei was sitting cross-legged against the wall. He looked up from his book, saw Trowa, and got up and to the door.

“Still nothing,” he whispered. “He slept the night. Have you eaten?”

Trowa tried very hard to fight the smile that tugged at his mouth. Really he tried, but he just had to give up. This was almost too cute, the way Wufei fussed over him so naturally. Not that Trowa would ever say it out loud. It would only piss Wufei off to no end to be called cute and Trowa didn’t really fancy eating anything sharp and irony. He left that kind of entertainment to Duo.

“I was going to,” Trowa finally said. “Just checking in.”

“Some turmoil this morning. Not with him, but apparently someone is not happy with the way we’re running our case and warned the press.”

Trowa grew serious instantly. That could be bad, but… well, Dorothy was supposed to be in charge of that part, and even if Trowa couldn’t get himself to like her right now, he had to admit that dealing with obnoxious reporters was something that she could probably do better than any of them.

“No news from…”

“On their way back. Status uncertain.”

Trowa frowned. That didn’t sound too good. He shot another look at the still form on the bed, but didn’t have time to think further. Wufei firmly pushed him out of the room again, stepping out with him and letting the door close behind them both.

“You go and get yourself something to eat, and then you can come and sit with him while I go get some sleep. How does that sound?”

Trowa nodded and made his way down the corridor, only slowing down to make sure he heard the door hissing open and close again.

 

He was almost starting to think that maybe things weren’t looking so bad when the front door opened and Duo stumbled in, supporting a Heero that did not even seem to be in any shape to be standing at the moment.

“Honeys, we’re home,” he said in an exhausted voice.

Trowa raced down the stairs to them and caught Heero just as Duo was letting go of him, slumping down on the ground as well. Carefully maneuvering Heero in a more comfortable position, he could feel that his friend seemed to be burning with fever.

“What happened?” he asked in a blank voice.

“…’m not sure,” Duo answered. “Kind of a long story, but to make it short, it looks like Heero found whatever was done to Cat, but only managed so by putting himself through the same process. I’d have said it’s an improvement from trying to self-destruct every other day, but I’m not so sure now.”

He brushed sweaty bangs away from his face and sighed heavily, holding up some things that looked like computer memory cards.

“Heero found these, and believes they have something to do with what happened to Cat, but… I dunno why exactly he had to do what he did to understand, but it shook him up bad, and as soon as we got in the shuttle, he broke into a sweat and I thought he had a seizure. I had to strap him in his seat and give him a shot so that he wouldn’t end up hurting himself by moving too much… and pilot all the way back here, too. Remind me why I love this guy again?”

“I have no idea,” Trowa answered, running his hand along the lines of Heero’s face, and listening to his comrade’s shallow breathing.

Duo slowly pushed himself up again.

“Listen, we’re all sweaty and disgusting, so I’ll take him upstairs, wash us both and stick him into bed. Could you warn the others and get Sally? There’s… something I want to ask her, if Heero’s okay with it… you know…”

Trowa nodded slowly. Yes, he knew what Duo was talking about, and he too was beginning to think that maybe it would be a good thing.

‘And I know I’m only saying that because I refused to do it myself,’ he thought sarcastically, running off to find the doctor.

****

Sally was ready when Trowa came to get her. Ever since Iria had relayed Wufei’s words to her, she had been thinking about how she would approach the problem. Whatever had happened, she was almost sure of what Duo would ask, but it would be impossible without Heero’s cooperation. And maybe Heero would not want to cooperate when she would tell him what she thought was best.

She followed Trowa down the corridor, deep in thought, when a low grumble interrupted her. She stopped dead and looked at Trowa.

“Did you have anything to eat?” she asked sternly.

“Was going to, got distracted on the way,” he answered, even managing to look just a bit ashamed.

Sally rolled her eyes.

“Oh, for the love of God! What is it gonna take for you guys to take care of yourself properly? Do I have to beat you up for you to do it? ‘Cause if that’s the only way, I will! Okay, you go get something to eat for both you and Wufei, and you go be with Quatre. It’s an order!” she added when Trowa opened his mouth to protest. “You can’t help me with the other two, and I’d like both of you to stay with Quatre in case he wakes up and is disoriented. If possible, I would like for things to be less dramatic than last time.”

Trowa nodded, but Sally was not a doctor for nothing, and she had been around those boys long enough. She took Trowa by the shoulders and made him face her, clear blue eyes staring into deep green ones.

“Don’t worry about Heero, Trowa. It was bound to happen at some point. The timing is incredibly wrong and he has to get better if only for Quatre’s sake, because from what you told me, he is not in any shape to be near an unchecked empath right now, but it’s gonna be okay. Duo and Heero have been discussing it for a while now, and Duo’s own experience was so positive that Heero was beginning to consider the idea. I’m sure Duo and I can find a few points to convince him to do it.”

Trowa nodded again, but frowned at the same time.

“You’re not going to be the one to do it, right?”

She smiled.

“No. I think I will ask Dr. Carter to help me on this one.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m too involved. Because he’s a very good doctor and he’s trying his best to help. And because it’s about time you guys start trusting him a bit. Whether you like it or not, he was here to help Quatre when we were not. I’m not saying it’s your fault, it’s just a fact, Trowa. He was there for Quatre, and we need his help. I think that this may be the best way to start telling him that we do trust him at least a little bit. And… Well, I would have sworn that you at least were kind of ready to let him in.”

“I… I can’t forget that he helped Quatre during those three weeks. It’s thanks to him that Quatre is back,” Trowa said simply.

“That’s right. But you know our two dumbheads, right? Duo is hardly a very trusting person, and Heero has clearly been conditioned to distrust everyone. They need a strong incentive to begin to accept that Carter is not an enemy or someone intruding. I think that’s the best occasion.”

“You planned it all out, didn’t you?” Trowa asked suspiciously.

“No. I had no idea that this would come to happen now, and I was sort of desperate to convince those two anyway. I was prepared for big yelling matches, which I would have won because I’m the doctor, but then we would have had to deal with a disgruntled Duo Maxwell and a pissed-off Heero Yuy, and I was not really looking forward to that.”

Sally smiled brightly, and stretched, as if readying herself for a fight.

“Okay, now you go stuff yourself with food and tell Chang I’m sorry for stealing his nappy-time… No, in fact, don’t tell him that, I’m not sorry, and I’ll bet he doesn’t even care. I swear that guy’s even less human than Yuy sometimes. I’ve never understood how he manages to stay awake for more than forty-eight hours without dropping dead. I’m going into the lion’s cage. Wish me luck!”

“Are you going to tell Carter about…” Trowa began, his voice trailing and not finishing the question.

Sally grimaced.

“I will have to tell him _something_ , obviously, but… I think it would be wiser to keep the big, detailed explanation for a bit later. Once Heero feels better and Quatre wakes up. Then, I’ll fill him in, and I would like all of you to contribute and tell about your own experience with that thing so that he knows what we’re up against.”

She stopped talking abruptly, then smiled sadly.

“He may not realize it, but he’s risking his life in this too, Trowa,” she said very low. “And I don’t think any of you want to see another innocent life crushed because of who you are.”

And she left.

****

Heero came round under the cold spray of the shower. It took him a few seconds to analyze the situation and realize that he was in their bathroom in Quatre’s house and in Duo’s arms. Now he just had to understand how the hell he had made it there when all he could remember was passing out in the shuttle.

“Shh, babe, it’s okay, I got you,” a low voice murmured in his ear as the arms encircling him made him turn round.

“D… Duo?” Heero whispered.

“Yup! Didn’t think you’d get rid of me that easily, did ya? Now can you stand up on your own? I’d like to grab the soap, but I can’t do it without at least one hand.”

Heero managed to lean on the tiled wall to support himself, but he truly wasn’t feeling as shaky as he remembered. In fact, it was far better now, and he began to shiver under the cold assault of the water. Duo noticed it immediately and raised a hand to feel his forehead.

“Good, your fever’s gone,” he said, and turned the faucet until the water was a nice warm temperature. “That was quick. Now I don’t think I need any more proof that you’re inhuman so could you please stop scaring me to death? Or at least warn me beforehand, that would be nice!”

Heero turned around to face his lover and meet his worried eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I just… didn’t think…”

“That’s right, Yuy!” Duo snapped while soaping Heero’s body gently. “You _never_ think! Did you even think about what I was gonna do if you happened to zap yourself dead or anything?”

Heero hung his head in shame, and felt tears starting to burn his eyes. But in the same time, he was suddenly enveloped in a strong embrace. And he could feel Duo’s body shaking and understood that his lover was trying hard not to cry too.

“I can’t do this without you”, Duo murmured in a hoarse voice heavy with unshed tears. “I’m so fucking scared of living, y’know, so if it’s not with you, it’s not even worth it. So don’t you dare say ‘To hell with all this shit’ and leave me here alone, Heero. Don’t you dare! Because if you do, you have to know that I won’t be far behind, no matter how much I love the other guys. And what would they say, huh? What would they have said if all I had had to bring back was a corpse? How do you think they would have taken it?”

Heero closed his own trembling arms around Duo and held him close, the task rendered difficult by the fact that they were both slippery with soap.

“I know this is difficult for you, you know?” Duo kept on. “I know how lost you’re feeling, because I feel exactly the same. But I won’t give up. And not just because Cat needs us, but because I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and say ‘this is one mean bastard and he’s here to stay’. We’re here to stay. Together. All of us. You’ve got us, now, Heero. And no matter how hard I have to pound it in that thick skull of yours, we need you, just as much as you need us. So next time you feel like risking your neck, just stop a moment and think about us, please. Think… think about me.”

“I promise,” Heero answered, tears finally spilling. “I’m sorry.”

Duo drew back a little and smiled, kissing the salty tears mixed with shower water away.

“I know,” he said. “I know. It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. But it will be. I have to hope that it will be.”

“If we work together, it will. You said it, Heero. Teamwork.”

Heero caught Duo’s hand, entwining their fingers and squeezing.

“Teamwork,” he repeated. “I think I can do that.”

“Good. Now let’s wash up a bit and put on some clothes, Sally should be here soon.”

Heero frowned at his lover.

“Duo, I thought…”

“Yeah, I know, but… listen to her, please,” Duo said pleadingly.

He traced the outline of Heero’s face with a finger.

“I know you don’t like it, but it could be possible that we don’t have a choice here. What about Cat? Do you really think that he could be near you in the state of mind you’re in now? And don’t even mention staying away from him, because it’s not gonna help. He needs you here, and he mostly needs you to stop beating yourself and thinking everything that goes bad in the whole world’s your responsibility. Now I’ve always wondered why you two never fought on who’s really responsible since he kinda likes to think it’s him, and you seem to think it’s only you.”

Heero couldn’t help but smile weakly, and Duo took advantage of it to suggest they hurry up and finish the shower before Sally would come for them, hoping that Heero would finally accept to face the things in his past that he feared so much.

****

Sally was waiting for them in the bedroom when they finally emerged from the bathroom. She smiled to Heero and asked him to lie down on the bed.

“I’m not…” Heero started to protest, but Duo glared at him and Sally interrupted him.

“I have quite a clear idea of what you are and what you are not, Heero Yuy,” she said with a mock-scowl. “And what you are not is immortal, and what you are is someone who went through severe emotional shock and physical trauma that would have incapacitated a lot of people. So you lie down and let me examine you, and then we talk.”

Heero complied because not even he was crazy enough to disobey an order from Sally Po in doctor-mode. Sally checked that the fever had indeed completely disappeared and asked Duo several questions as to what had happened on the trip back, Duo doing his best to answer as precisely as possible. She then checked his pulse, eyes and respiratory rate, satisfied to find them normal. She glanced at the memory cards lying on the bedside table as she finished her exam.

“Did you guys make sure Wufei was warned about that?” she asked.

“I told Tro, and I guess he will have told Wu,” Duo answered. “But I’m not quite sure what’s on them. Heero?”

“It’s… complicated…” Heero said, frowning as if to remember what exactly had happened.

“You had a helmet on,” Duo insisted. “Is it Zero?”

Heero seemed lost in thought for a moment and none of the other two rushed him. When he finally spoke it was in a slow cautious voice.

“I thought it was Zero, but… I’m not sure at all. It is… similar, but… not the same…”

“What exactly is not the same?” Sally asked, curious.

“I can’t say… I would have to look at them more properly…”

“There’s no way I’m letting you do that kind of stunt again, do you hear me, Yuy!” Duo protested vehemently.

Heero smiled at the passionate reply, causing Duo to pout.

“Now what’s so funny?!” he asked, annoyed.

“I wasn’t really thinking of testing it again that way, Duo,” Heero explained, serious again. “One time was more than enough. I would need to look at the program itself. I know that they’re different, but I can’t just pinpoint what is different exactly.”

“Well, I guess we can leave that for later,” Sally cut in. “You’re positive that it could be what happened to Quatre.”

“I’m sure,” Heero said with force. “If… if this is what I believe, then…”

He didn’t finish, but he clenched his fists, his whole body shaken by a big shiver. Duo went to sit down on the bed at his side and took him in his arms. He looked at Sally and the older woman sighed, knowing that she would have to go first. She sat on the bed too.

“You know what I would like you to do now, Heero, don’t you?”

Heero nodded, looking decidedly unhappy.

“I will not force you to do it, Heero,” Sally kept on. “But… I think it would be good.”

Heero looked at Duo. Duo smiled and kissed the top of Heero’s head, hugging him closer.

“It’s your decision, Heero. I won’t decide for you, and neither will Sal, but… I also think that now may be a good time. With Cat unable to block anyone…”

“That’s also what I was thinking about,” Sally admitted. “Even I can see that you’re quite upset by whatever you saw over there. So imagine what it will be for him if you come near him right now.”

“I can’t do that to him,” Heero murmured.

Sally inched closer and took one of Heero’s hands.

“And you also must stop doing that to yourself, Heero. Denial is never a good thing. You will need to face those things, at one point or another. Now is as good a time as any.”

 

She got up again, facing the window.

“You’ve had some experiences with hypnosis, right?” she asked casually.

Heero nodded, tension clearly visible on his face. Sally turned around.

“I would like you to understand that what I did with Duo, what I would like to try, has nothing to do with any kind of behavior conditioning, which is what I supposed you were subjected to.”

Another nervous nod.

“What I would like to try is what some people call regression, to make things simple. To help you open your mind and go back into your memories, into things that even you may have forgotten. It is not going to be easy, and it can be overwhelming. There is no guarantee of success. But… it can have amazing results.”

“She’s right, you know,” Duo approved. “I also thought it was all bullshit, and you’ve seen me do it. You know I’ve had less nightmares ever since. It didn’t solve everything, but it unblocked a few things.”

Duo was right, and Heero knew it. Duo was beginning to get out of the depression that had seemed to swallow him at the beginning of the year. In fact, very few people had noticed what Duo was carefully hiding behind his usual cheerful mask, but all of his friends and Sally had seen through it. Duo had been very reluctant at first, but had finally accepted to have someone hypnotize him, as long as Sally would be that someone. On the whole, Sally didn’t have a good memory of the experiment. It had been downright messy, in fact, and she herself had spent a good hour crying after Duo had left, because she couldn’t see how anyone could go through everything he had and still be kicking. And Heero’s past was shady enough for her not to really want to get deeper into it.

Duo was also right on the fact that hypnosis was not a magical cure for all your problems. Heero would not come out of the experiment feeling all refreshed and a balanced human being. None of the pilots would ever be what could clinically be termed balanced. But accepting to do this would, she hoped, help Heero understand that whatever had happened to him as a child was not his fault, and that he had as much a right to be alive as anyone else in the world.

She felt both relieved and tense when Heero finally nodded his assent.

“Alright. I’ll do it.”

Sally took a deep breath, preparing for what was to come.

“Just one other thing. I would like Dr. Carter to be the one to do it.”

“What?” Duo hissed.

“Don’t you talk to me that way, Duo Maxwell!” Sally hissed back. “You don’t even have the slightest idea of what is at stake here, so don’t go all righteous on me and listen!”

Duo’s mouth closed with an audible clap, but he glared on at Sally. Heero was scowling, looking perplex.

“I trust you, Sally,” he said.

“I know,” she said more gently. “And I thank you for it, but that’s not really the point here. I’m too involved in this, and that means I could influence you without even meaning to. The results would be far better if someone independent, someone with absolutely no prejudice, did it. Dr. Carter is a good doctor and he learned with the best. I checked him.”

Duo’s eyes widened, and Sally winked.

“Hey, I’m cautious too,” she joked. “I could probably recite his life story from A to Z down to the names of the girls he dated in med school, but… the point is, he can do it. I trust him to do it correctly.”

“You did it with me,” Duo objected.

“In the state you were in at the time, there was no way you would have let me direct you to someone else, and it would only have gotten worse. As a doctor, I could not leave a patient in that much distress. But if you asked me for a repeat performance, I would probably say no.”

She turned to Heero.

“It’s not as bad as you think, Heero, and I’ll stay with you if you wish me too. I’d like to stay anyway, just in case something happens. I’m not sure Carter is quite up to meeting another Gundam Pilot on the rampage. Oh, and don’t forget that since he knows you were pilots, we don’t need to hide anything either. So what do you say?”

Heero looked at Duo again, a bit lost. Duo looked decidedly unhappy but didn’t protest.

“She’s the doc, Heero. She knows what’s best. But if you don’t wanna, it’s okay.”

Heero thought for a moment, then nodded again.

“I’ll do it,” he said, and this time his voice was a bit more resolute.

“Good,” Sally said, holding back a sigh of relief. “Thank you. I’ll go get him. Try to relax in the meantime.”

****

When Carter came in, he felt kind of dizzy. Sally Po had just asked him if he could help Heero Yuy through a regression experience and told him about some kind of program that had apparently altered the youth’s brain patterns. He did not really know what to make of it. But he was ready to step in.

Heero was still sitting on the bed when Sally Po showed him into the bedroom. They had decided to stay in there because it was familiar and would help Heero be more relaxed. Duo shot a strange look to Carter as he came in, but didn’t comment, just hugging Heero closer and whispering something in his ear.

“Dr. Po just asked me if I could help you, Heero,” Carter began, sitting on a chair near the bed. “Is that what you want?”

Heero nodded. Clinically, Carter noticed the slightly high respiration rate and the dilated pupils. The boy was nervous.

“I am not here to work against you, Heero,” he said, trying to keep his voice calm in the manner he had learnt. “I’m just here to help.”

“I know,” Heero answered.

“Good. Because hypnosis is a complicated process, and it’s going to require you to give me something.”

“What?”

“Your trust. When I put you under hypnosis, it means that you surrender all of your control to me. Dr. Po told me that some techniques have been used on you before. I have to tell you that what we’re going to do now is very different. I am not here to uncover your dirty secrets or to program you to do anything. What I’ll be trying to do is open your mind to yourself, so that you can face your own demons. It’s not a pleasurable experience, and it can be stopped at any moment. This remains your decision entirely.”

“I want to do it.”

“That’s good. I also hope that your motives are clear. I kind of understood that doing this was necessary so that you could come near Quatre, but this is first and foremost for yourself that we’re doing this. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

Carter smiled.

“Okay, so I’m gonna explain what is going to happen. I am going to lead you through several stages of relaxation and put you under a light hypnosis. Then, I will ask you a few test questions to check that you are indeed ready. You will have to be as relaxed as possible and to concentrate on my voice for it to work, so I would like to ask all of the participants to remain extremely quiet.”

“Can Duo stay?” Heero asked anxiously, gripping Duo’s wrist.

“He can,” Carter answered, not really seeing how he could have denied that request when Duo seemed ready to cut one of his limbs if he stepped a toe out of line. “But he cannot be in physical contact with you, and he cannot talk.”

Duo groaned a bit, but said nothing, just looking away and rubbing Heero’s back.

“Once you’re suitably ‘asleep’, so to speak, I will ask you questions. I will make you go as far back as possible. If you show any kind of deep distress, or if Dr. Po instructs me to do so, I will wake you up immediately. How does that sound?”

Sally smiled. Carter had done exactly the right thing by handing the control of when Heero would be woken up to her. She knew that Heero would not be comfortable knowing that he would spill his heart out to someone he had no real reason to trust, but if Sally was here, and if she was watching and making sure he would be woken up in time, it would be easier for him to let go. Duo too seemed to be less grumpy now that the psychiatrist had suggested this. He truly was a good doctor in his field, Sally thought.

“Acceptable,” Heero answered. “What should I do?”

“I’d like you to find a position where you’re comfortable. Sitting would be good, if possible. Mr. Maxwell, if you could please take a seat on the other side of the room…”

“And swear that you’re gonna make yourself completely forgotten,” Sally cut in. “I’m serious about that, Duo. Any kind of noise could break the trance.”

She did not suggest that he should leave the room, even if she would have preferred it.

“People that are hypnotized can say things that are very disturbing,” Carter added. “Heero will probably say things that he never told anyone, not even you, mostly because he does not remember them or didn’t think they were important. Some of those things will probably be quite harsh and difficult. You have to be prepared if you want to stay.”

“I want him to stay,” Heero insisted.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere,” Duo assured him. “I’ll be right here with you, I just have to keep my mouth shut. Did I get it right?”

“Yes,” Carter said.

“Alright”, Duo sighed, throwing his hands into the air dramatically. “I guess I can survive a few minutes of not talking.”

He gave a quick kiss to Heero, then went to sit on the chair next to the window.

“All set”, he said, flashing a smile to Heero. “Ready when you are.”

 

Sally watched intently from her spot next to Duo as Carter led Heero through the stages of relaxation. He had made Heero close his eyes and focus on his breathing. In fact, Sally mused, it looked a lot like the meditation exercises that Wufei did regularly. She knew Wufei could put himself in a trance. Duo had told her how he had managed to save up some air in their cell on the lunar base by doing so. It told quite some things that the young Neo-Chicago psychiatrist was versed in those ancient Oriental arts.

It took about ten minutes for Heero to relax completely, then things progressed a bit quicker. Finally, Carter braced himself in his chair.

“Alright, now Heero, I would like you to open your eyes.”

Heero did, slowly, revealing empty eyes that seemed to stare at nothing at all.

“Can you hear me okay, Heero?”

“Yes,” the young Japanese answered in a blank voice.

“Good. What is your name?”

There was a moment of tense silence, and Heero scowled a bit, as if the question were disturbing him. Then, his voice rang loud and clear in the big room.

“Prototype #XXXG–01W, Wing series.”

 


	19. System has recovered from a serious error

Carter blinked.

‘Oh-kaaay! That wasn’t really the answer I was looking for,’ he thought, eyes darting to Sally Po and Duo Maxwell.

But those two didn’t look like they could help. Duo was gripping the arms of the chair he was sitting in so tight that his knuckles were white, and Sally, standing by his side, was staring at Heero, her mouth gaping. Clearly, none of them had expected that answer either, and they hadn’t anticipated Heero’s voice to sound that young and childish. Carter hadn’t really paid attention, since it was frequent for patients undergoing regression to sound like they had as children, but it seemed to be quite a nasty shock for the two others.

Clearing his throat, Carter went back to his patient.

“Alright… Uh, let’s rewind your life, now and go back as far as possible… Are you there?”

“Hai,” the very young voice answered.

“Uh?” Carter said dumbly.

“It means ‘yes’,” he heard Sally Po whisper as silently as possible. “Japanese.”

“Oh… Okay. Where are you now, Heero?”

“Shiranai yo. Subete shiroi da.”

“In English, Heero, please,” Carter said.

Heero frowned, but complied.

“I don’t know. It’s all white.”

“Are you alone?”

“No. Lots of people around me. They are all looking at me and talking, and some of them are sticking needles in me and it hurts. I… I’m strapped, I can’t move.”

“How old are you?” Carter asked, feeling decidedly sick.

“I… I’m not sure. I don’t know when I was born.”

At that point, Sally, had to pry Duo’s fingers from the chair before he would break it. The young man looked downright homicidal, his eyes riveted to Heero’s face and his teeth gritted in a ferocious snarl. Sally just signaled to Carter that she had it under control and beckoned to him to continue.

“Let’s move forward. What happens next?”

Heero’s whole facial expression changed, suddenly showing a bright smile that was most unusual.

“Odin,” he simply said.

Duo seemed to relax a little. Maybe this was something that the two of them had talked about together, Carter thought.

“Who is Odin?” he asked Heero.

“He’s an assassin. He’s a friend of Doctor J, I think. I don’t really know. Just one day, he came, and he took me out of the white rooms. He kept saying that no one had the right to do that to a child.” Heero frowned a bit, as if he didn’t understand something. “I’m not sure he’s talking about me. The other people, they all say I’m just a machine, that I was built for the Gundam. I don’t understand what it means.”

“Go on,” Carter gulped with difficulties.

“Odin is taking me out of the white rooms. He meets with Doctor J. He scares me.” Heero shuddered. “And… he tells Odin that he doesn’t have anything to do with this, that he was building the machine and didn’t know about me. He’s looking at me… I think… And he tells Odin to get me out while he can.”

“What happens after that?”

“I’m with Odin. He takes me with him everywhere. Teaches me how to take care of myself. Sometimes I help him. We pretend I’m his son. I… I like it when we do that. At times it almost feels like it’s real. But I can’t allow myself to show it. When I did, back then in the white rooms, I got punished. So I don’t say it. I just do what he says, I try to please him.”

“Let’s move on a little bit further. Where are you now?”

“L3-X18999. Odin has a mission here but… it… it all goes wrong… and when I find him again…”

Slender hands clenched on the bedspread, the only sign that they were finally closing in on something important.

“Take your time,” Carter said slowly.

“He’s lying on the floor. He got shot. I don’t know what to do. He told me he was going to leave me here when he was done with this job, but I didn’t think… I didn’t think it meant he would die. He… knows it’s over too, he’s not even trying to get up. He’s just telling me not to forget our years together, and… that I should always act on my emotions. And then he dies.”

“What do you do next?”

“I just finish the mission, and go away. I don’t know where I’m going. I just… go.”

“How old are you?”

“About… eight, I think.”

“Okay… Now, I would like you to tell me how you became a Gundam pilot, if it’s okay?”

Heero swallowed, but kept on, his voice gaining a bit of depth, as if assessing the passage of time.

“J finds me again, but… I don’t remember him. He asks me if I would like to pilot a Gundam. I don’t know what it is, but I have nothing better to do. So I say yes.”

“What next?”

“He… He says he’s sorry to have to do this to me, but he has to. He says it would have been better if he hadn’t found me again, but I’m the best they have because I was meant for that machine, I was created to pilot it. It… hurts… all of the time… They give me shots, they do stuff to me, I don’t know what it is… I have to train for hours… I’m not allowed to rest, never… there’s no time, no time…”

Heero’s breathing grew rapid and shallow.

“My hands are bleeding from the controls, but I can’t stop… my head hurts so much because of all the lights, but I can’t say anything… if I do, they will punish me again, I know it… they don’t care what they do to me, I’m just a machine, like the other one… the Gundam… both… machines…”

“Move further on, Heero. Try to calm down, it’s okay, this is all in the past now,” Carter said soothingly. “It can’t hurt you. Now where are you?”

“I’m… back on L3-X18999. I’m being sent as an operative.”

“Is it the first time?”

“No. I’ve had… missions on Earth. Recon. Sometimes assassination. This time I have to plant bombs. But…”

“Yes?”

“It all goes wrong!” Heero almost wailed. “It wasn’t supposed to happen like this! The bombs go off, but… there was a Leo, standing there, and… the blow of the explosion… it makes it fall into… a civilian building! And everyone dies! Everyone… even the little girl… even the dog…”

Carter frowned in confusion.

“What little girl, Heero?”

Heero began to shake, and tears formed in his eyes, slowly spilling down his cheeks.

“She was nice to me… it was… the first time someone was nice to me just like that, apart from Odin… she even gave me a flower… called me ‘nii-chan… her dog… Mary… was nice too, she wanted me to pet her… and none of them… were afraid of me… all the others, I’ve seen them looking at me, they’re afraid… because they know that I could kill them just like that… if I wanted to… I could kill her too, but… I don’t want to… She’s smiling… she’s happy… she’s just a little girl walking her puppy and… _And I killed her!_ ”

True sobs were now escaping the young man on the bed, his hands balled in fists and his shoulders shaking. Carter looked at Sally Po, and the woman nodded. At her side, Duo was looking at Heero with tears in his own eyes, and gripping Sally’s wrist in a vice grip. Carter was more than amazed to see that the young woman was not complaining. In fact she even had a reassuring arm around the young man’s shoulders, and seemed to be the only thing anchoring him right now.

‘That’s enough,’ Sally mouthed, and Carter nodded back to her, turning to face his patient again.

“Alright, Heero now listen to me. I am going to count from five to one, and when I’m done, you will wake up. Five… four… three… two… one…”

Deep blue eyes seemed to abruptly focus as the young man went out of the trance. He buried his face in his hands, still sobbing. No sooner had he done that that Duo was here, holding him and talking in whispers to him. Carter was wondering if there was something he could do, but seconds later, Sally Po was at his side and towing him outside of the room.

“Let’s leave them alone for a while,” she said as they went out, and she closed the door behind herself before facing Carter. “Thank you so much for having accepted to do this.”

“It was the least I could do,” he answered honestly, “but I’m not sure I helped.”

She smiled to him, looking a bit tired.

“You did. I’m not quite sure what you started, and it’s clear that we haven’t even caught a glimpse of what really happened to him, but… I’ve heard enough. I don’t care if J tried to get him out when he found out what they were doing to a kid, if he was still alive, I would rip him open and feed him his balls, assuming they’re not as cybernetic as his eyes! And that would be if Duo didn’t get to him first!”

Carter gaped at Sally, and she smirked.

“Oh, I may have forgotten a few details about myself,” she said lightly. “I’m not just a doctor; I’m also an ex-Alliance major and a guerilla fighter. And a hothead.”

“I had noticed the last one”, Carter answered a bit shakily.

He had no real idea who Doctor J was, but he really wouldn’t want to be in his place, dead or not.

 

Duo just held on to Heero, letting him cry his eyes out and trying not to break into sobs himself. He rubbed soothing circles on his lover’s back and tried to convey as much comfort as he could through physical contact. It seemed like an eternity before the sobs reduced to muffled sniffs, and Duo sighed tiredly as he eased himself more comfortably on the bed.

When Heero finally looked at him, Duo brought a hand to his cheek and carefully wiped the last traces of tears away. Heero leaned into the touch, and spoke in a hoarse voice.

“I should have told you.”

Duo shrugged.

“You didn’t remember half of that, and… you shared the good parts with me, at least.”

He could remember the nights where Heero had timidly spoken about Odin, and the strange relationship that had developed between a small Heero and the man who had killed the well-known pacifist leader whose name was to become his ‘son’s’ code name.

“You know, Heero…” Duo said, in a strangely choked voice, “there are days, when I close my eyes all I can see is the church crumbling down… over and over again… But I only have to think of one thing to make it all go away. D’ya know what this is?”

Heero shook his head, and Duo chuckled.

“It’s you, idiot,” he said tenderly. “All I have to remember is how I thought you had a major case of stick up the ass when I first met you… how I couldn’t help bugging you just to get a reaction, anything… how you kept being an asshole and a thief and a jackass and someone not that nice on the whole… and… how you didn’t kill me when you had the chance… how you saved my hide more times than I can count… You’re not a machine. They were wrong. There always was a human heart deep down there,” he added, his hand splayed on Heero’s chest. “They just didn’t look hard enough, didn’t bother to find it. But I did. And I’m keeping it.”

Heero snuggled closer to him, letting out an exhausted sigh.

“Thank you,” he said in a whisper.

“You’re welcome,” Duo whispered back. “I’ll always be there for you, just like I know you’ll always have my back. We’re a team, and we work well together. So I hope you’ll be keeping me too.”

“I’d like that,” Heero said sleepily, his eyes beginning to droop.

“That’s good to know. I don’t think anyone else would want me, I’m so screwed up anyway…”

Heero surprised him by wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him closer.

“I don’t care. I’m even more screwed up.”

“Better not start a contest on that subject, because none of us would win. But… you need to talk, you gimme a ring, okay?”

Heero was already asleep. Duo smiled, kissed a soft cheek and closed his eyes too.

****

Wufei sipped the tea that Trowa had brought him, eyes staring at the back of his friend looking out of the window. Trowa had rapidly explained the situation about Heero and Duo, or at least what he knew of it. There was probably a lot more to it, but Wufei was a practical young man: while at times able to wallow for days and months at end on his failures, he didn’t see the point in worrying for something that he knew nothing about. Everything seemed connected to those strange memory cards that Trowa had said Maxwell and Yuy had brought back. It was useless to think any of the two would be remotely ready to explain anything for the next few hours. Now that they were back, however, Sally and Carter could monitor their condition and make sure they were okay.

Wufei smirked to himself in his mug. Yuy had probably not been happy with what Sally had suggested, but he knew the Japanese well enough to know that he would have gone along with it if it meant that it was the best option available. Even in those occasions, Yuy remained focused and mission-oriented, and both Duo and Sally would have made sure to remind him of Quatre’s condition. How they would manage to make him accept Carter was something else entirely, but it was not like they had a choice there. Wufei was absolutely confident that things would be alright, at least as alright as they could be when you had to face your own demons. He was one to know after all. It was Yuy himself who had forced him to look at the ghosts who haunted him during that dreadful battle in the atmosphere. The soft admission of confusion, loss and dismay that had escaped the lips of the man that Wufei believed to be the best fighter ever had been enough to make it all come to a stop.

Right now, Wufei had other preoccupations to distract him both from the situation and from his own fight with the shadows in his past. Black eyes drifted and stopped on the lanky figure framed by the window. Trowa seemed to be his normal, cool, composed self, but Wufei knew better. There was a tension in the line of his shoulders that not even an ex-mercenary could hide, certainly not to one of his comrades, at least. Trowa was holding himself rigidly, arms crossed and eyes staring in the void, not really seeing the bright gardens whose flowers were bringing out colorful spots in the surrounding green. And he had been doing so for almost two hours now.

“He’s going to be alright, you know,” Wufei said softly.

Trowa gave no indication that he had heard. But after a few moments of silence, he spoke back.

“I know.”

“Then why don’t you believe it? You’ve seen him at his worst before.”

“That’s why. I know what he can be like in a moment like that.”

Wufei smiled again, a bit sarcastically.

“I think Maxwell’s more than able to handle this kind of little emotional crisis. He’s a big fan of them after all.”

“Which you’re not.”

“No,” Wufei agreed. “No, I’m not.”

“Hn.”

Wufei put his mug of tea down on the floor, got up, and went to the window. Gently, he made Trowa turn round.

“If you know they’re going to be alright, why worry needlessly?”

“Because they’re my friends. Because I can’t help it. Because… do I need a reason?”

Wufei sighed.

“I guess not. I just… sometimes I don’t understand you guys at all. Why worry over something you have no power upon? It’s much more useful to concentrate your energy where you know you can change things.”

Trowa smiled , even if worry never left his eyes.

“Why did you think Quatre and I want you to join us, Wufei? Why do you think we love you?”

Wufei frowned.

“I thought we had agreed not to bring that subject on again for a while.”

“I didn’t. I simply said I’d leave you some time to think about it. I never said I would not talk about it.”

“You know, Barton, when you do talk, you can be even sneakier than Maxwell.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

An uneasy silence fell, neither youth really knowing how to carry on with a conversation that couldn’t lead anywhere at this point in time. Then, Trowa almost had the biggest shock of his life for the second time in twenty-four hours when Wufei hugged him.

It was strange, really. It was different from when Quatre hugged him. Quatre fitted against him in an incredible way, slender arms wrapping around his neck or waist and giving Trowa a kind of protective feeling that he sometimes had to keep in check, because Quatre did not take being smothered kindly. Wufei’s hug felt strong, the arms steadying him and keeping him upright, and he wanted nothing more right now than to lean forward on the chest that was offered. So, following his instinct, he did. A moment passed by during which they just let go of everything while holding onto each other. When Wufei spoke again, it was in a breathy whisper that tickled Trowa’s ear.

“Trowa, I… I don’t know if I can be what you want me to be. I… I don’t want to lose you, either of you, but… I…”

Putting a hand on Wufei’s mouth, Trowa silenced him.

“I know,” he just said. “I’m not pressuring. Neither will he. But… Wufei… remember this: we don’t want you to be anyone else but the person you already are. We want you just as you are. And we don’t want to lose you either.”

“You won’t. I’m not going away but… I… I don’t know…”

“It’s okay, Wufei. I told you. Your call. Your choice. And…”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

****

/affection fear love anguish/

The stream of emotion that suddenly replaced the warm pool of calm was enough to rouse Quatre from his peaceful slumber, but he didn’t come awake immediately. In fact, his gift slowly opened, surprising him again because it wasn’t channeling the kind of tornado he had become accustomed to. It was then, as he lay between sleep and awareness, that he noticed the subtle change of taste in the emotional atmosphere.

/not just one person, not just wufei/

There were two people in the room, but the touch of their minds felt blurred, as if they were so entwined in each other that Quatre couldn’t really see where one ended and the other began. It was a feeling so familiar to him that he found himself brutally awake and sitting up, green-blue eyes searching the room and falling on the two young men embracing each other.

The soft rustling of sheets was enough to warn the other occupants of the room and they turned to look at him. There was a moment of absolute silence and immobility, each young man watching. Quatre was just looking at Trowa and Wufei holding each other but there was no trace of condemnation in his eyes, just a soft light, and a small smile appeared on his lips. For their parts, Wufei and Trowa barely dared breathe, not really sure that Quatre was truly awake.

There was an awkward moment as Wufei let go of Trowa a bit abruptly, as if caught doing something he shouldn’t have been.

/confusion/

Quatre frowned at that new information, because it didn’t come only from Wufei but also from his own mind. He didn’t understand. What was wrong? Why had Wufei stopped holding Trowa if it made them feel so good? It had made him feel good too to see them together…

A bright flash suddenly exploded in his eyes as countless images of himself and Trowa went through his mind, and he understood what was going on.

/we did not tell him… no… I did not tell him… he/

/confusion anger fear love/

/no, don’t feel that way, it hurts/

Quatre caught his head, wincing a bit. He clearly did not remember a good deal of what had happened recently. Sally had told him that it was March 7th of AC 197. He had absolutely no idea of how he had arrived there, and his past memories seemed a bit confused, because he hadn’t felt anything wrong when he had seen that scene on waking up. It had made him feel good, relaxed even. But he had talked about that with Trowa, hadn’t he? Or had it been just another illusion sent by that goddamn awful voice…

/no it wasn’t. you talked to trowa/

/oh. good. I…/

/relief love grief guilt care love/

The flood of sudden emotions coming from Trowa washed the little saner voice away, and before Quatre knew it he was suddenly in Trowa’s arms.

“Quatre? Are you… really back?”

And suddenly, it didn’t really matter what had happened. Quatre was home again, held tight by those arms, breathing in that scent, hearing that voice, and feeling that tendril of soul that was only Trowa.

“Trowa…”

“God, I missed you!”

Quatre smiled and tears formed in his eyes in spite of himself. He knew he always cried like a baby when he was overwhelmed, but he was far too tired to care right now. He just snuggled closer to that familiar warmth.

“Trowa… I… it feels like I’ve been away for so long… I just…”

“Shh, it’s okay, don’t worry, everything is going to be alright now, you’re safe…” Trowa said in a rushed whisper.

Quatre smiled again between his tears.

“I know,” he answered softly.

He jumped when a sound suddenly reminded him of the other presence in the room. Wufei had gotten up and was going to the door, his face carefully expressionless and his feelings under such a tight control that even Quatre would have been hard-pressed to feel anything. But that control in itself felt forced and painful both to Quatre and to Wufei.

“I’m going to warn Sally and Iria,” the Chinese said as he turned to leave.

“Wufei…”

Apparently, Wufei hadn’t expected to hear Quatre calling him back because he stopped dead and didn’t turn around, but tensed a bit. Quatre frowned, assaulted by the mixed things he was getting from his friend, too tired to untangle them right now.

“Wufei, come here, please,” he said.

Wufei slowly turned around, and took a step in the bed direction, looking down.

“Closer. Come closer,” Quatre insisted, and his tone carried that authority that could make the Maguanacs follow him anywhere. Wufei wasn’t a Maguanac, but he was in love with Quatre, and this voice had always held a power over him, no matter how much he would have liked to deny it. So he came closer, but still didn’t look up. He jumped when a small, callused hand suddenly touched his chest, palm widespread where his heart was and almost burning him through his tank top. He felt his heartbeat accelerating, and this time, he knew that no kind of calming techniques could make it go back down.

“Thank you.”

Well this time, Wufei did look up. That wasn’t really what he had expected, again. Quatre had just woken up to find him hugging his lover, and the only thing he had to say was ‘Thank you’?

‘I have officially entered what Maxwell calls the Twilight Zone, I think,’ he thought sarcastically.

None of Trowa or Quatre’s reactions were what he expected, and he didn’t know yet if he should be happy or disappointed about it. It had the certain disadvantage of keeping him emotionally unbalanced. But what was more disturbing right now was that he wasn’t sure he really cared about that, and that he was relieved that Quatre did not seem to be angry.

“What for?” he asked very carefully.

Quatre took a deep breath, eyes still shimmering with tears and hand still on Wufei’s heart.

“For letting me rest… here,” he answered, with a small pressure on Wufei’s chest. “For giving me some quiet and peace. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Wufei answered in a slightly choked voice.

Then he got up a bit quickly and turned to the door again.

“I have to get Sally.”

“Wufei…” Trowa started as the door hissed open, but Quatre stopped him.

“Leave him be. He needs… space.”

Trowa looked down at Quatre, then kissed the top of the blond head, hugging his lover close again.

“Yes… you’re probably right as usual.”

 

Sally didn’t comment on Wufei’s absentminded account of what had happened, nor did she tell him that he didn’t look well or anything, and Wufei was grateful for it. She just looked at him for a long time, then smiled, patted his arm and said it was going to be alright, and for him not to be too hard on himself again. He didn’t answer, just followed her as she went to fetch Iria and then went back to the room.

He waited outside while she told Trowa to go out during the examination. When Trowa joined him in the corridor, he was ready to go, but something stopped him. Not just his own pride, which was beginning to remind him that a true warrior doesn’t run when face to face with danger, but also a light in Trowa’s eyes.

“Thank you, Wufei.”

Wufei averted his eyes, annoyed when a lock of his dark hair fell into his face. He had forgotten to tie them back again, but managed not to start fidgeting with the escaped wisp like Maxwell did with his braid when he was nervous.

“I didn’t do anything,” he grumbled.

“That’s not what he thinks, and that’s not what I think either, but… thank you… for not leaving and for not freaking out.”

“I told you I would not leave. I’m not sure about the ‘not freaking out’ part yet.”

“I’m sorry, I just…”

“It’s okay. You just got him back. You two should talk things out first.”

“We already did.”

“Not everything. And…”

“You need space. I know. I’m not pushing. Could you go warn Heero and Duo?”

Wufei exhaled a sigh of relief, grateful that Trowa had somehow given him a way of escape that wasn’t really one, but that would help him get away from here. And in the same time, Wufei felt angry at himself, both because some part of him really did not want to leave, and because he should not have been relieved to go away for a while. But seeing Quatre and Trowa there together had somehow reawakened the memories of the end of the war, when all he could do was watch from afar and wish for their happiness, a happiness he was sure he would never have.

“I’ll go,” he said, and left before Trowa could add anything.

****

Quatre went from one hug to another when his sister came into the room.

“Iria!”

“Oh God, Quatre! I’m… I’m so glad you’re finally awake! How are you feeling, sweetie?”

Quatre winced.

“Not sure,” he answered carefully. “My head hurts, and my belly too and… and I’m not sure at all what actually happened this last month.”

“How bad is your headache?” Sally asked, examining the monitor, then beginning to take the electrodes off Quatre’s forehead and temples.

“Bearable.”

“I hope it’s the truth and not some ‘I’m gonna show you I’m tough’ bullshit ‘cause I don’t wanna give you any painkillers right now. It would be bad after the time you just spent under sedation.”

“Sedation?” Quatre asked with a frown.

“We had to sedate you when we found you because you freaked out a bit, honey,” Iria said reassuringly. “And then to transfer you back here, and we kept you under a bit more.”

“Transfer… Yes, I… I was not here before right? I just can’t seem to remember… there was a white room… it was monitored, I remember, and they thought I couldn’t see it wasn’t a real mirror, but I could tell they were watching me through it…”

“Honey, are you still here with us?” Iria asked worriedly as her brother’s eyes lost some focus and his voiced trailed away.

“Huh? Oh, sorry!” Quatre answered as he snapped back into reality.

“That’s quite alright, sweetie,” Iria said. “It’s even a good sign that you remember bits of it already. It means your memories may take a lot less time than I thought to come back.”

“Oh, that’s good then… but… is everyone else okay?”

Iria couldn’t help laughing, and she hugged her little brother again.

“Oh, now I know for sure that you are back, always worrying about other people and never taking care of yourself first. Everyone else is fine.”

She smiled, but her eyes misted with tears at the same time.

“God, I’m so sorry, Cat. I wish I had understood sooner that something was wrong. If only…”

“You found me,” Quatre whispered. “It’s all that matters.”

Sally tsked, and Iria looked at her, then at the light wince Quatre was sporting. She hit herself on the head with her open hand.

“I’m sorry, Quatre I should know better than stop shielding when I know you cannot. It won’t happen again.”

“I can…”

“No, you can’t. Your shields are destroyed, and it will take you time to rebuild them, but we can talk about that later. First, we are going to check that you are as fine as can be expected. Then, you’re going to see your friends, and then we’re going to decide what is to be done next. What do you say?”

“I say,” Sally cut in, “that I’m gonna do that exam quickly before my head splits in two because of that damned machinery. I will have to take some pills with me next time to be sure I can stay in the room long enough for briefings.”

“I stink,” Quatre suddenly remarked, grimacing. “And I’m hungry,” he added as an afterthought.

“It’s a good sign, but no solid food for you yet, I’m afraid. Your belly muscles took some trauma when you first woke up. I’ll see about getting you some light broth in a while,” Sally said. “And…”

She looked at Iria, who nodded.

“We will have to warn Dr. Carter too,” the blond woman agreed to the unspoken question.

“I… I know that name,” Quatre said hesitantly. “Is he…”

“He’s the one who took care of you those last weeks and he’s here with us”, Iria explained. “We’re hoping that with his help, you can find again what happened to you. Now how about we add a shower stop to the program and we see about feeding you, then putting you up to date with what we know?”

Quatre nodded and smiled to his sister.

“It’s good to be home,” he simply said.

 


	20. Computer now booting from operating system

~AC 197, March 8th, L4 – A001, Winner Mansion, 1:03pm~

Quatre was finally able to take a shower. He had insisted on having it before seeing everyone else, and Iria had complied on the sole condition that she would stay in the bathroom with him in case something happened. She had laughed out loud at the blush and the horribly embarrassed expression that had appeared on Quatre’s face when he heard that.

“Oh, come on,” she had said mockingly. “I almost raised you and I’m a doctor. You haven’t got anything I haven’t seen before.”

This had only served to deepen the blush, but Quatre had accepted that it was the best solution. To be honest, he still felt lightheaded and dizzy, and since he hadn’t eaten in quite a while hypoglycemia couldn’t be ruled out.

He shook his head under the hot spray, happy to have his hair clean at last. It had felt all matted once he had been feeling well enough to realize that kind of thing. He ran a hand through his hair and turned around, ready to exit the shower. Iria was nice enough to get him a towel without watching, even if she made a show of posing as the shy, virgin girl who had never seen a boy naked before. Quatre just rolled his eyes at his sister’s antics and dried himself off, before putting clean pajamas on.

He was about to get into the room again when Iria stopped him.

“Just a moment.”

He looked at her quizzically, but before she spoke she made him sit on the edge of the bathtub and kneeled in front of him.

“Quatre… you are going to see all of your friends in a few minutes, along with two other people that will need to talk to you at some point. With Sally and me, it will make eight people in your bedroom.”

Quatre winced, and Iria didn’t miss it.

“I know,” she said. “I don’t want you to feel too uncomfortable, that’s why I’m asking. Do you want me to use one of the safe words?”

“It would probably be for the best,” Quatre mumbled, “but… I’m not sure how long I can hold. It’s been a long time.”

Iria smiled and brushed the long bangs away from his eyes.

“I think they’re wearing off any way. I’ll have to check, but… it may be better if I simply remove them a bit later. What do you think?”

“I think it’s not careful. I would prefer you to change them. I cannot afford not to have anything to block it in case it gets out of hand… again.”

“Yes, that’s what I thought too. How about we try a level three, and just for half an hour? If it lasts less than that, then I will know for sure that the safe words are losing efficiency and we need to do something with them. And it will allow you a bit of time to catch up with your friends, and to have us explain what we know. I asked them to shield, but apart from the fact that they don’t really know how to do it, I don’t think it would be wise for anyone right now to put a lid on their feelings. They need you to know just how much they missed you too.”

“I know,” Quatre murmured absentmindedly. “Alright, then. Let’s do it.”

Iria took his face in his hand and looked into his eyes. Quatre forced himself not to blink, just watching his sister and concentrating on the color in her eyes the way he used to when he was a little kid and she was trying to teach him. It didn’t really take long before his eyes lost focus.

“Quatre, shutdown level three.”

****

“What’s going on? Why can’t we go in yet?” Duo asked.

Sally had been waiting outside of the room when Wufei had come back with Duo and Heero. In the meantime, Trowa had gone to fetch Dr. Carter and Shannon. Only for everyone to be told that they had to wait some more outside.

“Because your friend felt stinky and he wanted to wash up,” Sally answered with a smile. “Which gives me the perfect opportunity for an impromptu briefing. Chang, you’ve been warned about those memory cards?”

Wufei nodded and turned to Heero.

“When can you work on them?” he asked.

“I’ll start as soon as we’re finished here.”

“That’s good,” Sally cut in. “If possible, I would like you and Chang to come with Iria and me, so that we can bring Shannon and the Doc here up to date on the Zero system and the possible implications of it in the case. If it’s alright with you,” she added, just remembering that technically, Wufei was the senior officer in this inquiry.

Wufei shot a suspicious look at the two aforementioned people, but then shrugged and sighed.

“I guess we don’t really have a choice anymore. We’ll do that. Once Yuy gets more out of those cards, we will know where to go.”

“Good. Another thing now. Iria is going to put Quatre under a kind of block using one of the safe words. It means we cannot stay in too long.”

Heero frowned.

“Why not? If it blocks… oh…”

“Exactly,” Sally said. “It will block the process of empathy, which is exactly why we shouldn’t have him using those safe words for too long. As Iria explained, his brain needs the power to function, even at a low level. A total block is going to be strenuous for him. In fact, he’ll probably go back to sleep after that, and I’d like someone to stay with him,” she kept on with a long look to Trowa, who simply nodded. “Good. Now that it’s settled, we have to tell Quatre all we know about what happened. Hearing his side of the story can wait a bit.”

“How is he, exactly?” Carter asked.

Sally’s brows furrowed a bit.

“He’s amazingly coherent, actually. Not at all like the first time he woke. That last time, he didn’t remember the date, or where exactly he was, or who the people around him were. This time, he didn’t freak out at all, although he still has a bit of a problem to situate himself in time, but he knows roughly when we are and remembers destroying Sandrock. But he seems to have forgotten the last month, and to remember only fragments of his time at the clinic.”

“That’s interesting…” Carter mumbled. “Quite unusual.”

“He remembers your name, in case you were worried about that,” Sally joked, laughing out loud when the young psychiatrist reddened and began to splutter. She was interrupted by a small knock from inside the room.

“Okay, they’re set. We can go in.”

****

Nervousness was palpable in the air as the little group finally got into the room. Quatre was sitting in the bed, his back against some fluffy pillows, and Iria had put a chair near the head of the bed to sit down. Silently, Trowa went to Quatre and sat down next to him on the mattress, letting him snuggle down comfortably by his side. There was an awkward moment as Trowa turned to Wufei, but the Chinese chose to go sit on a chair near the foot of the bed, although he smiled wryly in Quatre’s direction. Then, of course, Duo came in, and chaos came in with him.

Duo launched himself at his best friend, managing to pry him out of Trowa’s embrace and enveloping him in a bear hug in the same movement. Quatre laughed as he closed his arms around Duo and returned the hug.

“Cat! Don’t you dare do that kinda stunt again, do you hear me?!” Duo growled jokingly. “Tro woke me up in the middle of the night because of you, and I don’t want nothing like that to ever happen again, understand?”

“Oh, Duo! I’m sorry! I must have made you worry so much…”

Duo scowled, then looked at Trowa.

“Well, no worries, it’s our Cat they gave us back,” he drawled. “What do you have to be sorry for, you dimhead?” he added, smacking Quatre lightly on the top of his head. “Last I heard, you’re the one who got abducted and tortured!”

“But…”

“He’s right on that one,” Trowa agreed.

“I’m not going to win this time, am I?” Quatre sighed.

“Nope!” Duo said.

“Well, it doesn’t matter, I’m still sorry.”

Duo groaned and pretended to fall off the bed, rolling down on the carpeted floor and landing on his ass in front of Heero, who had been observing the scene from behind.

“You go tell him!” Duo told him, pointing a threatening finger towards his best friend. “I give up!”

“You say that every time,” Heero answered as he came forward.

The atmosphere of the room seemed to change as Quatre opened his arms to him. Heero brought their foreheads together, gazing deeply in the green-blue eyes, and suddenly felt too choked to say anything. Quatre smiled to him, a sad little smile, and hugged him closer. Heero couldn’t help the shiver that shook his body as he thought about the memory cards he had left in his room, and what they meant. If he was right… he brought his hand up, caressing the fine blond hair.

“I’ll be okay,” Quatre murmured.

“I know. I…”

“It’s not your fault. It’s not.”

“Yeah, now make him believe it,” Duo grumbled from the floor.

 

Wufei watched the scene from his seat. He didn’t move as first Trowa, then Duo, and finally Heero hugged Quatre, somehow unable to take his eyes off the scene, but just as unable to do a single movement that could bring him to go and do the same as his friends. It just wasn’t him. Yes, he was immensely relieved that Quatre felt better, but there were too much unresolved issues floating around in the air, and if there was one thing that fighting Treize had taught him, it was that you didn’t reach your goals if you acted rashly.

‘Now the only missing thing would be me figuring out what my goals are supposed to be,’ he thought bitterly.

He wondered for a moment if it wouldn’t look weird to the other people present in the room, before he remembered that he couldn’t care less. He had never really cared what people thought of him, and he was certainly not going to start now. His friends knew that he wasn’t really keen on public displays of affection, and since all of the Gundam pilots seemed to know about the state of his love life or lack thereof, he supposed that none of them would find it weird that he kept his distance. It was well-known to everyone who had ever been in contact with him that Chang Wufei needed his space. To those aware of the present situation it was probably obvious that he needed it now more than ever.

Wufei was comforted in his choice by Trowa’s attitude. For a moment, it had looked like he would have wanted him to come and sit near Quatre, but when Wufei had opted for a chair at a reasonable distance, an imperceptible smile had appeared on Trowa’s face and he had nodded once, as if he understood exactly what was going through his friend’s mind. Quatre had not really reacted, just answered to the grimace that had wanted to be a smile with a warm smile of his own, but his eyes seemed to speak volumes. Then Duo had jumped on the bed and the tension of the moment seemed to break. It was an effect Duo often had, Wufei absentmindedly mused, although he was equally skillful to create the exact opposite effect.

He suddenly felt eyes watching him and turned to meet the face of Iria Winner. The woman was looking at him with a knowing smile, and she shook her head in that manner mothers have when they think children are being impossible. She just smiled more when he frowned. A bit disturbed, Wufei turned back to look at Quatre. That’s when he noticed it.

Quatre was not wincing, not really, but his face wasn’t as relaxed as it should have been if he had been perfectly okay. Yet, Sally had said that Iria would use a mental block so that Quatre wouldn’t be inconvenienced by their feelings. Clearly, something wasn’t working here, because it appeared that some stuff managed to get through the block. Quatre was bravely holding up, and doing quite a good show of hiding it, but Wufei could see it anyway.

He looked at Iria again, and when she noticed the expression on his face, she looked at her brother and frowned. When she turned back to Wufei, he could see she had understood what was happening, but didn’t know what to do. Telling everyone to go out again would only have made the others worry, but the mental block was wearing off.

Wufei’s brain reacted faster than he could consciously fathom. It went through his meditation routine but it was different than what he usually did. When he was doing this consciously, Wufei could put himself in a kind of hypnotic trance. This time, he remained fully awake, but he could feel, somehow, that a part of his brain had relaxed and was sending out a pool of quietness to Quatre. For a moment, everything became white in front of his eyes and he had to shake his head to clear his vision, but he gradually got used to the feeling, although he had no idea what exactly was happening or how he was doing this.

****

/quietness calm/

/wufei/

/thank you/

****

Iria almost jumped out of her chair when she heard Wufei gasp. She saw his eyes lose a bit of focus, then regain it, but the young man still looked dazed. Then, he straightened up in his chair again, blinked several times, took a deep breath and looked at Quatre.

And Iria saw her brother relax. At first, he looked perplex about what was happening, then his eyes fell on Wufei and he seemed to understand something. He smiled at the Chinese before settling more comfortably in Trowa’s embrace.

Iria opened her mouth to say something, but closed it immediately. If she needed any more proof that those boys were New Types, there it was. Wufei had done something, she had no idea what, and from the look on his face, he didn’t know either. It seemed to have been triggered by him seeing Quatre in pain, that at least she understood. What it was, though… she had never heard about anything like this.

She just made a mental note to ask him about what had happened later, since apparently no one else but her and Quatre had noticed, and turned to the more pressing matters at hand. Carter and Shannon were coming closer to the bed, followed by Sally, who closed the door behind them.

“Quatre, here are Dr. Carter and Miss Shannon McCanaughey. They took care of you while you were at the clinic,” Sally said as she went to take a chair near Iria.

“I remember… but only little bits,” Quatre answered, looking apologetic.

“That’s probably nothing to worry about,” Carter assured him in a reassuring voice. “It may be an aftereffect of the lack of sleep and of the pressure your body has had to bear lately. I am sure it will come back eventually.”

“How long will it take?”

“Do you really expect me to have an answer to that question?” Carter asked, smiling.

“No, I guess not,” Quatre laughed. “It’s just… disturbing to have those images of stuff that I know happened, but without knowing when or why.”

“Well, filling the gaps is what we’re going to do in the next days, right, Dr. Winner?”

“Absolutely,” Iria confirmed. “But first, Cat, you need rest and sleep. That’s the best cure.”

“I feel like I just spent a month sleeping,” Quatre almost whined.

“Well, in fact, you probably slept more in the last forty-eight hours than in the whole month before that,” Shannon cut in.

Then, she blushed as if realizing that she had spoken out loud.

“Sorry,” she said sheepishly.

“Don’t be,” Sally told her kindly. “We need your vision of things too. After all, you’ve been with Quatre almost all of the time while he was at the clinic. You’ve seen more stuff than the Doc, because it’s your job. Do not feel obligated to stay silent because you’re a nurse and we’re doctors. We need you.”

Shannon blushed some more under the compliment, but she nodded and smiled.

“Alright,” Sally said. “Who goes first?”

 

They took turns to tell the story as briefly as possible. They kept the finer details out of it, Iria insisting that all of them could then brief Quatre with more in-depth info, provided it happened with only one person present in the room or after he would have restored his shields a bit. Trowa went first. He explained again how he had begun to worry not to see his lover come back and finally contacted Duo to launch some kind of search. Carter then did a summary of how Quatre had ended up at the clinic, or at least what he knew of it. Then, Wufei exposed their most recent finds up to the discovery of the shuttle on the resource satellite. No one brought up the computer memory cards.

At the end of the tale, Quatre was frowning.

“It’s strange,” he said slowly. “I… I don’t even remember leaving. I just remember being at my desk, and signing some papers, and then… it’s very sketchy… the white room at the clinic… Your face,” he added, shooting a look to Shannon, whose cheeks reddened again, “some other doctor… a woman with curly hair…”

“That would be Dr. Hewley, our new head of clinic. She’s the one who managed to… contact your family… in a manner of speaking,” Carter said.

“Oh…”

The blond young man winced and rubbed his temple. In spite of what Wufei had been doing, whatever it was, he was beginning to feel a heavy pressure on his brain. It came both from the mass of feelings swirling around, which managed to seep through both the block and the strange mental pool that Wufei had created, and from the fact that his brain was not supposed to stay blocked for such a long time. The power was straining against the block, trying to catch the feelings floating around. It was only with great difficulty and concentration that Quatre managed to stay focused on Wufei.

“Okay, that’s enough for now,” Iria’s voice cut through the fog that was beginning to cover his vision. “Everyone out. Please just wait outside. Trowa?”

“I’ll be there,” Quatre heard Trowa answer, then he felt a light kiss on his forehead and the familiar warmth at his side disappeared.

One by one, all of his friends said their good-byes, and even Wufei came and took his hand briefly before going out. He didn’t really pay attention to it, too busy focusing not to lose control and fighting against his own will to just feel something. He didn’t notice Sally practically pushing everyone out before closing the door again. Then, a cool hand touched his cheek, lifting his chin, and clear blue eyes bore into his, the only colored thing in a swirling sea of gray.

“Quatre, end of protocol.”

It felt like he had been drowning and was suddenly surfacing again, taking in a delicious gulp of air. One minute, black was threatening to close in on him, and the next he was back in his room with his sister in front of him. He felt the power expand and latch onto the few, very few tendrils of feelings that Sally and Iria couldn’t help letting out, even if they were shielding themselves, and sagged back on the pillows, exhausted.

“How are you feeling, honey?” Iria asked, checking his temperature.

“Drained.”

“They’re not working anymore, are they? The safe words…”

“They are, but… they soon won’t be. It’s pushing against them all of the time, and I just can’t hold it in,” Quatre said tiredly.

“I saw that… and…”

Iria stopped talking, thinking for a moment. She almost jumped when Quatre talked again.

“I can’t tell you what Wufei did, if that’s what you were wondering about.”

Iria smiled, and Sally came closer, sitting on the bed.

“Wufei?” she asked. “What happened with Wufei?”

“I don’t know,” Iria answered. “Just that… something happened when he noticed that Quatre wasn’t as shielded as I believed him to be. I’m not sure it was conscious of his part, or if he had ever done it before. But…”

“Definitely New Type,” Sally said with a nod. “I wonder if he’s aware of it or not. Apart from the fact that you kinda told them to their faces that they were probably all new Types anyway,” she added with a smile to Iria.

“I think they are. It’s just a matter of knowing if their abilities have actually developed and of what type they are, that’s all.”

“Excuse me…”

Both women turned to see a very puzzled Quatre looking from one of them to the other.

“What are you talking about?” he asked.

Iria took a deep breath and shook her head firmly.

“Not now. Now, we put another IV, and you get some rest. Trowa will stay with you.”

Quatre grimaced at the mention of the IV, then held out his arm, a resigned expression on his face.

“Since you must, just stick the needle into me, but… why do I still need it, just out of curiosity?”

“Because you’re dehydrated,” Sally said while inserting the needle deftly and hanging the pouch high enough for the flow to be continuous. “In fact you’ve been dehydrated for several weeks, so we need to get some fluids back into you. I’ll have Shannon bring you some soup or light broth to settle your stomach a bit, and maybe some light tea too.”

“Once you’re a bit more rested, I would like you to have a conversation with Dr. Carter,” Iria added. “Tomorrow would be good. Then he can help me remove those faulty safe words, program new ones, and help you begin the re-building of your shields. And maybe some memories will come back to you, too.”

“What about the guys? What are they going to do?” Quatre asked.

“They have some leads to explore,” Sally answered, not bothering to be more precise. “Once they know a bit more, and you feel better, we’ll fill you in completely. But I know that if we do it now, you’re not going to rest, so it’s better for you to let them do the work for now. Even if you don’t like it,” she added when Quatre pouted in obvious displeasure. “You guys really have to learn when your body has had enough, really. Trowa will stay with you for a while, and they will take turns staying with you in here, too. See you!” she finished, mock-saluting, and getting out while holding her head and muttering about those damn colonists who couldn’t make sure that magnetism was bearable for dirt-siders.

****

Once Iria, Sally and the others had gone to Quatre’s office to fill Carter and Shannon in on the whole Zero thing, Trowa entered the room again. It was silent. Quatre was lying in the bed, eyes closed, breathing more freely than before, and overall looking fast asleep.

Trowa rolled his eyes and smirked. Silently, he stalked to the bed and sat on the edge. Then, very gently, he used his hand to caress a very soft cheek, and kissed the white forehead. His mouth then traveled down until it rested near Quatre’s ear, and he nibbled at the earlobe before whispering “Quit pretending you’re asleep.”

Quatre chuckled and shivered at the same time, the hot breath tickling him. He opened his eyes and smiled, winding his arms around Trowa’s neck.

“You can always tell,” he said. “How come you can always tell? It’s not fair!”

“I don’t know,” Trowa answered, “but I spent enough nights by your side to know how you breathe when you’re really sleeping. Maybe your sister’s fooled, but it won’t work with me.”

Quatre pouted.

“I will sleep… I will, because I am really tired, but right now, I… I would like to speak with you. It’s the first time we’re together alone ever since you brought me back.”

“Actually, it’s not,” Trowa said very quietly, his hand resting on his lover’s bandaged wrist. Quatre’s eyes fell on it too, and he frowned.

“What’s this? I…”

Then his eyes widened and he looked afraid.

“I did this to myself? I did?”

Trowa nodded, still not letting go of Quatre’s wrist while Quatre absorbed the shock of suddenly remembering that he had tried to take his own life.

“Why?” he whispered. “Why did I do that?”

“Dr Carter explained that unshielded empaths who can’t even feel their own emotions do this as an automatic reaction, just to make it stop. You did it once at the clinic, and they put you under more supervision after that.”

“But this is fresh!” Quatre insisted. “I can feel it, the stitches are itching!”

“You woke up yesterday morning and managed to escape the room. We found you just as you were trying to scratch one of the scars open.”

“Trying? From the look of it, I did more than try,” Quatre said dejectedly. “God, I’m sorry to have made you worry so much.”

Trowa let out an exasperated sigh.

“Will you stop apologizing already? Duo is right, it really gets annoying when you keep apologizing for things that are not your fault. It’s not like you could have prevented yourself or anything, you know.”

“Sorry…”

Trowa raised a sarcastic eyebrow, and Quatre backed away. He still looked sorry.

“I can’t help it!” the blond boy said defensively. “All I know is that I made everyone worry and feel bad, and I’m…”

“Don’t say it,” Trowa cut in, just closing his arms around Quatre and bringing him closer. “I know. All that matters now is that you’re back and you’re going to get better.”

There was a moment of silence before Quatre spoke again.

“No,” he said. “ _You_ are back.”

Trowa swallowed. There was no way to escape that discussion, and the truth was, he didn’t want to escape it. They both needed it. Still holding Quatre close, he breathed in the scent of the freshly-washed hair, and closed his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured.

He felt Quatre jump slightly in surprise in his embrace.

“What for?”

“Leaving. Doubting you. Doubting us.”

“Trowa, I…”

“I had a very interesting conversation with your sister.”

Quatre said nothing, for once waiting for Trowa to speak instead of listen, and somehow feeling that it was what he needed right now.

“She said we needed the time apart,” Trowa kept on. “She said that it was as good a way as any to be sure of our feelings and that we needed that to be sure. Both of us.”

“She was right,” Quatre answered to the unspoken question.

“Why did you never tell me?”

Quatre sighed.

“Because… because I had almost lost you several times, and I was afraid… that you’d take my need for space as rejection. I didn’t want to scare you off and… maybe it’s selfish, but I wanted you just to myself for a while longer. I just… needed you here by my side, and I thought if anything was wrong with me, I didn’t need to bother you with it.”

“You never bother me, Quatre. But… I’ll be the first to admit I haven’t been really honest with you on that issue either. I was… scared.”

This time, it was Quatre who tightened his hold on Trowa.

“Am I that scary?” he asked lightly.

“Not you, just… It was all so new for me. It was something good, and it didn’t seem to want to stop anytime soon. I just… I’ve had too many good things taken away from me. I guess I just thought if it kept on and on like this, it would just come crashing down at some point. It seemed easier to leave before that.”

“So… what happens now?”

Trowa shrugged and kissed Quatre’s lips lightly.

“I was wrong,” he said simply.

“About what?”

“About us coming crashing down. It was leaving that tore me apart. But… I didn’t know how to come back. Even after you came to see me and we spent such wonderful moments together, I wasn’t sure…”

“That I’d welcome you with open arms?” Quatre said angrily. “Do you just have any idea how much I missed you?! I…”

He shook his head, and took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry, it’s unfair for me to say that to you. I know you missed me too, I could feel it all the time, and… well I must say I worried not to see you come back, but…”

“Why did you let me go, Quatre?”

Quatre blinked.

“What?”

“Why did you let me go?”

“Because you wanted to!”

“And that was enough? You just said that you wanted me to yourself…”

“But I also wanted you to want to be there with me! If you don’t, then what’s the point? I didn’t want to cage you, Trowa! I love you too much for that, and I knew that trying to hold you back would only have made things worse. If you wanted to find yourself somewhere else and were happy with your decision, who was I to come in between and forbid you to go?”

“Cat…”

Quatre’s eyes were bright with tears now, and the blond boy was twisting the sheets in his hands.

“I just… I hoped you would just find the will to come back by yourself… But I couldn’t ask you to stay… not when it was so obvious something was wrong…”

“I should have talked to you, Cat! Why do I always seem to mess things up when talking could just… I don’t know, it’s just like every time I tried to say something, nothing would come out. I just couldn’t bring myself to say it and see you hurt. And then, I just left, and hurt you more…”

Trowa sounded defeated. He let go of Quatre and looked down. And he was surprised to hear Quatre’s laugh. Looking up, he saw Quatre wiping the tears off his face, then proceeding to launch himself at his neck like his life depended on it. Trowa had to summon all his balance not to fall over the edge of the bed as he received an armful of blond pilot.

“Cat?!”

“I love you,” was the only answer he got, and for a moment, he just savored the feeling of it.

“I love you too,” he finally answered. “What exactly just happened?”

“I think we survived our first major couple crisis,” Quatre said quietly. “Now that we’ve established that we’re both to blame for the lack of communication and we need to be more open with each other, I think we can safely come to the part of what happens next.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Trowa said firmly.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I won’t make the same mistake twice. I need you. I can’t breathe if you’re not with me. The only logical conclusion I see to this is me coming back here to live with you.”

“But you know I wanted to…”

“We know. We kinda had to go through all your papers to find leads, so…”

“And you don’t mind?”

“Any particular reason I should? I’m an operative too, after all.”

“Then it’s good,” Quatre sighed happily.

“Yes… for us two.”

Quatre sat up abruptly, almost knocking Trowa over for the second time in less than five minutes.

“Oh, God! Wufei! I forgot… how could I forget that?!”

Trowa chuckled.

“You’ve had other things on your mind. Don’t worry, I… talked to him.”

“You did? But I thought we had agreed…”

“To talk to him together, I know. But… he… he was a great help, and I just couldn’t…”

Trowa’s voice trailed away, but comprehension gradually dawned on Quatre’s face.

“Oh… Oh! You mean…”

Trowa nodded.

“He’s considering the idea. He wants to talk with you. He was… worried that he would come between us…”

“But didn’t you explain…”

“I tried, but we were in a stressful situation, and he wasn’t expecting it at all. He’s… shocked, but he promised to consider all options with an open mind.”

“And… he was there for you? He stood by your side, even after you told him?”

Trowa nodded again, and Quatre smiled.

“I’m glad, then. I’ll speak with him. You told him it was up to him, right?”

“Yes, Cat, I did,” Trowa said, sounding a bit bored. “In fact, I pretty much told him everything I had planned to tell him, and I think he just needs to be convinced that he belongs here with us.”

“I’m sure we’ll find a way,” Quatre said matter-of-factly. “But still… I was right, wasn’t I? He’s just someone wonderful who doesn’t know he is wonderful. I’m going to show him.”

“But right now, you’re going to sleep.”

Quatre was about to protest, but a yawn interrupted him and he smiled sheepishly.

“Yes, that may be a good idea,” he admitted. “You’re staying with me?”

“I am kinda tired too…”

Quatre smiled more and made some room for Trowa to lie down by his side. Once enveloped in that familiar warmth again, it only took seconds for him to fall asleep.

 

Trowa woke instantly when a pained moan reached his ears. He just took the time to look at his watch, noticing that he had slept for little more than an hour, before turning to Quatre.

The blond young man was sleeping restlessly, tossing his head left and right, one hand gripping the covers and sweat covering his brow. He was muttering some things under his breath, but too low for Trowa to understand. Trowa held out a hand to touch Quatre’s face, but in spite of the sweat, he wasn’t feverish. Frowning, Trowa wondered what to do. He knew from experience that waking Quatre up from a nightmare could be a very bad idea. He had tried it only once, and he had sported the bruises for several weeks afterwards. But then, it was partly his own fault. He had underestimated Quatre’s reaction time, and that even after he had been through exactly the same with Heero when he had taken care of the Wing pilot at the circus. The only difference between the two was that when woken up abruptly, Heero aimed for the head, while Quatre just hit whatever he could reach.

Trowa just watched helplessly as Quatre moaned again, too taken in the nightmare.

****

/flash/

/sandrock looming over him/me in the huge bay/

/i know a place not far from here where you can continue your research…/

/do you want to take that responsibility?/

/if you think i’m worthy… i want to be proud of myself/

/sandrock/

****

Quatre sat up with a scream, startling Trowa. He clutched at his head, breath too short and ragged, and moaned once again. When he eventually raised his head, Trowa looked at him deep in the eyes to be sure he was awake before he approached and put an arm around Quatre’s shoulders, trying to soothe him.

“Quatre? It’s okay, it was just a bad dream, I’m right here…”

“The satellite…”

Trowa scowled, not understanding what was going on. All that he knew was that Quatre felt panicked. He was projecting his feelings again, apparently without really wanting to, and Trowa didn’t know if it was good or not. He knew that he was able to feel Quatre almost at all times, although there was no reason for him to be able to do that that he could think of, but the feelings rarely went as high as they did now. In fact, it only felt that poignant when they were making love, or when Quatre was feeling very bad or was very scared.

“The satellite…” Quatre repeated, a bit more firmly, putting his hands on his face and taking deep, shuddering breaths. “The one they found the shuttle on… where is it?”

“It was destroyed.”

“No, I mean…” Quatre snapped, frustrated.

It was enough of an indication that he was truly irritated and scared and tired, because he didn’t even think to apologize. Trowa grew a bit worried.

“What’s the number of the satellite? The coordinates?” Quatre asked impatiently.

Trowa had to think for a second before he remembered the exact number.

“XR-367F5,” he said.

“They found the mobile suit bay, right? And the flight simulator? It was still there?”

Now Trowa was really worried, because he distinctly remembered that it was a thing that neither Duo nor Heero had mentioned while explaining their discoveries on the satellite. They had just said that they had found the shuttle and some clues and the satellite had been destroyed. That, and Quatre had just said _the_ mobile suit bay. _The_ flight simulator.

“Quatre, do you know who modified the structure of the satellite?” Trowa asked, keeping his voice carefully neutral, and not really sure he wanted to hear the answer.

“Oh yes, I know,” Quatre answered in a whisper. “I know who made that place a mobile suit factory. I did.”

 


	21. Insert further data

~AC 197, March 8th, L4-A001, Winner Mansion, 2:28pm~

“That’s pretty much all,” Sally finished, apparently completely oblivious to the fact that Carter was opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish and that his eyes were almost popping out of his head.

The young psychiatrist could feel his brain boiling. What he had heard in the last forty minutes couldn’t be possible. It had to be some sort of bad sci-fi candid camera.

‘Yes, and two hundred and fifty years ago, people thought that building space colonies was impossible. God, I knew that wars usually create the most advanced technology, but… this… this is just…’

“Chill out, man,” Duo’s voice cut through the fog in his mind.

Carter instinctively turned to look at Duo. His eyes met Duo’s, and suddenly, he found himself unable to look away. Mesmerized, he could only stare helplessly in endless pools of blue that seemed to shimmer.

Carter blinked and the spell was broken. He came back to himself… except that the feeling of blind panic that had threatened to overwhelm him seemed to have vanished into thin air. The doctor looked around, but apparently, no one had experienced the same, and he found himself looking at Duo again, confusion written all over his face. Duo just smiled enigmatically at him and winked. Then the violet eyes darted to Sally before finally resting on Heero, who was sitting in a chair with his arms crossed and his head bent, his bangs hiding his eyes.

“Do you have any questions?” Sally asked.

Shannon shook her head, looking just as dazed as Carter. But the psychiatrist couldn’t help looking around at the three pilots in the room. Wufei had been sitting away from everyone, one hand holding his head and absentmindedly rubbing his temple, his eyes closed. Heero had only contributed what he knew of the system and let Sally do most of the medical explaining.

“You were all subjected to that… thing?” Carter finally asked.

“Yup!” Duo said far too enthusiastically. “Well, Heero and Cat mostly. One go was more than enough for me, especially when I saw what it did to that other guy... Brrr!” he mock-shivered as he finished.

“What other guy? You mean Hilde didn’t tell me the whole story?” Sally exclaimed.

Duo shrugged.

“I thought she had, didn’t see the point of saying it again. You mean you really don’t know why I’ve always found that system creepy?”

“Enlighten me.”

Duo sighed, looking bored.

“The only time I piloted the stuff, it was because a stupid OZ guy named… Trant, I think, had been trying to pilot the thing just because he wanted to prove he could and to piss off that creep Tsubarov. He found me, I dunno how, and forced me to pilot it. He had programmed MDs to attack the colony where Hilde was so I had no choice, but… well, when I saw what Zero wanted me to do, I looked for the self-destruct. Of course, Trant didn’t want me to damage the Gundam, so he stopped me and kicked me out. Hilde brought me Deathscythe Hell and I went after him, but… he was just… he could anticipate all of my movements, I couldn’t place a punch, and then, then he began to gloat about how I could do nothing to stop him. And I was thinking of using my self-destruct again, because it was the only way, and the thing just stopped.”

“Your self-destruct stopped?” Sally asked, perplex.

“No,” Duo snapped. “Wing Zero stopped. The system shut down.”

“Why?”

“Overload. It killed the pilot.”

Silence fell in the room.

“You mean,” Iria said prudently, “that this system actually killed its pilots to prevent its own termination.”

“Now you know why I didn’t really fancy another go at it,” Duo said ironically. “And why I wasn’t very pleased to see my buddies use it. It scared the shit outta me, honest to God.”

Heero looked up at Duo and their eyes locked for a second. It was so rapid that most of the occupants in the room didn’t see it, but Sally did. And she of course understood now why Duo had always seemed so upset every time Heero had left Peacemillion with Zero. And yet, even he, in the end, had seemed to come to terms with the fact that the system had played a non-negligible role in their victory. But it wouldn’t prevent from holding grudges apparently, she thought with a smile. It was all Duo, to be mad at a dead electronic system just because he felt like it.

“I think I understand,” Carter finally said, breaking the silence again. “But what does it have to do with the present situation?”

“Well, apart from damaging his shields, it seems that whatever Quatre was subjected to also affected his ability to control Zero under any circumstances,” Iria answered. “This would explain the violence of his attacks against the staff at the clinic and against you later on. The power, being too overwhelming, prevented his brain from controlling Zero, and let it take over in instances when he was subjected to threats. Can I ask what exactly happened on those occurrences?”

Carter took a deep breath. He had known that he would have to disclose that piece of information sooner or later, but if he was totally honest, he really did not want to do it with three Gundam Pilots present. Yet it wasn’t as if he had a choice.

“The two members of staff who were injured tried to assault him,” he said quietly, avoiding everyone’s gaze. “The patient was a paranoid and was absolutely convinced that Quatre wanted to kill him, which he almost ended up doing.”

When he finally looked up, Carter found three pairs of eyes glaring daggers at him. He gulped and would gladly have crawled underground if such a thing had been possible. However, in spite of the fact that the three young men all sported various degrees of murderous expressions, it took Carter only a second to realize they were not mad at him, but at themselves. They were angry because they hadn’t been there to prevent their friend from getting into trouble.

“I am really sorry this had to happen while he was under my care, but I didn’t imagine someone would dare attempt such a thing,” Carter kept on, his voice a bit hesitant, turning his head to Iria Winner, who looked quite impassible, except for the fact that her blue gaze had hardened. “Unfortunately, those kinds of things are more frequent than the public thinks. The two members of staff involved have been dealt with. They face charges in court, since the clinic decided to prosecute them, and they are banned from working in hospitals for the rest of their lives.”

“Their names,” Iria demanded in a clipped tone. “I want their names, now.”

“Jay Maleda and Carl Benson,” Carter answered quickly, knowing it wouldn’t be too careful to deny that particular request. He was beginning to get the feeling that the Winner family’s reputation for dealing with their enemies quickly and efficiently was not as usurped as he had believed it to be. Pacifists they may be, but the kind of pacifists that Minister Darlian was admiring: loving peace from the bottom of their hearts, but ready to strike back if someone threatened what was dearest to them. Apparently, those foolish enough to have ever touched a hair of Quatre Winner’s head had forgotten that. And either they didn’t know that Quatre had been a Gundam pilot, or they had been foolish enough to attack him knowing it. Whatever the case, Carter was sure of one thing: once the other pilots would find the culprits, and there was no doubt in his mind that they would find them, there would be hell to pay.

“Well, that’s all we had to say for today, right?” Sally inquired.

“The memory cards,” Wufei said quietly as if speaking aloud hurt his head, and making everyone jump since those were the first words he spoke in an hour.

“Oh right,” Sally agreed. “Heero?”

“I’m going to start looking at the program,” the Japanese young man answered. “I think I know where to look. After testing it, I can positively say that this is not the Zero system that I used during the wars, but the similarities are troubling.”

“But… how can you do that?” Carter asked. “I mean, this program must be awfully long!”

“About three billion lines for Zero, I think this one may be a bit shorter, close to two point five billion. I will have the first results in a few hours.”

“And now, everyone knows what he was doing on his laptop!” Duo sighed dramatically. “Honestly, he’s such a comp geek that he was even looking at the program itself! Cheating on me with that machine twice at the same time!”

“We weren’t together at that time,” Heero said deadpan. “And I thought trying to see how the program was written could help me master it.”

“Did it work?” Sally asked, interested.

“Of course not.”

Sally blinked. Duo burst out laughing when he saw the expression on her face.

“The Professors were seriously off their rocker, Sal. They even told me that they had no idea why they had written the program in the first place, and that they hadn’t really intended to use it anyway. It was more bad luck than anything else that Cat dug Zero out of the hole where it had been left alone for so long.”

“But you’ll still be able to make the differences between Zero and this program?” Sally asked Heero. “It’s been a long time, and the original program has been destroyed.”

“I remember good chunks of it, although I would not be able to rewrite it entirely,” Heero answered. “I’m positive that I can at least find proof that this program is something different. I’m not sure I’ll be able to pinpoint exactly what it is, though.”

“Well, do your best,” Sally said with a sigh. “Now, if you will excuse us, boys, I think you have work to do and Dr Carter, Iria, and I still have stuff to discuss.”

Duo was ready to protest at the cavalier dismissal when Wufei abruptly got up and left the room without a word. Duo frowned.

“What’s wrong with the Wuffers? He’s usually grumpy, but this is even worse than usual.”

“Maybe we should go check on him,” Iria suggested, getting up, but Sally extended her hand to stop her.

“No,” she said. “I’m going. He trusts me.”

“Alright,” Iria agreed. “We’ll be waiting for you.”

Sally made her way out, followed by Heero and Duo. But just before he got out, Duo turned around and caught Carter’s eyes. The psychiatrist stared back, and Duo smiled again before he went out.

Carter scowled, feeling something was off in his own attitude.

Shaking his head, Carter smiled at Iria, suddenly forgetting why he had been so preoccupied just a second before.

 

Sally caught up with Wufei quite rapidly, which was another cause for worry. The young man was actually leaning on a wall, eyes tightly closed and still rubbing his temple. Frowning, Sally got closer, careful to signal her presence with some noise. She didn’t really fancy being kicked, even in self-defense.

“Wufei, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I… my head’s killing me and I need sleep.”

Sally was so surprised by the willing admission of weakness coming from Wufei that she forgot to be snide. Coming closer, she pried his hand away from his head and touched his forehead.

“You’re a bit hot, but I don’t think you’re starting a fever,” she said quietly. “Your pupils are dilated, though. I’m not even gonna ask if you took anything…”

“Yes, please don’t ask,” Wufei snapped.

“I think it may be nothing more than stress and exhaustion, although it is quite rare to have you ready to fall after only thirty-six hours without sleeping…” her voice trailed away ironically, but Wufei didn’t snap back at her, apparently too busy concentrating so as not to let out a moan of pain. She grew concerned.

“You should go to bed and get some sleep. Heero said that he would need a few hours before getting results anyway, and we need you at your best. Let me just get you something for the pain,” she said, beginning to get away.

“No!”

Wufei had snatched her hand and held her back.

“No,” he said a bit more quietly. “I’ve been through it before, and it’s best if nothing interferes with it.”

“Drop the tough act, Chang,” Sally said irritably. “I’m not leaving you with a headache that seems to split your brain in two!”

“I’m not giving you a choice,” Wufei answered as calmly as he could, in fact more calmly than she ever imagined he could. “I won’t take anything. I just need a bit of rest in the dark.”

Sally shook her head, an incredulous look on her face.

“How did you even manage to pilot a Gundam if you had those kinds of migraines?”

“I didn’t have them during the war. It was before, when I was a child. I know how to make them go away, so forget about the painkillers.”

Sally seemed hesitant for a moment, then she smiled and nodded.

“Fine. But if it gets worse, you come see me.”

“Woman…”

“For the last time, Chang Wufei, my name is not ‘woman’!”

“Stop screaming!”

“Then stop being an uptight bastard and go get some rest!”

And she left, storming out of the corridor but silently laughing. If he was still calling her ‘woman’, then it was not as bad as she believed it to be.

Once she was gone, Wufei absentmindedly massaged his temples, trying to ignore the explosive pain behind his eyeballs like he had been taught too.

‘I don’t understand. Father told me it was very unlikely that this would happen again, I was supposed to have reached my full potential. It shouldn’t be happening now. But it is. What does it mean?’

****

“What do you think is wrong with Wuffie?” Duo asked, flopping down on the bed as Heero began to plug the memory cards to his laptop.

Heero frowned, taking his time before answering.

“I’m not sure,” he finally said.

Propping himself up on one elbow, Duo peered at his Heero’s face intently.

“You’re not sure. So you have an idea.”

“I think… _it_ may be expanding again.”

“But… he told us it had been fully developed when he was a kid!”

“I know, but…”

Heero took a deep breath running his fingers through his hair as he looked for his next words.

“The studies about New Types are imprecise and incomplete. Very few people have been interested in that kind of research, it’s just beginning. And our abilities are not even recorded as being of New Type origin.”

“But they are, we know it! What else could it be, after all?”

There was a small silence.

“So you think his power’s expanding again, and he wasn’t prepared for it. What gave you the idea?” Duo asked.

When more than ten seconds passed without him getting an answer, he turned his gaze to find Heero sitting in front of the laptop, hands on the keyboard but not typing, and looking down.

“Heero?” Duo said, raising an eyebrow.

“You remember that day at the beginning of the year when you came home and found glass in the trashcan?” Heero started abruptly.

It took a few seconds to go back to the day that Heero was referring to.

“Yup. You told me that you had accidentally dropped a glass.”

“And you didn’t find it odd?”

“Well, now that you mention it, it’s not really like you to drop a glass,” Duo agreed.

“And what else happened on that day?”

“Heero, could you please stop talking in riddles?”

“I had a migraine,” Heero continued, face blank. “It was so bad that I had to call in sick the next day. People are still talking about it at headquarters.”

“That’s right… you asked me to leave the room in the dark so you could get some rest… I almost called in sick too to take care of you, but you insisted that you would be fine. That wasn’t a lie, was it?” Duo asked suspiciously.

“It wasn’t, and I was okay in the evening. But I didn’t drop the glass.”

“Huh? So what happened?”

“I was using the kitchen table as a desk. I was getting frustrated at my laptop. I had gotten a glass of water. It was on the table right by my side. And at a moment when I felt like just throwing the computer out of the window, the glass exploded. All by itself.”

Heero was staring at his hand by the time he had finished.

“I didn’t even touch it,” he added quietly as an afterthought.

Heero turned to Duo, only to see him sport a quite disgruntled look.

“When exactly were you planning on telling me this? Or were you just hoping that I would never notice until things would start exploding in my face?”

Heero reddened and said nothing. Duo sighed exasperatedly, wondering if pulling at his braid hard enough to hurt his scalp would be productive at the moment. You had lot of those urges when you were Heero’s boyfriend. Duo almost had to pry everything out of him. There were times when he wondered why he even bothered, but then he would look in Heero’s eyes, and the question would seem to become irrelevant.

“You should have told me right away,” Duo kept on, keeping his voice carefully neutral in spite of the fact that he was definitely angry. “What did you think I would do, kick you out of the apartment?”

“No, I just… I was… scared.”

“Of me.”

“No,” Heero answered, getting frustrated too. “It’s just… when my ability surfaced and my trainers began using it… they were waiting for it to develop more. I… I actually hid most of what I could do from them, because it hurt so damn much every time.”

Duo shook his head, understanding why Heero had been reluctant. Knowing him, the bad memories from his training days would have been as powerful as a mental block. Having forced himself to hide his true capacities for a long time would have made Heero most reluctant to discover they were expanding yet again. But being angry at him would not help, so Duo just got up, went to Heero and took him in his arms.

“I let it slip for this time, but none of that ever again, okay, Yuy?”

Heero nodded against Duo’s chest, letting out a small relieved sigh. He should have known that Duo wouldn’t resent the news itself, but the fact that he had been lied to, even if technically, Heero had not lied. He had been, as Duo often was, selective about the truths he had told.

“So you think it could happen to all of us? Maybe it’s because we reached puberty, I guess hormonal changes must influence that kind of things, right?” Duo said as he went back to lie on the bed, crossing his hands behind his head.

“It’s probable.”

“We should warn Tro and Cat, too.”

Heero shrugged, and began typing, happily digging in the glowing lines of program that began to scroll down on his screen. He jumped to the sound of the door opening, looking up to see Duo standing in the doorway, ready to go out. He raised an eyebrow in question, and Duo winked at him.

“I’m going to sneak ‘round a bit,” he said. “I wonder what Sally had to say that we shouldn’t hear. I got a feeling it has to do with some special abilities that we never openly disclosed to her.”

“You think she knows?”

“She’s a doctor, and she took care of all of us at least once during the war. If we call strapping you spread-eagle to a table taking care of you, of course… but she’s got medical data on all of us… I’d be surprised if she hadn’t noticed anything.”

“So what do we do?”

“First, I do a bit of reconnaissance… Then… well as long as she doesn’t ask, I don’t see any reason to volunteer the information. I spent the first eight years of my life being looked at like a rat, and I don’t fancy going back to that.”

****

“So… why were you in such a hurry to make them go out?” Iria asked Sally as the blond doctor came back in and closed the door behind herself.

“Iria, you remember when we brought Quatre back here and Trowa told you he’d never had a headache in his room in spite of the machinery that he didn’t know was here? You answered that it meant that he had at least a potential for New Types abilities, and you added that you thought they all had it.”

“What are you getting to?”

“How did the boys react?”

Puzzled, Iria had to stop to think.

“Well, they didn’t… oh. You mean I was right?”

“I didn’t say anything at the time because it wouldn’t have been very appropriate, but according to what I observed during the wars, I’d say yes.”

“Wait a minute,” Dr Carter interrupted. “Are you telling me that all those boys are full New Types? Do you know how rare this is, and how unlikely it is?”

Both Sally and Iria stared at him, and the psychiatrist felt himself redden. At his side, Shannon was silent, listening raptly.

“Do you even know what a full New Type is, Dr. Carter?” Iria finally asked.

“Dr. Hewley…”

“I am sorry to tell you that although Dr. Hewley’s ideas on the subject are indeed far better than what her predecessors thought, she too is quite misguided about what New Types are really capable of. I am not saying that I approve of the researches that were done to turn New Types into weapons because that is inherently wrong, but New Types are a possible danger. In his present state, Dr. Carter, Quatre could kill you with a simple thought.”

Carter blanched, and Sally patted his arm sympathetically.

“I’m afraid it’s true,” she said. “Yes, full New Types are very rare and most abilities apart from telepathy, which is the most common, telekinesis, and empathy, are not recorded.”

“I think I need to explain more properly,” Iria said tiredly.

“That would be appreciated, yes,” Carter answered, sounding a bit disgruntled.

Iria just smiled and began.

“You already know that a lot of colonists have what we call limited New Type perceptions that come with the fact that the human body has adapted to life in space. The mutations occurred in the last century, mostly.”

“And, most of the time, the people who have these abilities are totally unaware of it. The only visible aspect is that they are extraordinarily brilliant students, that they are gifted in many areas, and that they seem to be more concerned with their fellow human beings than the rest of us,” Sally kept on.

Iria raised an eyebrow at that last definition, and Sally laughed.

“I never said there weren’t exceptions,” she said ironically, “and Heero _is_ concerned with his fellow human beings, even if it’s in a strange way. The definition comes from the earliest study on New Types, which is about eighty years old now.”

Carter nodded.

“Anyway,” Iria carried on, “more recently, full New Types have begun to be recorded. People able to use up to seventy-five to ninety percent of their brain capacity. You know about that, since most of them were later locked up in institutions where they either shut themselves off or committed suicide. The subject of training is not our problem right now, but I want you to understand this. A person with limited New Type abilities sees his powers develop around puberty. The changes may become noticeable or not, depending on each person’s gene pattern. Full New Types begin to express their powers very early in life. Puberty is actually one of the final stages of development.”

“Which means that if I am right,” Sally said, “we have five Full New Types in the final stage of development who are in complete control of their abilities here.”

The silence that followed was deafening. Carter found it very hard to believe, but then, if Quatre was a full New Type and he was sure of that, then why couldn’t the others be? Carter hadn’t thought it possible for Quatre to even have been in the war when he had discovered his patient was a full-blown empath, which was about the worse aptitude you could have when there was a conflict raging. At least, that was Carter’s opinion. But it had turned out Quatre had in fact been a Gundam pilot, and the leader and strategist of the little terrorist group. So, after all, why not?

“Why are you telling this to us now?” he asked. “Why not them?”

Sally frowned.

“There are several reasons. First, as I told you, they reached puberty and are in the final stage. The hormonal changes going through their bodies also affect their abilities. But apart from Quatre who’s had formal training all his life, the others probably learned to control the power all by themselves. It makes them dangerous and unpredictable. Any strong emotion can trigger a widening of their abilities.”

“And second?”

“I’m not sure if they are in fact all New Types, or if they are aware that they are.”

Carter blinked.

“I’m not sure I’m following.”

Sally took a deep breath.

“Heero grew up in a lab, Duo on the streets, and Trowa god knows where. Heero’s ability may have been implanted genetically, but even if it’s the case, no one had any means of knowing which ability would develop. The New Type genes are the same in all New Types. It’s the way they express themselves that makes the different abilities. The active zones in the brain are always the same when a New Type uses his power. Duo and Trowa pretty much grew up on their own. What are the chances that they met anyone who knew what a New Type was, let alone someone who could teach them how to control it?”

“It’s unbelievable,” Carter said in a whisper. “It’s never been heard of. It’s… Dr. Hewley will want to…”

“No!” Sally interrupted harshly.

Carter looked up at her. She was frowning at him.

“I already warned you not to play with fire, Doc,” she said threateningly. “What I’m telling you here must not get out of this room, and certainly not back to Dr. Hewley!”

“She’s my boss!” Carter protested.

“That won’t protect you if one of the boys thinks you betrayed them and as such put them all in danger of becoming lab rats! And believe me, none of them would take it kindly, and that’s putting it mildly! Not to mention that if I hear that even the slightest thing I told you went out of this room, I’ll hunt you down and shoot you myself! I’m trying to make them accept you, and I’m trying to give you some clues to do your job while staying alive! That won’t give you the right to go pry in their lives and destroy everything I’ve worked for up until now! Am I making myself clear?”

Carter nodded hurriedly, absently noting that Sally was indeed very pretty when her cheeks were reddened in anger and her light blue eyes alight with fury. Shannon, for her part, was huddled in her seat and barely dared make a sound. Sally smiled kindly to her.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “but I can’t bear the responsibility of seeing you get killed because of stupidity. For the last time, those boys are dangerous, and if they feel threatened, they will react in any manner that seems appropriate to remove the threat. The fact that they are most certainly New Types makes the retaliation even more certain and unpredictable. A New Type protects himself instinctively. They are five, and ready to use any means to protect themselves and each other. That alone should dissuade you to try anything foolish.

“I understand,” Carter said a bit dejectedly. “But this would have been a formidable asset for Dr. Hewley’s program.”

Iria got up and went to the window, looking outside as she spoke.

“I told Dr. Hewley that I wanted Quatre to take a look at her program and it still stands. Whether he decides to help or not remains his personal decision, even if I am certain he will say yes. But the others… if Sally is indeed right, I don’t think any of them would accept. And it would have to be their choice anyway. You have no right to throw them to the wolves without being sure that they agree to it too.”

“It wasn’t my intention…” Carter began, but Iria cut him off.

“I know,” she said. “But the result would have been the same. That, and if Sally is right and they are not aware of their own abilities, It’s not your role to announce it to them, but Sally’s. I totally support Dr. Hewley’s project, but I think it would be highly inappropriate to bring the subject up in the foreseeable future.”

“Alright,” Carter said. “I won’t mention it again.”

Iria turned around, leaning on the window and crossing her arms on her chest.

“Now… are you going to tell us what you think those boys can actually do?”

 

“I have to remind you that I have very few facts, and in some cases only suspicions,” Sally started. “In fact, the one I have the most data about is Heero, since I was lucky enough to have him in my ward for about twenty-four hours a few days only after Operation Meteor. I had the time to do medical tests, and then I observed him throughout the war. I think that he is a telekinesist.”

“What made you think that? I have never seen him move objects around or anything,” Iria wondered.

“His strength,” Sally simply answered.

When she saw three pairs of eyes blinking at her, she sighed.

“You have to admit that Heero’s strength has absolutely no link with his physical mass,” she said.

“I thought he had been genetically enhanced,” Iria objected. “Adding muscle mass without visible results for the human eye is possible now with some of the new techniques, and I’m sure the geneticists that were involved in the project knew about that far before it became more generally known.”

“But if that was the case, then Heero should have weighed more. Even if it’s not visible, muscle mass has an impact on the global weight. And Heero only weighed ninety pounds at the time.”

“How do you explain that, then? What made you think about telekinesis?”

“The fact that apart from the usual fractures you would expect to see in someone who has been under hard training for most of his youth, all of his bones sported old traces of hairline fractures. And I mean all of them. That boy literally broke every bone in his body at least once. I think this may be because he doesn’t use the telekinesis to move other objects, but to enhance the resistance, speed and strength of his own body.”

“You mean that the energy and heat of the telekinesis would have fractured his bones because they were contained into his body?” Carter asked. “Am I right?”

“You see, you can be clever when you want to,” Sally said ironically. “That’s exactly what I mean. This is quite unusual to have someone actually channel their own telekinesis through their body without it going out. It is possible that he was trained to use it like that, or that the ability was like that in the beginning, and will now evolve.”

There was a small silence before Sally spoke again.

“I am not sure that Heero knows about his own ability. His trainers could have explained his strength as added muscle mass, and he would have had no reason not to believe them. Also, I think maybe the behavior modification hypnosis sessions may have included some kind of mental block that erased the memory of the training sessions. I can’t be positive about that, of course.”

“What about the others?” Carter asked.

Sally went to the desk where she had left some of her stuff, and rummaged around until she held out an old copy of the eighty-year-old theory that she had mentioned before. _New Type Theory: Human Evolution in Question,_ by Dr. Alan Webster, was still considered the founder work for everything related to New Types.

“This book is ancient and most of the theory has been revised now, but the basic categories that old Webster designed are strangely accurate. I think some of our newest scientists would do well to re-read their classics.”

She flipped through the pages, then stopped and gave the book to Carter, pointing at one paragraph.

“I think Trowa is what Webster poetically calls a doppelganger. His brain has the ability to absorb all kinds of information very quickly and to reproduce any types of behavior. This allows him to be the perfect infiltrator. He can basically impersonate everyone he wants. A kind of human chameleon.”

“Is what is written here really possible?” Carter asked.

Sally smiled.

“Trowa enrolled in OZ during the war. He infiltrated their army using the simplest way: he passed the test, became a pilot, was noticed by Lady Une and climbed the ladder to elite pilot in no time. He actually was Lady Une’s favorite officer by the time he… went MIA. Believe me, our dear Head of Preventer is not really proud that she got fooled so easily, but the truth is she didn’t stand a chance. Trowa is someone that you notice if you really pay attention to him. He’s tall, quite handsome, seldom speaks but is not afraid to speak his mind when the situation requires it, and an exceptional fighter. Almost everyone in OZ knew about Colonel Une’s new pet pilot Officer Barton. But none of the members of the force still alive would be able to tell you what he looked like. He was just another guy to them.”

Sally took the book back, and closed it.

“Wufei’s case is yet a bit different. Chinese colonists have been aware of the New Type phenomenon for quite a long time, and they do train their children to control their power if it develops. But they do not advertise it. To them, a New Type is merely a child that is more gifted, and they leave it at that.”

“That’s an interesting approach,” Carter said.

“The healthiest one in my opinion, because it doesn’t stigmatize the children, and it doesn’t put them on pedestal either. Wufei uses something that Chinese people would call qi, or life force, to increase his speed and resistance, heal faster, and create alternate states of conscience. There is no recorded name for this kind of ability, and we won’t find any records of how his family called it, since his home colony was destroyed during the war.”

“And Duo?” Iria asked.

Sally rubbed the bridge of her nose.

“My main problem. I don’t know. I don’t know if he’s a New Type or not, and if he is, I have no idea what his ability is. But… there’s just something… in his eyes…”

Carter frowned. Sally was right. There was something about the very unusual color of those eyes, a dark purplish blue that sometimes turned a vibrant violet. That, and there was a strange energy about the youth that both unsettled and puzzled, but he couldn’t place the exact feeling it gave him. Every time Duo left a room, Carter was left with the feeling that the boy was an enigma and he shouldn’t spend so much time thinking about it.

Since they were all deep in thoughts, no one noticed the door closing silently.

****

“She knows about you, Tro, and Wu, and she suspects there’s something up with me,” Duo announced as he came back into the room he shared with Heero.

Heero looked up from his laptop. He couldn’t decide if it was good or bad. Duo just stood behind his chair and embraced him from behind, putting his chin on his lover’s shoulder.

“She made Carter promise he wouldn’t tell. God, she almost scared me there, you would have believed she was a lioness defending her cubs!”

“So… it’s alright?”

“I don’t mind her knowing as long as she doesn’t pry.”

“She doesn’t know about you,” Heero said pointedly.

“True. And if possible, I’d like it to stay that way. But anyway, it’s not like she intends to do anything. She just wanted to warn the Doc and Iria, because apparently, puberty is a big stage, as I guessed. She called it the final stage of development.”

“So that’s why…” Heero said, looking at his hand again.

“Yup! Nothing to worry about, it’s perfectly normal. But it’s probably gonna be a bit hectic for all of us for a while.”

Both fell silent, and Duo took a peek at the laptop.

“Going somewhere with that?”

“I noted several differences with the actual Zero program, differences that don’t make sense. I have to carry on a bit.”

“What do you think we should do about… the other stuff?”

Heero shrugged.

“Just continue as we always did. From what you said, Sally only monitored us because she was concerned about us. As long as we show no sign of being a danger to ourselves or other people, she will leave it alone.”

“She is an intelligent woman…” Duo muttered.

He got up and scratched his head, then laughed. Curious, Heero turned to look at him.

“I never knew what it was like to have a mom,” Duo said, “but there are times when I wish that if I had had one, she would have been like Sal. But… we have to find some time to speak with the others… just the five of us.”

****

Back in her bedroom, Iria flopped down in a rocking chair and switched the TV on, her mind going back to recent events. She was beginning to feel tired. It wasn’t entirely a surprise for her to learn that all the boys were New Types, but it still wasn’t everyday that you heard that. Now, she thought that the best thing would be for everyone to relax till the next day. Wufei would be feeling better, they would have the first results about the memory cards, she could help Quatre rebuild shields in a few hours if he proved to be as well as he looked, and they may get a lead in the inquiry.

 _“_ … _breaking news. An anonymous source revealed that some significant changes have taken place at the head of WEI. Quatre Winner allegedly resigned from his position as CEO redistributing about half of his shares between his sisters. Iria Winner, the family’s eldest child, is now said to be the new CEO, due to the redistribution. The Winners have issued no statement to confirm this information, and Quatre Winner’s whereabouts are currently uncertain. The young CEO was said to be ill and resting at his family home on L4-A001, and has made no public appearances in more than a month…”_

Iria gaped at her TV.

 


	22. Power standby

~ AC 197, March 8th, L4-A001, Medinah Business Building, 5:32pm~

Hakim sighed happily as he closed the last file on his desk. For once, he would be able to make it home and have dinner with his wife and son. His work had been eating up all of his time ever since he had started working for the Winners a good ten years ago, and Khadijah had been an angel with it. Never once had she complained about him coming home late, or even staying all night at the office. She would only look at him disapprovingly when it was obvious he hadn’t slept enough. But then she would smile, and make him some nice perfumed tea and massage his shoulders, and ask about his day, and he would be only too happy to confide in her and tell her about his problems. Khadijah had always been a wise adviser, and she was his anchor in the crazy life he led at the service of the powerful.

He had never been happier than the day she’d given birth to little Ali, and now regretted to have so little time for his son. He had missed so much in his child’s life already, and he didn’t want it to go on like that. He would have to take a holiday soon, and take Khadijah and Ali away from this too big town in which work always threatened to lure him back into the Medinah Business Building. Maybe they’d even go to Earth and Ali could go see the sea for real. Hakim smiled as he imagined his son’s eyes shining with delight in front of the endless blue waves. Yes, he’d take Ali to see the sea, and he would leave all his work behind for a while and only take care of his son and Khadijah. They deserved it after all they had done for him.

This quite happy reverie was interrupted by the loud ringing of the phone. Hakim glared at the machine, but deep inside he knew he would answer it. If one of his clients needed him…

“Hello, Hakim here.”

“ _Hakim! What the hell did you think you were doing?”_

Hakim blinked. It took him a few seconds to connect the infuriated voice in the phone with a face.

“Mrs. Winner?” he asked, eyes widening. “What are you talking about?”

_“_ _Just turn on your damn TV!”_

Hakim’s eyes went comically wide when he heard his late employer’s elder daughter, a woman who always seemed to be the living impersonation of dignity, let out a swear word, and roaring it down the phone too. Of course, after some minutes watching the latest news reports, he understood the state she was in.

_“_ _I thought I had told you to keep this low, Hakim! This is not what I call low! What I call low is ‘not on the news’ low, the kind of low that reporters never get a hold of! So who did you talk to? And why?”_

“Mrs. Winner, I fully understand your concern,” Hakim started, only to be interrupted.

 _“_ _You’d better,”_ Iria Winner said threateningly.

“… but I don’t know how the press got a hold of this,” Hakim managed to finish while Iria caught her breath back. “I didn’t even get one call from reporters. They know not to call here, and my staff have very strict instructions not to let them through and to address them to the PR department. Moreover, I am the only one here who knew about this matter.”

_“_ _But then how? If  you didn’t get calls from the press… Wait, did you get calls from someone else?”_

“Why, yes,” Hakim answered, frowning. “One of your sisters called and inquired about the states of affairs.”

_“_ _And you told her?”_

“You didn’t leave me any specific instructions not to inform your sisters, Mrs. Winner, and anyway they will know soon enough after the next board reunion. I didn’t think it was a problem.”

_“_ _Who was it?”_

 

// _”Ms. Neelah Winner on line 5 for you, sir,”_ _the voice of the secretary said over the com unit._

_“Put her through,” Hakim answered, wondering why the girl would want to talk to him._

_Well, she was not a girl anymore, she was married now, but Hakim couldn’t keep out of his mind the first image he had seen of her, a young girl barely twelve years old with strange and empty eyes. When her face appeared on the screen of his vidphone, he could see that she hadn’t changed much. She was a pretty woman, with that sort of childish grace that some men found appealing. Hakim himself did not._

_“Hello, Hakim,” Neelah said, her voice seemingly trembling with something he didn’t understand, a strange feeling between fear and anticipation visible on her face._

_“Hello, Miss Neelah. What can I do for you?”_

_“Well, after all the changes that happened, I wondered if…”_

_“If I could tell you what exactly is going on?” Hakim finished for her._

_“Yes, that’s it!”  she chirped happily._

_“Well, it’s very simple, actually. The money was redistributed just the way your brother had planned it. You should receive a letter soon informing you about your share.”_

_“The way my brother… you must be mistaken, Hakim,” Neelah said, now sounding like a petulant child. “It should have happened the way my father had planned it.”_

_“I’m afraid I don’t understand, Miss Neelah. This specific clause of your father’s will is only applicable if your brother proves to be unable to manage his affairs, for whatever reasons. And anyway, the new redistribution scheme is enough to cancel it. Your brother is no longer CEO of WEI. But I’m sure Miss Iria will be most happy to explain all of that to you at the next board reunion.”_

_“Iria?”_

_“She’s the new CEO,” Hakim said helpfully._

_He did not understand why what seemed good news for him apparently put Neelah in such a state of distress._

_“I didn’t know…” she said in a blank voice._

_He saw her looking to her right, probably to someone outside of the camera range, and her face paled, as if she was frightened by what she saw._

_“I swear I didn’t know,” she said again, to the person she was looking at, and this time, Hakim heard the abject terror in her voice. He began to worry._

_“Miss Neelah? Miss Neelah, are you alright?”_

_She seemed to suddenly remember that she was on the phone as her head snapped back to him. She gave him a smile that didn’t reach her eyes and nodded._

_“Yes, Hakim, I will be okay. Thank you for your help.”_

_And she hung up.//_

 

“It was Neelah,” Hakim said.

_“_ _Neelah? Did she seem… odd? I mean, more than usual?”_

Hakim would have smiled at the strange phrasing if not for the fact that he had been greatly unsettled by the girl’s behavior.

“She seemed awfully scared of something… or someone.”

 _“_ _I see,”_ Iria said simply.

Hakim didn’t think it wise to ask what Iria saw. He just kept his mouth shut, waiting for instructions.

_“_ _Hakim, please do not talk about this to anyone, including my sisters, before either I or Quatre tell you it is okay to do so. And… I am sorry to have snapped at you, that was uncalled for.”_

This time, Hakim smiled.

“I understand the state of mind you were in perfectly well, Mrs. Winner. Your instructions will be carried out. I… did I do something very wrong, Miss Iria?” he suddenly asked, returning to the more intimate name almost without thinking.

_“_ _No, Hakim. And even if you did, it was through no fault of yours, but because of my own negligence. You’d think at my age, I would have learnt to be more careful. Thank you very much Hakim, now don’t let me keep you. I am quite sure Khadijah and Ali would be glad to have you for dinner tonight.”_

“They most certainly would, Mrs. Winner. Good evening.”

 

There was a soft knock on Iria’s bedroom door just as she hung up. Before she could utter a sound, the door opened and Sally slipped in. The doctor frowned when she saw the lines of worry on the brows of that woman who had proved to be a formidable friend and an incredible mentor over the past year.

“Is it a bad time? I heard you speak…”

“I was on the phone with Hakim,” Iria answered, eyes absentmindedly drifting to the TV.

“What for? … oh,” Sally said, when she finally registered what the voices in the background were saying. “What happened?”

“My sister Neelah called Hakim, and he told her about the new distribution. She’s the only person apart from us who knows this.”

“And you think she told it to the press.”

“No, I…”

“Then you think she’s in big trouble,” Sally pressed on.

Iria sighed and closed her eyes.

“You don’t know her, Sally. She is… She’s always been peculiar. I told Dr. Hewley that we Winner children had been screened for genetic defects, but the truth is, no one can tell with certainty what kind of gene patterns generates some mental problems. Neelah is someone fragile, easily persuaded. Her husband is someone less than savory. Father didn’t approve of him, but he let her marry him, because he thought she was old enough to make her own choice.”

“Which you don’t.”

“Neelah could never make her own choices. All her life, the choices have been made for her. She’s… unstable. In fact, she suffers from a quite hard case of manic-depressive psychosis, but she was never really treated. Father was not around enough to notice, and I couldn’t just take care of all of my siblings by myself. Especially just after Quatre was born.”

There was a small silence.

“I think she may be in closer contact with the kidnappers than I thought. Someone… Hakim told me she seemed to be scared of someone when she called. God, I just can’t take much more!”

Sally squeezed her arm gently.

“We will find her and make sure she’s okay,” she said, “but I think right now, we have other priorities. Like what do we tell the guys?”

Iria seemed thoughtful for a moment.

“They’ll know soon enough about the leak, but not a word about Neelah,” she finally said.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I don’t want to worry Quatre needlessly.”

“Which means not a word to the others, or they’ll tell him,” Sally added with a smile. “I think you should take some rest. All of us have had a taxing day. We should all take advantage of a good night’s sleep. Things always look brighter in the morning, they say.”

“Then, ‘they’ are idiots,” Iria snorted. “This won’t look any brighter tomorrow, only dirtier and more tangled than I thought it possible.”

“Just get some rest, you need it. The guys too. No matter what Heero says, he’s not all that rested from that bit of hypnosis and neither is Duo. If Wufei is experimenting a widening of his abilities like I think he is, he’ll need the night to get over it. And the lovebirds have deserved some one-on-one time. Not to mention Carter and Shannon, who need to unfry the brains we so diligently fried with information.”

Iria smiled weakly.

“You’re probably right. I’m feeling quite that way myself to be honest.”

“All the more reason to shut your eyes while you can. Do you need something to sleep?”

“No, thank you.”

“As you wish,” Sally said lightly, straightening and going to the door with a hand salute. “I’m hitting the sheets too.”

“Alone?” Iria asked mockingly, her eyes staring at the TV as if she was really paying attention to what was being displayed.

Sally turned around, her cheeks a bit pink.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Whatever you want,” Iria said lightly. “I’d jump him while I can if I were you. Cute straight male doctors are hard to come by those days, especially colony-side.”

Sally shook her head and laughed.

“I’m not sure threatening bloody murder is gonna get him for me, y’know?”

“Who knows? He stares at you a lot every time you yell at him. If you want my opinion, the boy wants a collar and the leash that goes with it.”

“Iria!”

Iria grinned lasciviously, something Sally hadn’t thought she could do.

“I think I’ll just go to bed with my husband,” she said lazily. “I really, really need to relax.”

Sally’s cheeks reddened again, but she managed a wry smile and wink before she got out. Iria still caught the beginning of a swear word, and grinned to herself again. She loved nothing more than watching young love blossoming all over the place. She had always encouraged Quatre with Trowa, and she would encourage them both with Wufei now, and Sally with Carter if the young doctor was as taken with her friend as she thought.

‘But right now, I want Richard rubbing my feet and massaging all that tension out of my body. Damn, but where is a husband when you need one?’

****

~AC 197, March 9th, L4-A001, Winner Mansion, 8:45am~

 

Iria was walking along the silent corridors of the Mansion to her brother’s bedroom. Apparently everyone had indeed taken advantage of the night, and none of the boys had shown up for breakfast. She suspected it was both because they needed the time to rest, and because, unconsciously, they were once again regrouping as a unit around their now weakened leader. If she thought about it, they almost reacted like a pack. When one of them was wounded or down, the others would erect that kind of protective circle around him. They didn’t even need to do it physically. Carter himself had realized after only a few days that being on their wrong side while they were in this state of mind would do nothing but antagonize them and make them dangerous.

She and Sally could of course attribute at least part of that behavior to the New Type ability. It was an inborn characteristic of New Types that they regrouped to seek protection in numbers, in those days when they were still few and sometimes hunted. Other more dramatic circumstances had thrown those five together and contributed to strengthen the link that the power in them had created even if they were not aware of it. Iria didn’t think she was wrong when she said that those five were family to each other, bound together by far more than just common purposes and blood ties. The five of them were complete.

It was a disturbing capacity of New Types to adapt so well to their environment and mates that they would elude detection. And she hoped, for all of their sakes, that those five could manage it for a long time, for as long as it would take for humanity to realize that some of its children were gifted and needed care instead of hatred.

As she passed by a window, she noticed a still form in the garden. She got closer and smiled. Wufei was sitting cross-legged in a secluded spot, eyes closed. Even from where she was she could see that he no longer had big shadows under his eyes, and that he breathed more freely. She frowned a bit as she took a closer look. His chest was heaving, but at a very slow rate, far less than what she believed human beings to be able of.

‘I know it’s normal for him, but God, it is quite surprising to actually see it done.’

She decided to retreat before he would see her, although she didn’t know if he could perceive her presence if he was indeed in a trance. She’d have to ask Sally about that. She was knowledgeable on New Types because she had had to take care of Quatre, but her area of expertise was limited to empathy, and on a lesser degree telepathy.

She barely managed to suppress a fit of laughter when she passed by Heero and Duo’s room and heard the muffled moans coming from there.

‘Sally should really trust them more. They do have it in themselves to heal, but their methods are… unorthodox, to say the least. But then, who am I to speak? I did the exact same thing after all, and it does some good to a human being to be reminded that even after millennia of evolution, sex still is the basic cement of society and social interaction. Maybe some of our higher-ups would do well to remember that they are made of flesh and blood too.’

 

She was surprised to find Quatre alone in his bed when she came into the room. Her brother was lying on his belly, clutching a pillow, head facing the door, but not sleeping. Blurry green-blue eyes opened when the door hissed. He smiled at her, and when she raised a questioning eyebrow, he indicated the door to the bathroom. Only then did Iria notice the faint noise of water. Trowa was showering.

“Did you sleep well?” she asked, taking a chair as Quatre extricated himself from sheets and blankets a bit.

“More or less… I had… flashes, I think. Things coming back, but I’m not sure where all of it fits.”

“Well, it means your body is starting to heal. I hope you two didn’t do anything naughty?”

“Iria!” Quatre exclaimed, cheeks reddening.

Then, he shook his head and grinned.

“Even I am aware that I’m not well enough for that particular kind of physical activity,” he said quietly. “Not that I didn’t want to, mind you, but Trowa is the voice of reason as always, and my brain probably couldn’t have taken it. I’ve had enough of overload for a lifetime.”

“Once we get that shield problem behind us, which if I am not mistaken will be done this week, you can do whatever you wish. I am honestly astonished that you actually are so well. You lost weight, that’s for sure, but not much.”

“I think Zero may have used every little bit that I fed myself to my body’s best advantage,” Quatre mused. “After all, my dying would not have been good for it. It kept me alive.”

Iria didn’t add anything to that disturbing comment, and she was saved from an embarrassing silence by the water shutting and Trowa coming out of the bathroom, wearing only his customary jeans. If he was embarrassed by his attire in Iria’s company, nothing on his face showed it. He just looked at Quatre, who shook his head, apparently understanding the unspoken question.

“Later,” he said. “When everyone is here. We’ll have a briefing about the inquiry, right?” he turned to ask Iria.

“Yes,” she answered, wondering why that seemed important. “But we already told you most of what we know.”

“So it is time for me to tell you what I know. What I remember.”

“Is it a lot?” Iria inquired.

Quatre didn’t answer, and Trowa’s quiet voice almost made her jump.

“Let’s just say we had a quite agitated night,” he said simply. “I suppose I need to leave you two alone,” he added after a small silence.

“Yes,” Iria nodded. “Sorry, but you’ve never really had to shield before, none of you, since Quatre was doing it naturally, and he really must concentrate.”

“Do you want something to eat?” Trowa asked Quatre.

“Uh, not yet. It’s best if I do this with my stomach empty, believe me,” Quatre answered with a wince.

“But you must eat something this morning anyway,” Iria cut in.

She turned to Trowa.

“Why don’t you get breakfast for yourself first? Once we’re done, I’ll ask Miss Shannon to call you, and you can bring him something before he goes back to sleep.”

Quatre was about to protest, but Iria interrupted.

“You know perfectly well that you will need sleep if you want us to have a briefing afterwards, Quatre,” she said seriously. “Just an hour or two of rest won’t kill you.”

“I’m just so tired to be stuck in here,” Quatre said dejectedly.

Iria smiled, and smoothed down the pale, tousled hair around her brother’s face.

“I know, honey. And if all goes well today, I will lower the settings of the system a bit so that you can re-accustom yourself to feeling people. I think we will only need two or three hours to rebuild the basic foundations. After that I want you to practice by yourself, and we’ll do a session one hour a day. And… in between, I also would like you to speak with Dr. Carter, okay? Not just to straighten out your memories, but…”

“I’ll do it,” Quatre approved, not letting her finish. “I… I think it’s a good idea,” he added low, not looking at Trowa as if afraid he would not support his point of view.

Trowa said nothing. He finished dressing, then sat on the bed next to Quatre and kissed him lightly. Then, he got up and left the room. Iria watched him go with a little smile.

“He understands more than you think, Quatre,” she said quietly. “Trust him.”

“I do trust him! It’s just…”

“You’re both still a bit high-strung about everything that happened ever since you decided to have a break in your relationship. It’s normal for you both to be afraid at that stage, but he’s doing his best. The least you can do is do the same. Especially if you two really want Wufei to join you.”

Quatre didn’t answer, and Iria dropped the subject. For all his usual openness, Quatre could become very stubborn if you forced him to consider things he was not ready to look at, and she needed him to be focused on his power, and not on other subjects. That, and she had a feeling a conversation with a certain Chinese pilot would probably unblock certain things too, especially regarding the things in Quatre’s past that Trowa knew he couldn’t relate to.

“Alright, Quatre. Since you’re not three anymore, we’re going to have to do this a bit differently, but since by now you know what you’re doing, it shouldn’t be that hard.”

Quatre sat comfortably on the bed covers and leaned on the headboard for support. He knew he was going to need it before the morning was over.

“Ready?” Iria asked.

Quatre nodded.

“Alright,” Iria said, taking a deep breath. “Let’s go. Think of something that makes you feel safe.”

Quatre closed his eyes and smiled, summoning the image of Trowa and Wufei hugging each other, as he had seen them yesterday morning when he had woken up.

 

They stopped just before noon, both equally exhausted, and Quatre now completely sure that his elder sister was a sadist. She had used light hypnosis to remove the useless safe words and help him through the first stage of rebuilding the foundations of the shields. His brain had recovered the familiar routine quite easily, even if the image he now used to build the feeling of seclusion and safety was very far from the innocent castle-building his sister had made him use as a child. Trowa and Wufei had gotten the leading role in that, and thinking of them had been the only way he could go on at some point.

All that because Iria had determined that the safest way for him to recover more rapidly would be for his brain to find the patterns it used on its own. So, after helping rebuild the basic shields, she had ‘woken’ him from the light trance, and lowered her own shields to provoke a reaction. For almost three hours, she had projected her feelings, lightly at first, then more forcefully, to make him build shields as an automatic reaction. The first tries were not happy at all for either of them, but with time and patient relentlessness, and also the threat that his head was going to explode if he didn’t do anything, Quatre had managed to erect the closest thing resembling a shield he had had in a month. It felt weird and so familiar at the same time to find that sensation again. But truly, Quatre was never more grateful than when Iria finally declared that it was enough for one day.

“Good,” she said in an extinct voice. “Shower, food, and rest.”

Quatre snorted lightly. He was aching in all of his body, as if he had just had a go in Sandrock with some too rough Virgos, and Iria didn’t look any better.

“For you too,” he said with a smile.

Iria groaned, and stretched.

“You’re a handful, you know? Always have been, always will be,” she joked. “I’ll ask Shannon if she could change the bed linens while you shower. And eat enough. The briefing will take place at three. For now, just rest.”

This time, Quatre didn’t protest.

****

~AC 197, March 9th, L4-A001, Winner Mansion, 3:02pm~

 

“How’s the head, Cat?” Duo asked as he strolled into the room, Heero, Wufei, Carter and Shannon in tow.

“Still on my shoulders,” Quatre answered.

Although he had rested with Trowa, he was far from being his usual sunny self. He had shadows under his eyes, and his smile was a bit wry. Iria smiled apologetically at that last answer, and went to the control panel in a corner of the room as everyone found seats. She flicked several buttons, and the humming in the background lowered a bit.

“How is that, Quatre?”

Quatre frowned and closed his eyes, as if testing the quality of the silence in his head. It was probably not perfect, but it should hold for a while, Iria thought. She shot a discreet look to Wufei, hoping that maybe he was doing that thing that seemed to have done some good to Quatre again. Sally had not been able to explain what exactly it was, and apparently even Wufei hadn’t really known what he was doing, he had just done it. But today, Wufei’s face was completely impassive, features schooled in a perfect bronze mask and eyes guarded. Whatever had gotten past his control the day before wouldn’t again.

Eventually Quatre nodded to say he could bear the pressure alright.

“Then let’s begin,” Wufei said. “Yuy? The memory cards?”

Heero held up said cards and put them on the bed.

“I compared them with the original Zero Program,” he said.

Quatre looked around at his fellow pilots, surprised, but since no one seemed to feel inclined to explain, he patiently waited for the rest of what Heero had to say.

“It looks a lot like Zero,” Heero continued. “There are more than just similarities. Entire parts of the programs are absolutely identical to the last symbols, but in this one, there are… gaps. Things are missing. Zero itself was far from being perfect in the state we used it, but if we had used this one, it would have been more than dangerous. It just… something doesn’t add up with it, like it’s a prototype or…”

Heero stopped talking abruptly and looked at the cards, eyes widening.

“I can’t believe how stupid I am,” he whispered, before taking the two attached cards and suddenly ripping the last remnants of wires that were holding them together.

Embedded deep in one of the cards, a small black plate of metal bore an inscription.

‘Zero System 1.0’

“This is it,” Heero said numbly. “It’s the first version. The draft for the Zero System. That’s why it looked weird and unfinished. That’s why some bugs that were later corrected are still there. That’s why the effects were not the same…”

“What effects?” Quatre asked suddenly.

Heero seemed to hesitate, but Trowa nodded to him.

“He needs to know,” he just said.

There was a small silence, then Heero began to explain.

“Zero was showing us possible futures, and the choices we had to make to make them happen, but… you remember the side effects? The hallucinations, the nightmares… Well, those were in fact bugs that had been just slightly corrected from this first version, if I understood right. And the first version… well it’s the only thing it shows… the bad things… everything you failed… all your wrong choices…”

Quatre held up his hand and Heero stopped. The blond young man’s face was suddenly very pale, and his eyes had lost focus, as he suddenly understood

“I remember…” he said very low. “I remember waking up in that seat… I knew I was in the flight simulator, I’ve spent so much time there that I could tell… and… I was strapped, with the helmet on my head… And then it began…”

He didn’t go any further, and from the look on Heero’s face, he didn’t need to. The Japanese young man had seen his suspicions confirmed.

“I’ve got questions,” Duo abruptly cut in. “One, how the hell do you know there was a flight simulator on that satellite, and two, how come those cards were in there? Somehow, I don’t think that they would have been lying around for anyone to find.”

“I knew there was a flight simulator because I’m the one who installed it. This satellite is the place where Sandrock was built, and where I trained before Operation Meteor. This is also the place where Zero was stored.”

“What?”

“I don’t know why,” Quatre sighed, “but Instructor H ended up being the one in charge of Zero and all the data that referred to it. But I only knew it was stored on the satellite. I never even saw it before I… I…”

Quatre didn’t finish his sentence and looked away. Fortunately, Wufei decided to step in the conversation and save everyone from an embarrassing silence.

“So apparently, someone found the satellite, began to sell the unused chemicals and somehow came across what remained of the Gundam-related material and decided to use it against you.”

“There are chemicals missing? But… we never even used that part of the satellite!”

“Which means someone else did,” Duo concluded.

“There’s something else,” Sally interrupted. “There’s been a second leak in the press.”

“About what?” Wufei asked angrily.

“The little redistribution scheme Quatre enforced before disappearing. So of course now it looks suspect because no official statement has been released and the whole lot of them reporters are buzzing around waiting for some gossip to catch.”

“I’m not talking to the press,” Quatre said.

“That wouldn’t be wise,” Iria agreed. “For the public, you are currently on holidays after having been diagnosed with severe exhaustion. And you’re in no shape to appear in public anyway, people would ask far too many questions. Recording a statement would not be good either so… I suggest we call Miss Catalonia back and let her handle it from here. We can have her give a press conference on behalf of the family, and I’ll attend if necessary.”

“Good,” Wufei said, glad to have that taken away. “We’ll leave that part to you, and try to concentrate on the perpetrators.”

“And how are we supposed to do that, Wuffers?” Duo grumbled. “The satellite was destroyed, and this”, he pointed to the cards, “is all that we have left right now, and looking for prints wouldn’t be a lot of help.”

“Then we wait,” Wufei answered very calmly, unimpressed by Duo’s agitation. “Up until now, we managed to deflect most of our enemy’s plans. They will become careless and make mistakes, sooner or later.”

“Hope it’s sooner ‘cause I wanna kick some ass,” Duo muttered under his breath, but loud enough for an innocent bystander like Carter to hear it.

The young doctor just did his best to remain ignored. He didn’t really know why he and Shannon had been asked to attend, except that Iria Winner and Sally Po seemed intent on having them participating. It was surely a way to make them feel more welcome. Carter wasn’t sure it was working.

Carter looked around and frowned when he saw both Iria and Sally staring at Duo. Then, he got caught by the brilliant blue gaze too.

“You think you guys could give us a bit of catch-up time?” he vaguely heard Duo say.

Minutes later, all four adults were out of the room. Sally and Iria were walking down the corridor, discussing how to have Miss Catalonia come back here rapidly, and Iria was even mentioning calling the President of the ESUN to have the workload of Vice-Minister Darlian lightened a bit so that she could cope even without her assistant. Shannon was walking alongside Carter, and shooting him a weird look every now and then, as if she didn’t understand why they were going away from the room. And if he really thought about it, he himself didn’t really know why they were going away either. He scowled.

‘Why does it feel like we all got politely thrown out of there?’

 


	23. Change configuration

“Did you really have to do that, Duo?” Quatre sighed.

Duo winked and smiled, totally unrepentant.

“If I hadn’t done it, it would have taken them ages to get out and we’ve got better things to do.”

“Like what?” Trowa asked politely.

Duo looked at Trowa. He was wearing that completely blank face they all knew too well.

“Stop it, Bang Boy,” Duo said mock-threateningly. “Doesn’t work on me, remember?”

Trowa’s face lost the appearance of a perfectly chiseled mask, and he smiled.

“Doesn’t hurt to try once in a while,” he said, shrugging. “What’s up?”

“Sally knows,” Heero answered.

A moment of tense silence followed that statement. Quatre frowned and looked at his friends worriedly.

“So that’s why… What exactly does she know?” he asked.

“What is why?” Duo asked.

“I just… overheard some stuff I was apparently not supposed to hear,” Quatre said distractedly. “I think Sally may have gotten careless because she’s been too used to talking to Iria over my unconscious body, and she forgot I was awake… but still, what did she find out exactly?”

“She’s got all of your abilities sorted out, and she knows you’re all full New Types,” Duo explained.

“What about you, Maxwell?” Wufei asked, feeling he already knew the answer.

“I managed to avoid detection, but she suspects something. That, and… well, Doc Carter may be just a little bit too observant,” Duo added pensively. “I think he too knows something’s up with me, he just can’t say what. But every time, I can feel him wondering what the hell is going on! It’s almost fun! By the way, Sal told Iria, Carter and Shannon about it.”

Wufei groaned and flopped down in a chair.

“Any other good news?” he asked grumpily.

“I know your headache wasn’t provoked by you having your periods,” Duo deadpanned.

“I was not really worried that it was the actual problem, thank you,” Wufei answered sarcastically. “But… it shouldn’t have happened…”

“Well, in fact, Sal said that as full New Types, we’re entering the final stage of development. Apparently, the hormonal changes of adolescence also affect our abilities.”

“Just great. What does it mean concretely?”

“What you went through yesterday,” Heero said. “I suppose you know the symptoms well enough. I had some too at the beginning of the year.”

Quatre turned to look at Wufei.

“Are you okay?” he asked worriedly.

“Yes,” Wufei answered. “I just… wasn’t expecting it. Whatever it was.”

“I think your power answered to mine.”

Wufei frowned.

“What do you mean?”

“I couldn’t shield properly and I was in pain. My power was reaching out to find some kind of solace. And yours just answered. You created that… thing… and I could rest there. Just like you did before, when I was asleep.”

Quatre frowned too.

“I didn’t feel any symptoms recently that I can recall…”

“You’re projecting a lot more,” Trowa interrupted quietly.

“Really? I didn’t realize… well, I wasn’t really in a state to realize anything lately, anyway…”

“So what do we do?” Duo asked.

Unconsciously, they all turned to look at Quatre, who couldn’t help smiling at that instinctive movement. Somehow, it felt good to know that whatever had happened, his friends still looked for him to find a solution when they were lost. It gave him an odd feeling of satisfaction, like they were giving him his place back in their midst. For the first time in a long while, he suddenly felt truly at home.

“Well, Sally only warned Iria, Dr. Carter and Miss Shannon because it’s only fair they should know who they’re working with. Let’s face it, if our powers are expanding then we are potentially dangerous even for ourselves. I suppose she asked them not to tell anyone…”

“It was more along the line of ‘if you do tell even a living soul I’m gonna chop you in pieces so tiny you wouldn’t find them with an electron microscope’, but that was the basic idea.”

“Of course, I suppose she didn’t even realize someone was eavesdropping,” Quatre added with a smile and a sideways look to Duo.

Duo looked offended, and Quatre patted his arm.

“I know, I know, you’re better than that,” he said soothingly. “It’s just… well to sum it up, they know, and we know they know, but they don’t know we know they know… is that making any kind of sense?”

Trowa blinked. So did Wufei. Duo scrunched his nose and Heero seemed to be very focused on the sentence Quatre had just said. Quatre almost laughed out loud when the Japanese suddenly nodded to show he had understood.

“Well, then, we have no reason to act differently. As far as Sally knows she has been observing from the outside and she has been careful, so there should be no reason we should even be aware she knows.”

“Is it me or is that woman grossly underestimating us?” Wufei asked.

“Not us, Wu-man,” Duo corrected. “Me.”

Wufei looked at Duo pointedly, but didn’t grace that statement with an answer.

“We just have to be careful,” Quatre went on. “This widening of our abilities could happen at any time, because of circumstances we can’t control.”

“So you remain the only one out in the open,” Trowa said.

“Heh. I’ll be on the front lines for once.”

“Is that really what you think?” Wufei asked suddenly.

“Huh?” was the only thing Quatre found to answer as he turned to look at his Chinese friend. This time, Wufei was looking right back and not avoiding his gaze, and he looked dead serious.

“Do you really think you never were on the front lines before?” he kept on. “You’ve taken as many hits and wounds as the rest of us, if not more. Is it fair for us to let you be the one exposed again?”

“Wufei, I…”

Quatre stopped, not knowing what to say. He had not expected that kind of reasoning coming from Wufei. But the Chinese just shook his head with a little smile.

“Just do as you wish,” he said. “But don’t forget the backup team this time.”

And he got up to leave. As soon as he was out of the door, Quatre turned to Trowa, a look of urgency on his face. Trowa nodded, and followed Wufei out. Quatre was about to open his mouth to speak when Duo’s hand kind of prevented him from doing so. The blond pilot looked up at his best friend, surprised, and Duo winked at him.

“It’s okay, we’re gone already,” he said gently. “Good luck with him.”

“Thanks,” Quatre answered.

Duo gave him an enthusiastic kiss on the cheek, and got out. Only Heero remained in the room, looking at Quatre thoughtfully. Quatre almost blushed under the scrutiny of the stare. There was very little he could hide from Heero, and he had never wished to do so. Ever since their time together in Sanc, Quatre had had the feeling that Heero was on the lookout, guarding his back even from afar, like a protective big brother would. It was quite different from the feeling of having forty Maguanacs or even twenty-nine big sisters watching your back.

Eventually, Heero got up, walked closer to the bed, and sat down next to Quatre. Taking the smaller boy in his arms in a gesture that had slowly become familiar in the last months, he deposited a feather-like kiss on his forehead. He looked at him deep in the eyes, and the ghost of a smile appeared on his lips.

“Take care of him,” he whispered. “You all deserve it.”

Quatre nodded.

“I will, Heero. I promise I will. Thank you.”

Heero smoothed some of the strands of hair framing Quatre’s face, then got up and disappeared through the door too.

****

“Wufei, wait.”

Wufei didn’t slow down. Nor did he go any quicker, for that matter. Right now, he was just trying to understand why the hell he had said that to Quatre. Stopping to listen to what Trowa had to say was not really high on his list of priorities. He had an idea that he wouldn’t like it anyway.

Unfortunately, Trowa didn’t leave him a choice. No matter how fast Wufei usually was, Trowa was still the tallest of all of them, and he caught up to his Chinese friend without a problem, suddenly extending in his arm in front of Wufei and blocking the way.

“Stop running away for once in your life,” he snapped abruptly.

Furious, Wufei glared at Trowa.

“I am not running away!”

Trowa raised a sarcastic eyebrow.

“Oh yeah? So you’re taking a trek at high speed through the corridor just for fun, not to avoid any of the unpleasant things you imagine I am going to tell you?”

Taken at unawares, Wufei just glared some more, then dropped his gaze to the floor.

“I shouldn’t have said it like that, in front of everyone,” he muttered.

Trowa sighed exasperatedly.

“I’m gonna end up knocking myself out on walls between you two,” he said through gritted teeth. “Wufei, Quatre needs to hear those kinds of things. I think being honest with him is the very least you can do. I’m tired of always hearing him belittle his own accomplishments and I can’t always have the strength to remind him that. So, by all means, feel free to do it.”

“But it’s just wrong for me to go and blurt that out when you didn’t even really have proper time to talk this out, and I…”

Wufei’s beginning rant was abruptly stopped. Because it was kind of hard for him to both rant and be quite thoroughly kissed at the same time. Black eyes widened in shock. That was quite an unexpected reaction, even if Trowa had said countless times that Wufei would not be coming between the two of them and that he too had feelings for Wufei. The Chinese responded to the kiss almost automatically, somehow unable to control his own body as he felt himself melt. When Trowa finally let him go, Wufei’s cheeks were burning.

“Why did you do that?” he eventually asked in a choked voice.

“Because I’ve been wanting to for ages,” Trowa answered. “Why did you kiss back?”

“I… don’t know,” Wufei answered truthfully.

He had been too shocked by Trowa’s announcement that both he and Quatre wanted him to really pay attention to it. Trowa… loved him too. Trowa wanted him too, not just Quatre. It hadn’t seemed quite real up until now.

Wufei jumped when Trowa’s hand fell gently on his shoulder.

“He wants to see you, Wufei. Don’t make him wait.”

Wufei nodded numbly, and began to go back, when he suddenly noticed that Trowa wasn’t following. He shot a questioning look back to his friend. Trowa just shook his head.

“He only wants to see you,” he said. “He needs to talk to you alone, and I’d only be in the way. I’ll be back in an hour.”

“But…”

“No discussion,” Trowa interrupted. “I think you deserve a bit of time alone with him right now, so go before I change my mind and kick your ass all the way back there.”

****

Quatre’s hands were twisting the sheets impatiently when the door finally hissed open. He looked up, almost afraid that he’d see Trowa standing there, about to tell him that Wufei had managed to get away. He almost sighed in relief when he saw Wufei enter the room. But the boiling tension inside Wufei made him tense up too, and when the other young man walked straight to the window and looked outside, not turning his gaze to him even once, Quatre grew uncomfortable.

Silence stretched, going from weird to heavy and from heavy to embarrassed. When Quatre finally spoke, his own voice sounded horribly harsh and loud to his own ears.

“I had this whole little speech planned in my head, you know. Rehearsed and prepared. But it sounds incredibly corny now that I think about it, so it may be best for me not to inflict it upon you.”

Only silence answered him. Quatre looked at his friend’s profile, a bit worried. Wufei hadn’t moved, hadn’t turned to look at him.

“Wufei?”

Another moment of tense silence, before Wufei talked in a hushed voice.

“I only have one question. Why?”

Quatre swallowed. At least, he had gotten an answer. Or more exactly a question. Yet, it was something, and his power was now calling to him to ease the confusion he felt in Wufei.

“Do I need a reason?” he asked softly.

This time, Wufei did look at him.

“I need to understand… Just how long have you known?”

Quatre patted the bed, and Wufei reluctantly sat down, not looking into Quatre’s eyes for the moment.

“I knew the moment it started, Wufei. I couldn’t help knowing.”

“Then why did you never say anything?” Wufei asked suddenly.

“Wufei, I was just as scared as you were!” Quatre said impatiently. “Just remember, we were all together for the first time ever, it seemed like this war was turning into a big mess, Trowa didn’t have his memories back yet and I was in the middle of one of the greatest guilt trips of my existence, so what did you exactly expect me to do? Come out right there and tell you I knew you had feelings for me? I am not that suicidal, and I’m sure you’d have reacted quite badly if I had done that at the time.”

“I didn’t mean…”

“I know, I’m sorry… it’s just… I didn’t know what to do, Wufei. I had never even thought that you’d look at me that way, you know.”

“Neither did I,” Wufei said softly.

“Then… what happened?”

“Zero happened,” Wufei said simply.

Quatre winced. He didn’t really fancy speaking about that ever again. Unfortunately, Zero seemed to have played the greatest part in the midst of the recent events in his life.

“I only knew what Heero had told me of the incident and you know how forthcoming with information he was at the time,” Wufei kept on. “I have to admit I watched you closely in the beginning. I wanted to be sure that you weren’t about to snap on us, before I realize that it was useless… that whatever had happened, you were obviously strong enough to pull yourself through it. Something that I failed to do myself.”

There was short silence.

“You helped,” Quatre suddenly said.

Wufei frowned, and Quatre laughed a bit.

“I know, you’re not aware of it, but it’s true. You know, during our first days on Peacemillion, there were times when I was so tired of it all… the war, the killing, Trowa, Zero… I was exhausted half of the time, and when I was, I couldn’t control my power very well, which meant I would get even more tired. So… I always took note of where you were. Because like that, when you were meditating, I could sit not too far away and tap a bit into it to have some quiet. It became my refuge, after a while.”

“You never told me…” Wufei said, amazed.

“I felt bad to have ‘borrowed’ that without asking,” Quatre said defensively. “But I just couldn’t help it. There were times where I needed a break so badly… I think it’s during these moments, when I was resting there with you, that I fell in love with you. Just because you were there for me, even if you didn’t know it.”

“I… I had no idea…”

“I really apologize for not asking, though,” Quatre kept on.

Wufei waved the concern away. Right now, he was not avoiding Quatre’s gaze anymore. It was quite a shock to learn that he had actually been a support for both of his friends, without even knowing it, at a time when in his opinion he had been little more than a useless kid going blindly after his revenge.

“You know, I even felt a bit guilty at times,” Quatre admitted.

“Why?”

“Because… I was stealing these little moments from you, and also hiding it from Trowa… I know it wasn’t like that, but… it felt a bit like cheating on him sometimes, but I was so afraid to tell him!”

Up until now, Wufei had not realized just how difficult it had been for Quatre too. At one point, he had been stuck between a lover who didn’t remember him and a friend who had feelings for him and for whom he had feelings too. Wufei certainly didn’t blame him to have tried to make the best of both situations given the troubled times they were experiencing.

“When did you tell him?”

“After you disappeared with Altron, once we had dealt with the P3 faction. I was worried about you, and I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I just… blurted it all out and hoped for the best. I had the greatest surprise of my life that day.”

“I’ll bet,” Wufei muttered, remembering his own shock at being told that both Quatre and Trowa wanted him.

“Wufei, I… I fell in love with you, maybe for selfish reasons, I don’t know… but I did. And I need you. I cannot explain it, I’m not even sure that I want to, it’s just that way.”

Wufei swallowed, a bit too choked to trust his voice at the moment.

“Trowa told you that already, it is entirely up to you. I love you too much to lose your friendship, if that’s the only thing you’re willing to give …”

“Stop being stupid,” Wufei cut in abruptly. “You know perfectly well what my feelings for you are.”

“Yes, but it doesn’t mean I have a right to take advantage of them,” Quatre said firmly. “I will not try to influence you on this. I can only tell you what is in my heart and let you decide, Wufei. I was willing to let Trowa go for his own happiness. I’d do the same for you if you needed it.”

Quatre closed his eyes, not really sure that he wanted Wufei to answer right now. He jumped a when he felt a hand brushing his bangs away. Opening his eyes, he found Wufei staring at him, a mix of admiration and pure awe in his black eyes.

“You are really strong,” the Chinese whispered. “You have always been… The strongest of us all.”

Quatre began to shake his head, but the hand caressing his hair went down to his cheek and stopped it.

“Of course you are,” Wufei went on. “I guess this is why I’ve always admired you so much… at least after I came to the realization that you were not the inadequate soldier I had thought you to be.”

“I couldn’t have made it without all of you,” Quatre whispered. “Especially you, Wufei. Because you were my strength when I couldn’t go on at the end of the war.”

“Then maybe I didn’t fight in vain,” Wufei said very softly.

Quatre frowned, feeling the delft-doubt and loathing settle down in his friend’s mind again.

“I don’t understand, Wufei. Why would your fight have been vain? The war…”

“I never fought a war, Quatre,” Wufei interrupted.

Quatre decided that it was better to shut up and let Wufei talk. Obviously, whatever this was about had been on his mind for quite some time.

“You four, you had a mission,” the Chinese started. “Free the colonies, fight for peace, whatever. You did it for something you believed in, to protect your loved ones or people you felt were important. I couldn’t have cared less.”

He laughed bitterly.

“My only goal in this war has always been to find the one responsible for planning the biological attack on my colony in AC 194 and kill him.”

“Treize…” Quatre muttered, stroking his chest in that familiar move. “And… who did you lose in that attack?”

Wufei smiled sadly. Of course, you had to trust Quatre to be that perceptive.

“My wife.”

There was a moment of tense silence as Quatre absorbed the information.

“You were… married?” he finally asked cautiously, keeping his voice carefully guarded and neutral.

“Yes. Arranged marriage. She didn’t like it anymore than I did, and she used to beat me up and call me a weakling, because I had no interest in fighting.”

“That is something I have a hard time believing…” Quatre said with a shy smile, as if not sure that a bit of humor would be welcome at that point. Thankfully, Wufei’s shoulders relaxed a little, but the sad look in his eyes remained.

“You all had something or someone to protect, Quatre. But I didn’t have anything. Nothing else but my anger, my thirst for revenge and the ghost of a girl I never knew how much I loved before I lost her.”

“And once you had killed Treize you didn’t even have that,” Quatre finished.

“I never really wanted to win that fight!” Wufei said angrily. “I never expected to be the last man standing after that! I just wanted it to stop, and I thought he at least could have the decency to do it for me!”

“You shouldn’t feel bad about it, Wufei,” Quatre said soothingly. “People may believe that Treize was a hero and gave his life for the war to end. I guess to some extent it’s true, and he did. But for me, he took the easy way out. And you didn’t.”

“But I was weak enough to finally be the one who helped him achieve his plans,” Wufei retorted. “And I was so blinded that I ended up helping the Bartons instead of fighting them.”

“There is no greater strength than acknowledging your weaknesses, Wufei,” Quatre said quietly. “And you were the one who taught me that. You were always so striving to be strong, and so frustrated by your own limits. But you never gave up. Even when you were lost and in doubt, you kept fighting on and on, to find your answers, even if it burnt your wings.”

There was a small silence.

“I’m tired, Quatre,” Wufei finally whispered. “Tired of fighting. Tired of being someone I don’t even recognize. Tired of living with ghosts.”

Before the Chinese could protest, Quatre pulled him into a hug. His arms wrapped themselves around Wufei’s body, holding him close, and unconsciously he put his own hands around Quatre. The blond young man reached behind him and untied his hair, and Wufei didn’t protest, letting Quatre massage his scalp.

“You can rest here, Wufei,” Quatre said. “For as long as you want. You did it for me once, the least I can do is return the favor.”

“I don’t know if I can.”

Quatre suddenly took the Chinese pilot at arm’s length, watching him severely.

“The only one holding you back is yourself, Wufei. But… I know I have to respect your choice. Still I hope you can let me be here for you, as a friend. I love you.”

Wufei just nodded. But he couldn’t say the words. Quatre smiled and put his hand on Wufei’s heart.

“I know,” he said. “I know. Take all the time you need, Wufei. Just remember that we are here, for you. Because we love you, and you did so much for us.”

“Maybe… maybe I just needed something to protect, too,” Wufei finally said. “Or someone.”

Quatre raised an eyebrow.

“I hope that you’re not referring to me, Chang,” he said acidly. “Because if you and Trowa gang up on me to try and make me believe I am a fragile little thing, there’s going to be some serious ass-kicking, I’m warning you.”

Wufei’s eyes went comically wide, and Quatre laughed, stretching as he let go of the Chinese.

“I feel all rusty,” he groaned. “I should start exercising again.”

“Maybe I could help you with that,” Wufei suggested, looking at Quatre with a more professional eye. “You didn’t lose much weight, but most of what disappeared would be muscle mass…”

“I would love that,” Quatre answered with a smile. “And I appreciate, really, that you’re being that open-minded and patient with us, you know.”

“I should be the one to thank you for your patience.”

“I know that we are asking a lot, Wufei. I know just how much we confuse you. But we both love you, and nothing is going to change that. I know you love me, but I also know that I wouldn’t ask you to compromise your ethics for something you’re not comfortable with. You’re one of the greatest friends I ever had, and I don’t want to lose this. But you have to know that whatever you decide, there will always be a special place for you in my heart. And in Trowa’s heart.”

“Trowa kissed me,” Wufei said abruptly.

His cheeks reddened all of a sudden when he realized what he had said.

“This just… came out all wrong,” he stuttered, looking at Quatre with a scared expression.

To his surprise, the blond was just smiling a bit cockily.

“About time, too!” he said with a laugh. “He’s had you all to himself while I was out, and he was enough of a gentleman not to start anything. I’ll have to thank him.”

“So you’re not angry?”

Quatre shrugged.

“I love him, I love you, and I know he loves me and he loves you. I don’t see a problem here. The real question is, are you angry that he kissed you?”

“No… I don’t think so. More like… befuddled.”

Wufei jumped when he realized that Quatre had scooted closer. The blond young man took Wufei’s face in his hands, forcing the Chinese to look at him in the eyes.

“Did you like it?” he asked in a husky voice.

“What?”

“I know Trowa is a very good kisser. So tell me… did you like it?”

“I… yes,” Wufei answered, feeling his cheeks burning so hot that it was a wonder he hadn’t caught fire now.

And before he could think any further, Quatre’s face grew alarmingly close and a soft mouth went down on his, caressing his lips and gently asking permission to go further. And like before in the corridor, Wufei felt his own body refusing to obey him as he opened his mouth to welcome the deeper kiss. By the time Quatre released him, he was panting.

“And did you like that one?” Quatre asked in a voice that was nothing short of sultry.

“Starting the fun without me?” a voice asked from the door.

Wufei jumped again and turned around, discovering Trowa standing there. How long he had been there, Wufei had no idea. He was still trying to fathom that both Quatre and Trowa had kissed him and were both looking perfectly okay with it. The only expression on Trowa’s face was a soft smile.

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Quatre answered with a smile of his own. “It’s just not fair that you got to kiss him first, I think.”

“He didn’t give me much choice, now did you, Wufei?” Trowa said lightly, coming to sit on the bed too.

“The way I recall it, it was the other way around,” Wufei managed to answer with a trace of his usual biting humor.

“I didn’t plan it, you weren’t expecting it, same difference. Did you have a good talk?”

Quatre squeezed Wufei’s hand.

“Yes, I think we did,” he said.

“We did,” Wufei agreed.

“But…” Trowa said.

“I need to think,” Wufei finished.

“Why doesn’t that surprise me?” Trowa said with a little smile.

“Just take your time, Wufei,” Quatre said, sending a dark look to his lover. Trowa even pretended to cower a bit. “It’s not like we’re going anywhere. Whatever you choose, we will be waiting for you. Thank you for at least giving us a chance.”

Wufei shook his head.

“No. It should be I thanking you both. You are the ones giving me a chance. I’ll try to be worthy of it.”

“Oh, you are, Wufei. Don’t you ever doubt it, you are.”

Wufei just smiled and went out without another word.

 

Quatre snuggled up to Trowa and sighed contentedly. Trowa smiled, running his fingers through the light blond hair.

“So… did you tell him everything you wanted, you minx?”

“Most of it, and I’m not the one who jumped him in the corridor,” Quatre answered in a chuckle.

“You jumped him in your bed,” Trowa said pointedly.

“I can’t really help my location at the moment,” Quatre reminded him a bit dryly.

“I know,” Trowa just said, and Quatre’s irritation vanished into thin air.

Trowa had always been able to do that to him. He could ruffle his feathers like no one else, but he would always be the first one to smooth them back in place. There was no wonder he got on so well with big cats. Quatre often thought that he was probably easy to handle for someone who until recently earned money by riding a lion.

“So… what do you think?” Trowa asked, breaking the comfortable silence.

“I think that maybe if he understands that he can forgive himself, he will find his way to us naturally.”

“Why does that remind me of someone?”

Quatre didn’t answer immediately, just snuggled closer.

“I know I have issues about that,” he finally mumbled.

“This is why you can spot them easily on another person’s face, Cat. I don’t blame you for having issues. God knows you’ve got enough reasons to have them. I would blame you if you didn’t try to get over them.”

“I’m trying. And… I know he’s trying too, but there are days when it’s so damn hard… days when I don’t even want to look at myself in the mirror, for no reason at all. I bet it’s the same for him.”

There was another silence, before Quatre spoke up again.

“You really don’t mind me talking to Dr. Carter?”

Trowa kissed the top of the blond head.

“Cat, we agreed that by letting Wufei in, we admitted that we couldn’t bring everything we were hoping for to each other. I know that you are not comfortable discussing certain things with me. It makes me sad, but I understand, just as I hope you understand why I don’t feel comfortable talking about my childhood with you. This is bound to take some time. And… Dr. Carter genuinely wants to help you, even if he has no idea what he agreed to. Not accepting help that is freely offered would be the stupid thing.”

“Wouldn’t you want to talk to him?”

Trowa shook his head.

“No, Cat, I don’t think I’m ready for that. One day, maybe. But not now. But if you need to talk to someone, I know I shouldn’t stop you. And… I’ve got no reason to be jealous, right? It’s not like you intend to ask the doc to join us too.”

“Trowa!”

 


	24. Non-system disk or disk error

Several days passed, and everyone settled into a routine that seemed incongruous in the middle of an inquiry. But the truth was that the leads they could follow had dried up.

Heero had spent a bit more time tinkering with the memory cards before giving up. He was now busy scanning through all the layers of the Winner database to see if an interesting scrap of information on the satellite remained, but to no avail. Quatre had been careful to severe all connections with the central database when he had suggested the place to Instructor H, and it had served whoever had used the place after him right.

For the moment, an ominous calm had fallen on the mansion. With nothing else to do, Quatre’s recovery had become the priority again. Every morning, Wufei would go see him and help him get back in shape. Then, Iria would have a session with him to help him rebuild his shields. The rest of his day was spent either with Heero, Trowa, or Duo. Duo had made it his mission to distract his best friend. Quatre was getting bored in his room, but he was not nearly well enough to cope with everyone’s feelings without the machinery yet.

Dorothy had visited briefly. She had attended the press conference with Iria and torn more journalists to shreds. The official version had been that the redistribution had not been advertised to avoid a panic among stock-holders, and that it had been planned to reveal it at the next board reunion, which Quatre would preside for the last time. Anyone who had tried to get more had sorely regretted the day they had decided to become reporters.

Iria brought Dorothy back with her, and the blond girl spent an hour alone with Quatre. No one knew what they told each other, but when she left, Dorothy shot an odd look to Wufei, before thanking Trowa for having been patient with her. Iria had insisted for her to stay some more, saying Quatre would be happy to have her around, but Dorothy had declined.

“I am needed elsewhere,” she had said. “Miss Relena will not be able to hold the media frenzy back all by herself. But I think we will both be back soon, as soon as we can.”

It was too bad that Wufei had been too lost in thought to notice that particular odd look. Or else, he would have seen that another pair of eyes was looking at him the same way, only their owner was apparently far more disgruntled than Dorothy.

****

~AC 197, March 14th, L4-A001, Winner Mansion, 11:37am~

 

It took Duo about five days before he finally snapped. He knew something had happened between Quatre and Wufei, Quatre had told him himself. During those long, boring afternoons, Wufei was almost all Quatre was talking about, actually. Duo was used to it. He and Quatre had spent enough time talking to each other about the guys they liked but couldn’t seem to get to be comfortable with each other about that. Trowa even occasionally joined in the daily conversations, even if he did more listening than talking. At least, he didn’t seem too worried, or if he was, he was hiding it well enough behind that chameleon face that Duo couldn’t tell. But he didn’t think it was the case. If Trowa didn’t look worried, then it probably meant he wasn’t. Then again, there wasn’t a lot Trowa actually did openly worry about, contrary to some other people. Like Quatre.

The blond was even beginning to wonder if he had done something wrong, which was very un-Quatre-like. But then, Quatre was used to having his plans go smoothly. In Duo’s opinion, that was because most of Quatre’s previous plans had not included seducing a stuck-up stubborn Chinese with the wrong end of a broomstick up his ass. And said Chinese was really beginning to piss Duo off.

Quatre was being very patient on the whole, far more than Duo would have believed it possible, but the American could understand that getting someone as skittish as Wufei into a three-way relationship required more diplomacy than what he himself could actually show. But this was just stretching too long, and it was beginning to frazzle Quatre’s nerves, which meant he was less focused during his sessions with Iria and the rebuilding of his shields was slower than expected. Trowa had noticed that too, but hadn’t seemed to want to do anything else than being there for Quatre. Duo had tried to approach him on the subject, but Trowa had just smiled enigmatically and said that now it was up to Wufei.

 

If you had asked him that day, Duo could have told you that yes, he was actually looking for Wufei to beat some sense into him, literally or figuratively, whatever would work best. He found the Chinese practicing his katas at the back of the house. Not the nice, slow ones he used to do every morning, though. This time, Wufei was kicking the air like it was his worst enemy. He was all sweaty from the exertion, and apparently so focused on what he was doing that he didn’t hear Duo arrive. In fact, he was startled enough that he jumped several feet in the air when he realized someone was there and watching him.

“What do you want, Maxwell?” he asked, trying to catch his breath back.

Duo frowned, crossed his arms on his chest and huffed.

“You know, man, you’re quite lucky that I’m not one of these two guys, because if you stood me up like you’re doing to them, I would have kicked your ass so bad that you wouldn’t find it with your two hands and a map!”

“I beg your pardon?” Wufei said, not really believing he had just heard that.

“Beg away, buddy!” Duo snapped back. “But I’m not sure I’m ever gonna give it to you if you don’t stop wallowing in self-misery!”

“I am not…” Wufei started to protest, but Duo interrupted harshly.

“Really? Tell me, _Chang_ , just what do you think it looks like from where they stand? You’re blowing hot and cold all over the place. One day you’re mother hen Wufei for Tro, the next it looks like you can’t wait to get away from Cat… Would it be too much to ask for you to take your head outta your ass and just fucking take what’s offered to you for once in your life? Is that so difficult to accept that people can love you even if you’re not perfect and almighty? Fuck, I don’t know why I even bother! You’d think I would know better after all the shit I went through with Heero…”

“Yeah, why do you bother?” Wufei said irritably. “This is none of your business.”

“You made it my business when you made my best friend unhappy, Wu, so deal! I’m not gonna watch him lose his heart to a cold bastard, and I’m not gonna stand by and watch you rip both of their hearts apart! And I’m gonna take that stick out of your sorry ass whether you want it or not, because I’m through with watching you lose yourself too!”

If Duo was completely honest with himself, he had to admit that he hadn’t seen Wufei move at all until the Chinese’s fist connected with his jaw, sending him several feet backwards. Apparently, the little power boost Wufei had gone through the previous week had indeed enhanced his natural ability to accelerate his speed. Rubbing his jaw, Duo slowly got up, head spinning. Wufei was standing there, his arms at his sides, and looking completely baffled by what he had just done.

“Feeling better now?” Duo asked with as much of a smile as he could manage with half of his jaw numb.

Wufei nodded slowly.

“Surprisingly, yes,” he said cautiously.

“Good. Cause if you ever do that again, I may have to kill you and I’d hate to make Cat sad because of something I did. Ouch! Damn, you pull a mean punch, man!”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”

“Oi, stop that, okay? Don’t be sorry. I’m not. I finally got an honest reaction out of you for the first time ever since this started, so I should celebrate. Now tell me what’s wrong.”

Wufei sneered.

“I’m fucking scared, Maxwell! Is that what you wanted to hear?”

Duo just smiled cockily at him.

“Tell me something I don’t know, man! Hell, just being in love with Heero scares me shitless half of the time! The thing is, are you gonna let that fear rule you, or are you finally gonna stop worrying so much and go for it?”

Wufei flopped down on the ground, and Duo did the same.

“No one has ever cared about me so much,” the Chinese whispered. “No one I also cared about that much, too.”

“Kinda takes your breath away, huh?” Duo said with a sunny smile.

It was actually that smile that took Wufei’s breath away. Sure, Duo did smile a lot, but like all the other Gundam pilots, Wufei had soon realized that most of Duo’s smiles were just a mask so that people wouldn’t ask questions. Duo hid by remaining in plain sight, playing the fool and making a nuisance of himself. It worked amazingly well. But Duo’s smile right now was not one of those guarded smiles who didn’t reach his eyes. He was dirty and his braid was disheveled from his fall on the ground, his jaw was actually beginning to bruise, and he was just smiling a quiet smile that said that for once in his life, he had found peace, and was truly happy. And suddenly, Wufei wanted that for himself too.

“You’re right,” he said under his breath. “You’ve always been right, all of you, and I never stopped to listen.”

“Give yourself some credit, you’ve had quite a lot thrown your way, Wu. But now…”

“What?”

“What the hell are you still doing here?”

Wufei couldn’t help smiling at that. As he got up, he shot a worried look at Duo’s cheek. It was decidedly beginning to darken, but Duo waved it away with a goofy grin.

“Don’t get your panties in a twist over that, I’ll live! Now shoo!”

For a moment, Wufei didn’t move, simply looking at Duo who wondered if he would have to physically throw him into that room with Quatre and Trowa. But after a while, the Chinese smiled again, and bowed to his friend, inclining his head respectfully.

“Thank you,” he said very low.

And he was gone in a flash. It was only then that Duo actually felt a presence behind. He turned around and watched as Heero calmly came out of the bushes that were surrounding the place, looking perfectly normal and not at all guilty to have been caught eavesdropping.

“How long have you been there?” Duo asked.

Heero shrugged.

“Long enough.”

He came closer, and touched the side of Duo’s face. Duo winced a bit. Wufei had not held back, and it hurt like hell, actually.

“Was it worth it?” Heero asked in a whisper.

“What? Oh, that… Yes, I think it was more than worth it, actually. If it was the price to pay for Wu to finally get over that stupid ‘I can’t be loved for myself’ complex, then it’s given.”

“Good,” Heero said with a nod. “Because if it hadn’t been, then I would have had to hunt him down and give him one to match. Now let’s put ice on this.”

 

For once, Quatre was only absentmindedly listening as Trowa and Shannon were talking about his physical recovery. Trowa had been concerned at first that it wasn’t going as quickly as it should, but Shannon had assured him that the body did lose a lot rapidly when neglected, and that it would take some time before Quatre would put on weight again. They were both talking in soft voices, and Trowa was looking at him every now and then. Quatre could feel the slight worry his lover was projecting at seeing him like this, but he couldn’t find it in himself right now to reassure him.

He was feeling unsettled. Something, someone was there, just at the edge of his power, sending a feeling so strong that it almost managed to go through the lower settings of the special machinery. It was tickling him, coming closer only to be taken away again, and he was trying with all his might to capture it.

Then it poured into him, and he gasped as he recognized the familiar mind reaching out to him.

/wufei/

/coming/

Trowa looked up at Quatre, but the blond young man had turned his gaze to the door, staring it as if he could see through it. Two seconds later, said door slid open, and a panting Wufei appeared, looking exhausted, but also strangely at peace at the same time.

Shannon smiled and quietly excused herself, going out of the room and closing the door.

There was a moment of absolute silence, where none of the boys moved. Both Quatre and Trowa were looking at Wufei and he was looking at them. Then, he took a hopeful step in Quatre’s direction.

“I’m here,” he said simply.

Quatre smiled, and he could already feel his eyes watering, an immense relief washing over him as Wufei just opened all of his heart to him. He held out his hand, and Wufei took it, coming closer and sitting on the bed.

“I’m here”, he said again.

Quatre just nodded, too choked to speak, and embraced Wufei in a fierce hug. Behind them, Trowa smiled too, before putting his arms around them both.

****

~AC 197, March 14th, L4-A001, Winner Mansion, 8:09pm~

 

Carter braced himself as he arrived near Quatre’s bedroom. That night at dinner, Iria Winner had asked to speak with him in private and told him Quatre wished to see him tonight, if possible. He had accepted right away. He had been waiting for so long to finally be able to talk to Quatre alone. Of course, now, he was nervous. It was true that he had taken care of Quatre during the three weeks he had spent at the Fatimah Clinic, and that he had subsequently witnessed his darker side, but that also meant that he didn’t really know Quatre at all. And the glimpses he had caught of a too serious, too caring young man didn’t match either with the things he had learnt about the Zero system or the fact that Quatre had been a Gundam pilot.

‘But this is my job. I am here to listen and try to understand, not to judge.’

Quatre had spent quite a lot of time with his friends, and his sister had told him that his shields were coming along nicely. Carter had indeed helped them both sooner this week to remove the faulty safe words from Quatre’s mind, but a hypnosis session could hardly be termed interaction. Nor the little time he and Shannon had spent trying to help Quatre organize the few memories he had from his time at the clinic.

In fact, Carter was glad that Quatre had asked for him to come. The young psychiatrist remained convinced that all of those boys would have needed years of therapy, but that none of them would ever do it. He also had a suspicion that this first session with Quatre would also be the last. He didn’t exactly approve of this, but he had come to accept that he didn’t have a say in this. After being warned again and again by Sally Po, he had taken the time to observe the young pilots. And he had come to the conclusion that whatever help they needed he could not bring to them. It had hurt him at first, as a doctor, to be unable to help. But he was a rational young man, and he had not chosen to become a psychiatrist at random. He had soon overcome his own frustration and his feeling of inadequacy, opting to hope instead that those boys would manage to find in each other the solace they were looking for. Feeling sorry for himself in that kind of situation would not help anyone.

With that thought in mind, Carter pressed the button next to the door and came in.

 

Quatre was not sitting on his bed like he usually did. This time he was standing near the window, a hand pressed against the glass panel, and looking outside at the slowly dimming lights that were quite poorly imitating a sunset. The doctor was surprised to see Quatre up and about. He remembered that he had heard the other pilots growing concerned about the fact that Quatre’s recovery was slow. In his own opinion, it was far too quick. Anyone who would have gone through what Quatre had gone through, and suffered the kind of abuse his body had been subjected to during almost four weeks, would have taken months to come back to a semblance of health. But a week after being rescued from the clinic, Quatre was slowly back to eating normally and exercising every day with Chang. The sessions with his sister did tire him, and he tended to sleep a lot, close to fifteen hours a day. But even if he was quite thinner than what he had been at the beginning of the previous month, Carter was sure, from his own recollection at least, that Quatre had retained much more muscle mass than you would expect from someone who had all but refused to eat for three weeks straight, and then been unable to eat anything solid for another week.

Carter didn’t say anything, just let the door hiss closed behind himself. Quatre turned around as he heard the sound and smiled at the doctor.

“Good evening,” he said pleasantly. “You don’t mind if I open the window, do you?”

“Not at all,” Carter assured him.

Quatre did just that, and sat on the windowsill much in the same manner he had done while at the clinic. Carter smiled inwardly, understanding where the habit had come from.

“It’s not like on Earth,” Quatre said a bit sadly. “I will never forget the first time I saw a real sunset. Who would believe that it was less than two years ago?”

“You had never been to Earth before?” Carter asked, taking a seat not far from the window and gazing outside too.

As far as he was concerned, Quatre had to set the pace of this session. The youth did not seem tense, but it was clear to Carter at least that he was on his guard, and that he was probably not even realizing it. Now, Carter had to ease himself under those defenses without breaking them, because Quatre needed them. But Quatre needed to speak too. And he would have to lower his defenses enough for Carter to get closer. Carter was well aware of how much trust Quatre was showing already, speaking to him alone and making the first move, and he was truly proud of his young patient.

“Operation Meteor was the first time I set foot on Earth,” Quatre said. “And it was beautiful. But just like Zechs said, the people from Earth don’t seem to appreciate their planet’s true beauty. We who come from space and have seen it from afar know what a jewel it is.”

“I must admit I had my breath taken away the first time I took a shuttle to go to a colony,” Carter said softly.

“How long have you been here in space?”

“I moved there just at the beginning of AC 196. A little more than a year.”

“And do you like it here?”

Quatre had apparently taken charge of the conversation. He was the one asking the questions instead of the other way around. Yet, Carter could perceive that this was only his way of hiding his nervousness. And probably also the way of someone used to being in charge and expecting to be listened to when he talked. That didn’t bother him in the least. If the only thing he managed tonight was to make Quatre understand that he was ready to help and an ally, then it would be more than enough. Frustrating, yes, but enough.

“I like it. The people are… very different. I think that unlike we on Earth, they don’t take life for granted. Maybe because colonies are indeed a dangerous place to live in, no matter how well they are constructed.”

“Yes,” Quatre said in a whisper. “The colonies are fragile. And we fought to protect them, to protect the right of these people to be free. And we made many mistakes along the way.”

“Who wouldn’t?” Carter retorted. “You were fifteen, and you had the fate of the world in your hands.”

“Few mistakes cost the lives of millions of people, doctor,” Quatre answered very quietly.

Carter wisely kept his mouth shut. It seemed like they were finally closing in on something important.

“Do you remember, around the middle of the war, a Gundam that was reported to have destroyed a mining satellite and two colonies?”

Carter nodded.

“That was me,” Quatre said simply. “I did that. With Wing Zero.”

“If I understood everything that was said this last week, the cockpit system was controlling you,” Carter said prudently.

“It doesn’t change the fact that I took the Gundam out of his hangar. These were my hands on the controls, doctor, my eyes that cried even if I felt empty and could only destroy. My hands that shot Trowa down and almost killed him.”

Carter took a deep breath before he next spoke.

“What happened before that, Quatre?”

Quatre blinked, tensing a bit.

“What do you mean?” he asked, voice a bit guarded.

“Heero was adamant on the fact that you could master the Zero System, and that the only way it could override was for you to be in such a state of mental distress that you wouldn’t be able to make it obey you. Obviously, something very distressing happened to you before you used that Gundam.”

Quatre laughed nervously.

“You’re the only person not to shrink back in horror after I’ve admitted to being the one who killed all those people in cold-blood.”

Carter shook his head.

“I hardly think that this was done in cold-blood. I haven’t known you for long, Quatre, but if there’s something I don’t believe you are capable of doing, it’s to kill someone in cold blood. I’ve been told, times and times, that you were more than able to kill, and this I believe. I was treated to some of your skills, after all,” he laughed. “But an empath cannot kill and feel nothing.”

Quatre didn’t answer, petrified. He just stared at Carter.

“I know this is hard for you,” Carter said. “But I think you may feel better if you say it out loud.”

Quatre nodded, looking a bit unsure.

“I… I saw my father die in front of me,” he finally said under his breath. “And after that… I just lost it. I had fought for those people, shed my blood for them, and they rejected me and my fight, and my father died because of them!”

He almost spat the last sentence, and his whole body was shaking now. Carter concentrated on being calm and breathing slowly, not wishing to trouble Quatre’s mind any further.

“There is so much I didn’t tell him, you know?” Quatre kept on. “I never even had the time to tell my father I loved him before he died. We used to fight all the time when I was a child, and I never told him.”

“Then tell him now,” Carter said.

Quatre blinked at him.

“Didn’t you listen to me, doctor?” he said sarcastically. “My father is dead.”

“Does it really matter? You need to tell him that. You don’t have to do it in front of me, or in front of anyone. But I think that you should take a moment for yourself to do just that and tell your father all those things that you never could tell him.”

Quatre nodded again, more slowly, eyes staring in the void as if he was trying to consider the idea under all possible angles.

“Yes, I… I think it may be a good idea.”

Carter smiled.

“You are an intelligent young man, Quatre. And I am quite sure that you know what your main problem is.”

Quatre smiled self-deprecatingly.

“I always think that everything is my responsibility, therefore if something fails, it is my fault and I have to take the blame,” he recited.

“Very good. Knowing the problem is the only way to the solution. And you know what the solution is, don’t you?”

“Forgiving myself, yes, I know. But why is it so damn hard?” Quatre asked, irritated. “Everyone keeps telling me that they understand, that it was not my fault! Even Trowa forgave me! So why do I keep torturing myself over this?”

“Because you are used to being in control, and that you can’t really stand that for once, this control evaded you. It is very understandable, and all the more unsettling for a Full New Type like you. Being in control is the essence of your life. If you’re not in control, your power could take over and ultimately drive you mad. It is only reasonable for you to fear losing control. In the same way, being an empath made it difficult for you to kill. You could not remain impassive in the face of death.”

“None of us could,” Quatre said softly. “If we didn’t regret every single death, we wouldn’t be human anymore.”

“I am not here to judge you, Quatre,” Carter said calmly. “The only thing I can see here is that you five fought for us and sacrificed everything so that humankind could finally know peace. There can be no thanks great enough for that.”

“And how would you feel, doctor, knowing that your thanks will never be enough for us?”

Quatre was smiling again, but it was not a nice smile.

“Do you think we really care about being thanked, doctor?” he kept on. “Do you think we even want to be thanked for having killed so many people? How do you think it makes us feel? We fought because we had to, because no one else would. But the truth is, the people out there don’t want to see this. They want to see their heroes, five boys coming out of nowhere and saving the day, giving hope to everyone. They don’t want to see the rest. The suffering we went through, the training, the killing itself. They don’t want to look at it, because it’s too ugly. But no matter how hard they try to deny it, our pain will always be a part of their peace. It was bought in our blood too, and we can never forget it.”

Carter froze as he listened to this. He opened his mouth to answer, but Quatre wasn’t finished.

“That’s the way it is, doctor. In the end, we killed for you. We shed our blood for you. We became monsters for you. We have nightmares because of you. We brought peace to everyone else, but there will never be any peace for us.”

Those last words rang in the silence. It took Carter a moment before he trusted himself to speak without shaking too much.

“No one had a right to do this to you,” he said. “And you’re right. I will never understand what it was for you. I will never even begin to grasp everything you went through because no one can but yourselves. But I can at least try.”

This time, when Quatre smiled, it looked sorrowful but more relaxed.

“That’s what makes it worth it, doctor,” he whispered. “That you try. That people like you, like Sally, won’t give up on us even if we feel like giving up on ourselves.”

“We can only do so much, Quatre. In the end, the only person that can truly forgive you is yourself. It is probably going to take some time, and it’s not gonna be easy.”

“I know that.”

“You have people around you, Quatre, who care about you and can understand. It’s time to let them in.”

Quatre glared at Carter, but the psychiatrist refused to look away.

“I know what you’re going to say, Quatre. You’re going to say that you know your friends are here for you, and that you rely on them. But deep inside, you’re still taking it all on you. For you, Zero will always be your mistake.”

“It is my mistake! If I hadn’t used it…”

“You would never have won the war, and Earth would have been destroyed.”

Quatre’s mouth shut with an audible clap, and he looked at Carter with wide eyes. Carter just smiled sadly.

“There are two edges to a sword, Quatre. And what was broken can always be rebuilt, as long as the foundations are solid. It’s your foundations that you have to work on.”

Quatre didn’t answer, just turned to look outside again. But Carter had seen the tear that had rolled down his cheek. He shook his head, and got up. He had given Quatre a lot to think about, and he himself was quite shaken. He didn’t think they could do anything more. Quatre had to start doing the work himself now. Carter shot a last look to the young man sitting on the windowsill, and began to make his way to the door.

“Thank you.”

The two whispered words made Carter jump. He looked back at Quatre, but the young man hadn’t turned around. Carter began to wonder if he had not imagined those words, but then Quatre spoke again.

“Iria told me something about Dr. Hewley’s New Type project. I promised I would have a look, and this means that I will have to visit the clinic again. Would you… would you mind if I came to see you, too?”

Carter’s smile was so wide that it was a wonder it didn’t split his face in two.

“It would be my pleasure, Quatre, as long as you’re sure you’re coming for the right reason. But, yes, if the need arises, and you wish to see me, professionally or not, you know where to find me. My door is always open for you.”

Another short silence, before Quatre repeated those words.

“Thank you.”

****

Iria was there when Carter got out of the room, and it didn’t surprise the psychiatrist.

“How is he?” she asked anxiously.

“A bit shaken,” Carter answered. “But… he hinted at the fact that he might visit me again after I would go back to the clinic.”

Iria let out a relieved sigh.

“Good,” she said with a smile. “That’s good. I’m glad he talked to you. If you will follow me, the boys are in my office, and I think it may be good for you to reassure them, if it doesn’t bother you.”

“No problem,” Carter said.

 

As they came into the study, the four pilots got up. Carter realized, to his surprise, that they had all been sitting in different corners of the room, and not together like he would have expected them to. They hadn’t even looked at each other when they had heard the adults coming in. In fact, Carter thought as he replayed the scene in his mind, they had already been looking at the door _before_ they had come in, as if they knew that they were coming. He frowned and shook the thought away. There were more pressing matters to address right now.

“He’s alright,” he said rapidly.

He saw the merest hint of tension leaving the four young men, but they kept neutral expressions on their faces. Inwardly, Carter cringed a bit. Quatre may have given his trust quite readily, but it was not yet the case for his friends. Well, that was not exactly true, his mind told him. If they really hadn’t trusted him, they wouldn’t have let him near Quatre in the first place. In fact, if he took Sally Po’s warnings literally, he was damn lucky to be alive at all.

“Can we see him?” Trowa eventually asked.

“It may be better if you left him just a bit of time,” Carter answered. “He needs to face himself for a while and to think about the things he told me. But then… I think someone should be there for him.”

Trowa just nodded and shot a meaningful look to Wufei, who nodded back.

“I’ll be in my room”, Trowa said, and he left the office.

Duo and Heero looked at each other too, and they followed, Duo flashing an unnerving smile to Carter on his way out. Wufei was about to do the same, but Iria stopped him.

“Could I have a word with you, Wufei?”

Wufei looked confused, but agreed. Carter was about to apologize and leave, but Iria stopped him too.

“Please stay, doctor. Part of what I have to say may be of interest to you.”

They all took seats.

“Is there any particular reason why you wanted to talk to me without having the others here?” Wufei asked suddenly.

Iria smiled and blushed at the same time. She had thought she had been very discreet about this, but of course, you had to trust Wufei to be observant.

“I am not swearing you to secrecy or anything,” she said hastily. “It’s just that you are the one in charge, and I honestly think that you’re the most level-headed of them right now. I prefer talking to you first, just in case. You remain free to share any information I give you as you see fit, of course.”

Wufei looked at her as if weighing her every word and said nothing. Iria just took a deep breath, and decided to take the plunge.

“I put several people on the case of those persons who assaulted Quatre at the clinic,” she said.

Carter blinked.

“Is that legal?” he asked. “I mean, they are already facing disciplinary measures and a trial…”

“A trial that can’t be made public, or things could get out in the open,” Iria interrupted firmly. “I appreciate the way you took care of everything while Quatre was under your responsibility. There was nothing else you could have done, and I thank you for having taken the necessary steps to ensure my brother’s safety. But now I have to make sure that all that we did will not be jeopardized by people who could easily sell that kind of juicy stories.”

“I understand, but…” Carter sighed and shook his head. “I suppose I’d better not ask questions, right?”

Iria snorted.

“Sally is right, you are very intelligent when you want to. But let’s go back to the matter at hand. My subordinates found Carl Benson and he has been dealt with.”

Wisely, Carter followed his own advice and did not ask what Iria exactly meant by ‘dealt with’. He had a feeling he wouldn’t like it.

“Unfortunately, they were unable to get a hold of Jay Maleda,” Iria continued. “That man seems to have completely disappeared. They managed to reconstruct his moves up until March 6th. Then he vanished.”

“Well, this could be a problem,” Wufei said quietly.

Carter looked at him with wide eyes. If there ever was an understatement, that was it.

“Now to the next thing,” Iria kept on. “You know that we discussed that the person behind this had ties to the family, or may even be one of my sisters. Well, I’ve been worried, lately… You remember that call I talked to you about, Wufei?”

“Your sister?”

“Yes… I… she called Hakim yesterday, and he told me that she looked scared… as if she’d been forced to call. She almost hung up on him like she did on me. I think… I think she may have gotten into something dangerous.”

“You fear that the kidnappers used your sister to get closer to Quatre,” Wufei summed up.

“Yes. She is very impressionable, and her husband… I only met him a few times, but let’s just say my father didn’t approve of him, and neither did I… I was just sick and tired to have to be the one to watch out for everybody at the time too,” Iria finished defensively.

“Nobody’s saying any of this is your fault, Iria,” Wufei said in a soothing voice that very few people had ever heard.

Iria remained stunned for a second, staring at Wufei, then she let out a nervous laugh.

“Thank you, Wufei. I… I think I needed to hear that.”

“There’s been a lot of pressure on you ever since the beginning and I don’t think any of us did thank you for everything you did,” Wufei insisted.

“There’s no thanks needed, Wufei. I’m only doing what I think is right for my family.”

Wufei smiled knowingly.

“So am I,” he whispered.

In that fleeting moment, Carter felt like he was intruding on something intimate, something too important to be said into words. He tried to make himself as unobtrusive as possible. Finally, Iria cleared her throat.

“Anyway, I think there’s a chance that Neelah might be in close contact with the kidnappers. When she called me, the caller ID couldn’t trace her location, and I haven’t been able to contact her again. She doesn’t answer her cell phone, and her home number is apparently disconnected and redirected to a voice mail.”

“This could lead somewhere,” Wufei admitted. “Does she live far from here?”

“Her permanent residence is on L4-B321, but her husband always moves around a lot, and I think she follows him most of the time.”

“Then maybe we can start with him. I’ll put Heero on him first thing tomorrow.”

“Thank you. Oh and, Wufei… I know I don’t have any right to ask this from you, but… could you please not tell Quatre about Neelah yet? I’d like to be sure, and I don’t want to make him worry needlessly. He still needs to focus on his shields, and this wouldn’t help.”

Wufei gave her a long look, his face carefully expressionless as he considered what she asked of him.

“I can’t make any promise,” he eventually said. “But I’ll do my best. Even if it is proven that your sister is involved, we will have to find how she and the people behind her understood what the Zero System was, and what it could do, and how it gave them the idea to use it against Quatre.”

“Thank you, Wufei. I know that if Heero starts looking tomorrow, we will have results soon. Then I’ll tell him myself.”

“Alright.”

The Chinese got up and bowed slightly to Iria and Carter.

“Good night,” he said, before leaving the room without a sound.

Iria sighed.

“Well, that went better than I expected.”

“You really think that he will be able to hide all this from Quatre?” Carter asked.

“If there’s someone who can, then he can. I know I shouldn’t be asking that of him, especially not right now, but I need all the help I can get, and so does Quatre. I do not condone lying, but there are times when saying nothing can benefit more than telling the truth. Quatre will not be able to concentrate on getting better if he worries about Neelah. And I cannot find her on my own, I need them. This is the best compromise I could find.”

Carter shook his head.

“What?” Iria asked.

“You Winners are something else,” the young doctor said, stifling a laugh.

“And you haven’t seen it all yet,” Iria answered, mirth dancing in her eyes. “But if I were you, I’d watch my back.”

“Why?” Carter said, suddenly alarmed.

Iria smiled wolfishly as she got up and to the door.

“I heard there’s a Chinese doctor after you, Dr. Carter. And she likes to get what she wants.”

Carter felt his face flame, but before he could find something intelligent, or intelligible, to answer to that, Iria was gone with a last laugh. Again, Carter shook his head, this time in disbelief.

‘Surely, she didn’t mean… no, that would be completely stupid… wouldn’t it?’

****

~Somewhere in the L4 cluster, approximately same time~

 

“You incompetent morons!”

The men cowered away, Jay Maleda the first. Selim was enraged, and that was not something any of the people in that room wanted to see. Except, maybe, Neelah, who was sitting in a chair and watching the news avidly, and not paying attention to anyone in the least, just giggling madly at the glowing screen.

“Can anyone explain this?!” Selim asked, brandishing a piece of paper.

It was the letter coming from Hakim Law Practice and informing Mrs. Neelah Winner of the new redistribution of stocks in the family.

“Why wasn’t I informed of that?” Selim yelled. “What am I paying you for, people? Certainly not lazing around on your ass, and it seems that’s what you’ve been doing!”

The man sneered at his troops, none of them daring to say a word.

“And don’t forget that, if I don’t get the money, then you don’t get it either! We’re in that shit together, so I think it’s in everyone’s best interest to make sure everything goes smoothly. So can anyone explain why the fuck things haven’t been going smoothly since the beginning?”

“The bad boy was smart,” Neelah sang, eyes still fixed on her screen. “Always was, weren’t you, little brother? Smart, smart, too smart for your own good. Been a bad boy again, yes, you have. I will get to punish you again!”

“Shut up!” Selim screamed at her.

She didn’t react, not even turning around to acknowledge his presence, and this seemed to infuriate Selim even more. He shot a dark look to the man in the white lab coat.

“And you! You can’t even make sure that she remains calm and doesn’t disturb us! We still need her, I can’t get rid of her before I actually get the money!”

“I’ve only done what you asked of me,” the ‘doctor’ replied, looking supremely unconcerned with his so-called boss’ angry fit. “And if you don’t make sure that all loose ends are tied, then we will be in big trouble soon.”

Selim frowned.

“What do you mean?”

It was the doctor’s turn to sneer.

“Your plan backfired. But you still have gotten something out of it. Granted, it’s not what you expected, but it’s more than most people will ever see in their lifetime. Why not make the best of it?”

Selim began to look interested.

“Go on.”

“I can make sure that she is not a nuisance for some more time, but you will have to admit that what we put her through has definitely destroyed her sanity… or at least what little sanity she had left. But the point is, I can make sure that she won’t be able to speak should someone interrogate her.”

“I hadn’t planned on keeping her around anyway,” Selim said, shooting a disgusted glance to the blond woman, who just shot back a brilliant, adoring smile to him.

“That can be done too,” the doctor admitted. “But you still have a problem.”

“I have far more than one problem, doctor, in case you hadn’t noticed,” Selim said sarcastically.

“Quatre is your main problem,” the doctor continued, unperturbed. “He is now back in a familiar place, and with people who are actually taking care of him. I daresay that he was far from being a balanced young man, but he was also far from being as bad as your wife. Who knows how he could react to a few weeks of adequate treatment?”

“There’s no way anyone could find out what was done to him! No one would know what this thing does unless they tried it themselves, and no one could come out of it unscathed. Look at her!”

“I agree that there’s little possibility that it could happen, nevertheless the possibility exists. Not to mention that the Winner family issued several press releases saying that Quatre was recovering, even if they didn’t actually mention the real reason why he was sick, and that he would attend the next board reunion. Do you think your sister-in-law would be imprudent enough to have said that if there wasn’t a bit of truth behind it?”

“Damn it!” Selim snapped. “Why couldn’t things go according to plan?”

The doctor shrugged.

“You have to make sure that he will not speak.”

Selim smiled evilly.

“I like your suggestion, doctor,” he said. “After all, with all those kids, it won’t matter if the family loses one or two, right? I have enough of this! Maleda!”

Jay took a shaky step in Selim’s direction, painfully aware of everyone’s eyes on him.

“Yes, boss?”

“How many men can you spare right now?”

“About… seven, I would say…”

“Good. You choose them and tell them to come here for a mission briefing. I need killers, Maleda.”

“Yes, boss. Should I… should I go with them?”

Selim looked the man over from head to toe and shook his head.

“You’re still hurt, you’d only be a dead weight to them. And if this fails too, I think I really would like you to be near at hand, in case I need to vent my anger on something.”

Jay’s face took a nice shade of green. He nodded, only managing to choke out a few unintelligible words, and raced out of the room as fast as he could.

Neelah suddenly threw the remote into the TV, and got up from her chair.

“When do I get to punish him again?” she said, stomping her foot.

Selim went to her and caressed her cheek.

“Soon, pet, don’t worry about that. Very soon, you and your little brother will have a lot of time to spend together.”


	25. If the problem persists, contact the program vendor

~AC 197, March 15th, L4-A001, Winner Mansion, 6:17am~

/ _such a bad boy, little brother… father would be ashamed_ /

/ _you need to be punished, quatre… you need to be shown your place_ /

/ _you killed mommy… you did, it’s all your fault!_ /

/ _you killed mommy!_ /

/ … _killed mommy!_ /

/ _killed_ /

 

Quatre sat up abruptly in his bed, his body covered in cold sweat. The room was dark, the morning lights still dim and distant. He hugged himself, closing his eyes and trying hard not to shiver. Another nightmare. They were quite common ever since he had come back to his senses. He remembered vaguely having a lot of nightmares at the clinic, but they had been different. They had been the result of his exposure to that faulty Zero System. Quatre smiled a bit ironically as he thought that. Faulty Zero System. The Zero System had never worked properly to begin with, and the doctors themselves had admitted it was warped and unfit to be used by human beings. But after long struggles, Heero had managed to use it. Zechs had used to its maximum capacity. And Quatre had mastered it. What did that make of him exactly?

He shook his head, trying to shake away the strange dread coiling in his stomach. This dream… he knew the taste of it. All week, he had had dreams like that, with little snippets of what had happened slowly coming back to him. He had seen the satellite. The flight simulator. Himself, strapped to the console. But the people who had done that to him had remained vague silhouettes, undistinguished voices. Until now.

‘I can’t believe it… why would she?’

/ _you killed mommy!_ /

‘I don’t understand what it means. And… why would she say that?’

He could see her now. He could see her face, distorted by a gleeful smile as she secured the helmet on his head. He could see her empty eyes glittering with a mad sparkle. He could hear her voice, sugary sweet and so threatening because it seemed so innocent. He could see himself struggling against her, asking to know why, wanting to understand.

She had laughed. He remembered that now. She had laughed, and kissed his cheek and told him…

‘ _Don’t worry, little brother… Once I am done, you will understand… It will show you everything, it will… Such a bad boy, Quatre… You’ve been bad, and it is my duty, as your elder sister, to punish you for it. That’s what they told me._ ’

Quatre shook his head again, not wanting to believe what his mind was telling him. After all, his mind had been wrong for more than a month before, so maybe it could be just an after effect. But it felt so real. He could still feel the steel of the straps holding him in place, her breath against his cheek. He remembered the way she had brushed his hair away from his face, almost tenderly. How she had said she was doing this for his own good.

Quatre’s gaze fell on his right, where Wufei was still sleeping, and a small smile crept on his face. The Chinese had accepted to stay last night because Quatre had insisted. Trowa and Wufei had come back about an hour after Dr. Carter had left. Neither of them had asked questions, and he had been grateful just to have them hold him. Then, Wufei had made a move to leave, but Quatre had asked him to stay here. The bed was big enough for three, and after much blushing and a bit of arguing, Wufei had given in and stayed.

Quatre then looked to his other side, and was only mildly surprised to see green eyes looking at him. Trowa held out his hand and Quatre took it, lying back down next to him.

“Another nightmare?” Trowa whispered so as not to wake up Wufei.

Quatre nodded, suddenly feeling very tired.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Not now,” Quatre murmured. “Sorry I woke you up.”

Trowa just smiled at him, kissed the hand he was holding and crawled a bit closer. Quatre moved around a bit to make himself comfortable between Trowa and Wufei and tried to go back to sleep. But he remained staring at the ceiling for a long while before he finally drifted into an uneasy slumber.

****

Breakfast was quiet. Heero and Duo had joined the other three in Quatre’s room, but Quatre himself was strangely subdued and the atmosphere was quite heavy. Duo was about to ask what was going on, but Wufei stopped him with a look and shook his head. Unfortunately, Heero had not learnt yet what ‘diplomacy’ exactly meant. He went to sit on the bed, took Quatre’s chin so that he would look at him in the eyes, and asked.

“What is wrong with you?”

Everyone looked at the Japanese with wide eyes, which didn’t faze him at all. He just kept staring at Quatre, until the blond young man crumbled and sighed, taking Heero’s hand in his.

“I’m sorry, I’m not good company today. I just… I remembered something this morning. Or… I think I remembered something, but… it was… disturbing…”

“You wanna talk about it?” Duo cut in.

“I don’t know, Duo. I just… don’t know.”

“What was it about?” Wufei asked quietly.

Quatre smiled shakily at Wufei, trying to take comfort in Heero’s hand in his and the fact that only people he loved were around him.

“I think… I think I know who did that to me… and maybe why. But…”

“I am getting Iria,” Trowa just said, getting up and going to the door. “You eat something,” he added for Quatre before he went out.

Quatre just nodded before looking at his plate. His stomach churned, and he grimaced.

“You heard the man, Cat,” Duo said playfully.

“I know, but…”

“If you don’t eat, I’ll force-feed you, and I’m sure you don’t want me to,” Wufei insisted.

“Wufei!”

Wufei just raised an eyebrow, and picked up the toast on Quatre’s plate, bringing it to the blond’s mouth.

“Come on,” he said. “I haven’t got all day.”

Quatre looked at Wufei incredulously. Wufei just looked back. Quatre turned to look at Duo, who just shrugged and looked away, then at Heero, who was still holding his hand and staring a bit fixedly at him. He tried to say something, but Wufei took advantage of it to put the toast in his mouth, and he found himself unable to talk around his mouthful of buttered bread. He glared at Wufei, but the Chinese had just gone back to his own breakfast. Then he glared at Duo, who was trying very hard not to laugh out loud and failing quite spectacularly.

“God, Cat, you should have seen the look on your face! That was just fucking hilarious!”

“Wait until they’re the ones who are ill and I’m taking care of them and we’ll see who’s gonna laugh,” Quatre said after finishing the toast.

This only sent Duo into more fits of hysterical laughter.

“Or maybe I could ask Heero to let me take care of you next time you catch the flu,” Quatre added, an evil smile on his lips.

Duo eeped and hid behind Heero.

“Heero! Save me from the Evil Mother Hen from Hell, please!”

“I don’t know,” Heero deadpanned.

“What!?” Duo exclaimed, indignant.

“You’re pretty insufferable when you’re sick, Duo,” Heero explained, somehow managing to keep his face straight. “And Quatre likes taking care of people, and you two are best friends. You wouldn’t get bored.”

“I am never bored when I’m with you!”

“That’s only because you insist on doing things you shouldn’t be doing.”

“Come on, I wasn’t _that_ sick, and you didn’t complain afterwards!”

“No. You did.”

“Did not!”

The friendly banter continued, and Quatre couldn’t help smiling. His eyes met Wufei’s, and for a moment, the Chinese’s concern for him broke the barrier Wufei was careful to erect around his feelings so as not to strain Quatre’s still wavering shields. Quatre patted the bed at his side, and Wufei put his plate down on the bedside table before coming to join him.

“I’m fine,” Quatre said softly.

Wufei looked at him, a long, measuring look.

“No, you’re not,” he finally said.

“Okay, so I’m not fine, but I will be.”

“I certainly hope so.”

Both this conversation and Heero and Duo’s mock-fight were interrupted when Trowa came back into the room followed by Iria. The older woman smiled at them all, wishing them good morning. Then she turned to Quatre.

“Trowa said you wanted to see me, Quatre. Something about… a memory?”

“Uh, yes,” Quatre answered hesitantly. “I mean, I had another nightmare last night, and… I think it was a memory, but I’m not sure.”

“From the clinic?” Iria asked, taking a chair.

“No, my memories are pretty much in order as far as this is concerned. Well some areas are still fuzzy, but…”

Quatre sighed deeply and stopped avoiding the subject.

“No, it was from before, on the satellite. When… when this was done to me.”

Iria didn’t say anything, just waiting for it to come out. Bracing himself and taking comfort in his friends’ presence, Quatre began to explain.

“I saw… I saw someone… talking to me. It was… I think it was Neelah. In fact, I remember that I was going to see her, she was the one who invited me. I even remember arriving at her place, then it gets all dark and when I woke up, I was already on the satellite, strapped in the pilot chair in the flight simulator.”

Iria smiled too.

“I didn’t want to tell you just right now,” she said apologetically, “but I have had reasons to believe that Neelah is somehow involved in this. I am afraid that she might be in a lot of danger right now.”

Iria rapidly filled Quatre in on what had happened with Neelah, which mostly consisted of her calls to Iria, Hakim, and probably the clinic too. By the time she was finished, Quatre was shaking his head insistently.

“No, you don’t understand, Iria. She’s not… she wasn’t forced to cooperate with them.”

“What do you mean?” Iria asked, eyes wide.

“… She helped them, Iria. I think she’s the one who drugged me so that they could take me. She was the one who strapped me in the chair. She put the helmet on me. She started the system. And she sounded quite happy to be the one doing it.”

“I can’t believe she would do that!” Iria protested. “She couldn’t have decided to do that on her own. She can barely take care of herself! She couldn’t have designed such a plan or enforced it all by herself!”

She sounded very upset, and Quatre put a soothing hand on his sister’s shoulder.

“I know that,” he said. “I know it, but it doesn’t change anything to the fact that she was there, and she pressed the button, Iria! I didn’t want to believe it either, but it feels so true! I can’t imagine why my mind would deceive me now. Every single time I had a nightmare this week, it turned out to be a buried memory resurfacing. Why would this be any different?”

“I can’t believe it!” Iria repeated, distressed. “She was manipulated into doing that to you, that’s the only way! There is someone behind her pulling the strings!”

She looked at Wufei in dismay, and he nodded.

“From what you told me of her, it is most probable that someone used your sister to get closer to Quatre. If she is unstable, she would have believed any excuse given to her to act the way they wanted,” he said reasonably. “However, there’s no doubt now that she’s involved.”

“What are we going to do?” Iria wondered aloud.

“Heero, do you think you could try to locate her?” Wufei asked the Japanese. “I guess that the Winner database should have enough info for you to get started.”

The Japanese nodded. He got up, went to the bed, kissed Quatre’s forehead and gave him a small smile, then left the room. Iria smiled gratefully at Wufei, but Quatre tugged at her arm again.

“Iria, I… I remembered other things… Things she said to me. I…”

He gulped a bit, and the look on his face scared Iria.

“She said… she said she was doing this to me because I was a shame to my family…”

“Oh, Quatre! You can’t believe that any of us would actually think that!”

“… and she said that I had killed Mother,” Quatre finished, his voice breaking on the last words.

He searched for his sister’s gaze, looking like a trapped animal.

“Why did she say that, Iria?”

Iria’s face paled, but she seemed to gather her courage and come to a fast decision.

“Everyone out,” she said quietly.

“What?” Duo said, jumping from his chair.

“Now!” Iria said a bit more forcefully, her voice shaking a bit. “I need to speak to my brother. Alone.”

Duo almost protested, but it only took a look at Iria’s face for him to understand that she was dead serious. Silently, the three pilots left, letting the door slide shut behind them. Quatre’s eyes had not left Iria, and his whole body was tense. The older woman took a deep breath.

“There’s something I need to tell you about, Quatre. About your birth. I was waiting for the right moment to do it. I really don’t think that now is the right moment, but you deserve to know. I hope you can forgive me for not telling you sooner.”

 

By the time Iria was finished, Quatre was white as a sheet and his hands were trembling, but his eyes were disturbingly dry. He swallowed several times, as if wondering if he could actually get a word out.

“So… she was right…”

“No!” Iria said, horrified. “Never, ever believe that, Quatre! You didn’t kill Mother! She knew what was at stake and she chose to have you anyway!”

“But she died because of me!” Quatre yelled.

Iria suddenly took him in her arms, crushing him against her chest in a desperate embrace.

“Don’t say that! You were her gift… to Father… to us… We love you, Quatre! Father loved you, and Mother loved you. She smiled as she drew her last breath because she knew you were safe! Don’t belittle her sacrifice now, please!”

She was crying now, and at last a tear escaped Quatre too as he returned the hug, holding onto her like she was the last thing that would anchor him in reality.

“I’m so sorry, Iria! So sorry… so sorry…”

Iria rocked him slowly, unable to hold her own sobs back.

“Don’t be, sweetheart. Please, don’t be sorry,” she whispered. “It was not your fault, you know… you didn’t ask to come into this world. But you did… and you brought light to our existences, Quatre. You really did. I miss Mother, but she lived her life to the fullest, and she died happy. She gave us you. And I will never thank her enough for it.”

By now, Quatre was sobbing too.

“I… I never even told Dad… never told him I loved him… before…”

He stopped talking, too choked by his own tears. Iria caressed his hair slowly, trying to calm him down, but it was difficult for her since she was completely overwhelmed too.

“Shh, it’s okay, Quatre… I know… And… I’m sure he knew, too… I know you thought he was angry at you because you left, but… he was very proud of you, you know…”

“Rea-Really?”

“I swear,” Iria said with a soft smile. “He told me himself.”

She brushed his tears away.

“You look so much like Mother, Quatre, but you are so much like him too. Stubborn, ready to do anything to protect what you believe in… I know that wherever he is now, he is very proud of you. And I am too.”

Quatre just hugged her tighter, and she held him, leaving words alone for now. Nothing more needed to be said. The siblings just reveled in feeling each other in their arms, and took comfort in each other’s warmth.

****

Sally was surprised to find all the boys in the office when she came in, followed by Carter and Shannon. Heero was in a corner typing away on his laptop, Duo looking over his shoulder and occasionally muttering something. Wufei was sitting on the floor, eyes closed, and Trowa was once again looking out of the window, his back turned on everyone else in the room.

“What are you guys doing here?” Sally asked cheerfully. “I thought you were having breakfast with Quatre.”

“We were,” Duo said uneasily. “But…”

“He remembered,” Wufei kept on.

“He remembered what?” Sally said, frowning.

“That one of his sisters actively helped his kidnappers and tortured him for pleasure?” Trowa said in an even voice.

“What?!”

“It was Neelah”, Wufei added. “She’s probably in more danger than even Iria thought.”

“Oh God! How is she taking it?”

“We don’t know,” Duo said tiredly. “She threw us out because she’s telling Cat about his mom.”

Sally closed her eyes and rubbed the bridge of her nose.

“That’s just great!” she grumbled. “I hate those situations when you feel totally useless.”

“How was Quatre?” Carter asked.

“How do you think?” Duo shot back with a smirk.

“Duo!” Sally chided gently.

No matter how many times Carter had indeed proved that he was here to help them, Duo apparently couldn’t let go of his attitude whenever the psychiatrist was around. In normal circumstances, this would have amused Sally to no end. Watching people getting all confused by Duo was one of the best shows ever if you weren’t on the wrong end of it. But right now, it was starting to get on her nerves. She knew that Duo felt hurt and powerless, and that it was the cause of his irritation toward Carter, who was an unknown variable as far as Duo was concerned. Well, in fact it was probably the case for all of the other pilots, but the others were carefully not showing it. Duo had no such scruples. He may have accepted Carter as a temporary ally, but he still didn’t really trust him, and probably never would.

Of course, the fact that Sally kind of had a crush on Carter was probably playing quite a large role in her own impatience with Duo, but she was trying not to think of it too much.

The potentially explosive situation brutally defused when the phone on Iria’s desk ringed. For a few seconds no one moved, and everyone stared at the phone that was so rudely interrupting, then Sally walked to the desk and picked up.

“Yes… Rashid? Wait a minute, I’m switching the speaker on.”

She pressed the button.

“Go on.”

 _“_ _We have detected intruders, Major Po_. _”_

“What?” Wufei exclaimed, jumping on his feet. “Where?”

_“_ _They’re outside, near the north wall. They are currently trying to find a way to bypass security and get in. Do you want us to take care of it?”_

Duo shot a strange look to Wufei, and the Chinese nodded. Duo’s face almost split with the wicked smile that suddenly appeared.

“It’s okay, Big Guy, we’re handling it. Let them in.”

Sally hung up the phone and turned to Carter who was looking shocked beyond belief.

“What the hell are you doing?” he asked hotly. “This is dangerous!”

“No,” Sally said, pushing both the psychiatrist and the nurse outside. “They are dangerous. And you,” she added, turning back to the boys, “if you get as much as a single scratch, there will be hell to pay! I’ll be right back!”

“Yes, Ma’am,” Duo answered, mock-saluting.

 

Sally almost dragged Carter and Shannon after her along the corridors.

“Where are we going?” Carter almost yelled.

“I’m sticking you in Quatre’s room. Iria’s already there so she can stay there too.”

“What is going on?” Shannon asked, almost out of breath as she tried to keep up with the ex-Alliance Major.

“The kidnappers probably think that Quatre is too big a risk for them. These are not journalists trying to get a peek if Rashid actually reported in. This is serious. This is an assassination team. They will silence everyone they find on their way. Thank God Iria sent the staff away!”

“But what can those boys do…”

Sally stopped dead and turned around, face grim.

“Those _boys_ are ex-Gundam pilots. And I’m taking you to one because I know that if it comes to that, he can protect you.”

Carter gulped and shut his mouth. Shannon had gone pale. Sally shook her head, and urged them forward again.

“Come on! We don’t have time for this!”

****

“Thank you, Rashid,” Wufei said in his radio as he switched channels, tuning the device into their own private frequency.

“So how do we play this?” Duo inquired, checking his knives.

“They deployed around the house,” Wufei explained. “Seven men. Three teams.”

“I’m here!” Sally said as she burst in. “Everyone who’s not supposed to fight is tucked in the secure room.”

“How’s Cat?” Duo asked, worried.

Sally made a face.

“He’s not okay at all. They had quite the emotional moment together, and Iria’s kind of a wreck too right now. Just give him time to digest the information.”

None of the young men knew what to answer to that, and Sally didn’t add anything. She just went to one of the weapon racks and took out two guns.

“You’re the boss, Wufei,” she said as she readied them. “What do we do?”

“Trowa, you check the back of the house. Yuy, you do the front. Maxwell will scour the right wing. I’ll do the left. Sally, I need you in the office, to act as a liaison and to keep an eye on the security system.”

“I’m on my way,” Sally said quietly. “Oh, and… I know those guys shoot to kill…”

“So do we,” Duo retorted.

“Yes, but… keep one alive, will you? We need some questions answered.”

“We’ll just report in as we find them and keep the last one. Does it sound good?” Trowa asked.

Sally blinked.

“You have no idea just how _not_ good this sounds, but… god it’s not like they’re giving us a choice, is it? When we find whoever is behind this… Who in their right mind would sacrifice so many human lives for money?”

“They’re not the first ones to do it,” Wufei remarked calmly.

“We’re not in war-time anymore!” Sally said, losing her calm.

“Tell that to the guys who declared war on us,” Duo said darkly. “But do it soon, ‘cause they’re going down.”

****

Wufei was silently exploring empty bedrooms and bathrooms in the apparently long-deserted left aisle of the house. After noticing what exactly most of the rooms were, he was beginning to suspect that this had been where Quatre’s sisters used to sleep when they were children. Quatre’s bedroom had probably always been kept away from this side of the house after his ability was discovered. Trying to shield when you had twenty-nine older sisters and a quite large number of servants had probably been taxing on him as child, and Iria must have made sure that he had quarters in a less frequented part of the house as she had the machinery in his walls installed.

Most of the window-shutters were closed, and if the bedrooms were cleaned and tidied regularly, it was obvious that no one had slept in any of them for a very long time. The way that house was built was strange anyway. The children’s bedrooms had all been installed in the same place, probably a consequence of the fact that there were so many. The master bedroom was in the central part of the house on the second floor, its balcony opening on the lush garden that was protected from prying eyes by high walls. Beside it was another bedroom that Quatre had told them used to be his mother’s. Quatre’s bedroom was on the floor above, along with an impressive number of guest bedrooms, six of which were presently occupied.

Very few lights managed to pierce through the shutters, which created a quite eerie atmosphere. The endless string of bedrooms, each with its color scheme and custom-made furniture, spoke about a side of Quatre Wufei didn’t really know.

He had grown up in a house full of children too, because his parents lived with a little crowd of their brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, and their own parents. But it had probably been very different from what Quatre had known as a child. First, none of these children he lived with were his brothers or sisters, and then, there had always been an intense competition between them. All of them had to be the best to make their parents proud, and the parents themselves encouraged the competition. Wufei may have shared a bed for long years with several cousins, but he couldn’t remember ever having a friend among them.

It had gotten worse after he was chosen to marry Meiran, of course. It had been an honor many boys had looked forward to, and Master Long had chosen him in spite of the fact that he had done nothing to deserve that particular honor, and above all in spite of the fact that he didn’t want that honor at all. His parents had been proud, but everyone else was disappointed that their own sons hadn’t been chosen and thought that Wufei had somehow bribed his way to a place where he didn’t want to be. This had changed a bit after the actual marriage, because everyone had at one point or another stepped in on Wufei and Meiran hotly arguing. It was hard not to, after all, when living in such close quarters. Then, she had died and he had become a widower, and by right the only heir of the Clan, and no one had ever talked bad to him again. Wufei had then begun to think that his whole family was composed of hypocrites.

He shook himself out of his thoughts, and sent another ‘all clear’ signal to Sally, who was busy monitoring the situation. She hadn’t seen any of the men on the security cameras, so it meant they were good.

About twenty minutes after he had begun his exploration, Wufei heard two gunshots resounding in the great halls, but the house was so big that sound reverberation made it impossible to know where it had come from. Two seconds later, his radio crackled.

_“_ _01 in. Targets eliminated. Two down.”_

_“_ _Copy that, 01,”_ Sally’s voice answered. _“_ _Make your way back to base.”_

Wufei heard Heero’s soft ‘roger’, before the Japanese disconnected his radio. You had to trust Heero to be quick and efficient. He started his slow exploration again, but he was getting a feeling that he wouldn’t find anyone here. This part of the house had clearly been uninhabited for a very long time, and it was the furthest away from where the assassin team had entered the house. From the way they had managed to avoid detection from the security system, it was obvious that someone had given them intelligence on the house. They probably knew where Quatre’s bedroom was, and had made plans to reach it quickly. Yet, it was never wise to let your back unguarded.

_“_ _03 in. I’m done. Two down.”_

Trowa’s voice was very calm as he reported in, and Wufei hadn’t heard any gunshots. Trowa could most certainly use a firearm better than any of them, he had grown up with them around him after all, but he had a strange distaste for them.

 _“_ _Copy that, 03,”_ Sally answered. _“_ _Make your way back to base. Total count, four down, three to go.”_

_“Roger.”_

_“_ _02, 05, do you copy?”_

“Copy,” Wufei answered. “I’ve got no one here, base. Part’s all clear. Making way back to base.”

It was a waste of time to stay here. Even if he only used a fraction of his power, Wufei could feel that there were no breathing human being in his immediate proximity. If there had been, his qi would have immediately alerted him.

 _“_ _Roger, 05,”_ Sally said.

 _“_ _I wouldn’t mind a bit of help down here!”_ Duo’s voice suddenly cut in.

 _“_ _Speak, 02!”_ Sally urged him.

Wufei listened intently, already going for the quickest way to the right wing.

 _“_ _Found three of the fuckers. One down, the other two split. One managed to get away, and I’m on the other one… almost literally now!”_ Duo kind of explained.

_“_ _Copy that, 05?”_

“Copy, I’m on my way. 01, 03, standby!”

He knew Heero wouldn’t like it, but he had to hurry, and he didn’t fancy cutting through any of them just because they would come out of a corridor at unawares and surprise him.

 _“_ _05, interception?”_ Duo asked.

“Roger. Backup on the way.”

_“_ _That’s sweet music to my ear, 05! Now just… Shit, that bastard’s fast! That and he’s got lots of ammunition, and I mean lots. Hurry your pretty ass over here!”_

“Save your breath for running, 02!” Wufei growled.

 _“_ _He needs it more than me!”_ Duo said cheerfully, and Wufei had to admit that he didn’t even sound winded.

The Chinese ran faster, boosting his speed a bit but still taking the time to look for the rogue killer. On his way he found a corpse wearing a black stealth suit with a knife embedded in his chest, no doubt Duo’s handiwork. Five minutes later, he finally reached the first floor corridor where Duo was straddling a guy lying flat out on his back and pummeling him.

“Maxwell!” he called out.

Duo turned back and smiled at him.

“Hey, Wu! Look what I caught!”

“We’re supposed to keep one of them alive,” Wufei said, looking at the man Duo was sitting on with contempt.

The man in question shivered and tried to get Duo off him with renewed vigor. All he earned was a well-aimed punch in the side of the head that finally knocked him out.

“I thought we were keeping the guy you caught,” Duo said, slowly getting up.

“I didn’t catch anyone. He must have taken another way, I didn’t detect him anywhere.”

Duo frowned.

“Shit!” he swore quietly. “He could be anywhere in the house.”

He shot a disgusted look to the man lying on the floor, took out his gun and lodged a bullet in the killer’s brain. Wufei barely blinked as the loud bang echoed in the large corridor.

“Let’s go back to the office,” he simply said. “Now that he is alone, we have better chances of finding him through the security system.”

He activated his radio.

“01, come in!”

 _“_ _01 in,”_ Heero’s nasal voice answered.

“Two more down, one got away. Try to find him while we come back.”

_“_ _Status?”_

“We’re both fine, Heero,” Duo reassured him. “On our way back.”

 

When they finally came back into the office, Heero was furiously typing, the screen of his laptop displaying the various views of the security cameras at an alarming speed. But there was no sign of the last killer.

“How come he doesn’t show on anything?” Sally asked irritatingly.

“They have stealth suits,” Duo said thoughtfully, “but that’s only enough to fool heat and move sensors. He should show on the cameras.”

“But he doesn’t.”

“Where is the only place in the house where there are no cameras?” Wufei cut in suddenly, his voice curiously choked.

Heero frowned and began to think about that, but Trowa had understood, and his face paled.

“The corridor on the third floor… and Cat’s bedroom,” he said in a blank voice.

There was a moment of absolute silence before the four pilots and Sally seemed to jump into action, leaving the beeping computer behind.

****

Quatre was hugging his knees, too lost in thoughts to even care about the nervousness of the three adults who were in the room with him. Not that it would have bothered him much anyway, because he had made tremendous progress with shielding. Which is why the sudden alarm took him by surprise.

/danger/

He abruptly sat up straight on the bed. Carter and Shannon jumped in their chairs at the brusque movement, their nerves frayed by the half hour long wait in silence. Iria just frowned and looked at him worriedly.

/threat fear anger/

Quatre hadn’t realized that he was keeping his senses on the alert, but he definitely had been, because it was not Zero speaking. Or at least he didn’t think it was. It didn’t carry the same coldness, the same harshness as the mechanical voice.

He focused on the presence outside of the bedroom. Only one person, and they were rapidly coming closer. It was a menacing presence, but the strongest emotion Quatre could feel coming from it was a fierce anger tainted by a fear just as fierce. He quickly got up from the bed and walked to his desk.

“Quatre? What is going on?” Iria asked, surprised.

“There’s someone outside,” he answered, opening the top left drawer and pressing the hidden button that opened the fake bottom.

The gun was still there, probably where he had left it before leaving to go visit his sister for the weekend. Seeing it now, he didn’t understand why he hadn’t taken it with him.

‘Because you were visiting your family, idiot,’ he silently chided himself. ‘What was the use of taking a gun to visit one of my sisters? How could I have known…’

He shook the thoughts away, concentrating on the task ahead. The presence he felt was less than friendly, so it meant it wasn’t any of his friends. Which, in turn, meant that at least one of the killers had managed to make his way up there, in spite of the four other pilots getting out to stop them. He squashed the wave of irrational fear that was growing in his mind.

‘If anything had happened to any of them, I’d know it. I’d know!’

He rapidly ejected the clip to see how many bullets he had left, then inserted it again, checked the weapon and armed it. Only then did he notice the scared looks he was getting from the three others.

“Quatre,” Iria said in a very, very quiet voice, “you had a loaded weapon in your room all this time?”

Quatre just shrugged.

“I always have one in a place where I can reach it easily if need be.”

“But… That could have been dangerous! With the state you were in… imagine what would have happened if you had found it!”

Iria looked panicked, and Quatre would have loved to reassure her. But he was tired, he was hungry, he was locked in his room because a team of assassins had been sent after him by the same sister who had kidnapped him and subjected to that abomination, and most of all, he was quite through with being sweet to everyone in spite of all that.

“Trowa knew it was there, Iria”, he snapped impatiently. “If he didn’t remove it, then he must have had a reason. And in the state I was in, I didn’t even remember it was there. Now, quiet!”

“Quatre…”

“Hush! I need to concentrate… and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Iria stopped talking, and obeyed when he silently ushered her away from the door to the other side of the bed.

“Sit down on the floor behind the bed and don’t move,” he told them in a whisper.

They did, and watched him as he slowly inched to the door and took a position just to the left of it, gun pointed to the floor. He didn’t want to use it if it wasn’t necessary.

The door hissed violently open. Unfortunately for the man coming in, he didn’t have time to do much more than take a step forward. Quatre grabbed his arm, using the man’s own speed and movement to project him in a circular movement against the nearest wall, while firmly holding onto the limb he had caught. The guy’s right shoulder and elbow gave with a sickening crack, and he cried out. Looking over his shoulder, he seemed to suddenly understand who had attacked him because his eyes widened. He tried to take his gun in his left hand, but Quatre was quicker. Picking the weapon up, he threw it to Carter, who had gotten up when he had heard the sound of bones breaking. The psychiatrist, although very pale, caught the gun effortlessly, and held it a bit limply.

Quatre turned back to the man in assassin gear. Disarming him had almost been too easy. He felt disappointed, really, that it hadn’t taken him more than a few seconds to put him out of the game. It proved that he was getting back in shape, but it wasn’t helping him to let go of his growing frustration with being immobilized in this room, far from it.

“Who hired you?” he asked coldly.

The man just looked at him and didn’t speak. Quatre raised his gun, pointing it at the man’s head and ignoring the small gasps of fear from Iria and Shannon.

“I am not going to ask twice,” he said.

And he fired a shot in the wall just millimeters away from the man’s head. The guy jumped, and squeaked as it moved his broken limb. But he didn’t answer. Either he had been conditioned not to talk, or he was too scared. Or both. Not that it really mattered, if Quatre thought about it.

“You want to play it that way? Fine!”

And he sat on the bed, gun trained on the man, and patiently waiting for the others to arrive. The three adults just looked at him with wide eyes and didn’t move an inch. None of them said a word.

 

This was how the other pilots found them as they barged into the room barely a minute later. The four pilots and Sally stood petrified for a moment as they saw the scene. Then, Duo raised an eyebrow, scratched his head and laughed a bit nervously.

“Hey, Cat, what happened to asking questions first and shooting later?”

Quatre just shrugged, eyes still fixed on the attacker.

“He didn’t want to answer my questions, so I thought I’d use him for target practice, but he’s no good for that either. What about the others?”

“Eliminated,” Heero said shortly.

“So this is the last one?” Sally asked in an inquisitive voice and looking at the man as if he were some kind of repugnant slug. “And he doesn’t want to answer questions? How are we going to do this, then? I don’t have pentothal with me and neither do you, Iria, right?”

“It’s not something I use every day, no,” Iria agreed in a shaky voice.

She was still scared of what her brother had just done. This was a side of him that she had known about, but never actually witnessed. In fact, her brother’s involvement in the wars had always been quite abstract to her, she realized suddenly. At that time, she used to say that he was fighting, without knowing what exactly it entailed. And now, she was not really sure she wanted to know, and she felt ashamed of her own cowardice.

‘What did I think?’ she chastised herself silently. ‘That spending two years training to pilot an 8-ton machine and two years using it in actual combat situation would not change him? He was five when I left him, and he was my baby brother… And now, he’s not the same person he was. He’s a veteran soldier with far too many wounds for someone that young… and I don’t know him. I don’t know this person he has become. The only thing I saw was the reflection of the little boy I once knew… and I can’t keep on like that. God, I hope he can forgive me for not understanding sooner, and that I will get to know him better now. He’s a fine young man, and I want… I want to know my brother. I really do.’

Her self-recrimination was interrupted by Duo’s voice. He was speaking in a soft voice, eyes cast down.

“We need to make him talk, right? Make him spill and make sure he tells the truth?”

He looked at Quatre, and for the first time the blond young man’s eyes left his prisoner’s face to concentrate on Duo’s. Iria didn’t really understand what silently passed between them, but something did, because Quatre’s face grew worried and he frowned.

“Are you sure?” he almost whispered, glancing rapidly at all the other persons in the room.

Duo shrugged, apparently careless.

“Do we have a choice?” he asked, and his voice was carrying so much fake cheerfulness that even Iria winced at it.

From where she was, she was the only one to see Heero’s hand coming to the small of Duo’s back, in protest or in support, she didn’t know. She didn’t understand what was happening. Why were all the boys looking so grim? Quatre was still looking at his face, and he smiled sadly and nodded.

“Alright, but don’t push it too far?”

Duo nodded back and stepped forward, crouching in front of the still sitting killer.

“Look at me.”

The man looked away. One moment later, his jaw was in a vice grip, and Duo’s face was only centimeters away from his.

“I said, look at me, you bastard!”

 


	26. Replace and strike any key when ready

Duo stopped blinking.

At least, this is the only way Carter found to describe what came next, because he had no idea what was going on. Duo was just crouching in front of the guy, holding his face in a strong grip and looking deep in his eyes without blinking. Carter opened his mouth to ask what was going on, but a sharp gesture and a glare from Wufei stopped the sound in his throat. He looked around to Sally Po, but she was watching Duo with rapt attention and didn’t look in his direction. Iria’s eyes were also glued to Duo and his prey. Shannon was trying to make herself scarce.

After ten seconds of being subjected to whatever Duo was doing the man began to shiver. His eyes widened brutally, and Carter noticed his pupils slowly dilating. If this kept up, the man would be blinded even by the feeble light in the room and feel dizzy and disoriented. And trying to make those clinical observations was distracting Carter from actually digesting the fact that apparently, Duo was making the man’s pupils dilate with only a look, because that didn’t make any kind of sense.

Ten more seconds and the man paled and opened his mouth as if to scream, but not a sound came out. He was shaking now, not just shivering, and he looked about to die from fright. Carter saw him try to raise his hand, but the move was stopped by something invisible midway and the hand fell back on the floor next to the man’s body.

“Don’t move,” Duo said in a low, sugary voice that made Carter’s hair stand on end. “You answer us politely now, okay?”

When the man only stared in Duo’s general direction, the grip on his face tightened.

“Say you will answer the questions! Say it out loud!”

“I… I… I will... answer… the… questions,” the man managed to choke out as if he had trouble breathing.

And indeed, his chest was rising and falling too rapidly, a clear sign of hyperventilation. But around Carter, no one seemed to care.

Duo finally let go of the man’s face, trailing a finger along his jaw in an odd caress as he slowly stood up and turned to Wufei.

“He’s all yours.”

Wufei nodded tersely, and took Duo’s place crouching in front of the man. Carter saw Duo retreat into a corner of the room away from everybody, where he crossed his arms on his chest and glared at the man from where he was. None of his comrades made a move to go near him, and Carter himself had a sudden urge to run very fast and the furthest away he could from Duo Maxwell. But he couldn’t do it. His gaze fell down on his hands still clutching the gun Quatre had thrown his way, and he realized that he was gripping the weapon so hard that his knuckles were white.

“If you tell me what I want to know, I will try to make sure that _he_ does not come near you again.”

Wufei’s voice was barely above a murmur, but in the dead silence of the room, it rang clearly. The man tried to locate where the voice came from, but in the state he was in, he could only look around, his eyes desperately wide, and fight the nausea and the dizziness that were sure to come with it. He nodded once.

“Good. Now tell me who sent you here,” Wufei said.

 

It took less than ten minutes to Wufei to get all the information they wanted. The man didn’t resist, just choked his answers, his breath coming shorter any time Wufei’s voice showed irritation or disappointment. Actually the man didn’t know very much, but he had some information. A name.

“Selim!” Iria hissed. “That little snake! I knew Neelah could never have done that on her own!”

“Who’s Selim?” Sally asked.

“The dirtiest piece of filth to have ever set foot on that colony,” Iria spat. “He’s Neelah’s husband! I can’t believe I didn’t see this coming! I should have…”

“Enough,” Quatre interrupted quietly. “Now is not the time for this. We must evacuate the bodies and take care of… the rest,” he finished, his eyes falling on the captive.

“I’ll take care of ‘the rest’, man,” Duo said, making all the adults in the room jump as he spoke again for the first time in half an hour.

“You don’t have to, Duo,” Quatre said softly, looking at his friend cautiously.

“Not now, Cat.”

Quatre closed his mouth on whatever he was going to say and looked away. The other pilots just looked at Duo and said nothing. Iria, Sally, Carter and Shannon waited, in vain, for someone to explain them what had been going on in the last half hour.

Duo came closer and Wufei quickly made room for him, moving to the side. Once again, Duo seemed to do nothing but stare in the man’s eyes with his own, unblinking eyes. Carter could only shiver as he watched. Eyes that did not blink. He had had no idea how freaky that could be, but now he would have done anything to be absolutely certain not to fall under the scrutiny of that gaze ever again.

Shannon gasped when the man suddenly started to convulse. Blood came out of his ears and nose, and he choked on it, but none of the pilots made the slightest move to help him, and Iria and Sally were too petrified to do anything. It only lasted a few seconds, then the man fell back against the wall limply, his eyes empty, the only sign he was still alive being his labored breath.

Duo blinked at last, his eyes weary and his face pale.

“I’m done,” he said in a whisper, before opening the door and dashing out of the room. His footsteps echoed a bit in the corridor, then the sound disappeared.

“What was that?” Iria finally summoned the courage to ask.

“I think our prisoner just had a stroke,” Quatre said in a flat voice.

“What?”

“Yuy, intensify your search on our new suspect,” Wufei interrupted. “We won’t get anything more out of him, right?” he added with a jerk of his chin in the man’s direction.

Heero shook his head, and looked at Quatre. Quatre looked right back and nodded.

Heero took out his gun and shot the prisoner between the eyes. The body jumped slightly when the bullet impacted into it, then went very still.

“Now go find him,” Quatre told Heero in a soft, but commanding voice. “He needs you.”

Heero slipped out of the room silently. Quatre got up from the bed and went to the phone on his bedside table. He picked the receiver up and dialed a number.

“Rashid? We have seven bodies inside of the house, please see that they are removed and taken care of… One of them is in my bedroom, and Wufei will give you the locations of the others… Thank you, Rashid.”

He hung up, and turned around to look at the corpse against his wall, his face void of any expression.

Carter finally exploded. He threw the gun on the floor and marched up to Quatre.

“Why the hell did you do that?” he yelled, not caring in the least that he might well be sentencing himself to a swift death.

“Because we didn’t have a choice,” Trowa answered from behind Carter.

The psychiatrist glared at him.

“There’s always a choice,” he snapped, seething.

“Kill or be killed. We chose not to be killed. If you don’t like it, you know where the door is. We’re not holding you back,” Trowa said calmly.

“But...” Carter sputtered.

“We do not enjoy killing people on a regular basis,” Wufei cut in. “If they had left us alone, we would not have touched a hair of their head. It may seem childish, but they started it. We did not ask to be attacked and threatened with death. We did not want it. And we will not sit back and watch as those we love are attacked. Not anymore.”

“I… you can’t…”

Carter jumped as Quatre’s hand caught his arm. Such a small hand, Carter thought as he looked at it, but it held such hidden strength, such power. He finally looked up to meet Quatre’s eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Quatre murmured. “I’m sorry you had to see that, but they are right. If we hadn’t done anything, they would have killed us all. They would have killed you too.”

“This man couldn’t hurt you anymore,” Carter protested.

“He could have,” Wufei said. “No loose ends. Having your back unprotected is the surest way to get hit. We cannot risk it.”

“I…”

Wufei stalked to the door and opened it, before shooting a meaningful look in Sally’s direction. Sally seemed to take the hint, because she suddenly shook her head as if to clear her mind. She went to Carter and began to push him out of the room, while Iria was helping Shannon stand up.

“Try to have some rest,” the blond doctor said worriedly as she left the room and closed the door behind them.

Quatre sighed deeply and flopped down on his bed, a hand clutched on his heart.

“Cat? You want me to put the settings higher?” Trowa asked.

“No, leave it. If I don’t start now, I’ll never rebuild those shields,” Quatre said through gritted teeth before looking up at Wufei. “You’re alright?”

“Not a scratch,” Wufei answered.

“Good. I hope... I hope Duo is okay.”

 

‘Just keep running. That’s it. Put your left foot on the ground, and then the right, and then the left again. Just like that. Just listen to the sound it makes when your feet hit the ground. Make more noise. More noise. Don’t listen to the screams, just make more noise…’

Duo didn’t really know when he had started to run, but he didn’t really care. The mansion’s gardens were large enough for him to run around all he wanted without being bothered or leaving the property. He just ran, listening to the pounding of his own heart.

He came to an abrupt halt without really knowing why or where he was, just that he had to stop. He closed his eyes, panting, and tried to ignore the way his head was spinning.

‘No one touches my family and gets away with it!’

When he heard the soft footsteps approaching, Duo knew that Heero was deliberately making noise to warn him of his presence, but he didn’t move. He just stood there, breath short, sweat burning his eyes.

Heero came near him cautiously, assessing Duo’s state of mind with one look at the tense shoulders and shivering body. Very slowly, he took Duo in his arms from behind, resting his cheek against the American’s shoulder blade. They remained silent for a long moment, listening to Duo’s rapid breath slowly calming down and coming back to a more normal rate.

“I hate that,” Duo said under his breath.

Heero just held him a bit tighter.

“Is it… bad of me to be happy that the bastard suffered? Does that make me a horrible person?” Duo kept on.

“I don’t know,” Heero answered. “I… I don’t know.”

“He’s dead.”

It wasn’t a question. Sometimes, Heero had to admit that Duo knew him just a bit too well.

“Yes.”

Duo’s whole body seemed to relax, as if that simple word managed to make all the tension go away.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“I didn’t do it for you.”

“I know.”

****

“How are they?” Iria asked Sally as the doctor came into her bedroom.

“I gave Shannon a mild sedative and she’s sleeping. Carter is… I don’t know how he is. He wouldn’t talk to me, and he slammed the door of his bedroom.”

“He is upset.”

“That’s quite understandable given what he just witnessed. Anyone would be. Where’s Richard?”

“Off to our elder son’s place. I called him at work and told him not to come back to the house and just take the first flight he could find and call me as soon as he would be there.”

“Are you planning on giving your husband a heart attack?”

Iria smiled weakly.

“I explained the situation as well as I could. He was not happy, but he knows better than to argue with me.”

Sally raised an eyebrow and smirked. However, when Iria sighed and began to massage her temples, Sally took a seat next to her.

“How are you?” she asked in a concerned voice.

“I honestly don’t know.”

Sally caught her hand and kept it in hers.

“I guess you never really saw that side of him, heh?”

“I had some glimpses, but I just… I feel ridiculous, Sally, I had no idea… I just… I don’t know him anymore.”

“Let’s say you don’t know everything about him and it’s fine that way. You’re not supposed to anyway.”

“Sometimes I get the feeling you know him more than I do.”

Sally smiled.

“I did spend an awful lot of time with Quatre at the end of the war and I saw him directing the final attack against the Libra, and it was really impressive. But he’s not my brother.”

Iria just remained silent for a moment.

“Are you going to be alright?” Sally finally asked.

Iria shook her thoughts away.

“Oh, yes! You know, I was thinking just that before… all this. I was just thinking that I didn’t really know him anymore and that I should have taken the time to know him better now that he is all grown up, and then…”

“You had your head shoved into what he really is first-hand.”

“You could say it like that,” Iria admitted. “I just… I can’t believe the sweet boy I knew is gone.”

Sally shook her head with a smile.

“He’s not, Iria. He’s still there. But he’s matured a bit now, and he knows that being sweet has never kept anyone alive.”

“It is going to sound stupid, but I am still glad the others are here to help him.”

“It’s not stupid,” Sally assured her. “Thank God they all have the others. No one else can really know what they went through, but together, they can face it and defeat it.”

“I just need a bit of time to get used to it,” Iria said, her voice shaking a bit. “I guess we should just leave them alone for today. They need the rest. And so do we.”

“Yeah, that’s the best thing to do. And we can count on Heero to do his computer search anyway, so tomorrow morning will be soon enough to speak about that again. Now try to take a nap or something,” Sally said, making her way out

“Sally?”

“Yeah?” Sally answered, stopping and turning around.

“I think you should go speak to Dr. Carter now, don’t you think?”

“He’s a big boy,” Sally grumbled.

“Please. He needs to talk before he blows up or something. He helped us a lot, and we are not being easy on him at all. I think we owe him this, at least.”

Sally stared at Iria for a moment, then she shrugged.

“Alright, I’ll go see him and do my best to cool him off.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t get all worked up about this, okay? Rest!”

“Yes, doctor,” Iria answered with her first sincere smile since the beginning of the conversation.

****

The knock on his door interrupted Carter in his frantic pacing up and down the bedroom he had stormed into. Taken at unawares, he just stared at the door with a blank look and didn’t answer. The door opened anyway, and Sally Po came in. First, she just slipped her head through the opening. Then, when she saw him standing there, she gave him a little crooked smile, came in all the way, closed the door, and leaned on it. To her credit, she did not ask him how he was or if he was alright.

“Burning a hole in the carpet has never solved anything,” she said, amused.

Carter looked at her incredulously. Then he shrugged and smiled too, feeling a fraction of the awful tension that had been piling up on him going away.

“Walking usually helps me work things out, and I… I just needed to move, and I don’t think it would have been wise for me to get out of here like I wanted to.”

Sally nodded and hugged herself.

“How can you let them...” Carter asked in a subdued voice. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because nothing I could have said would have changed a thing,” Sally sighed. “They trust me and they know when they shouldn’t argue with me, but this is… different.”

“They killed a man!”

“Seven.”

Carter stopped dead. He had forgotten about the others. Sally kept on with grim determination.

“They killed seven men in self-defense, because they were attacked. Quatre was right. They would have killed us all if they hadn’t done anything. I think maybe Duo’s actions demonstrated some unnecessary cruelty, but…”

“Unnecessary? That was downright torture, that’s what it was!”

“Don’t talk about things you do not understand,” Sally snapped a bit more harshly than she had intended.

She looked away, pushing a lock that had escaped her usually neat braids out of her face.

“Just hammer it in your little head, Doc. They do not live in the same world as you. Not everyone in this world admires the Gundam pilots and I’m sure you know about that. For every Gundam fan you get two Gundam haters. Everyone has a son, a wife, a husband, a nephew, a cousin who was killed in a Gundam attack. In spite of all they did for peace, a lot of people still think that they are murderers and that peace would have happened anyway without them. There is a very good reason why their identities were not disclosed after the war. Lady Une went to great pains to secure all Oz and Alliance material speaking about them. They’re not even officially employed by Preventers. And they know very well what torture is. Believe me, they experienced it a lot, and they were not on the good side of it. If there is a good side, of course”, she finished ironically.

“This isn’t an excuse for… that! ” Carter protested.

“No, it’s not,” Sally agreed, taking him by surprise.

She finally came a bit closer, looking at him straight in the eyes.

“It’s not an excuse, but I cannot make myself blame them. I know that this guy didn’t deserve it, and yet… I can’t feel sorry for him. I don’t know why. I just know he was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and that he had no idea what he was getting himself into. But in the end, the one responsible for his death is the one who sent him here.”

“You all have some fucked up logic here, you know that?” Carter grumbled.

She just smiled again, a bit sadly.

“Quatre… Quatre told me… that they had fought for peace, but this peace would never be for them,” Carter kept on a bit hesitantly.

“They’re different, Doc. Different from anyone you’ve ever met. The sooner you realize that and stop trying to scrutinize them, the better. They kind of like you, and Quatre trusts you. Don’t try to give them more than they will accept. Just do what you can. For them, it’s enough.”

“It’s frustrating.”

“Talk about stating the obvious!” Sally laughed.

Carter finally smiled.

“I made a fool of myself, didn’t I?”

Sally sobered up a bit.

“Of course you did. But I’m relieved you reacted that way. If you hadn’t, I would have been worried about you.”

She patted his arm.

“Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’ve been through a lot in the last week. It’s normal for you to be a bit lost, but don’t take it out on them. They’re not going out of their way to be nice to you, I’ll admit that. Don’t take offense. They’re being cautious.”

“I’ll try to remember that. I just... It’s like I have to forget everything I ever learnt in med school and start again from scratch. It’s… overwhelming.”

“You’ll be alright,” Sally said, patting his arm again. “You proved that you can adapt quickly and that your head is soundly attached to your shoulders. I wouldn’t have asked you to come if I didn’t believe that you could do it.”

“Thank you,” Carter answered softly.

“Will you be okay, now?”

“I… I think so. I just… have to think about it.”

“You do that. Oh, and try not to get too much in their way today. They will probably hole up somewhere to cool down anyway. Have some rest, call your family or Dr. Hewley if you want to, take care of yourself. You deserve a bit of alone time, too.”

She squeezed his arm a bit, then went out of the room, softly closing the door as she left. Carter just looked at his arm, then rubbed the spot where she had put her hand. It was still warm.

****

~AC 197, March 16th, L4-A001, Winner Mansion, 9:05am~

 

Just like Sally had said, no one had seen the boys since yesterday. Apparently, they had gathered in Quatre’s room and stayed there all night, too. None of the adults knew if they had eaten anything or even slept, but it seemed wiser not to ask questions. When Carter, Sally and Iria went to join them, they apparently had showered and changed, and they were back to their usual selves.

“Good morning,” Iria said, with a neutral smile.

“So, what do you have?” Sally asked, going abruptly to the matter at hand to avoid awkward greetings or silences.

“Well, Neelah’s husband seems to have disappeared,” Wufei said. “According to the Winner database, he apparently took some holidays about six months ago and didn’t check in again once they were over. He has been in touch with his workplace and said that he had family problems. Officially, he is now on unpaid holiday.”

“He planned this,” Iria fumed.

“What I wonder is how he found that satellite,” Duo cut in. “And how did he know how to use what was on it?”

“The satellite is Winner property,” Iria said. “And… it’s his job.”

Wufei frowned.

“His job description on the database says that he is a recycling supervisor.”

“Yes. He makes sure that old installations on unused satellites are dismantled and that the premises are secure. And he’s also supposed to take care of the recycling of dangerous products.”

There was a small silence.

“Am I the only one to find that strangely ironical?” Duo suddenly asked.

“Not really,” Sally said. “So what you’re saying is that he basically found the satellite by accident?”

“That is what is most probable, but… What I don’t understand is that this satellite was sealed in 178. That was a long time before he married Neelah and was offered a position in WEI. That satellite had no more resources to offer, and it was too far away in the outer rim to make a good communication satellite, which explains why very few people knew about it.”

“I had to do some research in the database before I found it,” Quatre admitted. “And this is exactly why I chose it. I didn’t erase the information about it in the central database because it was useless. All we did was reroute the chemical alarm signals to our own system, and plug the security system in our own central computer so that no activity would be recorded here. That’s all.”

Duo snorted, and everyone looked at him.

“You guys don’t know a lot about the chemicals black market, do you?”

He scratched his head as if looking for what he was going to say.

“Chemicals are what sells best on the black market. People who sell them make a lot of money, and they make it fast. More profit than drugs, big clients who always pay, and there’s almost no risk since most of the stuff either comes from the skulls of mobile suits and shuttles that no one ever bothers to check, or from sealed resource satellites that are not properly watched. Some of the Sweepers did that too during the wars to keep the ships afloat. There were times when this was the only thing that generated money, so we’d keep the metal parts and some of the chemicals, and we’d sell the rest, mostly to resistance fighters. The guy we’re looking for, he’s in the best position to do that. He’s got the info on where the stuff is, he’s got enough money to pay people to work for him, and he can even pretend to make legitimate sales using the WEI name.”

“If this had not happened to Quatre, he would never have been caught,” Iria said, eyes wide. “I cannot believe no one noticed!”

“Nothing shows in the company’s books,” Wufei said. “This has been done very cleverly.”

“So that’s how he got the money to hire killers and give them the best equipment,” Sally summed up. “But how could he know what was on that particular satellite?”

Quatre winced.

“I don’t think that Instructor H took the time to hide his notes when he was arrested by OZ. He had to make sure to leave the satellite first so that no one would find it, and he did it in a hurry. When... when I came back to take Zero, I wasn’t really thinking about that. And I honestly never thought about it ever since the wars ended. We stored the Gundams in the sub-levels of the old Lunar Base, and after that we destroyed them. I didn’t even think that there would be something left there. It’s a bit stupid of me.”

“If you dare say that it’s your fault, I’ll strangle you,” Duo threatened.

“Okay, I won’t say it.”

“Don’t think it either,” Heero added.

Quatre was opening his mouth to answer when he noticed Dr Carter looking at him pointedly. He smiled sheepishly.

“I’ll try,” he promised. “I will do my best, I swear, not to blame myself again. But I can’t be sure I will manage.”

Carter nodded and smiled warmly at him, looking like a teacher proud of his hard-working pupil.

“Now we have only one little problem,” Sally said. “Since he disappeared, we don’t know his location.”

“Actually, we do,” Wufei said quietly.

He turned to Heero. The Japanese typed a few commands on the laptop that was on Quatre’s bedside table and the screen displayed a map of the L4 cluster.

“He was careless,” he explained. “Or more exactly, one of his employees was careless. Someone we know.”

“Who?” Iria asked.

“Jay Maleda. He called his boss from a phone booth near the Fatimah Clinic on March 6th around 10pm. The call was directed to a cell phone. The number of the cell phone wasn’t even encrypted. It was very easy to find who it belonged to. I’ve been screening incoming calls to that number in the phone company’s records to be sure this is the person we were looking for. Then, I located the cell phone.”

“The com satellites,” Sally murmured. “If he’s using a cell phone, the signal goes through a com satellite.”

“Apparently, he’s using just a plain phone and he didn’t take any precautions to make sure the connection was untraceable. He’s here.”

Heero pointed to a small dot in the outer circle of the cluster.

“This used to be a mining station too,” Iria said. “It was closed two years ago.”

“You really need to do that inspection on your company’s satellites, CEO,” Duo said to Iria. “Looks like some have unpleasant vermin on them.”

“I will give a call to the head of the mining department as soon as possible,” Iria said determinedly. “And we have to make those inspections regularly. I cannot believe that no one thought about that before. Father was really naive about human nature sometimes.”

“How are we gonna play this?” Sally asked.

“We cannot settle this publicly, I think we all agree on that,” Iria answered. “And I want to make sure that Neelah is safe. It looks like she was deeply influenced by Selim to act that way, and the place she needs to be in is a psychiatric facility. As for the rest…”

“I vote for going to see that guy and asking him why and how he did that. And then dismember him for it,” Duo said, raising his hand.

“The Maguanacs can find a place where he could be detained,” Quatre said. “At least if it has to come to that.”

“You really think he’d just come along willingly, Cat? The guy risked everything to have you killed and we’re not even really sure why. Soon, he’s gonna know that the team he sent failed, and he’s not gonna be happy about that. If I were him, I’d take all the money I made from my little trades and the new shares I got from my lovely wife and get the hell away from here.”

“Yes, but he can’t get the money from the shares yet,” Iria said. “The new redistribution has to be approved by the Board. It could take weeks.”

“Do you think he could hurt Neelah?” Quatre asked.

Iria shivered.

“I hope he won’t, because if he does, I swear there is nothing in this world that can save him!”

“Well, we know where he is,” Sally said. “The only thing we have to do is go there and ask that gentleman a few questions and make him come with us. I don’t think the people working for him will stay in the area too long once we’re there. I’m sure we’ll find a way to make them understand that they will be better off keeping their mouths shut. Of course, if they attack us, we may have to retaliate, but let’s hope they will be a bit more intelligent than that.”

“I agree,” Wufei said. “No victims if possible, only strike back if attacked first. We will need a shuttle, too. A bigger one than the one we have here.”

“I’ll call Howie,” Duo said with a grin.

“We have enough weapons here,” Trowa said. “We can take everything we need in the bunker.”

“I’ll print out the satellite schematics and design a virus to infect their computer system”, Heero added.

Everyone in the room turned to Quatre, who was sitting on the bed, arms crossed on his chest and a defiant expression on his face.

“Don’t even think about it,” he said in a menacing voice. “You’re not leaving me here!”

 


	27. Select [Yes] to save any changes

There were two seconds of stunned silence before Duo suddenly burst out laughing.

“Hey, you can’t blame us for trying, Cat!” he managed to say between gasps.

The truth was, none of the others looked very happy about it. They were not voicing their objections out loud, because they knew it would be in vain. Once Quatre had decided something, making him come back on it was like trying to move a mountain, and a very stubborn mountain at that. Heero was frowning and looking at his feet. Wufei had his arms crossed on his chest and was biting his bottom lip to prevent himself from saying something that would be dismissed anyway. Trowa was looking away, somehow managing to distance himself from the situation, which was enough to show his disapproval.

Sally was trying to decide if she should say something one way or the other, but Iria beat her to it.

“Quatre, be reasonable, you can’t get out yet! You would…”

“I would what?” Quatre interrupted. “Iria, I have been shielding you all for forty-five minutes! And I felt that man coming from the other end of the corridor yesterday!”

“It would be too tiring for you, Quatre,” Iria insisted. “Your shields are coming along nicely, but they’re not at the level they were before. And you still need rest.”

Quatre looked like he was about to say something that he would have regretted later on, but he closed his mouth on whatever it was. He got up from where he was sitting on the bed, went to the control panel in the far corner of his room, opened it, and pressed a button. The light humming that everyone had become accustomed to died instantly.

“Quatre!” Iria protested.

“I can stand it,” Quatre said firmly as he turned around to face them all again. “I know that I can. If I can just focus on something, I’ll be alright.”

“Quatre, please…” Iria pleaded anxiously.

“I won’t be left out of this. People died, Iria!”

She looked at him, eyes wide with fear.

“You know that I can handle myself, Iria,” Quatre added. “Thanks to you and Wufei. Maybe my shields are not back to their former levels, but they’re strong enough for me to get out of here and you know it perfectly well. You know that keeping me in here will only slow the process of rebuilding them, that I need to get used to feeling a lot of people around me so that I can raise really efficient shields. And you know that not feeling anyone will only tire me more in the end.”

His eyes met hers, and she found herself looking away, unable to stand the weight of that gaze.

“Why don’t you want me to go, Iria?”

There was a long moment of silence before the older woman finally looked at her brother again, this time with tear-filled eyes.

“I just don’t want you to get hurt, Quatre. That’s all.”

Quatre came closer, overwhelmed by his sister’s reaction.

“It’s too late for that,” he said softly, finally closing the space between them and taking her in his arms in a strangely protective gesture.

She clutched at him, holding him tightly against her as if she never wanted to let go. Around them everyone else was silent.

“I’m sorry if I upset you,” Quatre whispered in his sister’s ear. “But… that’s the way it is. It is very important to me.”

“I know,” she answered, bravely holding the tears back.

“Thank you.”

“But if you are going,” she said as she finally let him go, “I am going too.”

She waited for them to protest, to say that she couldn’t, to enumerate the reasons why. They didn’t, none of them, not even Sally.

“I want to be there. Just in case,” she kept on. “And… there’s Neelah, too.”

Quatre simply nodded.

“Well,” Sally said, “as long as you promise not to get in the way and do what the guys and I tell you without asking questions for your own safety, I don’t think that will be a problem at all. If it’s okay with you guys…”

Four nods answered the unspoken question.

“Then it’s settled.”

Wufei glanced at Duo and Heero, and the American mock-saluted.

“We’re off to get ready,” he said with a smile, and all but bounced out of the door, Heero following more slowly.

Wufei then looked at Quatre.

“I agree with your sister on one point. If you want to come with us tomorrow, you need to rest properly today. No need to have you with us if you’re not functioning at a hundred percent. What do you want to do?”

Quatre suddenly shivered and hugged himself. Iria had to prevent herself from asking what was wrong, and it was hard for her, but she managed. She might as well start showing him she trusted him.

“I’d like to go outside, in the gardens,” Quatre finally said. “Because… If I have to stay one more minute in this room I think I will start screaming very loud.”

Iria had a shaky smile as she heard that. She had not realized just how taxing on her brother’s state of mind it had been to stay cooped in here.

“Just make sure to go back in if you feel yourself tiring too easily, Quatre,” she said, kissing him on the cheek.

“I promise,” Quatre answered, kissing her back.

He watched her as she got out, and almost jumped when Sally walked to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

“She’ll be okay, Quatre. Just leave her some time to collect her wits. She’s just worried about you,” she said kindly.

“I know. I am not really making this easy for her, anyway.”

“She’s a grown woman, and she’s known you since you were born,” Sally laughed. “I think she’s more than able to handle you. And if she’s not, those two can until she gets back on track,” she added with a wink in Trowa and Wufei’s direction.

“Oh, please!” Quatre groaned. “I’m just planning on sitting outside and getting some fresh air, that’s all!”

“I have no objections. Just stay put and don’t run around or do anything strenuous, and we’ll be fine. I know I don’t need to threaten those two to look after you, so please be gracious for today. It’s not always a bad thing to be a bit spoiled, especially after the kind of things that happened to you.”

And she caught Carter’s arm and was gone, the psychiatrist stumbling after her and trying to keep up.

Quatre looked away from the door to find Wufei and Trowa both staring at him. It was weird to see them looking at him with the same kind of intense expression.

“Would you mind coming with me outside?” Quatre asked almost shyly.

Wufei’s only answer was to go to the door and turn back expectantly, waiting for the other two to follow. Quatre did happily, enjoying the idea of just sprawling outside on the grass with them, but Trowa didn’t move from his place.

“You go on ahead,” he said quietly. “I’ll be with you in a minute.”

It was only then that Wufei realized just how withdrawn Trowa had been throughout this. Quatre didn’t seem to notice, apparently holding onto his shields and eager to get out of the room for the first time in nearly two weeks, and Wufei didn’t bring his attention to it. Quatre deserved a break for today. But that wasn’t really what was bothering Wufei deep down.

‘Why is he using his power?’

 

Wufei had had the luck to grow up around people who were aware that there were New Types in need of training among them. At least, now he was able to look back on it and say it was luck, because the training itself had not felt like it at all. What it meant was that Wufei was very aware of what he could do with his ability. And now that he had apparently undergone the final stage of development, he felt even more in tune with it, as if they were finally one and the same, and the power was not just a convenient thing that had landed on him because of a certain genetic configuration.

Very soon in life, he had learnt about the vital importance of qi, the living pulsing energy that any breathing being carried like a signature. He had been taught how to control his ability and manipulate his own qi to boost his own speed, accelerate his movements in a fight, and some other tricks that could always be useful. And then, he had been taught how to read that energy in other people. How it flowed around the body differently according to a person’s health, or state of mind. How to locate people that he couldn’t see by opening his senses to their qi. And, most importantly, how to use that knowledge in battle.

He had always dimly known that he was being prepared for something bigger. A scholar like himself didn’t need such a developed power after all, and the Gundam had always been built for him, not for her. But he had chosen to ignore the greater purpose for a long time, obeying his masters because it was simpler, and also because learning how to control the power was a challenge that he was thriving to fulfill. He had wished with all his might that he would never have to use it, just as he had known that the wish was in vain. It had taken bitter events for him to realize that at something more than an unconscious level.

Then, the others had come. All different. All powerful, and not always aware of how much. But Wufei had known. Qi tended to flow quite differently in a New Type, and the flow was modified any time the power came into action. The pattern changed to accommodate whatever ability was being used. Sometimes, Wufei thought it was just a bit too convenient that all Gundam pilots had turned out to be full New Types who could control their abilities. He often wondered if it was pure chance that they had met, or if their mentors had had a hidden purpose with this. There was no way of knowing, of course. None of the doctors had ever been very forthcoming with information they felt the pilots didn’t need to know. And what really mattered what that they had found the others.

The powers had drawn them together, forming complex group dynamics long before they had started to actually function as a group. They had been able to ignore the pull for a surprisingly long time, but in the end they had been drawn together like it was the most natural thing to do. And, in a strange, twisted way, it was Zero who had given the final push toward the formation of their group. Had Quatre not used Zero that last time, Wufei was not sure they would have managed to find themselves, no matter how strong the pull.

Wufei shook himself out of his thoughts about the past to come back to the present. Trowa, using his power to hide something to Quatre. Trowa knew perfectly well that Wufei would feel it, and he had not even tried to be discreet about it. It could only mean one thing. Trowa was trusting Wufei to keep quiet about it, and it probably meant he had excellent reasons for it. Wufei knew his friend well enough to know that he rarely did something without a purpose. If it was important enough that he was ready to risk discovery while hiding it from Quatre…

Wufei decided to trust Trowa.

****

Carter fumed as he stalked down the corridor in pursuit of those who had unceremoniously dropped him in front of his bedroom. They had apparently assumed that they could leave him behind just like that. Carter had learnt long ago that making any kind of assumptions was dangerous.

He caught up with them as they got into a room that Carter found strangely familiar. As he crossed the threshold, he understood why. This was the ‘bunker’, the place where he had seen Heero and Duo after getting lost in the mansion more than a week ago.

‘Has it been that long already?’ Carter suddenly wondered as he looked around, greeted by the sight of the weapon racks. ‘I have been here for eight, no… nine days. I completely lost track of time, and… did it really take that little time for Quatre to get better?’

Because even if the blond wasn’t alright, he was definitely a far cry from the wreck he had been at the clinic. A week of bed rest combined with the electromagnetic shielding seemed to have worked wonders but then, the psychiatrist wasn’t the best authority on full New Types anyway. Carter could tell that Iria thought this wasn’t enough. Her intent had obviously been to slowly lower the settings so as to make sure her brother got re-accustomed to his ability progressively. Quatre had decided otherwise. And apparently, when Quatre decided something, not a lot of people went against it.

“Are you sure you’ve got everything you need?” Sally was asking the boys.

“Sure, Sal, don’t sweat it,” Duo said as he picked up knives from the rack, the very same Carter had seen from quite close up that last time. “I’ll take one of the guns just to be safe, but we’re trying to be stealthy here… at least in the beginning. I’ll ask Howie and he’ll send some spice along with the shuttle so we’re good on that side too. Heero can work on that during the flight.”

“You’re not taking anything, Heero?”

“I have my own guns,” the Japanese young man said laconically, picking a gun from the rack and checking it methodically before handing it to Duo, who began checking it too.

“Of course,” Sally answered with a smile.

Duo finished his inspection of the gun, and looked satisfied.

“Pick yourself one,” he told Sally. “Your Preventer standard issue gun is just not going to cut it, you know.”

“Probably not,” Sally admitted.

Carter cleared his throat loudly, which had the expected effect to make the other three look at him. To their credit, they didn’t even pretend that they were surprised to see him there. They had probably known he had been there all along. They just didn’t care. Somehow, this stung even more.

“Not that I want to be overly dramatic here, but you’re not leaving me here either,” the young doctor said firmly.

Duo snorted, and Carter reddened in anger.

“I’m not joking!” he snapped.

“Sure, I know that,” Duo said, becoming serious again. “The thing is, why the hell do you think we should take you with us, Doc?”

Carter didn’t find anything to answer. Because Duo was right. There was no actual reason for him to come. He was just the psychiatrist who had helped Quatre to get better. In such an operation he was probably quite useless.

“I just want to help,” he finally said a bit lamely.

“Now isn’t that peachy,” Duo sneered.

“Duo,” Sally said warningly, but he didn’t listen to her.

“How can you help, Doc?” he insisted.

“I don’t know!” Carter almost yelled, letting his exasperation take the better of him. “I have no idea, but I want to help anyway! Why don’t _you_ tell me what I can do?”

Without a word, Duo turned back to the weapon rack, caught a gun, and held it out in Carter’s direction.

“Know how to use that thing, Doc?” he asked mockingly before throwing the gun to Carter.

Carter caught the gun firmly, checked it like he had been taught to and armed it, smiling when he heard the satisfying click that confirmed the weapon was loaded. Basic survival instincts prevented him from pointing the gun at Duo just in time. There was no point in dying stupidly just to prove a point.

“Good enough for you?” he asked a bit cheekily. “Living in the war zones near Neo-Chicago isn’t a bed of roses, you know. Knowing how to use a gun if only for self-defense was kind of necessary. ”

It would have been too much to say that they were impressed. But they were not unimpressed either. Duo grinned and clapped a bit exaggeratedly.

“Alright, you’re in, but you stay with the shuttle and you do what you’re told, or none of us shall be held responsible for what happens to you, got it? Heero, let’s go.”

Carter gaped, too shocked by the brutal switch in moods to find something intelligent to say. Before he could gather his wits, both pilots were out of the door, leaving without a look back. Sally’s laughter made him come back to himself, and he realized he was staring at an empty doorframe.

She was smiling at him a bit too knowingly between chuckles, and that put him ill at ease. Suddenly, he felt like a moron holding up the gun, and his cheeks reddened a bit.

“What?” he said a bit more harshly than what he had wanted to. “Didn’t think I could use a gun?”

“Actually, I did. You didn’t think I wouldn’t check on you as soon as I knew you had one of my pilots in your care, now did you? I had never heard of you, so I did my homework.”

It made Carter feel even more embarrassed about the little display of testosterone, but Sally caught his arm in an appeasing gesture.

“Good thinking on not pointing the gun by the way, I hate autopsies. Now that you got what you wanted, you should take some rest. We’re taking off early tomorrow morning.”

“Why did he say yes?” Carter asked out of the blue.

Sally laughed again.

****

~AC 197, March 17th, L4-A001, Winner private shuttle port, 4:57am~

 

The Winner private shuttle port was nothing more than an old bay that just happened to have an access to space. It was actually quite small compared with most of the facilities that had been built after AC 100, but was still functional in spite of its age. The buildings had been upgraded over the last ninety years to make sure they were up to date with security standards, leaving most of the infrastructure exactly as it had been back when the bay had been the only entry point into L4-A001.

Now the colony had modern, state-of-the-art spaceports for its citizens. The little bay had become useless once the colony had been finished. The Winners had bought it from the budding colony government, a kind move considering that they had financed the building of the whole colony cluster and could have argued that it already belonged to them.

Right now, the place was hustling and bustling with Sweepers. There were about fifty of them, and they were hovering around the sleek black shuttle Howard had sent like a swarm of bees, Sally noticed with a smile as she stepped in.

Duo was in the middle of all this, the only black-clad figure in the whole room. He was already wearing his space suit and was busy typing on a computer connected to the entrails of the shuttle. Every time a Sweeper passed by him, they would exchange a few words before they went back to their respective work. There wouldn’t be any other chance to catch Duo alone before the end of all this. Well, technically, he wasn’t alone, but the other four weren’t here, and that was what mattered to Sally the most.

She came closer, careful not to step on anything important and answering salutes with a smile and a nod. She recognized some of the men from the time spent on Peacemillion. _They_ had a good reason to remember her, that was for sure.

“Duo,” she called out.

He turned around and saw her. Grinning, he beckoned her to come over. 

“What brings you here in the wee hours of morning, sweet lady?” he asked with a wink, typing another command on his keyboard and reading the answer he received from the shuttle’s computer.

“Just wanted to talk to you,” Sally said casually. “About that ability of yours. Quite impressive. ”

Duo didn’t look surprised at all. He just shook his head with a disillusioned smile.

“Ability, huh? I’ve always wondered what I should call it,  y’know?”

Sally breathed more freely.

“To be honest, I’ve never been able to decide whether it was a blessing or a curse ever since it happened for the first time, Sal,” he kept on.

“What about now?” she asked quietly.

“Now it’s… better, I guess. No more dragging guys in the back alleys of L2-D3678 and making them believe they had a hell of a good time with the kid, and with the stains on their pants to prove it too.”

Sally gasped, and Duo shot her a perplex look.

“You know, I’ve been wondering why you didn’t find out about me. You hypnotized me, after all. I should have spilled it out at one point.”

“Hypnosis doesn’t really work that way, Duo,” Sally said, her voice a bit weak. “And I am beginning to think that your minds have all developed quite impressive defense mechanisms. I don’t think I would have managed to make you say it even if I had asked the good questions, and I obviously did not. From what you told me that day, I had understood that you sold yourself to survive.”

“Fucking with a person’s body or mind isn’t all that different.”

“Duo…”

Sally shut her mouth and shot him a sheepish look.

“Is there anything that I can say without sounding condescending or giving the impression that you are to be pitied?”

“Nope,” Duo said with a shrug. “So don’t say anything. I don’t feel sorry for myself… at least, not usually. I don’t see why you should.”

“How does it work?” Sally suddenly asked. 

Duo did not object to the abrupt change of subject.

“When I was a kid, I just thought I could get into people’s heads and control their brains.”

“And that’s not the case?”

“Nope,” Duo said, turning to his laptop when it emitted a sharp beep and pressing some keys. “I don’t even touch the brain. According to Prof G, I send false nervous impulses to the autonomous sympathetic nervous system.”

Sally took a minute to digest the information, then she gaped.

“Wait a minute… that means…”

Duo nodded.

“You can control all of the automatic reflexes…” Sally whispered.

“Breathing, heart rate, blood pressure, pupil dilatation, vasoconstriction, sudation, digestive functions, the whole nine yards,” Duo confirmed. “I have to give you that, it was difficult to guess, although you had the others well sorted out,” he finished with a smile.

“Sorted out? What do you mean?”

“Remember that little conversation you had with Iria, Carter and Shannon on our... abilities?” Duo asked with a mischievous smile.

“You were there?” Sally choked out.

“I arrived ‘round the time you were explaining how Heero broke all of his bones and left just after you said you weren’t sure I was a New Type. I increased the blood pressure in your eyes a little and the blood vessels compressed the optic nerve. When you were looking in my direction, your eyes sent a message to your brain and I wasn’t in it, so you didn’t ‘see’ me.”

Sally almost asked about the assassin Duo had interrogated and silenced, but she decided against it. She didn’t really need to hear him say it now.

‘He increased the guy’s breathing and heart rate and made him sweat a lot. The brain registered those as signs of panic and reacted accordingly by sending more messages of panic into the body. He widened his pupils to make him disoriented and nauseous, and he controlled the muscles’ movements to immobilize him. And after that… and after that, he only had to increase blood pressure in the brain, and there you go… brain embolism. Maybe Heero was showing mercy when he pulled the trigger.’

“Of course, there are drawbacks,” Duo kept on, unaware of what was crossing Sally’s mind and eyes fixed on the laptop’s screen again. “First, for reasons unknown, I can only do it on one person at a time. I had to take turns with you to make sure none of you would see me, and you guys gave me some trouble. Good thing they were mostly fascinated by what you had to say, or it could have been tricky. And I can’t use it on Wufei, because he already controls all of that stuff in his own body, so I can’t mess with it. I can’t use it on myself either, by the way. G told me that it was probably because I can’t use my brain to trigger my own autonomous nervous system or something.”

When Sally didn’t answer, Duo turned around. She was staring at him uneasily, as if she didn’t really know how to react, and he really couldn’t blame her. At least, she wasn’t totally freaking out. Duo realized with some surprise that he had feared she would.

‘I should know her better than that,’ he silently chided himself. ‘She didn’t freak out on the others, did she?’

“Relax, Sally,” he told her with a wink.

“I’m sorry,” Sally started, but then stopped when she realized that Duo had stopped blinking again.

She felt her heart rate go down by a notch, and her breathing became deeper and slower.

“It has good sides too,” Duo said softly as he broke eye contact with a blink. “And I make a point of not using the… other sides on people I consider friends.”

Sally’s mouth opened and closed as she looked for something to say, but Duo had already gone back to his laptop, and she was left to stare at his back. It looked like the conversation was over.

Sally didn’t have the time to feel awkward again. Just as she began wondering about what she should do now, the other pilots came into the bay with Iria and Carter, and Quatre waved at her from afar. She waved back. Duo didn’t turn around.

****

“We can’t stay all together if we want to have a chance,” Quatre said an hour later, eyes fixed on the schematics of the satellite that Heero had uploaded in the shuttle’s computer system.

“We’re outnumbered,” Wufei pointed out.

“And in unfamiliar territory,” Duo added. “What if they moved the walls and everything like they did on the other one?”

“We don’t have a choice,” Quatre said firmly. “If the design of the satellite was altered, it means they have an advantage on us. Staying all together will only make us more noticeable. As for being outnumbered… it wouldn’t be the first time.”

He smiled at the other pilots, and they nodded, all sporting an amused expression. Somehow, Carter didn’t find it very funny.

Carter, Iria and Sally had changed into the same black suits as the pilots before take-off. A Maguanac had lent his suit to Carter, and Sally and Iria had gotten theirs from two female Sweepers. Carter didn’t feel very comfortable in his. He had been on shuttles before, but only on commercial flights, as a passenger. The skin-tight suit made him very uncomfortable, and very self-conscious. Apparently, he was the only one to feel that way.

“ETA?” Wufei asked Duo.

The American looked at his watch.

“Forty-two minutes,” he said. “How do we play this?”

Once again, they all turned to look at Quatre. He was still staring at the screen, and got up to get closer to it.

“We will use the maintenance hangar to get in. It’s in the underground levels, and cutting it off from the main surveillance system is easier. Heero, Duo, you’ll go this way. If nothing changed, there is an access into the control room in the north wall. If it’s not there anymore, make one. Wufei, Sally, you’ll take this way. It leads to the life support and intern communication controls. You know what you have to do. Trowa and I will try to locate Neelah and Selim. You all join us once you’re done. Keep contact at regular intervals. Any questions?”

No one had any. Quatre turned to his sister.

“Iria, if you would…”

She smiled and got up.

“I’ll do it now.”

“You should do it in the cockpit,” Duo said, indicating the door. “If you close the door, there’s almost no background noise.”

“Thank you, Duo. I’ll be right back.”

She disappeared in the cockpit and the door slid shut behind her.

“Well, I guess we’re all set,” Duo sighed, accepting the coffee that Trowa was handing out to him. “What kind of weapons should we take?”

“We don’t shoot to kill unless we’re directly threatened,” Trowa said quietly, giving a goblet of tea to Quatre.

“If they’re not morons, they should realize that their best option to stay alive is to run anyway,” Wufei said, sipping his own tea, and giving out a cup of coffee to Heero.

“Morons are unfortunately quite common in any place,” Sally sighed, offering some fruit juice to Carter, who didn’t think he could swallow anything stronger.

“I still hope there won’t be any casualties,” Quatre said. “If everything goes well there shouldn’t be any.”

No one tried to remind him that there probably wasn’t a chance that Selim would go quietly. They all knew he was only too aware of it.

“We’ll find your sis, no worry,” Duo told Quatre with a small smile.

“I know, Duo,” Quatre answered with a small smile of his own. “I… I…”

His eyelids began to droop, and he frowned. He hadn’t felt tired when they had boarded the shuttle, but now, his body felt like it was made of lead.

“You okay, Cat?” Duo asked, worried.

“I… think… don’t know…”

Quatre’s body slumped in his seat as his eyes finally closed. Sally gave a startled exclamation and was about to get up to check on him when Trowa’s soft voice cut in.

“It’s okay, he’s only sleeping.”

Five pairs of eyes stared at Trowa, who was drinking his coffee like nothing had happened.

“You did this?” Sally asked incredulously. “How? Why?”

“I did,” Trowa confirmed. “I did it because I knew he would want to come and I think he’s not ready for this yet, no matter what he says. I borrowed something from you,” he added for Sally.

There was a small silence as everyone looked at Quatre quietly sleeping in his seat.

“He’s going to kill you,” Wufei finally said.

Trowa shrugged.

“I know. I’m taking the risk.”

 


	28. Remove junk files

~AC 197, March 17th, Outer Rim of the L4 Cluster, Mining Satellite BK-137, 6:35am~

The cameras were showing the same thing as usual, the blackness of space punctuated by stars. The only things that the radars picked up were meteors and satellites. No alarm sounded as the image displayed by the control room screens rippled and froze for less than a second. The techs never noticed it. They couldn’t know that the place they were in would be destroyed in less than two hours.

****

“The hyperjammers are on,” Duo said. “They can’t see us. I’ll begin the descent while Heero isolates the maintenance hangar from the rest of the system and opens the door.”

Sally frowned.

“Jammers? Are they…”

“The same technology that was on Deathscythe, yeah.”

“What about the radars?”

Duo stood up with a grin.

“Simple,” he said. “This,” he banged on the shuttle wall, “is not neo-titanium.”

“I should have known,” Sally answered, smiling too. “But processing Gundanium for any other use than civilian is strictly forbidden by the Anti-militarization Act. And this is not a civilian shuttle.”

“Howard and his guys are Sweepers. They do not consider themselves under the authority of the ESUN.”

“And you serve as a liaison between Preventer and the Sweepers, am I right?”

Duo shrugged.

“Une does a good job. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a shuttle to pilot.”

****

Ten minutes later, the shuttle was sitting in the middle of the dark maintenance hangar. From his laptop, Heero was navigating in the system, checking the displays of cameras.

“The back-up system is completely shut off from the satellite mainframe,” he eventually said.

Trowa carried Quatre to one of the bunks in the back of the shuttle, while Duo powered the shuttle down.

“You and Dr Carter are staying here with Quatre,” Wufei said to Iria once they were all in the main compartment again. “We will stay in radio contact with you, and you will be able to follow us on the screen.”

“Without Quatre, there’s only five of us,” Heero pointed out. “One of us won’t have back-up.”

“I’ll go alone,” Wufei said. “Finding and deactivating life support and intern communications doesn’t take two people. Sally, you’ll go with Trowa to locate our targets.”

Sally didn’t protest. Wufei was the only one who wouldn’t require any kind of medical attention. It was his operation. It fell on him to take that kind of decisions.

“Iria,” Wufei kept on, “Heero will show you how to activate the program. You will start it in ten minutes. Any questions?”

There weren’t any.

“If all goes well, we’ll be back in an hour with a prisoner. If things go wrong, prepare for an emergency takeoff. This operation starts now. I want to see you all in one piece at the end of it, agents. Watch your hide.”

 

Once they were left alone with Quatre, the first thing Iria and Carter did was check his vitals. He was still soundly sleeping.

“His heartbeat is a bit too slow,” Carter said.

Iria made a face.

“It is not surprising if Trowa used one of Sally’s sedatives. It takes a lot to knock one of them down, and she has some really powerful stuff.”

“Is he going to be okay?”

“He will sleep it off. Now… now we only have to wait. And hope that everything will go as planned.”

“What are you going to do with… Selim?” Carter asked apprehensively.

“If you are asking me this question, you are assuming that he will still be alive two hours from now. And no matter how much I dislike saying it, I doubt it will be the case.”

****

“Which way?” Duo asked, crouching against the wall.

“Technically, it should be straight ahead, but…”

Duo sighed.

“Let’s just go this way and take a right as soon as we can. And if we keep running into walls, then we’ll just…”

He stopped talking abruptly.

“How many?” Heero asked in a whisper.

“Eight with a scout ahead. They’ll be on us in less than a minute.”

Heero raised an eyebrow, the only noticeable sign that he was surprised. Eight guards for a simple security patrol was a bit too much. Even Oz had never taken as many precautions.

“We can’t go back and try to find another way,” he said, extracting a small, black device from the back pack he was carrying and sticking it on the wall next to the floor. “We don’t have time.”

Duo put his gun back in his waist holster.

“Let’s go, then. I’d like to be out of here when the place is blown to hell.”

 

The guards certainly weren’t expecting to meet anyone in that corridor. It took them two seconds at the very least before they realized that the two teenagers in the black spacesuits should not be there and were therefore intruders. They raised their weapons, deploying themselves so as to completely block the way.

‘Trained soldiers,’ Heero thought immediately. ‘Maybe ex-Oz or Alliance, or even White Fang.’

“Who are you?”

Duo kept walking, Heero on his heels. The man leading the squad was obviously not expecting this either.

“Don’t move or I’ll shoot!”

Duo stopped a few meters away from the man, smirking.

“Oh yeah? You and what army?”

The squad had begun to regroup around their leader, all of their weapons trained on Duo. The pilot shook his head.

“Would you mind pointing those things somewhere else? They’re dangerous. You might hurt someone.”

As if obeying Duo’s words, the squad leader’s arm suddenly started to shake and then to bend, slowly. He tried to resist, his eyes gradually widening, until the gun he was carrying came to rest under his own chin, his finger still on the trigger. He began to sweat, and the shivers in his arm spread to his whole body. The guards had taken a few steps away from him, weapons all but forgotten. Only one of them maintained enough of a composure to jump to the nearest control panel.

“Your alarm system has been deactivated,” Heero said.

The man stopped dead.

“Good,” Duo said. “I suggest that you don’t move and listen to me very carefully. In exactly one hour and fifty-two minutes, this satellite will be destroyed by fifty explosive charges that will reduce it to tiny little pieces. If you do not wish to go with it, you know where the escape pods are. Good luck.”

“Who… who are you?” the squad leader asked, his breathing heavy and labored.

“You don’t need to know,” Duo said grimly.

He walked up to the man until he was almost face to face with him.

“Duo…” Heero began, but Duo held out his hand.

“I know,” he said.

“You… you… won’t get… out of it alive…”

“Look who’s talking.”

Heero wouldn’t have been able to say exactly what triggered the following events but it was probably the loud clatter of the machine gun falling on the floor as one of the guards let go of it and started running down the corridor.

The squad leader’s head exploded.

“Now you can move,” Duo said. “Run.”

****

‘Seven… no, eight men.’

Wufei was leaning against a metal wall, his eyes closed, his fingers splayed on the cool surface behind his back.

‘They are not exactly in my way, but…’

He opened his eyes and checked his watch. Four more minutes until Iria activated the program. He knelt down and extracted one of the black explosive charges that Heero had given to all of them and pressed it against the wall.

His eyes lost focus for a moment. His breathing rate slowed down, as well as his heartbeat.

 

The guards took aim as soon as Wufei stepped out of the shadows.

“Freeze!”

Wufei ignored the command.

“If you do not wish to die, you might want to listen to what I have to say, gentlemen. This satellite has been rigged and will explode in…” he stopped long enough to look at his watch “one hour and fifty-two minutes. I believe that you are all knowledgeable about standard evacuation procedures. Now might be a good time to demonstrate just how much.”

“Get him!”

They opened fire on him all at once. Wufei sighed. Someone was bound to hear that racket.

He didn’t even wince when a bullet embedded itself deep into his right arm. Blood spurted out and the leader of the group took it as the sign that they had won. He held his hand up and his men stopped shooting.

“I don’t know how you managed to get in here, but now you’re going to be nice and follow us if you don’t want us to hurt you more.”

Wufei snorted. The man frowned, gun trained on the intruder.

“Come closer and keep your hands where I can see them!”

Wufei used his left hand to apply pressure on his wound. He took a step forward, and stopped.

“Come on!” the man said impatiently.

Wufei’s fingers dug into his wound with a revolting squishing sound, and the eight men cringed and blanched.

“What do you think you’re doing?!”

Wufei’s eyes did not leave the leader’s as he searched and probed under his own skin until he found the bullet. He pulled it out and let it fall from his bloodied fingers. It fell on the floor with a resounding clanging sound.

“Are you done? Is it my turn now?” he said, flexing his shoulder and ignoring the sensation of bones and muscles mending themselves at inhuman speed.

It actually was a very weird sensation. It had been difficult to get accustomed to it at first. It itched and stung and burned at the same time, and the scarring process itself, which was unpleasant enough in normal circumstances, was so rushed that it sometimes fell like the injured parts were stretched to their limits as they reconstructed themselves. It was even more unpleasant when blood was involved. Wufei had learnt soon enough that he couldn’t re-create the damaged cells, just accelerate their healing by producing new ones. It meant that his blood had to go through the whole coagulation process in a matter of seconds. Calling it unpleasant was the greatest understatement ever.

The guards were petrified.

“You… you… You’re not… human!”

Wufei shrugged and took his sword out of the scabbard he had been carrying on his back.

“Maybe not,” he admitted, and he closed his eyes.

He could see them, burning flames against the dull background of the cool walls. He could hear the mad beat of their hearts pumping blood as fast as possible.

“Who wants to go first?” he asked, his voice even.

One of the men dropped his weapon and started to run in the opposite direction, screaming.

“Good choice,” Wufei commented as he attacked.

****

No one was paying any attention to Neelah. No one ever did, really. Not that she noticed. All that mattered to her was that Selim would say nice things and praise her whenever she did something well, and so she wanted to do well a lot so that he’d praise her even more. When she did something bad, the man in white hurt her. Not for very long, but enough that she’d cringe when she passed him by. Most of the time, she pretended she didn’t see him. She imagined he was a wall. Or a piece of furniture. Or one of the blinking consoles that were scattered everywhere here. And she imagined her brother in the chair, and she was connecting him to the man in white who was a computer, really. And her brother screamed and begged, but she didn’t listen. This was for his own good. That’s what Selim said too, whenever she cried and she didn’t know why.

“Something’s coming our way…” she whispered, and as usual no one listened to her. “They’re coming, coming, coming…”

No one paid attention to her when she got up and walked out of the room.

****

When Trowa stopped for what had to be the fortieth time and glanced back at Sally as if to ask if she was okay, the blond woman snapped.

“Do I need to bang your head on the wall to remind you that I was a major in the Alliance army or do you think you can remember by yourself, Barton?!”

Trowa blinked, as if unsure of whether she would carry out her threat, but apparently decided to play things on the safe side and nodded once.

“Sorry,” he said with a shrug.

“I know I’m not as skilled as your usual partners, but I can take care of myself, so get a move on!”

Trowa didn’t say anything, but his speed gradually increased as they scouted the next corridors. Sally admitted to herself that yes, she had difficulties to keep up with him, but she managed, and that was all that mattered. They needed to be out of the place when it would explode, after all.

They carefully avoided human presence, going around whenever there was hint of someone crossing their way and evading direct confrontations as much as possible. It was doubtful that Heero and Duo would make it to the control room undetected, no matter how good they were, and the same went for Wufei, heading for life support and com. But scouring the satellite for the suspects actually required going in circles as stealthily as possible.

“Stop.”

The soft command startled Sally and she almost bumped into Trowa’s back. She had to steady herself on the wall.

The room into which the corridor led was a sealed offloading bay, but there wasn’t any kind of shuttle in it. Just rows and rows of computers, and about ten people in white lab coats going from one to another and typing commands and talking to each other so softly that Sally couldn’t catch anything.

“What do we do now? We have to go through!” she whispered.

“I know,” Trowa said, and he stopped blinking.

Sally covered her mouth with her hand to stifle a gasp. Trowa’s eyes were sweeping the bay, right and left, up and down, so fast that it looked like they were vibrating. Sally held back a nervous laugh, of the kind that gets out because the thing in front of you is too grotesque for your mind to process it.

Trowa didn’t notice. It felt like ages before his eyes closed again, only for a fraction of second.

“You stay here. I’ll be done soon.”

Sally didn’t even have time to hold him back.

“Trowa!”

She cursed under her breath and did her best to hide herself in the small corner between the wall and the door while trying to keep an eye on him. He was good, she granted him that, but not _that_ good. The space suit made it kind of obvious that he wasn’t a part of the regular staff, after all. She only stayed where she was because she knew that whatever he would be doing next, she’d be in his way. And if there was one thing she had learnt in those last two years, it was that one should never be in the way of a Gundam pilot unless one wanted to be very dead, very quickly.

She gave a start as the first lab attendant noticed Trowa and greeted him as if he had every right to be here. Trowa nodded in answer, and graciously signed the piece of paper that was shoved under his nose. Then he knocked the guy out with a swift blow to the back of the neck, and caught him just before he fell, laying him down on the floor with care.

“What the hell…”

She could only stare as Trowa made his way through the little crowd, taking the men out one after the others without anyone paying attention to what he was doing or the fact that he wasn’t even supposed to be here.

She almost jumped out of her skin when he turned around and fell back on her ass.

‘That’s not…’

The person looking at her was Trowa and he was not. Or more exactly, she knew it was Trowa, but that was not what her eyes told her. There was a physical resemblance, the same lithe build and tall stature, and the same startlingly green eyes, but the long white lab coat covering a neat tidy suit and the shorter hair shouldn’t have been there.

And then, Trowa blinked. Sally blinked too, and it was just Trowa standing there in his black space suit.

She swallowed and rubbed her eyes. Trowa remained at a reasonable distance, which was probably for the best, because Sally needed to gather her brains into a semblance of functioning unit right now.

“What the hell was that?”

She had not meant to say it that way, but it summed up her thoughts quite effectively.

“I think you know what it was.”

“Why… why didn’t they… they weren’t seeing you, were they? I mean they were seeing you, but not really you…”

Trowa shrugged once more. Sally was beginning to hate that shrug.

“You’d be surprised at the number of things that human beings can overlook when they don’t want to see.”

“Wait a minute. Are you telling me that the reason why they didn’t notice you weren’t one of them was because they didn’t want to?”

This time, Trowa smiled. It was even more exasperating than the shrug, Sally thought.

“Well, they needed some help from little old me, but basically, yes. They are convinced that the satellite is so well guarded that no intruders can come in. Therefore I cannot be an intruder. So it means that I have a legitimate reason to be here, so there is no reason to panic or think differently. I’m just giving a hint. They constructed the image they saw themselves.”

Trowa could probably see the wheels turning in her head, but Sally didn’t care. When she finally arrived to some kind of logical conclusion, she smiled back at him.

“Then I guess Une really didn’t stand a chance, heh?”

She took his hand without hesitation when he held it out to help her to her feet.

****

Heero and Duo knew that it was only a matter of time before one of the guys that they had scared shitless recovered enough to sound the alarm in person, since the normal option of pushing a button was out. Thankfully, finding the control room didn’t take them much more time. Emptying the control room took even less time, after the first person was carried out by legs that didn’t answer to his own commands.

They were in the middle of rigging the computer mainframe when Duo felt the first stab of pain. He ignored it at first, but it came back, insistent. He frowned and wiped the sweat off his brow, gritting his teeth. Heero didn’t notice anything until he heard a soft moan and turned around to see Duo clutching his head, fingers digging into his hair.

“Duo?”

“Damn it, not now!” Duo hissed.

When he looked in Heero’s direction, the Japanese couldn’t miss his dilated pupils and the paleness of his skin.

“I guess Murphy decided to make me pay for all the times I flipped him the bird…”

Duo’s breath was too shallow.

“Sit down on the floor and put your head between your knees. I’ll finish here and we’ll contact Iria and the others to let them know we’re done.”

“Didn’t mean to go all dead weight on you, partner…”

Heero rolled his eyes.

“Shut up and do what I tell you for once. We only have one minute left before Iria activates the program. I need to change the codes on the inner doors and isolate the emergency issues.”

“Cat’s going to kill us,” Duo mumbled from the floor as he slowly sat down to do as he was instructed.

“Probably,” Heero said.

“Maybe he’ll do it quick and we won’t feel the pain.”

Heero snorted.

****

Iria rushed to the laptop when the little green light indicating an incoming transmission blinked. Carter had to jump out of her way.

“Base in!”

_“_ _05 in. All clear. All units come in.”_

_“_ _01 and 02 all clear,”_ Heero’s voice answered.

_“Water all clear.”_

“ _03 all clear. Targets not located. Moving to cockpit.”_

 _“_ _Base, start operation. Alarm might be sounded soon. Over and out,_ ” Wufei said, and silence followed as they all disconnected their radios.

Iria slumped back in her seat in front of the laptop, but her hand did not shake when she pressed the enter key.

“I hope they are alright,” she whispered, and she wiped the sweat of her brow.

Carter frowned.

“Why wouldn’t they be?”

Iria made a face.

“Duo didn’t say anything. Something happened that they don’t want to talk about on the radio.”

****

“What is going on?”

Unfortunately for Selim, none of the techs in the cockpit had an answer for him. They were all frantically typing on their keyboards to try and unfreeze the screens of their consoles, or, in some cases, to get rid of the static.

“We’ve lost radio contact with the patrol units!”

“I can’t activate the emergency generator! No reading on the status of the satellite!”

“No feedback from life support!”

The frazzled guard who came into the cockpit at that very moment would have made a dramatic entrance and given an answer if not for the screens, who decided to crackle exactly at the same time before displaying the image of a blond woman whose resemblance to Neelah was almost frightening.

_“_ _Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.”_

“Where is Neelah?” Selim snapped.

He looked around, but she was nowhere to be found. He glared at the man in the white lab coat, who was standing a bit away from the agitation and just shrugged

_“_ _I am the new CEO of Winner Enterprises, Iria Winner. I have some good news, and some bad news. The bad news: you are on private property without permission, you have sold dangerous chemical products on the black market under the Winner name, and you have accessed a private database without permission. As such, you are guilty of breaking and entering, loitering, grand larceny and identity theft as stated by article twenty-four of the Digital Crime Act. The good news: if you don’t wish to face charges, this satellite will be detonated in exactly one hour and fifty minutes. Have a nice day.”_

The screens died all at the same time and repelled any attempt to be switched on again.

“Find Neelah!” Selim bellowed.

****

The first thing that Quatre felt as he gradually woke up was how parched his mouth was. He didn’t open his eyes, watchful for any kind of sound that could indicate he wasn’t alone.

/ _virus detected_ /

/ _can’t proceed to elimination_ /

/ _waiting for feedback from mainframe_ /

There was no mistaking the heaviness of his body or the dizziness.

/we’ve been drugged/

Zero had awoken too, like it always did when he wasn’t in complete control. God only knew why some people insisted of pumping him full of drugs when they captured him. He had a lower tolerance to them than the other Gundam pilots. He had only had two years to build up his immunity, and H had covered the basics and the products that were most likely to be used during interrogation. He had developed a good resistance to most of those, as well as for drugs more commonly used in medicine but that could be toxic if overdosed.

There were still things that could knock him out, but only a few people knew about those, including Sally, who had spent a large part of the last year devising a sedative that would have the desired effect on the pilots’ bodies without too many side effects. But Sally wouldn’t have…

/trowa/

/ _estimated time of recovery: thirty minutes_ /

/we don’t have thirty minutes/

/ _recalculating parameters_ /

Quatre could feel himself coming back. Zero was still there, running in the background. He had to keep it in check, and not give it free rein. Zero would prey on any weakness if it thought it might be in danger.

/ _time of recovery cannot be shortened. Mainframe will purge itself of the virus in due time_ /

/nevermind/

Trowa had drugged him and left him behind.

‘I’m going to kill him.’

Zero remained silent this time. But there was another noise, very subtle, of cloth rubbing against something solid, and this time Quatre was certain that he wasn’t alone.

‘Tricky, but possible.’

He was working on the assumption that he was still in the shuttle. It was unlikely that he was elsewhere if it was indeed Trowa who had orchestrated this. But since he was lying down on something, he wasn’t in the main compartment anymore. The cabin in the back, then.

His ability reached out tentatively, just enough to know that his sister was in the cockpit and was feeling increasingly nervous, and that Dr Carter still didn’t know what exactly he was doing here and hoped that Quatre wouldn’t wake up too soon.

He was going to be disappointed, but Quatre couldn’t see another way, and each minute would make it more difficult for him to escape.

****

Things happened so fast that Carter didn’t have the time to be afraid. One moment, Quatre was sleeping peacefully, his pulse still sluggish enough to indicate that he would stay unconscious a while longer. The next, he was standing in front of Carter and looking at him with sorrowful eyes.

“I am very, very sorry, Dr Carter.”

 


	29. Delete all? (Y/N)

“…ter! Dr Carter!”

Carter blinked several times as the room came into brutal focus with a strong sense of déjà vu. Iria Winner was kneeling in front of him.

“Follow my finger with your eyes,” she said. “No dizziness? Nausea?”

Carter shook his head and regretted him immediately.

“Ow…”

“You don’t have a concussion, but you have a nice bump on the back of your head. Here,” she held out an ice pack to him, and he took it sheepishly.

“I have to learn not to let my guard down around him,” he groaned.

“There’s paracetamol in the cabinet right behind you if you want something for the headache. I have to warn Wufei.”

“He’s gone?”

“I’m afraid so.”

“I’m very sorry…” he started, but she held out her hand.

“Don’t,” she said. “It is not your fault. Don’t try to get up just yet.”

She left only long enough to get the laptop and set it up on the small table next to the bunk.

“Base in. 05, come in.”

“ _05 in_ ,” Wufei’s voice crackled over the radio. “ _Speak, base._ ”

“04 has left the nest.”

There was a small silence, and Iria frowned.

“Do you copy, 05?”

“ _Say that again, base?_ ”

“04 has left the nest.”

The string of profanities that followed was one of the most creative that Iria had ever had the pleasure to hear.

“ _When?_ ”

“Five minutes ago. Ten at the maximum.”

“ _Is he armed?_ ”

“Yes.”

“ _Any idea of where he’s heading to?_ ”

“No, but I would say the cockpit is a safe bet.”

Silence stretched again, and Iria could almost hear the wheels turning in Wufei’s head over the radio. Having a loose cannon in the middle of an organized operation was hell under the best of circumstances. Having a half-drugged, Zero-enhanced, empathic loose cannon with a grudge was a different kind of hell altogether. Of the kind that could get a lot of people hurt.

“05, do you copy?”

“ _Speak, base_.”

“I know my way around those satellites. You can continue with your initial plan while I go after him.”

“ _No_.”

“What do you mean, no?” Iria gasped. “It is my brother we’re talking about!”

“ _And it’s my operation we’re talking about. I’m not explaining to Colonel Une why I let unarmed civilians go on the field._ ”

“Uh… We’re not unarmed,” Carter piped up.

The radio crackled ominously.

“… _Was that Carter?_ ”

“Yes,” Iria said as Carter huddled closer to his ice pack. “05, we don’t have time for this! Do I need to remind you that we are on a deadline here?”

She heard him sigh, and she knew she had won.

“ _You’re going whatever I say, are you?_ ”

“Yes,” she said.

“ _Alright. But I’m warning you now, the second you step out of that shuttle you are under my orders. If I tell you to get the hell out of here, you shut up and you do it. Carter, you have Iria’s back. Try not to shoot anyone unless you’re threatened. Actually, just try not to shoot anyone. 05 out._ ”

Iria didn’t have the time to add anything before Wufei cut off the communication. She took a deep breath, trying to steady her frayed nerves.

“I suggest you take those pills right now, Dr Carter. We’re moving out as soon as you’re ready.”

 

“ _You let unarmed civilians go on the field._ ”

Trowa’s voice sounded decidedly unimpressed over the radio, and Wufei had to pinch the bridge of his nose so as not to snap back.

“Carter has a weapon,” he answered. “02 gave one to him, remember?”

“ _It almost feels like you think it was a bad idea, man_ ,” Duo’s voice cut in.

Wufei couldn’t help noticing the way Duo seemed to be out of breath. The digital microphones they were using allowed for very little sound distortion. In fact, the communication was almost as crystal clear as on a wired vidphone, so it was very unlikely that Duo’s harsh breathing was a figment of Wufei’s imagination.

“ _There’s no one left to take care of the shuttle?_ ” Heero asked.

 _He_ definitely wasn’t out of breath, which meant that they were not being chased and that there was another reason for how winded Duo sounded.

“ _Don’t sweat it! Nasty little bugger can take care of herself. Never tried getting onto a Sweeper shuttle without the entry codes? I have. It’s painful._ ”

Another reason that neither Heero nor Duo seemed to think was worth mentioning, apparently.

‘It might be nothing…’ Wufei thought. ‘But then again, we’re on a multiple-way connection, and no matter how sophisticated our equipment is, it’s not safe. It only takes one good tech to hack into it. If something _is_ going on, they won’t say anything on this frequency.’

What didn’t add up, though, was that neither Yuy nor Maxwell had tried contacting him on his individual, secure frequency. They had just answered every time he’d done a check on everyone’s location and status.

‘No, wait… Yuy answered for both of them at least twice… Damn it, I don’t have time for this! If one of my agents is not functioning at a hundred percent, I need to know!’

There simply was no way around the problem that Wufei could think of. If Maxwell refused to acknowledge that something was wrong and Yuy supported him, then he had little choice but to trust them on this and shoot their asses down in flames should anything happen to them because of it.

“To all field units, 04 is on the loose. He is armed and dangerous, and apparently en route for our objective. Location and status unknown as of yet. Avoid confrontation at all cost and do not engage him unless absolutely necessary. Especially you, 03. Is that clear?”

The small silence from Trowa’s end of the line spoke volumes.

“ _… Roger_.”

“All field units proceed with the original plan. 05 over and out.”

****

‘I need to get out of here!’

This had to be how rats felt when the ship started to sink, Jay Maleda thought as he hurried down a strangely deserted corridor. He had done his best to make himself scarce in the last few days, especially after the team that Selim had asked be sent to silence Quatre Winner had failed to report back. Whatever status he’d had within the organization had evaporated after that last failure, to the point that he didn’t even care about being paid. He just wanted to make it out alive.

He had been lucky so far. Selim’s plans crashing down on him one after the other had prevented the boss from carrying out his threat to deliver Jay to Neelah’s tender mercies. Death wasn’t that bad an option when Neelah was done ‘playing’, from what Jay had seen.

Slipping out of the cockpit unnoticed had been relatively easy in the wake of the chaos created by Iria Winner’s message. Jay knew the way to the escape pods, and he really wasn’t planning on sticking around to see if that particular threat was real or not. Apparently, he wasn’t the only one to subscribe to the ‘better safe than sorry’ school of thought, because he had yet to meet anyone. There had been a security guard blabbering about some intruders, but the poor guy had been shaking too hard to make sense. It didn’t make the eerie silence any more bearable, though, and Jay found himself looking behind his back and jumping at the smallest sound as he hugged the walls on his way out.

He hurried around the nearest bend, and cursed as something in the way made him trip and sent him sprawling on the floor. His voice sounded unnaturally loud in the empty corridor, and he laughed nervously as he pushed himself upright again. His hands were shaking and, he realized, uncomfortably wet. He wiped them down on his jeans. And then, he noticed the dark red stains.

The obstacle in his way had been a human being before a bullet had torn his face apart. The body was lying in a large pool of blood, gobs of flesh and bits of gray matter splattered everywhere on the floor. One lifeless hand still clutched a gun.

Jay felt a wave of nausea burning his throat. He took a step back and leant on the wall for support, cringing as he realized that his hands were still covered in rapidly drying blood, fighting the dizziness that threatened to overcome him.

‘Oh god, oh god, oh god… I have to get out of here!’

 _Click_.

The unmistakable sound of a weapon being cocked made him freeze momentarily, blood pounding in his ears. He turned around without thinking, too panicked to realize that the simple act of moving could get him killed… and gaped when he realized who was holding him at gunpoint.

“Quatre… Winner!” he choked out.

Quatre Winner smiled.

“Mr. Maleda. How nice to see you again.”

 

“Hands on the wall where I can see them.”

Zero was conspicuously silent, Quatre couldn’t help but notice. Not that he needed the system to navigate the satellite itself, as he was quite familiar with its design, but he couldn’t afford not to rely on it in case of an enemy encounter until the drug would be flushed out of his system.

Apparently, Jay Maleda didn’t fit into the ‘enemy’ category. In fact, he didn’t even fit into the ‘threat’ category. As far as Zero was concerned, Jay Maleda was a non-entity. Which probably had a lot to do with the fact that, unlike the first time Jay Maleda and Zero had come face to face, Quatre was armed and in a position of strength, and conscious enough to squash any attempts Zero might make to take over.

Then again… Zero hadn’t actually tried anything. Somehow, it struck Quatre as a little ironical that Zero could assess what exactly he was capable of and adjust to it when Trowa couldn’t. 

Jay Maleda wasn’t carrying a weapon. Quatre had known it at first glance, but he took his time to frisk him anyway. Zero might have been silent, but Quatre’s memory was anything but. His recollections from the clinic were still hazy and sketchy, but there were a few things that stood out.

/pushed against the wall hand on my cheek/

/‘now that’s a good boy’/

/‘I’m not gonna hurt you’/

“Does it still hurt?” Quatre asked softly, his hand lingering on the light cast that covered Jay Maleda’s left wrist. “I’d have thought it would have healed by now… how long as it been, two weeks? Looks like I don’t know my own strength when I’m upset.”

Maleda had tensed up, his body going completely rigid with fear. He was pressing his hands so hard against the wall that his knuckles were white. Quatre leaned in a bit closer, until his mouth was just level with Maleda’s ear.

“You know it wasn’t personal, right?” he whispered. “I mean, if anyone else had tried to molest me, I would have done the same to them.”

Maleda’s legs gave way and the man slid to the floor in a helpless lump, a dark stain widening on the crotch of his pants as his bowels betrayed him.

“P-Please don’t hurt me,” he stammered.

/fear/

It was almost choking. Maleda was radiating a fear of such intensity that Quatre knew that the man was utterly paralyzed just by the taste of it.

There was a distant part of Quatre’s mind that wondered why it didn’t elicit any kind of physical or psychic discomfort in himself. His power did not just enable him to perceive other people’s feelings; it fed them to him as if they were his own. He’d trained himself to recognize the difference between what was really his and what came from other people, and to take his distance from alien feelings enough that it wouldn’t disturb his day-to-day life. But even then, strong or violent surges of emotion had been more than capable of knocking him out on several occasions.

Maybe it was Zero. Or the drug. Or something else entirely, that Quatre wasn’t sure he wanted to know about.

He was feeding on it. He could feel the fear running through him, but it didn’t affect him in the way he knew it should have. Instead, it just made him crave for more.

If he had been in his normal state, it would probably have scared him. In fact, it did scare him a little, in that distant part of his mind. But there was no time to listen to it. Quatre crouched down in front of Maleda, gun still trained on him.

“Are you scared, Mr. Maleda?”

Maleda nodded with a whimper. Quatre smiled and shook his head.

“I don’t think you quite know what being scared is, Mr. Maleda. You see, I thought I knew. I fought two wars, I killed a lot of people, I’ve been on the receiving end of more death threats than I can count, and I’ve caused the death of many people whose only crime was to be in some way connected to me. I didn’t think anything scarier could happen to me, but I was wrong. In the last weeks, I rediscovered what being terrified really is, Mr. Maleda. Not just scared. Terrified. Afraid of your own shadow and of what’s in your head, to the point that life itself becomes too scary for you to bear.”

Maleda looked ready to pass out on the spot, but Quatre wasn’t done yet.

“I’ll show you what I mean, Mr. Maleda,” he said.

He had no actual idea of _how_ he did it. He just pulled everything he’d felt during those weeks from within himself, and pushed it forcefully towards Maleda.

****

Duo stumbled, forcing Heero to a sudden halt.

“What the _hell_ is that?”

Heero frowned. Duo was shivering, his breath coming out in short gasps. Boost symptoms were usually debilitating, but they shouldn’t have worsened for another hour of two, as far as Heero was aware. Of course he was working on assumptions and it was possible that timing would vary depending on the power. But from what Trowa had told him and what Wufei had experienced, it looked like the symptoms were always the same, and always lasted for a set period of time, which was consistent with the fact that a single genetic mutation was responsible for different powers.

Heero sat Duo down against the nearest wall to let him catch his breath and check his vitals. The slightly dilated pupils and headache were normal symptoms, but the cold sweat that plastered Duo’s bangs to his face and the hyperventilating were more perplexing.

“Your pulse rate is too high,” Heero said after monitoring it with his watch. “You’re almost at 130 bpm.”

“No kidding,” Duo gasped.

“When did it worsen? Did it happen gradually or...”

“No... Just now, but... It’s weird... It doesn’t feel... like it’s _mine_ , if... that makes sense...”

Heero blinked, then frowned again and bit his bottom lip as he felt his own pulse quickening and his breath shortening for no reason that he could discern.

“I think I see what you mean.”

“So... it’s not just me, heh? That’s getting... too creepy for my taste.”

Heero raised his hand, intent on contacting Wufei, but the radio crackled to life before he could touch it.

“ _05 in, all units come in._ ”

“01 in,” Heero answered immediately. “What is going on?”

“ _Hell if I know,_ ” Wufei answered.

“ _03 in. It’s Quatre,_ ” Trowa’s voice cut in, not bothering with the code anymore. “ _He’s projecting_.”

“ _I want complete radio silence for a minute_ ,” Wufei said.

Both Heero and Trowa acknowledged the order and cut off their microphones, leaving their radios on ‘receive only’. For a while, the only sound that could be heard on the line was Wufei breathing.

“ _05 in. I can’t pinpoint a location. Proceed according to plan, but hurry. We must get to the cockpit before he does. Over and out._ ”

****

/ _incoming transmission_ /

/ _accept transmission?_ /

/start identification/

/ _checking incoming system configuration/_

/ _identification of incoming system failed_ /

/ _starting analysis_ /

/ _similarity ratio with host system: 69,7 percent_ /

/ _diagnosis: incoming system is outdated, corrupted or infected_ /

/ _potential risk of infection by incoming system: 13,4 percent_ /

/ _accept transmission y/n?_ /

/... accept/

****

Quatre Winner’s eyes glazed over as he got up and turned around, facing the end of the corridor, Maleda’s presence all but forgotten. Jay would have tried to get away, but the empathic backlash had pretty much liquefied all his muscles and the slightest move made him feel like his brain was going to explode. Even breathing felt like too much of an effort.

For the longest time, nothing happened. Quatre Winner stood, staring in the void, and Jay Maleda breathed, air wheezing in and out of his lungs.

Then there was that sound. Heels clicking on the floor rhythmically, like whoever was walking had a purpose. The sound came closer and closer, and then a blond woman appeared at the end of the corridor. She stopped for a moment, smiled at Quatre, then started to walk down the corridor, her heels clicking faster and faster. By the time she reached Quatre she was almost running.

“Welcome back, little brother!” Neelah said.

Jay had expected Quatre to do something, anything. Or at least, any of the things you are supposed to do when faced with someone who tortured you for days on end with a smile on her face. Jay was pretty sure that none of those things actually entailed smiling and opening your arms to said torturer, or actually hugging them when they flung themselves into your arms.

“I knew you’d come back! Selim wouldn’t believe me but I knew! They never believe me, you know?” Neelah pouted.

“It’s a shame,” Quatre said. “I am sure that you know quite a lot of things, Neelah.”

“Oh, I do, I do!”

“You wouldn’t happen to know where Selim is right now, Neelah?”

Neelah clapped her hands and twirled around happily.

“Of course I do! And if I take you to him, then he’ll believe me! But we have to go fast! We don’t have much time!”

Quatre frowned.

“What do you mean, we don’t have much time?”

Neelah looked puzzled.

“Selim’s going to die. I thought you knew that.”

 


End file.
